4. Luken
4
LUKEN
I s the weather as perfect elsewhere in the world as it is in Alyra?
It feels as though everything is in perfect harmony.
Then again, that could just be me feeling nostalgic for a place I haven’t left yet.
But I swear, the grass is green and lush, the flowers are always in bloom, and the sun is always warm but not hot.
If someone could make a utopian atmospheric environment, I think it’s here.
I look down at the text I haven’t sent yet.
He hasn’t taken a test in three weeks.
The sick feeling percolates inside me at the knowledge.
Maybe he’s given up.
Maybe he knows it’s not going to happen, so he’s stopped trying.
I hit send, and as always happens, the three circles of our soon-to-be pack instantly drop under my message to tell me they read it.
And then there are three bouncing dots as they respond.
Rhydian
Is he okay?
Daunt
Maybe he’s stressed.
Have you taken him to talk to someone yet?
Hakan
That might be a good thing.
Did you try the pollen nectar?
I’ve tried nectar.
Nearly every single time for the past three weeks.
And no, I haven’t brought him to talk to anyone yet.
It’s getting far too close to our year mark, and I’m afraid they won’t try to reassure him, but automatically begin working with him to separate him from me.
Hakan
The fuck?
!
Daunt
That’s absolute shit.
Rhydian
Wow.
Just…
wow…
I rub my hand over my face and look around.
I’m sitting on the front porch, a place I rarely spend time, though I have been doing it more as I commit our neighborhood to memory.
I can see Iri’s parents’ house down the road from right here.
Over this past year, I’ve tried a lot of weird, natural remedies to help with conception.
Our pack has been throwing ideas at me, too.
It means a lot that they’re trying to help us.
Perhaps I’m misreading the situation, but it feels like our conception is as important to them as it is to us.
Hakan found an old wives’ tale about a certain kind of pollen nectar, so I ordered it from the flower shop close to the school Iri teaches at.
The day I was notified it arrived, I suggested we stop to get flowers for his parents so I could pick it up.
I gave him a glassful that day as soon as we got home, mixed with water as the instructions stated.
Just one more thing that didn’t work.
My gut feels all twisted as everything inside me wars.
I love our home.
Our city.
I love how close we are to our families.
The idea of leaving here makes me sick to my stomach.
Knowing that I’m bringing Iri into a world that’s far less safe and puts a huge target on his back has me almost hysterically terrified.
How do I protect him?
How is he supposed to live stuck inside and not dare to walk around his own backyard after having so much freedom to live his entire life?
But then, it also means we finally get to be with our pack.
I’m as excited as I am nervous.
The day that will change our lives is getting nearer and nearer, hurdling like a comet toward us without slowing down.
A glance at the time tells me I need to make lunch.
I pocket my phone and head inside.
As soon as I walk in the door, Iri’s sweet caramel scent fills my lungs.
Lately, it’s been hinted with honey.
Maybe it’s a new shampoo.
Or lotion.
Whatever it is, my dick likes it.
Everything inside me likes it.
I can taste the sweetness on my tongue, making me salivate as I follow the scent of my breedable deeper into the house.
My cock throbs.
My blood pulses loudly.
I walk around the corner and find Iri sitting at the computer with his legs crossed under him.
He spends a lot of time just fishing around online.
He loves to look at picture aesthetics for nurseries and how he’d like to redecorate our house.
He also falls down rabbit holes often and goes off in far different directions than when he began.
Two days ago, I found him looking at golf balls, and he gave me the most adorably perplexed look when I asked him how in the world he came to be looking up golf balls.
Apparently, he’d begun looking for a dried fruit basket with all the kinds of fruits he wanted to eat in it.
As I get closer, I realize that his expression isn’t amused or entertained today.
Something is bothering him.
His eyebrows are knitted together, and his bottom lip is between his teeth.
I can see the turmoil and…
upset reflecting in his eyes, even from profile.
“What’s wrong, sweetheart?” I ask, running my fingers through his hair.
They stop in their tracks when he looks up at me because I swear there’s hurt in his eyes.
And it’s directed at me.
“What’s this?” he asks.
I look at the screen and my heart stops.
He found the folder with all my plans for us leaving Alyra.
Our new identities.
Our route.
Job opportunities in the area.
And the guys.
Our pack.
Well, that’s not how I wanted him to find out.
I guess it’s time to come clean.
“Come here,” I say, and offer him my hand.
I’m relieved when he still trusts me implicitly, without question, and places his hand in mine.
I pull him to his feet and take his seat before bringing him into my lap, but making sure our eyes meet.
“I have loved you since the moment we met. You know that, right?”
A fond smile touches his lips, and he nods.
“I must have talked about mating a lot because my brother, who you know works in the genetics lab, took me aside one day and showed me our genetic profiles. Iri, they are about as far from compatible as they can get.”
Tears fill his eyes, and he looks down, sniffling quietly.
I take his chin and gently bring his eyes back to mine.
“My choice, even then, was to have you or let someone else have you. It was black and white, and, quite frankly, still is. There was no way in fuck I was ever letting someone else touch you. You belong to me, Iri.”
“You have that wrong. You belong to me ,” he says.
I grin.
“Correct. Sorry.”
“Don’t let it happen again,” he teases, though I can still hear the stress and upset in his voice.
I incline my head.
“Even when we were young teens, I knew that if I was going to keep you, I was going to need a backup plan for the eventuality that we couldn’t conceive. In a completely unrelated incident, I met some guys online, just a few years older than us, playing games.”
“How many have you met now?” he asks, rolling his eyes.
It’s an ongoing joke.
I can simply turn the console on, and I’ll meet at least one person who’s going to turn into a good friend in time.
I smirk without answering.
“Those guys are some of my closest friends. We talk daily. We exchanged phone numbers years ago.”
Iri glances at the computer.
“You’ve never mentioned them.”
“I haven’t,” I agree.
“Actually, I may have a long time ago when we first met, but I admit, I haven’t brought them up since. When we got closer to breeding age, I really began to become afraid. Unsure how I was going to keep you.”
His hand rests along my cheek, and I lean into his touch.
“I started talking to them about it, and together, we began forming a plan. They’d already created a pack together. Which I’d gotten to watch happen over the years, and it made my heart happy. The more I got to know them, the more I began to love them. The more I knew , without a doubt, you were going to love them, too. And they’re already crazy about you, Iri.”
Iri’s eyebrows knit together again.
“How? We’ve never met, right?”
“Right. But I talk about you all the time. All. The. Time.”
He smiles, cheeks flushing, and bows his head.
“We devised a plan in which, right before our year ends, we leave for a last trip. Outside the city walls, our new pack will be waiting for us to take us to our new home.” My fingers touch his neck.
“I’ll bond you as soon as we leave. And I’m sure one of our new breeders—if you want, there’s no pressure—will be compatible with you. We’ll still be able to have babies.”
His lips are parted as he stares at me.
I can feel his heart racing since my hand is still resting along his neck, right over his pulse.
“You want us to leave?”
“I want you ,” I correct.
“They’re not going to allow us to stay together if we can’t conceive. I will lose my shit if someone else touches you, Iri.”
His shoulders tense.
“I don’t want anyone else to touch me.”
It’s not unheard of that some breedables can’t conceive.
The inability is higher in male breedables than in females.
They don’t get removed from the family cities because they’re not able to conceive.
That would be cruel.
But that needs to be proven by several partner attempts.
We’re a holistic community.
All basic necessities are free—housing, food, clothes, etc.
—in exchange for community work, which is a job in health, education, government, etc.
That doesn’t mean there aren’t ways to earn money.
There are a ton of ways and a whole lot of things to buy with that money.
But every basic need, every necessary need to live, is free.
It’s part of what the family cities of Alyra, Aryla, and Yrlaa were built on.
No-stress living.
Peace and safety.
All the optimal conditions for conceiving and raising happy, healthy families in an effort to increase the conception rate of breedables.
We can’t opt out of the program and remain with a free ride.
That’s not how the cities work.
If we’re not chosen or unable to conceive for whatever reason, that’s fine.
After legitimate attempts.
I’m not willing to let that happen.
“You understand that our options to facilitate us staying together are very limited, then, right?”
Iri closes his eyes and nods.
Sadness etches lines in his skin.
“Yes,” he whispers.
“I don’t want to leave either.” I bring him closer, bringing his face inches from mine.
“But I think we both recognize that this isn’t going to work for us,” I say gently.
Tears make his eyes glisten.
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. I understand you feel at fault, but it’s not your fault at all. We’re born how we’re born. As much as I love living in Alyra with our friends and family, I’m also angry that there are no exceptions to their laws for instances like ours. You. Are. Mine . We’ve known it all our lives. It’s shitty, cruel, and unacceptable that they’d still split us up.”
Iri sniffles.
Closing his eyes, he nods.
“When do we leave?” he whispers.
“Eight weeks. We’ll pack just enough that it follows the story that we’re going on vacation.”
“Why don’t we tell the truth?” he asks.
“We’re allowed to leave if we want to.”
“We are,” I agree.
“But I’d like to avoid the exit interview process if I can.” I’m not sure I can explain the uneasy feeling I get when I think about it.
There’s a feeling in my gut that says we don’t want to go through it.
More specifically, I shouldn’t let Iri go through it.
A coveted, rare breedable.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asks, and there’s the hurt again.
I bring his forehead to mine.
His sweet honey caramel fills my lungs, making my cock pulse in my pants.
“Because stress changes your body chemistry and can make it even more difficult to conceive,” I explain.
“I didn’t want you to put more pressure on yourself.”
“Eight weeks. That’s it?”
I kiss his lips.
“Sweetheart, our year is up in nine.”
He flinches as if I’d just punched him in the gut.
A whoosh of air leaves his lungs that almost sounds like a sob.
“So soon?”
“Yes.”
Iri takes a breath.
For one short minute, we’re silent.
Then he springs from my lap and practically sprints into the bedroom.
“What just happened?” I ask, sitting forward.
“I’m going to take a test,” he calls over his shoulder before disappearing into our bedroom toward the connected bathroom.
His voice carries to me before I hear a door close.
“I’ll be right back.”
I’m left sitting there dumbfounded and staring after him.
That was a strange turn of events.
But…
at least he’s taking a test again.
Right?