CHAPTER SIX
Seraphina
I wake from a restful night’s sleep, the best sleep I’ve had in a long time, if I was being honest, to a completely empty house. I instinctively reach out to feel the spot on the bed where Ky had been, only to find it chillingly cold. Absent was the telltale mark on the pillow where his head would have left its impression.
With a deep sigh of disappointment, I struggle to contain the anger welling up inside me. What did you expect? A guy like Ky to be sleeping in your bed all night, or maybe to be up and to make you breakfast after such a wonderful night of mind-blowing sex.
Shaking off the disappointment, I get out of bed, wincing when my muscles protest. A reminder of the night we shared. I look around, hoping to find traces of a note, telling me he had to leave but will be back.
But of course, there’s nothing.
Every touch, every kiss shared ran through my mind on a loop, and I was too na?ve to think this would be our beginning. I believed in my mind he’d see what was right in front of him and claim me. Yeah, right? Why did I think I would be different to all the other women he had slept with in the past? And continue to sleep with, no doubt? That I would be the one to thaw the heart of the man I wanted to be with, when he obviously only wanted me for one night.
Before I went to have a shower, I threw on a dressing gown and padded barefoot next door to my little girl’s room. She was still sleeping soundly, for which I was grateful. Reassured, I promptly return to my bedroom. Discarding the robe as I went.
Padding naked into the ensuite bathroom, I turn on the water in the shower as hot as I could stand it, and get under the spray, intent on washing away any trace of the man that was here last night. I wish I could believe he was an illusion, but the pain in my body proves otherwise.
Being the weekend, I didn’t have to go into work, since my weekend staff were holding down the fort at the clinic. Once I got dressed, I would call the clinic to check in and make sure things were running smoothly. I’d found a young vet, around my age, from Cullville. Suzie Davis, who was working to open her own clinic. She’d been working at Paws and Claws on a three-month trial basis, after which I’d taken her on full time. I've never seen anyone so happy as she was when I hired her. Hiring her full-time was clearly the right choice.
Scrubbing my body until I was almost red raw, I then washed my hair. Ten minutes later, I emerged from the bathroom with a towel wrapped around me. Ignoring the rumpled bed completely, I drop the towel on the floor, rummaging through my underwear drawer and take out the first pair of mismatched bra and panties my fingers grab a hold of. A boring beige bra and a pair of black panties. Suits my current mood perfectly.
Normally, I would splurge on the finest silk lingerie. Not today. And besides, who else is going to see them, anyway?
Even though I grew up in a big beautiful home with everything given to me, as I got older, I grew to appreciate the things I bought with the money I earned working. I never splurge on silly things, except lingerie. That I would never scrimp on. Oh, and of course, things for Willow.
Slipping into my underwear, I inhale a deep breath, feeling better already. Keep telling yourself that enough times, you might start believing it. Finding the rattiest T-shirt and sweats I own, I decided it was time for some Spring cleaning. That should get my mind off the asshole. But first I needed some breakfast, and to wake Sleeping Beauty.
Padding barefoot into the kitchen, I avoid looking at the island as thoughts of the way Ky had eaten me out assail my mind.
Frustration sets in, and all I want to do is scream. But instead of giving in to the urge, I keep myself busy—making coffee and disinfecting the island as I wait for it to brew. I decide to make pancakes. Taking a long, satisfying sip of the strong coffee, I let the liquid gold flow through my veins. Turning on my Bluetooth speaker, I cue up my 80s playlist.
Perfect. Shaking my hips to the music as I whisk the batter for the pancakes.
“Mommy, what are you doing?” A little voice speaks over the din of the music, and I turn to look at my baby, a wide smile on my face when I see her sleepy little face, her dark hair in knots flying everywhere, and Teddy, under her little arm.
“I’m making pancakes,” I tell her, flipping them onto a plate, before placing them in the middle of the table with some maple syrup.
“Yummy,” she cries, sitting down at the table. I put a pancake on her plate, cut it into bite-size pieces, and drizzle maple syrup over the top before placing the plate in front of her.
“There you go. Eat that, then I’ll take you upstairs to get dressed and brush your teeth.” Once she’s done, I busy myself getting her dressed before I let her play outside in the backyard.
After an hour of cleaning, I quickly check on Willow, reapplying sunscreen to her face, arms, and legs. It’s not too hot, but still the sun is beating down.
A few hours later, just as I was finally finishing up, my little girl appears in the doorway,
“Mommy, I’m hungry.” She whines, and I smile at her indulgently.
“Oh you are, are you? Well, we must do something about that.” Getting to my feet, I remove the rubber gloves from my hands and wash them in the sink, my nose turns up as the smell of cleaning products surrounds me. I look down at my disheveled appearance, shrugging as I take Willow’s hand in mine. No one’s here to see me.
“Come on, sweet pea. Let’s go find something to eat.”
“Can we have cheesy pasta?” She asks, her eyes lighting up at the mention of one of her favorite meals, and I nod, smiling affectionately.
“Of course.” I reply.
Reaching the kitchen, I pick Willow up and place her on a chair at the dining table. I’d put water in a pot to boil on the stove for the pasta, when the doorbell sounded.
Frowning, I stand there for a beat, wondering who it could be on a Saturday. My heart pitter patters, maybe it’s Ky?
“Stay there.” I instruct my daughter with a lift of my brow, and pointing in her direction to show I was serious; but all she does is giggle as I rush to the door like an excited schoolgirl, completely forgetting about the way I was dressed.
Peering through the peephole, I fight back the wave of disappointment at the sight of who’s on my porch.
I plaster the most genuine smile I can muster on my face, but looking down at myself, I groan. Well, too late to do anything about my appearance now . Opening the door, I take in each woman standing in front of me. From Zoe, who’s become one of my closest friends, to Everleigh, who I’ve also become close with. She’s Kick’s girlfriend, the president of the Devil’s Carnage MC, or ol’lady, as they like to call it. Another gorgeous woman I’m not familiar with stands with them, she has pink, short, spikey hair, and she’s wearing tight leather, accentuating her perfect tiny figure. The last woman in the group is a gorgeous brunette, dressed demurely in an ankle length dress that covers her from head to toe. She’s braided her long ebony hair, which rests over one shoulder.
“Hey Zoe, what brings you guys here?” I ask as we hug.
“Invite us in, and I’ll tell you,” she says, with an arch of her brow.
“I’m a mess, I was doing some cleaning,” I tell them by way of an apology, explaining my appearance, loathe to let them in. Not because I didn’t want to see the women of the club since I’ve become a constant in their group, but I was a complete mess, and if I heard anything about Ky right now, I couldn’t guarantee I wouldn’t break down ugly crying. What happened between us last night was still fresh in my mind.
“Don’t bullshit me. We heard what happened with the guy who attacked you in your clinic, and that Ky saved you. That’s one of the reasons we came over, to see how you were doing. You going to invite us in, or are we going to talk about it out here?”
I roll my eyes and huff out a breath. Of course they have. I was at least thankful they hadn’t heard about Ky coming to my place last night, almost falling down drunk, and what happened afterwards. Those details I’d like to keep to myself.
Hesitantly, I move aside to allow the women to enter. I’ve never had members of the DCMC inside my home, except for Ky last night, and now the women of the club. The thought made my stomach churn with a nervous flutter.
For the life of me, I couldn’t understand why I was feeling this way, it’s not like I had anything to hide from anyone.
Except one thing . A voice in my head reminds me. And it’s all I can do to stop myself from telling that voice out loud to shut up
“As you can see, I’m fine,” I tell her.
In the hallway, Zoe turns to face me and introduces the other two women to me. “This is Lexie,” she says, pointing to the beautiful pixie with the pink hair. “She’s the princess of the club, her brother, Storm, is a member of the DCMC.” She then turns to the other woman with magnificent long black hair and beautiful blue eyes. “This is Ella, the club has adopted her as their own. Tiny is like a father to her. She’s been away, but hopefully is back to stay.” Zoe's tone reveals her guardedness speaking of the other woman. I was curious to know her story, but I didn’t want to pry.
“We usually have Sage, Tiny’s old lady, and Lexie’s big sister in our posse as well. But she’s gone back to Seattle for a while,” Everleigh explains, ignoring the warning glance from Lexie.
I lead them into the kitchen without comment about what the other woman just shared, and count to ten to calm my roiling nerves when I remember Willow sitting where I had left her.
They all wave and smile at her as I quickly pick her up and place her little feet on the floor. Go play upstairs, I’ll call you when lunch is ready.” I tell her, not wanting to have her around while the women are here.
“Okay, mommy.” She replies, eyeing the other women curiously, before skipping to her room.
Keeping her identity from everyone is exhausting, but until I can tell Ky about her, that’s just how it’s going to have to be.
“She’s a beautiful child.” Everleigh’s the first to speak, and I freeze, half expecting her to ask who her father is. Blowing out a breath when she doesn’t.
“Thank you,” I reply, quickly changing the subject to easier topics. “I was going to make cheesy pasta for Willow, but if you guys are hungry, I can order pizza?” I offer, but inside I hope they don’t; for one, I don’t want them hanging around longer than necessary, which is a horrible thing to even think, because they’re a wonderful bunch of women. And second, if I never eat pizza again, it will be too soon.
Everyone declines my offer of food, but accepts my offer of coffee as we sit around the huge granite island, and I can’t help my cheeks tinge with red when I think about what happened on it just last night.
I make myself busy with making one of Willow’s favorite meals for lunch.
Though I'm reluctant, my curiosity overrides me; Because I know it’s not just a friendly visit. I ask.
“Okay, so to what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?”
The women exchange uneasy glances, and a knot of dread tightens in my stomach; their unexpected arrival felt ominous, as Zoe speaks.
“We wanted to invite you over to the clubhouse for a party tonight. I’ve wrangled the girls to help me convince you, and we thought you’d like to come with. It’s Chains’ birthday, and I’m throwing him a little get together at the clubhouse. I would really like it if you’d come.”
I look at her pleading eyes and hate to disappoint her, but there’s no way I’m spending hours at the clubhouse in Ky’s company after everything.
“Oh, I really don’t think it’s a good idea. I was looking forward to a relaxing night at home with a glass of wine,” I tell her, I hope that excuse will stop her from asking further. The woman’s like a dog with a bone, and won’t drop the subject.
“You can have a glass of wine at the clubhouse and relax,” Zoe cuts in, giving me a knowing look. And I have to wonder if these women know more than they’re letting on. “Ky will be there, of course, now that he’s not seeing that doctor from Cullville, he’s a constant at the clubhouse. She says with a slight grin.
“You need to tell us about how Ky came to your aid when he ran off that guy that was trying to rob you at the clinic the other night.”
I could kill my friend with my bare hands, as I roll my eyes. She’s been pushing us together for a while now, not even realizing that we already know each other.
I guess everyone has heard what happened at the clinic the other night. Zoe’s the only one I’ve told about my feelings for Ky. Of course, leaving out the fact I’d met him years earlier, and that he was the father of my child.
Is that why he showed up drunk to my place last night? Because Zoe told him how I feel? Was last night some sort of pity fuck on his part?
“Ky is a douche, and I’d rather avoid seeing him if it’s all the same to you,” I say, unable to keep the derision out of my voice. The memory of waking up this morning and finding him gone will probably be fresh in my mind for a while.
With those thoughts comes a blush to my cheeks, which I’m sure all the women notice. Zoe narrows her eyes at me, but thankfully remains silent.
After months of distance on Ky’s part, I'd hoped last night's events marked a turning point, a shift in the quiet tension that had hung between us.
But obviously I was wrong.
Even though it had been the most wonderful experience of my life, since the last time we were together, and then Ky telling me he was no longer keeping his distance. Falling asleep in his arms was the most natural conclusion to such a night. Until I woke up this morning, and in the cold light of day, realized he was full of bullshit.
I force my thoughts back to the present and away from Ky. There's no point in thinking about him any longer. He was just a blip in my memory. And he’s obviously forgotten all about me since I gave it up to him last night. God, why was I so easy when it comes to him?
Keep telling yourself that. Maybe someday you’ll believe it. That pesky voice intrudes again, and I shake my head to dislodge it.
The next words out of Lexie’s mouth shock me to my core that she would even know what happened.
“You got some, didn’t you?” She blurts out, and I wish the ground would open up and swallow me whole. This woman has absolutely no filter, and it’s grating on my nerves.
A slow, knowing smile transforms Zoe’s pretty face. “Oh my god, you didn’t?”
“Can we not do this right now?” I demand, and it’s all I can do not to fan my face, my cheeks were hot, like they were burning up.
“You slept with Ky?” Lexie asks, crossing her arms, a frown furrowing her brow, her lips pressed into a thin line, and I want to tell her it was none of her damn business. But things were awkward enough as it is. I would have to leave the group if I got into it with her, and I didn’t want to do that.
Lowering my face in my hands, embarrassment heats my cheeks.
“Please, just stop.” I groan, finally lifting my head to look at the women. “There’s nothing between us. Not anymore anyway,” I add, without thinking. I watch as all sets of eyes go wide, Zoe’s and Everleigh’s soft and understanding, while Lexie’s silver-gray eyes are hard and unyielding. I force myself not to shrink back at her stare, pushing my shoulders back, I try to sit taller, not breaking eye contact with her. What’s her deal, anyway? Does she have the hots for Ky or something?
“Now you have to come with us,” Zoe demands, almost bouncing on her bar stool.
“Plus,” Everleigh cuts in, “my daughter Lily will also be there, and I’d like to introduce you to her; she doesn’t know many people here. She’s coming home from school, and hopefully will be staying for good this time since her studies are ending. I’ve missed her so much,” Everleigh speaks with all the love a mother has in her heart for her child. I can’t help the genuine smile that curves my lips. Because I can certainly relate.
“Ky will be there. Since he’s not seeing the doctor anymore, he’s been spending lots of time at the clubhouse,”
Zoe says, almost gleefully, and it makes me wonder why she’s so happy over that bit of news. Even though I’d already heard they weren’t seeing each other, I refuse to acknowledge the butterflies that take flight at knowing that. At least I didn’t sleep with a guy who was seeing someone else. That would have been the worst thing I could’ve done.
I groan again, leaning my head on the granite island. I can feel myself softening, and I was on the verge of agreeing. But just forgetting the way he left me this morning ratchets up my anger, and I don’t want there to be a confrontation between us at the clubhouse. I’m sick of the drama.
I should just cut my losses before things got serious.
Oh, who was I kidding, things have been serious on my part where he was concerned for a very long time.
There was also the no condom thing, something I’d completely forgotten about in my anger with him treating me like I was nothing. I make a mental note to stop off at the pharmacy to pick up the morning-after pill. Having one child as a single mother is hard enough, but having two would be madness.
Shaking my head, I lift my hand to stop Zoe in her tracks. I take a deep, calming breath.
“Why do you want me to be there so badly?” I ask, confused.
In my teenage years, my group of friends was small, being drawn to me mostly because of Angelo, a man no one knew the true essence of, except for me.
The evil that lurked beneath the handsome exterior.
Experiencing a friendship that was founded on genuine honesty, as opposed to being fake, was a novelty for me. Something I found hard getting used to.
“Because, believe it or not, you’re one of my closest friends; besides Everleigh, Lexie, and the other girls of the club. I like you, and I would love it if you were part of that circle, too.”
A warmth I hadn’t felt since Amelia works its way through to my heart, then an immediate sadness over my best friend being gone follows. Dare I allow myself to be happy again? To surround myself with women who are the salt of the earth, beautiful, and actually want to spend time with me. Bar one, if Lexie’s death stares were anything to go by.
“Fine, I’ll come. If only to shut you all up.” I reply.
I silently communicate to Zoe to keep her trap shut, but of course, she doesn’t listen. Shrugging, she says, “Great, since he’s not with the doc anymore, maybe you two can finally get together. You’ve been dancing around each other a long time now.” She winks at me, and I shake my head.
Kill me now .
“Zoe, leave the poor girl alone,” Everleigh warns.
“What? I’m just saying…” she replies.
Everleigh shakes her head, while Lexie gives off attack dog vibes.
“It’ll be fun. You’ll see,” Zoe replies, hugging me tightly.
“Has anyone ever told you that you're a real pain in the ass?” I tell her, a wide grin stretching my face, negating the sting of my words.
“Only Bodhi.” She giggles.
“Bodhi, of course,” I say dryly.
“Where did you say you were from again?” Lexie asks, the question hanging in the air like a carefully placed trap, making it sound like an innocent question, but I know it was far from it.
“New York City,” I say warily, my face betraying nothing of my thoughts. I hate keeping things from these women who have been nothing but kind to me. But I’m protecting them as much as myself.
Or so I keep telling myself.
“Why move from New York City all the way to a tiny, out of the way town like Briar Creek, Texas? Unless you’re hiding from something, or someone?” Lexie pushes relentlessly. I’m close to my breaking point with the other woman, and can’t help wondering what her deal is.
“Lexie, come on. What’s gotten into you?” Zoe asks, her eyes narrowed, and a slight frown marring her brow, silently telling her friend to quit with the questions.
Are Lexie and Ky a thing? It didn’t add up, especially since he’d been dating the doctor until recently. The question hovered on the tip of my tongue, but I swallow it back. Ky was the one person I guarded my vulnerabilities against, keeping them locked away like secrets in a hidden vault. Until last night, of course.
“You know what, why don’t you guys go on to the party? Maybe me going isn’t such a good idea. But thanks for the invite.” I look at Zoe when I speak, I didn’t want to spend hours in the other woman’s company if she was just going to interrogate me. Not wanting to give Lexie the satisfaction of knowing just how much she’s gotten to me; offering her a small smile.
“No way are we leaving you behind,” Zoe replies, frowning across at Lexie. “Don’t mind Lexie, she’s just PMS-ing.” Giving the other woman a dark look.
Lexie sighs. “I’m sorry for being a bitch. I’m just looking out for Ky, is all. He and I are family, we grew up together. We’ve been close since I came to live with the Briar Creek chapter when I was six years old. I just don’t want to see him get played.”
“I’m not playing Ky. I don’t even know the guy.” I arc up. “He helped me out when someone broke into my clinic, but that’s all there is between us.”
Lies. If they only knew what we’d gotten up to last night. But no one can know, I tell myself silently.
I fight to hold back a sob, hoping that Ky hadn’t told his club brothers about what happened all those years ago. But no one has confronted me about it, so maybe he’s said nothing? I could only hope.
“Keep telling yourself that,” Everleigh replies with a knowing smile. “I denied my feelings for Kick for a long time when I returned to Briar Creek. But he wore me down.”
“Our situations are different. For one, you two had a history together. Ky and I have nothing,” I continue to deny.
Except for the four years between our last meeting and last night’s few hours of fucking like bunny rabbits, we had nothing at all.
“Except chemistry,” Zoe replies with a little lopsided grin.
An unladylike snort escapes, and I turn beat red when the other ladies chuckle good naturedly.
Sighing, I added, my voice laced with a desperate plea. “Look, I appreciate what you all are trying to do, but please stop. Can we change the subject? I really don’t want to talk about this anymore.”
Everleigh smiles indulgently, “Of course. But I will say just this; he’s been extremely tight-lipped where you’re concerned. Refusing to speak about you to any of us. He’s only spoken to the other guys about it, and we’ve heard it secondhand from them,” Everleigh says “You can deny it until you’re blue in the face that there’s nothing between you, but to me, it’s plain as the nose on my face that there is.”
I clamp my mouth shut, trying not to smile. He’s kept the fact that he knows me hidden from the closest people to him. Why?
Going to the clubhouse tonight and putting myself in Ky’s orbit after the way my brother had taken me from the warehouse, leaving him to bleed out from the gunshot, without getting him help. Plus the events of last night and him leaving without a word.
I just don’t know if I can do it.
Yes, he survived, and I was thankful for that, but I don’t think he’ll ever forgive and forget. I’m sure he’s lumped me in with Angelo, seeing me as nothing more than a manipulative bitch. And that’s probably why he didn’t stay last night.
Even with all the cons of why I shouldn’t go, I open my mouth to refuse when the complete opposite spews from my lips.
“Fine. I’ll come. But what about Willow, who’s going to look after her?” I close my eyes, unable to take back any of it now.
“Yay.” Zoe claps her hands and bounces excitedly to her feet. “Bring her along. Ella is the designated babysitter tonight. Be there around seven,” she says, giving the other girls a silent look as they all stood as one; and before I could ask any more questions about the party and what I should bring, they were out the door, getting into the compact car that was parked in my driveway.
Shaking my head, I close the door. Now that I was alone, I try to unpack the feelings I had when Zoe and the other women of the Devil’s Carnage MC had shown up at my door. A warmth blooms in my chest, making me grin so wide my cheeks hurt. I finally felt like I wasn’t alone. That I had a bunch of badass women in my corner, and I loved that.
The rumbling of my stomach, a loud and undeniable growl. Even though I wasn’t in the mood, I finish making lunch for Willow and me; adding some vegetables for extra nutrition. The swirling emotions I’d been feeling since Ky had left my bed, and the girl’s visit abates somewhat as the aroma of the food I was cooking filled the house, a warm and welcoming scent.
I kept telling myself I could easily dismiss Ky from my thoughts, that seeing him wouldn't affect me as much as I'd imagined. And if I repeat the mantra in my head, I was sure to believe it myself soon enough.
After eating, I told Willow where we were going tonight, surprised we only had a short time to get ready before we were supposed to be at the clubhouse. Butterflies flutter in my belly at the thought of the party tonight and whether Ky would be there. For the hundredth time, I second-guessed if I should even go.
Shaking off the doubt, I take a quick shower and return to the bedroom, a towel wrapped around me, staring at the wardrobe like it was a live snake ready to strike. I look inside and see row upon row of colorful outfits with the tags still on them, telling anyone who bothered to look they came from upscale boutiques.
Where was the plain jane veterinarian going to wear all these clothes to? Especially in a small, out of the way town like Briar Creek.
I toss every single garment onto the bed, creating a mountain of wrinkled fabric. I storm out of the bedroom, still only in a towel, and march to the kitchen where I find a trash bag, then straight back into my bedroom, shoving all the clothes inside. It was ridiculous to own so many dresses. Dresses I would never wear, so why did I even bring them with me?
The only thing I could think of was how much it meant to me, but even that felt like a pathetic excuse. Someone else will have better use of them if I take them down to the thrift store in town.
Once I’ve emptied the wardrobe, I stare at the minimal contents and actually smile.
This was much better.
I pull out a pretty tie-dyed V-neck, ankle-length wrap dress, pairing it with a pair of matching chunky heeled platform shoes. Leaving my hair in waves around my face, I add minimal makeup, just enough to highlight my brown eyes and my Cupid’s bow lips, my two favorite things about my face.
Ignoring the nerves and the voice telling me I shouldn’t go, I quickly get Willow dressed, putting on a warm coat, since the nights were getting chilly, and I do the same, lock up the house, and bundle my little girl into the car seat in the back of the car, not even noticing the dark figure sitting on a bike a few houses down from mine, even when they follow us all the way to the clubhouse.