20. Bernice
The week flew by in a blur. Between the busy schedule of BerJam, Security to Krash turning me every way but loose, I was exhausted. Since the incident with Rodney, business had tripled. Everyone wanted to have security installed. I was grateful, but I wanted to enjoy my days off.
I’d been staying at Krash’s place for about a month now. Each evening when I came back to his mansion after work, he’d have his chef prepare dinner. We’d get lost in each other’s presence until we passed out. Despite my plan to sleep in on Sunday, the persistent ringing of my phone had me up. I picked the device up and noticed my mama’s name and face on the screen. Immediately, my heart thumped against my chest. I hadn’t talked to or seen my parents since before the news of my abuse dropped. The anticipation of having to face them weighed heavily on my heart, which made it difficult to visit.
“Hey, Mama.” My voice was still laced with sleep as I cleared my throat.
“Don’t hey, Mama me. Why haven’t we seen or heard from you in what feels like forever?” she asked with a stern voice.
“Well… see… what had happened was…” I rolled off my stomach to get a better angle to talk.
“Save the stories. You and your little boyfriend need to pull up to dinner tonight. No excuses.” Her voice was final. She left no room to decline or reschedule. In all honesty, I didn’t have a reason not to go. I’d been so caught up in my life that I’d let too much time pass since I’d pulled up and spent time with my parents.
“Yes, ma’am. We’ll be there for dinner. Do you want us to bring anything?”
“Nope.”
“Okay. What’s on the menu?”
“Find out when you get here,” she grumbled.
“I love you, Ma.”
“Mmm hmm. I love you too, Bernice. I’ll see you both on time for dinner at six o’clock. I’m assuming you’ll be riding together since y’all be glued at the hip.”
“We will be there fifteen minutes early with our legs conjoined at the hip, just for you.”
She laughed. “Watch all that sarcasm, Bernie.”
“Okay, Mama.” A soft chuckle slid from my lips.
We ended the call, and I rolled over to see Krash grinning at me.
“Creep.”
“Good morning to you too, Bern.”
“I’m sure you heard Mama on the phone. This evening, we’re going over there to have Sunday dinner with my parents.”
He nodded. “I heard. I’m going to make sure to bring your mom flowers and something for your dad too.”
“Smart idea. Loosen them up with gifts.”
He laughed. “Something like that.”
I snuggled up to him again and pressed a kiss to his lips. “My plan was to sleep in, but now we have to go to my parents’ house later. Can we have a lazy morning with breakfast in bed? I’m really exhausted.” To emphasize the way I felt, a big yawn flew from my mouth.
He nodded. “I got you. Get you some rest. You’ve been working hard as hell these last couple months. I’m happy your business is booming, but I think you should take a couple more days off.”
I smiled. “Look at you, concerned about my health. I know when I need to take breaks, babe. I’m okay—just a little more tired than usual.”
He nodded. “Long as you know when to sit your ass down and rest, I won’t press the situation again. I love you, Bern.”
“I love you too, Krash. Now, can you get me some breakfast, amazing boyfriend of mine?”
I poked out my lips and he pecked them before he nodded. “I got you. What do you want?”
“I want an omelet, crispy bacon, and stack of pancakes. Maple syrup, a little hot sauce for the omelet, and a glass of orange juice.”
He chuckled. “I’ll call the chef. It shouldn’t be more than forty minutes to get you fed.”
“You’re the best.”
I loved that I didn’t have to cook a meal when I was over here. The only time I went in the kitchen was to get a snack. All major meals were prepared by his chef, and she did a damn good job with every meal she whipped up. If this was what being rich was, I should have invested in a personal chef long ago.
I decided to shower while we waited for breakfast. After I turned on the shower, I turned to look at my reflection in the mirror. My brown skin held a new shine. The dark clouds that once hovered over me were long gone now that Rodney was no longer a threat to my life.
After he’d gossiped to the media, Blake and Nehemiah paid him a visit and recorded a video of Rodney apologizing for everything he’d put me through. They put him on an economy class flight back to Massachusetts with promises of never contacting me again. It was a huge relief to know the man who’d done the most damage to my spirit and soul no longer had a hold on me.
My body had started to fill out a little more. My hips had gotten a bit wider, and my breasts had grown fuller. Over the last month, they’d gone up a full cup size. I was now in a D-cup bra. The weight spread all over my body and in my face. That relationship weight was no joke. All we did was eat, hunch, and go out. Krash didn’t feel the effects of the relationship because he worked out several times a week to keep in shape for his matches.
While I showered, I thought about the future. Would Krash and I get married and have kids? I hoped so. I wanted this to be the endgame. I wanted to grow old with him, watch our children become adults, and continue to be loved unconditionally. We’d come a long way. This was decades in the making. We deserved each other.
The entire drive to my parents’ house, my stomach was in knots. I felt the breakfast from earlier threatening to come up as my throat burned. I’d taken several sips of water to keep my stomach contents out of Krash’s pristine SUV.
“What’s wrong?” Krash asked as he placed his right hand on my thigh and adjusted his left hand on the steering wheel.
“My parents didn’t know about Rodney… They found out in the media like most of the world. It wasn’t something I was proud of, so I kept them in the dark. Unfortunately, everything in the dark comes to the light, and I have to face them. I’m afraid of what they’re going to say.”
He rubbed his fingers on my inner thigh and glanced at me briefly before he returned his gaze to the road. “They aren’t my parents, but Mr. and Mrs. James always seem to be kind and gentle toward you. As their daughter, I doubt they’ll attack you for being in a tough situation and not telling them.”
I took his words with a grain of salt. I loved my parents, but they had their moments like most parents. I hoped they would approach me with grace, but I really couldn’t tell anyone how to react to finding out someone they loved had been abused and didn’t come to them for help.
We pulled into the driveway, and Krash helped me out the car. He held my hand as we walked up the stone path to the front door. I noticed the leaves and seasonal flowers had started to wither away. Summer was transitioning to autumn… quickly. Soon, I’d have to exchange my sundresses for jeans and hoodies—though Texas weather was still bipolar when it came to the seasons.
The front door opened before we could even knock. Mama pulled me into a tight hug before she kissed my forehead. “Look at my baby. I almost forgot what you looked like.”
I laughed. “You’re so dramatic, Mama.”
She hugged me again. The nerves I felt dissolved into warmth the longer she held me in her arms. When we finally pulled out of the hug, my eyes had become glossy from unshed tears.
“I missed you, baby girl.”
“I missed you too, Mama.”
She turned to look at Krash, who had been patiently waiting for his turn.
“Krash! Boy, let me look at you!” Mama wrapped her hands around his arms and examined him with joy in her eyes.
“Hey, Mrs. James. It’s been a minute.”
“It’s been more than a damn minute. Over eight years! You broke up with Bernice and dropped me and Trent like we were old bread.”
He laughed. “It wasn’t even like that. I figured it would have been weird to keep in contact with y’all when me and Bern didn’t work out at the time.”
“You’ll always be family, Krash. We love you like you’re our son.”
“Wait… Don’t do that. Love him like a son-in-law,” I interjected.
“Don’t make it weird, Bernie.”
“Well, y’all the ones making it weird.”
“Come on in this house and stop playing,” Mama ordered.
“I have to go get a couple things out the car.” Krash turned on his heels and went to grab the flowers and bottles of red wine and top shelf bourbon he’d stopped and picked up on our way over here. When Krash returned, he held out the flowers for my mother to take. She took them with a bright smile as she ushered us inside. One by one, we walked into the house. The smell of gumbo filled the air, making my mouth water and stomach grumble.
“Dang, Mama! You got it smelling like New Orleans in here,” I joked.
“Girl, you know I try to keep it authentically Louisiana in here,” she replied.
“Bernie,” Daddy called out to me from the den.
“Here I come,” I replied.
I walked down the hall, covered in family pictures, awards, and religious figures, to the den to see my Daddy sitting on the couch, watching something on ESPN I didn’t care to tune in to.
“Hey, Dad!” I greeted him with a bright smile.
He stood up and opened his arms for me. I walked into his embrace and felt peace as he held me. We stood like this for a long moment, a father and daughter communicating with their actions what their mouths couldn’t.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered in my ear.
Tears prickled the rims of my eyes as I gripped his shirt. “I-I’m sorry, Daddy.”
“Shh, you have nothing to apologize for, baby girl. You did what you had to do to make it through those hard times. I wish I could have been there to protect you from all of this, but what’s done is done. I’m going to make sure you are loved and protected moving forward, though.”
His words hugged my soul. The tears fell freely as I cried into his chest. Trenton James was protective, but he was also a very loving man. I loved how he wasn’t afraid to show his emotions. He said a strong man wasn’t afraid to cry. A father should always be open and gentle with his kids.
“Thank you for not yelling at me, Daddy,” I replied, which followed with a series of sniffles.
“Yelling wouldn’t have done either of us any good. My love for you is stronger than my disappointment of the situation. You’re a crybaby, so I had to navigate in a way that would be more beneficial than counterproductive.”
“I appreciate you,” I concluded.
I released my grip on his shirt and smoothed out the wrinkles. He bopped me on the nose before turning to look at Krash, who had a distant look in his eyes. This must have been a culture shock for Krash, because he’d never had a moment like this with his father. Growing up the way he had, he probably never saw a father be so gentle and patient with a child.
“Keyshawn brought you a gift,” I announced to bring my man into the conversation.
“Oh? What did you get me, Krash?” Daddy asked.
Krash lifted the bottles of red wine and bourbon. “Just a couple drinks to share with Mrs. James. I brought her a bouquet of flowers as well. I wasn’t sure what her favorite was, so I got a dozen red and white roses to be safe.”
Daddy nodded. “Thank you. Matter of fact, I’d love to have a conversation with you.”
I frowned. “Don’t go threatening my boyfriend, Daddy.”
“Why don’t you go help your mama in the kitchen?” His suggestion sounded more like an order, so I crossed my arms.
“I don’t want you scaring my man away, sir,” I stated with a petulant stomp of my foot.
“Bernice!” Mama called from the kitchen. “Come help me, girl.”
“I see what this is. Key, don’t let him scare you away.” I grumbled.
“I won’t.” Krash chuckled. He pulled me close and kissed my lips gently before he handed me the bottle of wine.
“I’ll put it in the freezer to get a nice chill.” I looked at Krash and my dad before I walked out of the den to the kitchen.
My stomach churned at the fact I had no idea what my father wanted to talk to Keyshawn about. The fear of the unknown had me rubbing my stomach to ease the tension in my gut.
“Bernie, come talk to me while you help me with dinner.”
“What do you need me to do?” I asked after I put the wine in the freezer and washed my hands.
“Get the bowls ready. Every spot at the table needs a plate for shells, a bowl, and a spoon. Your father likes to eat crackers with his gumbo, so put a pack at the head of the table. Hot sauce in the center. Does Krash like crackers with his gumbo?”
I shook my head. “No. He’ll eat it without the crackers.”
I grabbed four bowls and set them at the table. I moved back and forth from the kitchen and dining room to set the table. Once I was done, I sat in one of the bar stools at the kitchen island and watched Mama add the final touches to the pot.
“While we’re alone, I want to talk to you, Bernie.”
My throat went dry instantly. I folded my hands in my lap and braced for impact. I knew it was coming, so I had no reason to be shocked at her statement.
“What’s up?”
“I read the articles and watched the videos… How long did you suffer in silence? Why didn’t you come to me? Why didn’t you let me in and bring you out of that situation?” Mama’s voice was laced with sadness and hurt.
I swallowed. “I… Rodney made me feel like I had no one. I was alone up north with no one to turn to because everything was so unfamiliar and new. I didn’t know how to open up and let y’all know what was going on because I was afraid to disappoint you. I was afraid to reveal how weak I was during that time with Rodney.”
She wiped her hands on a towel and closed the distance between us. “You’re not weak, baby girl. You held on until you found a window to escape. Despite all the bad you underwent, you still managed to create and sustain a successful business. I will always be proud of my baby girl.”
“I know, but during that time… he made me feel like he was the only person who loved me. He was an important aspect to getting in the rooms to get my business started. In the beginning, it felt right—he felt right. Then things changed, and he broke me to pieces. When I finally escaped, I thought I did a great job of keeping him away from me… but he found a way to me anyway.”
I was tired of crying, but my parents made me feel like a child again. Their love hugged my soul in the perfect way. I leaned into her touch and allowed her warmth to soothe the ache in my chest.
“I’m sorry, Mama. I’m going to keep you informed from now on. You won’t miss a beat or milestone in my life moving forward. Hopefully, I never have to go through something traumatic like that again.”
“He won’t ever have access to you again. If I ever catch him, I’ll have his ass snatched up and shanked. I know Krash won’t ever hurt you either. That young man has a look in his eyes that only a mother can see. I trust you with Krash, so I’m glad the two of you rekindled that relationship.”
“Mama, please.”
“It’s true. At the wedding, I’m going to let everyone know I saw this coming long before either of you did.”
I laughed. “Okay, Ma.”
“Is dinner ready?” Daddy asked as he and Krash joined us in the kitchen. He walked over to Mama and wrapped his arms around her waist. He pecked her lips, and she grinned like a woman in love. After all these years, they remained in love with each other. It was a blessing to grow up in a safe and nontoxic household.
“Yes. Y’all go wash up for dinner. By the time y’all come back, plates will be made.” Mama kissed her man before she turned to switch off the knob to the stove.
Krash licked his lips. “I’m gon’ sleep good tonight.”
I laughed. “You and me both, man.”
Krash and Daddy went to wash their hands while me and Mama filled the bowls with rice and gumbo. We had a good routine to get all four bowls full and at the table. As I set the final bowl on the table, the men returned, and we said a quick grace before we dug in.
For a long moment, the only sounds in the room were our spoons tapping the bowls, the slurps of the crab legs, and the hum of the television in the other room. This was what I needed, good company and great food to soothe my nerves.
“Thank you for such a delicious meal, Mrs. James.” Keyshawn was the first to break the silence.
“No problem, Krash. I’m glad you enjoyed the meal.” Mama smiled as she wiped her fingers with a napkin.
“Since someone else broke the silence… Daddy, what did you and Krash talk about in the den?” I asked with a smile on my face.
Daddy shook his head and chuckled. “It ain’t none of your business.”
I frowned. “So, what you’re saying is you hate me?”
“Women are so dramatic,” Daddy commented with a shake of his head.
I dropped my spoon as I gasped heavily. My mouth nearly hit the floor as I clutched my chest. “Mama! You heard what yo’ man said? He said he hate me, and he want me to leave.”
Everybody at the table cracked up. Daddy shook his head. “If you must know, nosy, I just told him to take care of you. You both have been through trying times, and y’all need to heal properly. I told him as black men, we often shy away from therapy and talking about our problems, but it’s not a sign of weakness to want to get help from trauma, no matter how old it is.”
I poked out my bottom lip. “Aww! I love that.”
“I told him my therapy has always been releasing my anger onto my opponents in the ring. When this is all over in January, I’ll have to find a new outlet. He gave me some recommendations on therapists to try who are patient with black men.”
“Now y’all want to make me cry!” Tears welled in my eyes.
“Damn, Bern. You been emotional as hell today.”
“Who you telling?” I replied.
My emotions had been higher than usual.
“Oh? Emotional… Hips getting wider… Skin glowing. If I have a dream about some fish, I’m gon’ know something.” Mama tapped her finger on her chin while she examined me from afar.
I frowned. “Please don’t speak any babies in my uterus just yet.”
“I don’t have to speak on something that is already there.”
Daddy eyed me. “Are you pregnant, Bern?”
I shrugged. “I don’t think so. My period hasn’t been late yet.”
“Yet?” Mama and Daddy said in unison.
“Are y’all using protection? It’s not rocket science that the two of you are sexually active, so are you being smart about it?” Daddy asked.
I gulped. “I think it’s time for us to go. Dinner was amazing, but I’d rather not discuss my sex life with my father. Like, the thought of it has me about to throw up all the delicious food I just ate.”
I picked up the bottle of water, twisted off the cap, and drank the whole thing quickly without taking a break.
“We won’t hassle you, but you can’t be surprised about a baby if you two weren’t using protection.” Mama reached over to gently rub my arm.
“We both have early wake up times in the morning, so we should head home. Thank y’all for dinner and great conversation. I know Bern won’t let too much time pass again,” Krash stated as he stood up. I followed suit and gathered our plates to take to the kitchen.
“We didn’t mean any harm in our comments, Bernie,” Mama said as she followed behind me with her and Daddy’s plates.
“I know. I’m just not comfortable talking to my parents about my sex life. When I do have children, we can skip the uncomfortable conversations about how they were made.”
“Okay. Fair enough,” Mama replied.
She helped me put the dishes into the dishwasher, then she gave me a tight hug. I wrapped my hands around her and laughed. When we stepped apart, my grin was wide.
“You and Daddy sure do know how to clean out a room, huh?” I teased.
“We do. We’re just trying to be supportive parents. You push us away a lot, and it hurts. You’re our only baby… We just want to make sure you know we’re here for every obstacle and achievement.”
“I know, Mama. I appreciate everything you and Daddy do for me. Without your unwavering support, I wouldn’t be half the woman I am today.”
“We know.” She agreed.
We walked out of the kitchen to see Krash and Daddy discussing something in low tones. When they saw us approach, Krash grinned. I raised a suspicious eyebrow before he pulled me into his arms and kissed my lips.
“What’s with all the whispers?” I asked.
“We’re just chatting it up. It’s been a long time since I spoke with your Pops. I gave him VIP tickets to the final match in January. I was also expressing to him how I plan to open up the gym program, I told you about.”
“Dang. Y’all talked about all of that in the little time we were in the kitchen?” I joked.
Everyone laughed together.
“Come on, bae.” Krash shook his head and draped his arm over my shoulder.
“Bye, y’all. I love y’all!” I sang as we made our way through the hallway and out the front door.
Mama and Daddy waited on the front porch until we pulled off. Overall, tonight was better than I could have ever imagined. Krash was able to speak to my father, my parents were able to get all of their grievances off their chest, and I got to stuff my face with gumbo. I’d rate tonight a ten out of ten.
We were on a fast track to our happily ever after. What does the future hold for us? What does our forever look like?