Chapter Twenty-Two
Darcy
She’d wanted to kiss him. He knew this. He’d wanted to kiss her too. There was no denying it. Yet, when he had the chance, when she had been standing in front him showing him she saw him as more than an inconvenience forced upon her, he had to step away.
The lies he had told her pressed down on him light weights, suffocating him. It wasn’t right to kiss her, or to want her when his lies were the only reason they were married in the first place.
He had to remain the way they had been. Stoic, distant. Married only for show. Was that what he wanted? Especially when he could not deny his growing feelings? No.
But it was what had to happen.
Elizabeth glanced at him sideways. “You seem rather out of sorts this evening. I hope my impulsive behaviour has not made you uncomfortable about dining in company with me.”
“Not at all.” Darcy cleared his throat. He didn’t want to add to her discomfort any more than he already had. “I confess, this will be the first time I have dined with Lord Hartford in my capacity as his son-in-law since our wedding breakfast. The circumstances feel different now.”
Different indeed. Then, he had been a steward who had compromised an earl’s daughter through misfortune. Tonight, he was a gentleman dining at his father-in-law’s table—a transformation that sat uneasily on his shoulders like an ill-fitting coat.
“There is another matter troubling me,” he admitted. “I met with our new steward this afternoon upon our return from fishing. He wishes to evict the Farmington family from their tenancy.”
Elizabeth’s pace slowed. “The Farmingtons? But they have been on the estate for decades.”
“Precisely. They have fallen behind on their rent due to poor harvests and illness, but I have been working with them to establish a manageable plan. The new steward believes such arrangements set dangerous precedents.”
“You must speak to Papa about this,” Elizabeth said.
“I am uncertain he will listen to me. I am not the steward anymore after all. Only the man who gained an estate through marriage.”
“You may have gained your property through marriage, but so do many gentlemen—either through marriage or inheritance or purchase. The means matter less than the knowledge you possess. You understand these estates better than most.”
Her words stirred something in Darcy’s chest, though it warred with the familiar weight of his deception. She defended him so readily, not knowing the full extent of the lies that bound them together.
The lights of Netherfield blazed before them, interrupting their conversation. As they approached the main entrance, Darcy noticed Jane standing in the drawing room window, her face radiant with happiness that seemed to illuminate her from within.
“Your sister appears cheerful this evening,” he observed.
Elizabeth followed his gaze and smiled. “Yes, she does rather, doesn’t she?”
Before Darcy could pursue the matter further, they were ushered through to the dining room—a grand space dominated by a mahogany table that could seat twenty comfortably.
Tonight, it hosted the entire Bennet family.
Crystal glasses caught the light from twin chandeliers, while silver serving pieces gleamed against pristine white linens.
Warm welcomes were exchanged among the group, though Darcy felt more like an unwelcome addition than anything else.
Lady Hartford was especially cool in her welcome, remarking on the impropriety of them walking to dinner rather than taking a carriage.
Lord Hartford fortunately stepped in, welcoming him with more enthusiasm.
Upon being seated, the first course arrived promptly—steaming bowls of white soup accompanied by fresh bread still warm from the ovens. Conversation filled the room the way it only could when those in the space knew one another well.
“I suppose Mr Collins will not be visiting us anytime soon,” Lady Hartford observed, breaking her bread with gusto. “His impending nuptials must occupy all his attention.”
“Indeed,” Elizabeth replied. “Charlotte told me they expect a rather elaborate celebration.”
Lydia snorted. “I cannot imagine why anyone would marry that dreadful man. Poor Charlotte—she must be desperate indeed.”
“It is a sensible match,” Mary interjected. “Mr Collins offers security and respectability. Many women would be grateful for such an opportunity.”
“Security, perhaps,” Kitty giggled, “but can you imagine having to listen to his sermons every day for the rest of your life?”
“Charlotte is making a practical decision,” Elizabeth said. “She deserves our support, not our ridicule.”
Darcy watched Elizabeth’s defence of her friend with admiration. Her loyalty ran deep, even when she might privately harbour doubts about Charlotte’s choice.
“Speaking of secrets and mysterious behaviour,” Jane said with a meaningful look at Lydia, “perhaps our youngest sister would care to explain her recent fondness for solitary walks at odd hours.”
Lydia’s cheeks coloured. “I have not been behaving mysteriously. I simply enjoy quiet walks on my own. Surely I am entitled to such exercise without constant scrutiny. You and Lizzy walk all the time. Mr Darcy and Lizzy even walked here from Longbourn.”
“But you and quiet walks?” Mary raised an eyebrow. “That is rather out of character, is it not? You will take the carriage to go the shortest distance.”
“So what if I do not want to share where I go?” Lydia said with defiant petulance, “I would hardly be the sister to have secret assignations.” Her gaze fixed pointedly on Elizabeth and Darcy, then Jane. “Unlike some at this table.”
“Lydia!” Elizabeth’s voice carried sharp warning. “Mr Darcy and I conducted ourselves with perfect propriety. He was gentleman enough to assist me in an unfortunate situation.”
“Oh yes, the mysterious attack by Mr Wickham,” Lydia rolled her eyes with theatrical disdain.
“That is exactly what happened,” Elizabeth replied, though Darcy noted the slight tremor in her voice. “It is not my fault he proved to be a scoundrel.”
“But you are not even certain it was him anymore, are you?” Lydia pressed with cruel persistence. “You have said as much yourself.”
Darcy felt Elizabeth shrinking beside him, her confidence crumbling under her sister’s attack. The sight filled him with protective rage and self-loathing in equal measure. His lies had created this doubt, this erosion of her certainty.
“That is quite enough,” he said. “It is not proper for you to speak to your sister in such a manner, particularly when addressing a married woman deserving of your respect.”
Elizabeth shot him a look of grateful surprise, but Lydia was not so easily silenced.
“Married to a steward,” she snapped back. “Which hardly makes her a grand lady, does it?”
The words hung in the air like smoke from a fired pistol. Lord Hartford’s fork clattered against his plate as he set it down with deliberate force.
“Mr Darcy is now master of his own estate. You will show him the respect due to a gentleman and your brother-in-law.”
“But only by marriage,” Lydia persisted with reckless disregard. “It means nothing—”
“Leave this table immediately,” Lord Hartford commanded. “You will take your meals in your chamber until you learn proper conduct.”
“Lord Hartford,” his wife protested but he silenced her with one look.
Lydia departed with a flounce of skirts and a sob that echoed through the suddenly quiet dining room.
“I apologise for my daughter’s behaviour,” Lord Hartford said to Darcy. “Such rudeness is inexcusable.”
“Thank you,” Elizabeth whispered, her hand briefly touching Darcy’s beneath the table.
The gesture sent vibrations through him even as the familiar weight of guilt settled heavier on his shoulders. She thanked him for defending her honour, not knowing he was the architect of her doubts.
“Now then,” Lord Hartford continued, clearly seeking to restore civility to the evening, “what is your opinion of our new steward, Darcy? I understand you have had occasion to speak with him.”
Darcy chose his words carefully. “I have met with him only briefly, but I have concerns about his approach to certain matters. Several tenants have expressed unease about his policies.”
“What sort of policies?” Lady Hartford enquired.
“He wishes to evict the Farmington family for arrears, despite their long history on the estate and their willingness to make arrangements for repayment.”
Lord Hartford frowned. “The Farmingtons have been with us for thirty years. This is not the first time they have been in trouble. You were only steward for two months, Darcy, so perhaps you do not know this. In any case, if the steward believes they cannot recover, perhaps—”
“Percival worked with them in the past and they recovered. I discussed the matter with him. And while I have not worked here long, I have many years of experience in estate management. I am certain they are entirely capable of recovery as they have been in the past,” Darcy interrupted, then caught himself.
“It is no longer your concern,” Lady Hartford said with a sniff, still upset over Lydia’s banishment. “You are a gentleman now, not a steward.”
Elizabeth straightened in her chair. “But surely it is his concern. He knows these families, understands their circumstances better than a stranger newly arrived. Should we not care about people as well as income? If anyone at this table has experience managing estates successfully, it is Mr Darcy.”
Her defence of him was fierce and uncompromising, and Darcy felt something crack open in his chest.
“Elizabeth makes an excellent point,” Lord Hartford said approvingly. “Perhaps we should discuss this matter privately in my study after dinner, Darcy.”
Darcy met Elizabeth’s eyes across the table, seeing pride and affection in her gaze. The knowledge that he was falling in love with her struck him.
And she was falling too, he could see it in the way she looked at him, in her passionate defence of his character. In the way she’d sought to kiss him.
How could he build a life with her on such a foundation of lies? How long before the truth destroyed whatever fragile affection was growing between them?
As the second course arrived and conversation gradually resumed, Darcy sat in tormented silence, acutely aware of the woman beside him and the secret that would surely destroy any chance of happiness they might have found together.