Chapter 11 #2
And it occurred to him suddenly that had been the reason why he had been afraid to go all the way. Too late now, he mused grimly.
"We will work." His eyes were focused on hers as if making a vow. "Because I will not lose you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, just now." His grip had tightened considerably. "You're my first and my last, my only. And I want you to bear that in mind."
"Kyle--"
"Please bear that in mind. I cannot lose you. I don't want to be like him, missing the love of his life. And you're the love of mine. I won't lose you."
She knew that she was going to have to tread carefully here. "You won't." She used a quiet tone to calm the storm she could see brewing. "I promise I'll be here. You won't lose me darling."
His hold loosened, and he had to take a breath. "I'm sorry." He whispered.
"Don't be." Gathering him close, she rocked. "I'm here."
He rested his forehead against hers, drawing strength from the steady warmth between them.
For a moment, words were unnecessary; the silence was filled with shared understanding and a quiet determination.
In this cocoon of intimacy, the past seemed to fade away, replaced by hope for everything they might build together.
*****
She invited her brother and his partner over for dinner. One, because she wanted to share the good news with him and two, she knew the only way they could see each other was to be holed up in Matthew's apartment. She wanted to give him another avenue. And discussed it with her husband.
It was weird, simply weird thinking of him that way. But after this morning, she was getting used to it. They loved each other.
The wonder of it will never cease to amaze her. She might be troubled that he was so damned beautiful, but there was no doubt that he was in love with her. And well, if further down the road, he decided he wanted out, she was just going to have to murder him.
Discreetly kill him and dispose of his body in some far away harbor. She told him exactly that and described how she would mutilate his beautiful body by first cutting off his "junk." The way she described it had him feeling sympathy twinges in the same junk and giving her an astounded look.
"You certainly thought this through."
"Yep." She licked peanut butter off the spoon as she eyed him across the counter. She loved looking at him and knowing he was hers.
"I never tagged you for being bloodthirsty."
"I never tagged me for being the jealous wife, but what can you do." She shrugged and recapped the jar. "So, dinner will be the roast beef Mrs. Allen prepared. I was thinking I could rustle up a salad to go with it."
He blinked. "I cannot keep up with you. One minute you're talking about murdering my lying cheating body and taking it apart, starting with my prized jewel and now you're discussing menus. Who the hell are you?"
Grinning at him, she walked around to slide between his thighs. "First, it's my prized jewels and second, I can multi-task." She wrapped her hands around his neck. "And I've never been in love before. Besides which, you're too beautiful for your own good and my peace of mind."
She loved the slight flush rising on his face, which smacked of embarrassment. "I'm not beautiful." He muttered. "And I have eyes only for you."
"You'd better." She warned lightly. Tilting her head, she studied the face he had denied being beautiful. "I'm bat shit crazy about you. It scares the hell out of me, but I'm dealing."
His heart thudded against his ribs. "I might not put it in the same term, but I'm gone all the way. You own my heart." Taking her hand, he placed it over where it thudded unsteadily. "You've got me." His voice thickened. "You have the power to hurt me like no one can. Please don't."
She stared at the stunningly handsome man who was quietly begging her not to mangle his feelings and felt weak at the knees. Leaning into him, she breathed him in.
"Not knowingly. And I ask the same of you."
He wrapped around her and simply held on.
*****
Her brother was grateful for the invite and told her so.
"You've given me hope." He had eyed Kyle warily when he first came by, but he could see that the guy was head over heels in love with his sister. It amazed him that this was the same guy who had objected so strenuously to being tied to her.
The meal was served in the cheerful, if fabulously appointed kitchen, on the table tucked beneath a large bay window.
And they could not stop touching each other.
He had a feeling they could not wait for him and Andre to leave to be all over each other.
They exchanged long, sizzling looks that made him feel like a fifth wheel.
The conversation flowed easily, laughter bubbling up between bites of food and shared glances.
There was a warmth settling over the room, a sense of ease and belonging that had been missing for far too long.
Even her brother, usually so guarded, seemed to relax, smiling more openly as the evening went on.
The atmosphere was filled with a sense of new beginnings, and for once, everything felt right.
They had a moment with each other while Kyle, with a shared interest in art, showed Andre around the place. Taking their drinks into the living room where the fire snapped and sizzled inside the hearth, they settled on the tan sofa.
"I'm happy for you." Ingrid eyed him over her glass of Sauvignon Blanc. "You look easy, less stressed, more relaxed."
Stretching his legs out, Matthew admired the full-blown glossy photo of his sister and her husband that had been taken at the Dewberry function. They had been dancing and staring into each other's eyes when the photo had been taken. The photographer had sold it to them at a price.
"I am." He motioned to the photo. "You look happy."
Following his gaze, she smiled. "I was and am. We had just finished having a sort of fight because his ex had been trying to get her two cents in. I decided enough was enough and took my man back." She met her brother's gaze.
"He is, you know. My man and I'm willing to fight dirty.
" She sighed. "And you never heard me say that.
I never dreamed I could love someone that way.
He consumes me. Christ, I'm thinking of picking up his bloody socks and the man is a slob and cooking him supper.
Not that I get the chance, since that damn housekeeper thinks the kitchen is completely her domain.
But we give her the weekends off so we can be alone. "
"And when we are, we screw like fricking rabbits. I swear, we're going to end up killing each other." She grinned as her brother winced.
"Feel free to keep that info to yourself. A guy does not like to hear about his sister screwing like a rabbit. And where the hell did that come from anyway? Is it established that rabbits screw all the time?"
"I think it has." She grinned. "Now my totally hot and handsome brother, when are you going to let Andre move in with you?"
His expression sobered and he took a sip of his wine.
"I need time."
"Honey--"
"No." He shook his head. "It's easy for you and has always been.
You're fearless Ingrid and when it was time for you to do what's necessary, you did.
Now, it has turned out wonderful. You're in love with your husband and I'm totally beyond happy for you.
I have so many strikes against me. I'm a cop, one whose family is off the rails wealthy. "
"I keep my head down, but the press still dogs my steps. A hint of impropriety would have them jumping through hoops and putting me in the spotlight. I cannot afford that."
Ingrid reached out, touching his arm gently.
"It's not as easy as it looks from the outside, Matt.
We all have our scars. But you deserve happiness, too.
Andre cares about you, a lot. It's not about what the world thinks, but about what makes you feel whole.
" Her voice softened, steady but encouraging.
"Just promise you'll give yourself a chance. You don't have to rush."
"He loves me." He admitted softly. "And I love him.
As far as going public, he wants to and damn the consequences.
But I can't, not right now and I'm afraid of losing him.
" He sighed deeply, leaning back and closing his eyes briefly.
"I'm happy you invited us to dinner, and I respect your husband for agreeing to it. "
"Kyle is not one to judge."
A smile touched his lips as he stared at her. He could see the difference. She was softer, a light glowing from her and she was even more beautiful. The coil of locks tipped with fiery red, tumbled over one shoulder.
She had put on a forest green sweater over black dress pants for supper. And had removed the ankle boots. Love had changed her, and he could see it.
He was about to say something to that effect when the two men walked back into the room.
Kyle went straight to the sofa where she was sitting and tugged her feet over his thighs, his hands rubbing at her insteps slowly.
He did it without thinking and Matthew felt his heart aching, the envy coming as he wondered if he would ever have that effortless relationship.
Pasting a smile on his lips, he joined in the conversation.