Chapter 45 Scarlett
CHAPTER 45
SCARLETT
T hey had been riding for hours. The sun was starting to set as they kept on. They had stopped twice to see to their needs and let the horses drink. Scarlett had been silent the entire time, allowing herself to be helped in and out of the saddle. Sorin or the one he called Eliza stayed by her side each time. One time Callan came and spoke to her, but she couldn’t talk to him. She could hardly hear any of them. The roaring in her head was excruciating. It was taking every effort not to clamp her hands over her ears and scream. The shadows kept brushing against her, and she was counting down the time until she would take her tonic.
Gods, she hoped they had her tonic.
Actually, she hoped they had her stronger dose so she could sleep and sleep and sleep and not feel a godsdamn thing.
Sorin shifted behind her, the arm that was wrapped gently around her waist, moving so that his hand rested on her hip. “Are you hungry?” he asked, dipping his head to speak softly in her ear. “We have cheese and nuts until we stop to camp.”
She ran her fingers over the saddle horn, focusing on the feel of the leather beneath her fingertips. He’d known. He’d known for days that she was the weapon his queen desired, that he’d been searching for. He’d known her mother. He’d known so much and hadn’t told her. No, he hadn’t lied. Keeping this from her was so much worse. She’d shared pieces of herself she’d never shared with anyone else, not even Cassius, and he had kept these things from her.
She shifted at the ache in her chest, and the movement sent a wave of pain lancing up her side. She knew the wound was still steadily leaking blood. She could feel it soaking into the dressing. A hiss escaped from her lips, and she silently cursed the sound as she felt Sorin tense behind her.
“Can you make it a few more hours? If we go a little farther today, we will be at the border by tomorrow afternoon,” he said quietly.
She only nodded her head once, trying not to focus on the feel of his body behind her. The feel of his chest pressed against her back and his arm curled protectively around her middle. She could still feel his fingers on her bare abdomen when he’d tended to her wound, holding her still while he’d disinfected it.
They continued on in silence before she felt him dip his head to her ear once more.
“I can handle it,” he said quietly. His lips brushed her ear as he spoke, and she fought the urge to shiver against him, to lean back into him. “I can handle what you want to say to me, Scarlett. I can take it.”
She swallowed, and she felt him urge Eirwen forward. He must have given Eliza some sort of signal because Scarlett heard her tell Callan and his guards to hang back and let them go ahead. When they were a ways down the path and far ahead of the others, he spoke again. “It is just us now, Scarlett.”
She said nothing, only stared ahead at the darkening sky. It’d been ages since she’d slept outside on the ground. With her wound, it was going to be excruciating. The first few hours had been the best, when Sorin had apparently been using his magic to keep her wound from being fatal. He had somehow kept the pain at bay. Whatever ointment he had put on it had helped at first as well, but the effects had worn off hours ago, and now she could feel the burning every time she took a breath.
“You have to have questions,” he said after more silence. “I know you do after everything Lord Tyndell said to you.”
She stiffened at the Lord’s name. He said he’d known her mother. That he’d known she was Fae since she was born insinuating her mother had been Fae. She opened her mouth to ask Sorin if that was the case, but snapped it shut once more.
Talking was too much work, would require too much effort. She was exhausted.
She settled back into him once more. It didn’t pay to keep space between them. It would just result in a stiff back and her side hurt enough the way it was. She nestled into his hips and tipped her head back against his shoulder, closing her eyes.
“Please, Love. Talk to me,” he murmured into her ear. His chin grazed her cheek.
She ignored the dip in her stomach at the contact and said quietly, “Don’t call me that,” as she sank back into the darkness once more.
“You need to eat, Scarlett,” Callan said from beside her. She looked down at the plate of dried meat and bread on her lap. They had stopped nearly an hour ago to camp. A small fire was lit before them. They had decided to eat before they set up the bed rolls. The rest of them had anyway. Scarlett was sure if she ate anything it would come right back up, and vomiting would be torture on her wound. She actually couldn’t even remember the last time she had eaten. Sometime when she had been locked in that room in the Lairwood house, but it hadn’t been much.
Sorin and Eliza had taken the horses to some water to drink, and then they were going to rub them down and get them settled for the night.
She felt Callan’s hand hook under her chin, and she jerked back, her shadows leaping for him. Her eyes flew to his hazel ones, and she saw the fear and shock in them.
“Don’t touch her, Cal,” she heard Sloan snarl from his spot by the fire. “Not with that darkness swirling around her.”
Sloan had always been the leery one when it came to her.
He’d always been the smart one.
Callan’s voice dropped low, barely audible over the roaring in her ears. “Are you truly choosing this? Are you truly choosing to go with him and Eliza?” Scarlett just stared at him, trying to keep her breathing steady. “You are scaring me, my Wraith. I need to hear your voice.”
“Let her be, Cal,” Finn warned from the other side of Sloan.
Her breathing was becoming shallow, and her head was so damn loud.
Sorin and Eliza came back into view and something flitted across Sorin’s face as his eyes locked onto hers. He had two saddle bags slung over his shoulder. Eliza was carrying bedrolls along with two more saddle bags. She walked over to a small cleared area and began unrolling them. Sorin dropped the saddle bags near her and made his way across the space to Scarlett.
He held her gaze the entire way and dropped to a crouch before her. His hands rested gently on her knees, and he peered up into her face. “Come. I need to change the dressing on your wound,” he finally said, reaching for her hand as he stood.
She let him pull her to her feet, wincing. She could feel Callan’s eyes on her as she allowed Sorin to lead her to the now unrolled bedrolls.
“Lie down. It will be more comfortable than standing,” he said gently, keeping her hand in his while she lowered herself to the bed roll. When she was sitting, he knelt beside her and reached up to undo the buttons on her cloak. After he removed it from her shoulders, she laid back and let him lift her tunic and remove the dressing.
He swore softly under his breath. “Why didn’t you tell me the ointment had worn off, and that it was… Gods, Scarlett, this pain must be agony.”
He trailed off, and she heard him rummaging through a saddle bag.
“It’s so loud,” she whispered, and she saw him freeze beside her from the corner of her eye. His eyes were fixed on the saddle bag, his hands still inside. It looked like he was barely breathing. She inhaled, and the burning that lanced up her side made tears prick her eyes. “It’s all so loud, and it hurts. It makes the pain from this… It’s nothing compared to the roaring in my head. I just want it to stop.”
She saw Sorin swallow as he resumed his searching through the saddle bag, finally pulling out two jars. When he unscrewed the cap of the first, she recognized the scent immediately as what he’d put on it earlier in the day. The antiseptic. This was going to burn.
“I am sorry,” he murmured quietly, pouring some into the wound. She held still this time, though, gritting her teeth. “As soon as we cross the border, I will portal us to my home. Our Healer can take care of this immediately. I am sorry I cannot do more.”
After a few minutes, he wet a clean cloth with water and wiped the antiseptic away before unscrewing the lid from the ointment. The moment it touched her skin, the pain eased and continued to do so as he rubbed it into the edges of the wound.
Scarlett lay motionless while he applied a new dressing to the wound. As he was finishing up, Eliza appeared beside him and handed him a plate of food. He took it with a nod of thanks, and she went back to Prince Callan. She could see the prince watching them from across the fire.
“Did you eat?” Sorin asked Scarlett when she’d pulled her tunic back down over her stomach.
“I’m not hungry,” she said hoarsely.
“You need to eat. We rode hard today, and tomorrow will be the same.”
“It will likely come right back up anyway,” she answered. He tried to hide it, but she saw the surprise flash in his eyes at her response. At the fact she was speaking at all.
“All right,” he answered quietly. “Do you want to do anything else, or are you ready to sleep?”
“Whatever you want me to do,” she answered softly.
“I want you to talk to me.”
“I am talking to you.”
“No, Love, I want you to talk to me,” he said, standing once more. There was a hint of sadness in his voice as he walked over to the small pile of saddlebags. He came back with a thick blanket and nodded towards the bed roll beside the one she was lying on. “That one is for you.”
Scarlett sat up and began to move towards the roll when Callan’s voice sounded from behind Sorin. “What exactly are the sleeping arrangements here?”
Scarlett froze. This thought had not even crossed her mind. Everyone here knew she and Callan had some unresolved thing going on. Even Eliza, she assumed. She couldn’t deal with Callan right now. The thought of him curled around her with Sorin in the same area was enough to make her breath come faster.
“You are welcome to set up your bedrolls anywhere you would like,” Sorin answered tightly.
“And if I want my bedroll next to hers?”
“Anywhere else. ”
“You are not going to sleep next to her,” Callan hissed between his teeth.
“You do not give me orders, Prince.”
In the glow of the fire, Scarlett saw Callan arch a brow. “Don’t I? Are you not a general in my father’s armies?”
The half-grin that tilted up on Sorin’s mouth made Scarlett hold her already shallow breath, but Eliza appeared by his side. “Sorin will sleep next to her for the same reason she rides with him, your Highness.”
“Sloan and Finn are just as effective,” Callan argued.
“No, Prince,” Eliza said gravely, “I assure you, they are not.”
Callan’s eyes shot to Scarlett’s. “Scarlett? You are okay with this?”
She dropped her gaze to the ground as the roaring in her head soared to a new level. And she couldn’t stand it any more. She couldn’t stand the awkwardness of what stood before her. She couldn’t stand what had been done to her the last several days, her entire life, at the hands of men who had known what she was this whole time. She couldn’t stand the betrayal of someone she had shared her heart with. She couldn’t stand the shock at what she had learned today, the secrets that had been kept. She couldn’t stand the thought of not knowing when she would see Nuri or Cassius again. She couldn’t stand the unbearable ache in her chest that seemed to go deeper and deeper every second she sat against Sorin on a horse. Every time he gently tended to her wound. Every time he cared enough to button her cloak for her.
“Stop,” she gasped. Her hands were over her ears as she tried to force air into her lungs. She pulled her knees to her chest, curling around them. The shadows around her solidified, as if they were trying to help her block out the roaring in her ears, and someone was screaming.
No. She was screaming.
She heard Eliza swear. “Do something, Prince!”
What could Callan do against this?
Scarlett.
The screams poured from her as images flooded through her mind, unable to keep them at bay any longer. Veda stabbing Cassius. Nuri bleeding out. Mikale taking her in an old office. A prince sleeping before a fire. Plunging a dagger into Juliette’s heart. A friend stroking her hair to help her sleep. A dark shadow leaping the rooftops with her. Golden eyes staring into hers. A star going out.
Scarlett, look at me.
She opened her eyes, and Sorin was before her, crouched down and peering into her face. His own face and neck were bleeding. Scratches marred his skin where her shadows had attacked him as he’d fought his way into her darkness.
“Hey, Love. It’s okay,” he whispered. “It’s okay.”
And she could hear him. She could hear him over the roaring in her head. She could hear him even with her hands clamped over her ears.
“I hate you,” she whispered to him. “I hate that you hurt me.”
“I know.” He reached out, wiping a tear from her cheek.
“I don’t want to sleep next to Callan.”
“I know. You do not have to,” he said quietly, his hand still cupping her cheek.
“I hate that I want you to sleep next to me.”
“I know. It is okay. It is all going to be okay. You are going to be okay,” he answered.
The shadows were lessening. The others could see them now, but she didn’t notice. Staring into his golden eyes, it was as if they were in their own world. No one else mattered. Nothing mattered.
“It hurts,” she rasped. And she realized she was rocking back and forth when he gently reached for her hands to pull them from her ears.
“I know. I am sorry.” A sad smile crossed his lips as he lowered her hands to her sides. “Eliza is fetching your tonic. You can sleep.”
“Make it stop, Sorin. Please make it stop,” she whispered.
He pressed his forehead to hers, and his ash and cedar scent wrapped around her. They sat like that, gazes locked, until Eliza returned with her tonic. When he pulled the stopper from the top, he said, “This is the last night you will take this. When we are home…” he swallowed thickly. “When we are home, you will step out of the cage this puts you in, Love. You will be free. No one will ever cage you again.”
He brought the vial to her lips, and she allowed him to tip it into her mouth.
He helped her ease into her bedroll. Lying on her back, she stared up at the night sky. The little bit she could see between the trees anyway. She felt the weight of the other blanket he had gotten as he spread it over her. She tensed slightly when he settled down beside her, inches away.
The roaring in her head had stopped, but now it was empty. Silent as her tonic began to drag her towards sleep. She could hear Callan arguing with Finn and Sloan. She could hear every word as he tried to push past them to get to her. She heard Eliza tell him he was not getting near her tonight.
“I should go talk to Callan,” Scarlett sighed. “I should go explain.”
“You do not need to explain anything to him.” Sorin’s tone was clipped as he spoke.
“Do you have something against the Crown Prince?”
“Besides the fact that he has shared your bed and kissed you more than I have? Not particularly, but that is enough, I suppose,” Sorin answered.
Scarlett wasn’t quite sure what to do with that tidbit of information, but the ache in her chest clenched tighter. “He will fight Eliza on this,” she replied quietly.
“Eliza can handle them.”
“Really?”
“Eliza is terrifying without her magic, but she currently wears your ring on her finger,” Sorin answered. Scarlett glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. He had his hands behind his head, his eyes fixed upwards.
“Eliza is Fae?”
“Yes, and she is powerful. Your ring will be of more use to her right now should we have any unwelcome visitors tonight, as my power is greatly depleted. I need to reserve the little I have left to portal us once we cross the border tomorrow,” he answered.
“Is she more powerful than you?”
“No.”
“Is she more powerful than the Fire Prince?”
“No. The Fire Prince is the most powerful fire-wielder in the Courts. That is why he is the Prince of the Court,” Sorin answered.
“You said you would help me kill him,” she whispered softly.
There was a long beat of silence. “I did. I will.”
“How? If he is that powerful?” Scarlett questioned.
“I know his weaknesses.”
“You do?”
That was surprising. She couldn’t decide if he was on good terms with the Fire Prince or not. Was he in his good graces, or did he work against him with the queen?
“Yes, but let’s discuss this tomorrow. As delighted as I am that you are once again speaking to me, you need to rest, Scarlett. We need to be on our way with the sunrise. I do not doubt Mikale and the Lord will have sent others after us,” Sorin added.
“Then why did we stop? Why not ride through the night?”
“One, because you are injured. Two, because I needed you to take your tonic tonight. I could not have your magic spiraling out of control in the middle of the night,” he sighed.
That made sense.
“I still hate you,” she whispered.
“I know,” he answered quietly.
“I hate that you kept this from me.” Tears stung her eyes, and she swallowed.
“I know.”
“I hate…” She trailed off.
“It still holds true, Scarlett. What I said on the horse. I can take what you need to say to me. I can handle it,” he told her softly.
She took a deep breath. “I hate that I was finally given a choice, and I had to choose between the lesser of two evils. I hate that my choices were between someone who took what they wanted from me physically and wanted to break me, or someone who pretended to care for me,” she whispered. “I hate that I could have survived every single thing that Mikale would have done to me if it had meant my family was safe, would have endured every second of it, but your pretending to care was what actually broke me. I hate that I am trained to defend myself against all kinds of attacks. That I can torture and inflict unfathomable physical pain and can endure the same, but nothing could have prepared me for the pain that came when you broke me.”
Two tears were sliding down her cheeks as the quiet extended between them. After an entire minute had gone by, she felt him stir. He propped himself up on an elbow, looking down at her, and his golden eyes seemed to glow in the night as they connected with her own.
“I hate that you think I was pretending to care about you,” he said roughly. “I hate that tomorrow morning, when your tonic has worn off, you will likely go back to not speaking to me. I hate that when we cross that border tomorrow you will likely hate me even more.”
“Why?”
“Because I have not adequately prepared you for what you will encounter. The people you will meet.”
“The Fire Prince?”
“We will need to cross paths with his Inner Court upon our arrival, yes.”
There was another long stretch of silence as they stared at each other. Scarlett’s mind was going foggy as her tonic began to drag her under. Her eyes drifted closed.
She felt him scoot closer to her, felt his finger trace a line along her hairline and down her jaw. His breath was warm on her face, on her lips as he whispered, “I hate that you are so incredibly perfect, and I do not deserve you, but I want you anyway. I hate that the mortal prince has had you, and I have not.”
Her eyes fluttered back open, and his mouth was inches from hers. “I hate that even though I hate you, I want to kiss you. I hate that we’re not alone and that is keeping me from doing so.”
“Love,” he whispered so low she knew Fae wouldn’t even be able to hear. “If we were alone, I would make you forget about all of this. I would show you just how sorry I am. I would start with your lips, your neck. I would find my way to your breasts because I want to know how they feel in my mouth and not just my hand. My tongue would taste and explore— your mouth, your breasts, your stomach. I would finish what we started in that apartment. I would find out exactly how your body reacts to me. To my fingers touching you, being inside you.”
Heat pooled low in her belly as he whispered the words, and she fought the urge to squeeze her thighs together at the ache. “I hate that I stopped you that night in your apartment,” she breathed.
Then Sorin’s lips were on hers, and she gasped at the contact. It was a quick kiss, only a few seconds, before he pulled back and murmured onto her lips, “I hate that I lose all shred of self-control around you.”
Scarlett swallowed. “Callan—”
“I am going to be really honest here, Love. I do not give a fuck if Callan or anyone else just saw that,” Sorin whispered.
Scarlett huffed a laugh. “All right then.”
“But, now that we have confessed to so many things we hate, we really do need to sleep. Especially you.”
“I know,” Scarlett sighed. She rolled gingerly onto her uninjured side, and she felt Sorin sidle up behind her. His arm curled protectively around her hips, avoiding the wound. His other arm slid under her shoulder. He gently pulled her into the cradle of his hips and against his chest. She let her head rest back against his shoulder.
“Sleep, Scarlett,” he whispered, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.
And as she let sleep claim her, the darkness didn’t seem quite so endless.