Chapter 2
Five Weeks Later
Micah
I ’d never been more grateful for a training day.
For weeks, I’d been feeling off.
My head hurt, my stomach wouldn’t settle, and I just felt wrong in my skin.
Not that training days were necessarily easy, but they did mean we wouldn’t be in a situation where lives were potentially hanging in the balance.
I could feel Nash’s eyes on me as I finished strapping on my gear.
We would be running various simulations this morning before some classroom work in the afternoon.
It was the first time in my life I was looking forward to the classroom portion of the day.
“You okay?” Nash’s voice came from closer than I was expecting, startling me.
Instead of jumping, I willed my body to still, but I knew he’d seen enough.
I grimaced.
“Yeah, just not feeling great. Glad we’re gearing up for training instead of heading out into the field.”
“Do you need to sit this morning out?”
I shut my locker and scowled.
“I don’t sit out.” The only work I’d ever missed had been over the worst flu in the history of the world and when my father died.
Nash knew that.
He lifted his hands in surrender.
“I know, I know. Just…”
When he hesitated, I frowned harder.
“What, dude?”
He took a hard breath and met my stubborn gaze with one of his own.
“Your scent is off. It’s been off. I’m worried you’ve caught something or you’re coming down with something.”
In some ways, it still surprised me every time Nash reminded me how well he knew my scent.
Not because he was capable of it but because he cared to keep track.
That he paid enough attention day-to-day to know the most subtle shifts.
I would bet money no one else on the squad was half as attuned.
It was another reason it was good we’d called it quits—for real—on sleeping together.
No matter how much it sucked.
I didn’t allow myself much room for daydreaming, but when I did…
a different outcome for us usually played out in my mind.
But he was my squad mate.
We were both living our dream.
We couldn’t do that and be together.
I deflated, letting out a breath and relaxing my stance.
“Maybe I am coming down with something. I haven’t been feeling great, but I’m not missing training.”
“Alright. Just take care of yourself, okay?”
“Always do.” With that, I turned and headed for the door of the locker room.
Nash stayed a few steps behind me.
The rest of the squad was lingering near one of the open bay doors in the garage of the station.
Sun-roasted air washed through the door, heating up the garage and making sweat bead along my upper lip.
The bright rays of sun decorating the concrete floor started to blur between one step and the next.
My stomach rolled as my steps faltered.
The last thing I heard was Nash calling my name before I hit the ground.
Micah
Pregnant.
I still couldn’t believe it.
After I’d woken up on the way to the hospital, they’d started with basic blood work.
The problem had become apparent quickly after that.
Wind ruffled my hair where I was sitting on a bench outside the hospital waiting for my ride share.
There were already three texts from Nash on my phone wanting updates.
The captain had apparently told them I was okay as I’d consented, but no one knew yet what had caused my fainting spell like I was some kind of goddamn damsel.
What the fuck was I going to do?
I’d have to tell the captain and report my change in status.
I wouldn’t be able to be out in the field.
Another thought hit me like a brick…
I needed to tell Nash.
Fuck .
I dropped my elbows to my knees and pressed my palms against my eyes.
I felt sick to my stomach.
I’d worked so damn hard to get where I was and the thought of having to walk away from it felt impossible.
My phone vibrated.
Nash and the squad must be on lunch because he wouldn’t be able to call me otherwise.
I picked it up off the bench and stared at the screen.
If I kept ignoring him, he’d only get more worried.
I couldn’t risk him deciding he needed to come see for himself if I was okay.
I wasn’t ready to face him.
Had no clue how the fuck I was going to tell him.
I slid my thumb across the screen and lifted the phone to my ear.
“Aren’t you supposed to be training?”
”Fuck, you scared the shit out of me.”
His voice was rough, but the relief pouring through the phone was like a balm spreading from the center of my chest until the twist in my gut eased.
“Are you okay?”
I had to clear my throat before I could speak.
“Yeah. Shouldn’t have skipped breakfast.” I tried to joke.
The weight of the silence coming through the phone told me he knew I was lying.
I swallowed hard and tried again.
“I’m okay, Nash. Promise.”
He let out a slow breath.
“Are you going to tell me what’s going on?”
There really was no use drawing it out.
Whatever I decided to do, he deserved to know.
“I will. I’m taking the rest of the day off so why don’t you stop by after work.”
”I’ll see you then.”
Nash
The rest of the afternoon dragged on forever.
My mind was an endless loop of all the things that might be wrong with Micah.
It suddenly felt like there were a million ailments that could’ve befallen him.
Each one was somehow more terrifying than the last.
But he said he was okay.
Except that obviously wasn’t really the case.
He’d just sounded so…
defeated.
Resigned.
Very un-Micah-like.
When work was finally done, I took the fastest shower of my life and more or less sprinted to my truck.
The minutes left before Micah was in front of me somehow felt longer than the hours I’d waited that afternoon.
An eternity and too many red lights later, I stood in front of Micah’s door, suddenly hesitant to raise my fist to knock.
The strangest feeling washed over me.
I’d walked through this door a hundred times—to watch a game, with my lips attached to Micah’s when we gave in to the constant urge to get our hands on each other, and every time I’d left in the morning after one of those blissful nights.
Finding my courage, I rapped my knuckles on the door.
“It’s open,” Micah called from inside.
Something unclenched in my chest at the sound of his voice so close.
I pushed the door open and took my first full, deep breath since he’d collapsed earlier.
The warm vanilla and lemon of his scent wrapped around me, but there was another layer.
One I’d only scented from him in the most stressful of situations we’d faced on S.W.A.T.
He was truly nervous.
Anxious.
Stressed.
“Micah,” I said, walking to where he was sprawled on the couch.
A position completely opposite to what his scent was screaming.
”Hey.
” He sat up, and after a second, reached for my hand.
He tugged a little, urging me to sit.
I did, gaze searching his face.
Fuck .
It had to be so much worse than he’d led me to believe.
We sat in silence.
His green gaze was focused on where our hands were still clutched together, but I couldn’t stop staring at his face.
His short blond hair was in disarray, product demolished from nervous fingers.
This man wasn’t afraid of anything.
I’d seen him face down situations that should have killed both of us—maniacs with guns, bombs, and every other weapon imaginable.
Yet, genuine fear oozed from him over whatever it was he had to tell me.
When I couldn’t stand it anymore, I said, “Micah, please. Just tell me.”
He nodded, almost to himself, and took a deep breath.
“I’m pregnant.”
Micah
Nash’s hand spasmed in mine.
From the moment he’d walked in, his scent had told me how worried he was.
How scared.
Nash was one of the bravest men I knew, but he’d been terrified of whatever news I was about to give him.
As the seconds passed after I’d dropped my bombshell, the fear in his scent melted to something much sweeter.
I lifted my gaze to finally meet the dark brown of his.
“How?” he asked, voice whisper-quiet.
“I don’t know. My suppressants failed. Which—” I let out a gusty sigh and shrugged.
“Which is really rare, but the doctor didn’t have any other explanation.”
His thumb stroked over my knuckles.
“It’s mine?”
I scoffed.
“Don’t be ridiculous. Of course it’s yours.”
A small, sweet smile pulled up his lips before he blew out a deep breath, and a more serious countenance took over.
“What do you want to do?”
I’d barely opened my mouth when he cut me off.
“Whatever you decide, I’m with you. I’m here.”
I nodded, fighting down the swell of emotion suddenly tangling up my throat.
“I’d have to leave the squad.”
Nash nodded.
“Or I could. If you choose to have it, I could leave the squad so you could stay.”
“You’d do that?”
He tilted his head.
“For you? Yes.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.
“But it’s your dream job.”
His gaze dropped back to our entwined hands, and his voice when he spoke was quiet.
“It’s not my only dream.” When he looked at me again, his face was more serious than I thought I’d ever seen it.
“I know that us potentially having a baby together doesn’t automatically mean we’ll be together, but, Micah… you have to know I’m crazy about you. What we’ve had—the friendship, the camaraderie, the intimacy? It’s all been wonderful and a lot of fun. But I’d be lying through my teeth if I said I didn’t want more.”
It was my turn to look down.
The thought of having a baby was still terrifying, but the thought of having a baby with Nash—of being with Nash—made my heart skip in my chest.
Without really thinking about it, I rested my free hand over my still-flat stomach.
The ridges of muscle beneath my palm were something I worked hard to maintain.
Was I really ready to upend my life and change my body?
“I don’t… I don’t know.”
Nash didn’t flinch, but it seemed like a close thing.
I continued before he could speak.
“It’s not that I don’t want something more with you, but a baby? A child? I need a little more time to think about this.”
He let out a shuddering breath.
“I understand. It’s a huge commitment.”
“The ultimate commitment.”
Nash nodded, gripping my hand tight.
“I just… I don’t know if I’m ready.”
“I meant what I said, I’m here. Whatever you decide.”
“And the wanting more part?”
Half a smile pulled at his lips.
“I meant that too. Now come here.” He leaned back against the couch cushions, bringing me with him by our joined hands.
He’d held me enough over the years that it was easy to slot in against his body, my head on his chest and arm around his waist.
Releasing my hand, he wrapped me up with both arms and pressed a kiss into my hair.
I breathed in the incredible scent of him and let myself relax for the first time in hours.
Maybe we wouldn’t have a baby right now, but I was realizing that Nash and I were past the one last time part of our relationship.
The thought filled me with joy even as a seed of doubt and guilt lodged itself somewhere in my belly.
I closed my eyes and tried not to think about it.
I could make a decision tomorrow.
Tonight, I wanted to rest in the arms of the man who’d always had my back, and if I was being truly honest, my heart.
Nash
The next morning, Micah made his decision.
He wasn’t ready for a baby.
We made the appointment that day, and a week later, I was driving to Micah’s to pick him up.
The sun was just starting to paint the sky in pinks and oranges when I turned into the parking lot of his apartment complex.
He couldn’t have anything to eat or drink until after the procedure so I’d opted to go without too.
To be honest, I wasn’t sure I could have eaten if I’d tried.
My stomach had been in knots since the night before.
I respected Micah’s decision—it was his body, after all—but I could admit to myself that I’d hoped for a different outcome.
Sure, I was terrified of becoming a father and definitely hadn’t planned to become one anytime soon…
but the thought of a child with Micah?
Yeah, I would have figured it out.
The difference was I wouldn’t have to upend my entire life before the baby even got here.
Micah wouldn’t be able to be in the field once he declared his pregnancy, and one of us would be moved to a different squad.
Which I was happy to do, but with our squad being a man down without Micah, that’s something the brass may or may not agree to.
As soon as I put the truck in park, Micah stepped through the door of his building.
His muscular legs were wrapped in black joggers that tapered to cinch at his ankles.
He was wearing an old gray S.
W.
A.
T.
training tee that may have actually been mine by how tight it was on his shoulders.
He’d always had more defined delts than me.
A moment later he was sliding into the passenger seat, gaze down.
“Hey,” I said, keeping my voice as normal as possible.
He let out a breath.
“Hey.”
When it seemed that was all he was going to say, I backed out of the parking spot.
It was a twenty-minute drive to the clinic, and neither of us said a word the whole way there.
Micah’s scent was all over the place.
So much so that I couldn’t get a real read on where his head was.
All I knew was there was a sour tang covering the whole of his scent that I’d never smelled before.
I pulled the truck into the clinic’s parking lot and found a space.
The engine ticked as it began to cool, but neither one of us moved to get out.
“Micah?”
His knee bounced.
I looked over at him, feeling my own eyes well when I saw the tear tracks on his face.
“I don’t think I can do this, Nash.”
“Sweetheart.” I reached over and took his hand.
“You don’t have too. I know this wasn’t in either of our plans, but we can do this. We can have this baby.”
Micah hiccuped a laugh, wet and full of relief.
“I guess we’re going to have to.” He sucked in a couple hard breaths, obviously trying to calm himself.
I could only imagine the horrible knots he’d worked himself into struggling with this decision.
Leaning as far as I could across the center console, I released his hand so I could wrap it around the back of his neck.
He leaned toward me easily.
Closing my eyes, I rested my forehead against his, keeping my breathing slow and even.
Once his had calmed, I opened my eyes to find him already staring back at me.
I smiled.
“We’re going to be dads.”
A slow smile spread over his face, and he slid his hand over to cover his belly.
Cover what would grow into our baby.
“Dads.”
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