Chapter Eight #2
“He’s concerned that…” She met his gaze directly. “Well, to be frank, he’s not certain if you’re good for me, Lucien. Given how much has changed and how easily I could be hurt.”
The music swelled around them, and he drew her a fraction closer, lowering his voice. “And what do you think? Am I good for you?”
She considered this thoughtfully as they moved through the steps of the waltz. “I don’t know yet. That’s the truth of it. The man I knew and loved is gone in many ways. You’re someone new. Someone I might come to care for deeply, but I can’t be certain.”
“Farah is my friend,” he said, understanding her caution. “She helped me when I was lost and confused, returning to a life I couldn’t remember. But what I feel for you is different.”
“And what exactly do you feel?” Courtney asked, not challenging but genuinely curious. “Because from where I stand, Lord Furoe, we’re both still discovering who we are to each other. Mr. Fancot, however, has been quite clear about his regard.”
“And what exactly are Mr. Fancot’s intentions?” Lucien asked, unable to keep a slight edge from his voice.
A small, thoughtful smile touched her lips. “Yesterday, Axton paid me a call and he’s asked permission to court me formally. He’s been a steadfast friend these past years and believes we might suit.”
Suit? If she merely wanted a marriage based on friendship, he could do that. But her words landed with unexpected weight, and Lucien nearly missed a step in the dance. “And have you granted it?”
“I told him I would consider it.” Her eyes met his directly, honest rather than challenging.
“I’m not closing doors, Lucien. I spent five years believing you dead, and now everything has changed.
I’d just started to move on with my life and suddenly here you are.
You, but not you. I would be foolish not to keep my options open while we determine if there’s still something between us worth pursuing. ”
“I understand that,” he said, though the admission cost him. “But I hope you know you’re not merely a convenient solution to me. I’m not sure I can do convenient solutions when thinking of marriage.”
“I know your intentions aren’t mercenary.
Many families would be more than happy to align with your family through a marriage even though your family’s financial situation is dire,” she replied gently.
“But the truth remains that you don’t remember loving me.
You may have once, but that man is gone.
And we both need to be certain of what we want out of a union before making any decisions about our future. ”
The last accusation stung worst of all, perhaps because it was the truth. His family did need the security her fortune would provide. But that wasn’t why he wanted her.
“You’re right,” he said finally. “I don’t love you.
I can’t. That love was built on shared experiences I no longer remember.
” He took a breath, guiding her through another turn.
“But I’m not that man anymore. And you’re not the same woman.
We’ve both changed. Yet I find myself drawn to you still.
Drawn to who you are now, not who you were in my forgotten past.”
Her steps faltered slightly, but she recovered quickly, her expression guarded. “Pretty words, Lucien. But I need more than words.”
“Then let me show you,” he said simply. “Give me the chance to court you properly. To discover who we might be together now.”
“While Mr. Fancot does the same?”
A flash of possessiveness surged through him, but he forced it down. “If that’s what you require.”
The music was drawing to a close, and Courtney stepped back as the final notes faded.
“Life has taken some unexpected turns for us both,” she said thoughtfully.
“The gossips have had their fill discussing our situation, of course. Though I understand why things happened as they did with Farah, it’s been… complicated to navigate socially.”
Lucien felt a pang of remorse.
“I’m sorry for that additional burden,” he said sincerely.
Her expression softened. “You did what was necessary for Farah’s reputation. I don’t fault you for that. But now, I need to proceed carefully, for my own sake.”
“I understand completely,” he assured her. “You’re protecting your heart, as you should.”
“And reputation.” She stared at him, her amber eyes studying his face. “Axton has been patient and kind through all of this. He deserves consideration.”
“And what do you deserve, Courtney?” he asked gently.
A small, genuine smile touched her lips. “A chance at happiness, whether that’s with you, with him, or perhaps with neither. I am resolute on that.”
Something flickered in her eyes, a softening, perhaps, or at least a willingness to listen.
“I’m leaving for Dorset in two days’ time,” he said, seizing the moment. “To inspect the estate and introduce Ava-Marie to her ancestral home. Would you consider accompanying us? Perhaps your brother Julian and his wife Serena could join as chaperones.”
Surprise registered on her face. “You want me to travel to the country with you?”
“I want the chance to know you away from London’s prying eyes. Away from the gossip and expectations. Just us, discovering who we are together now.” He took her hand, his thumb brushing over her knuckles. “Lauren says we were happy at my estate. You used to visit to see Lauren and then to see me.”
“That’s true.” He watched her as memories he could not share with her rolled across the expressions on her face.
He coaxed. “I won’t press you for more than friendship at first. But I want the opportunity to show you that my interest is genuine and not born of convenience or necessity, but of genuine admiration and affection.”
She studied him for a long moment, her amber eyes searching his face. “And Ava-Marie? How does she feel about this?”
“She asked specifically if you might come. She quite adores you.” He smiled, remembering his daughter’s excitement when he’d mentioned the possibility. “She said you promised to tell her more stories about the stars.”
A genuine smile softened Courtney’s features. “I did, didn’t I?” She hesitated, then nodded slowly. “Very well. I’ll speak with Julian about it. If he and Serena are willing, I…I would like to come.”
Relief washed through him. “Thank you.”
“Don’t thank me yet, Lord Furoe,” she warned, though the ice in her tone had thawed somewhat. “I haven’t decided anything beyond a country visit.”
“I understand,” he assured her. “One step at a time.”
As he led her off the dance floor, he spotted Fancot watching them from across the room, his expression a mixture of concern and calculation.
Lucien met his gaze steadily, an unspoken message passing between them.
He might not remember loving Courtney, might not recall their shared past, but he knew with bone-deep certainty that he was unwilling to lose her before they’d had a proper chance.
“Axton seems to be waiting for the supper dance,” Courtney observed, following his gaze.
“He’s protective of you,” Lucien acknowledged, managing a more measured tone than his instincts wanted.
A small smile played at the corners of her mouth. “As are you, it seems.”
“I am.” He turned to face her fully. “I may not remember our past, Courtney, but I know I want the chance to discover what we might be to each other now. If Mr. Fancot is also part of that journey while you decide, I understand. But I hope you’ll give me a fair opportunity to show you who I am today. He’s had five years.”
“I want that too,” she admitted, a spark of something—interest, warmth, perhaps even hope—kindling in her eyes. “But you do hold an advantage. My heart still loves you. That’s why I haven’t simply walked away.”
“Despite having plenty of reasons you could have,” he added with a rueful smile.
She laughed then, a genuine sound that lightened his heart. “Perhaps I’m simply curious to see what else you might say to redeem yourself.”
“I can be very persuasive when motivated,” he promised.
“We’ll see.” She glanced across the room. “I should go speak with the bride. I haven’t had a chance to offer my congratulations.”
“Of course.” He bowed, brushing his lips against her knuckles in a gesture that lingered just a moment longer than propriety dictated. “But save me another dance before the evening ends?”
She hesitated, then nodded. “The last waltz.”
As he watched her walk away, moving gracefully through the crowd toward where Farah stood radiant beside her new husband, Lucien felt a curious lightness in his chest. Not the passion he’d once felt for Ava, nor the desperate need of safety he’d briefly harbored from Farah, but something steadier.
Something that felt, despite the complications and his lost memories, remarkably like coming home.
“You look pleased with yourself,” Lauren commented, appearing at his side with uncanny timing. “I take it the conversation went well?”
“She’s considering accompanying me to Dorset,” he replied, still watching Courtney’s progress through the ballroom.
“Ah. And what of her handsome admirer?”
“Mr. Fancot is welcome to try his luck,” Lucien said, surprised by his own confidence. “But I don’t intend to make it easy for him.”
Lauren studied him thoughtfully. “You know, brother, I believe Ireland has made you more direct and less patient with society’s games than you were before. The old Lucien would have maneuvered and plotted. This new version simply stakes his claim.”
“Is that bad?”
She smiled, linking her arm with his. “No. In fact, I think it might be exactly what Courtney needs. She doesn’t have time to play games. She’s reaching a certain age… Perhaps she needs to experience the attentions of one who doesn’t play by society’s rules.”
Across the room, Courtney turned, her eyes finding his through the crowd.
Even at a distance, he could see the question in them, the careful consideration.
She wasn’t won yet and might never be, if he couldn’t prove his feelings were genuine.
But for the first time since returning to London, Lucien felt he had a clear path forward.
A small niggle of doubt hit him squarely in his chest as he made his way to talk to Rockwell.
He wondered what Courtney wanted from a match with him.
While he found her physically appealing, and intelligent, and he really liked her, and he hated the idea of another man wooing her, Lucien was very aware that his battered heart may refuse to open and let any woman in.
What if she wanted words of love he could never say to her, or to any woman?
Ava’s lies had destroyed his heart and he didn’t know how to recover.