Chapter 4
FORD
The rain is drowning out the sound of Brielle’s sobs as we sit in my car in a parking lot. Not being able to hear her sniffles doesn’t offer any relief, though. Just looking at her and my heart breaks, and I already thought it shattered forty minutes ago when I picked her up.
My hand finds her soaked cheek, and I cradle her face, bringing her gaze to meet my eyes.
“I can’t,” she whispers again. “I can’t do it.”
I established that the moment I saw her this morning when she got in my car, and when I drove, I didn’t push it, but I needed to hear her say it.
Now she has.
I nod once in understanding. “Then we don’t. I promised you that the choice is yours.”
“But…”
I wipe away a fresh tear with the pad of my thumb. “No buts,” I assure her.
“They all think I’m not keeping the baby.”
That’s what our parents want. They gave us an ultimatum.
“Fuck what they think.”
Her hand covers my own against her cheek. “It’s not that easy.”
Blowing out a breath, I know she’s right. In this moment, I hate myself. It’s my fault that she’s eighteen and pregnant. She should be heading off to college; instead, she is dealing with this.
“I know.” I sigh.
“I’m ruining our lives.”
I react quickly to her statement. I bring my other hand to frame her face, and I hold her firm.
“Listen to me, you are not. We are in this together. Your decision is my decision. This isn’t what we planned, not now, but it doesn’t matter. You and I are now connected for life, and that ain’t half bad.” I’m barely hanging on but do my best to bring a positive.
Her eyes stay locked on me. “We’re going to be parents,” she laments.
“In around seven months, yes,” I remind her, and the corner of my mouth attempts to smile, but I struggle and can’t.
This is the girl I love, whose smile melts me more every time.
It feels like yesterday I met her at a party on the lakeshore.
Our families were in Lake Spark for the weekend, as they often are, since my family has a weekend house here.
I met Brielle at a friend’s party. She was wearing a light pink sweater that fell off her shoulder, and every time our eyes met, I was drawn to her a little more.
Then, there around the bonfire, I made my move and asked her if she liked ice.
She laughed in my face because she thought the next thing I would say is that I was a hockey player.
She went hysterical and couldn’t stop grinning when I, indeed, confirmed that I was in my first year of college playing hockey.
But our talk turned into hours. I gave her my hoodie by the end of the night, and over the weeks and months that followed, she was mine, and most weekends we would see one another.
We could never keep our hands off each other, and every chance we had, we would lie on the shore late into the night or take the boat out to the secret lagoon.
I love her.
There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for her. I see her in my future, watching my games, and one day, when I’m making millions, I’ll give her anything she wants.
Right now, she wants this.
And I do too.
“We’ll tell our parents together that we changed our minds,” I breathe out.
I see the fear in her eyes.
For weeks, since the moment Brielle told me she thought she was pregnant and we took a test, we’ve been going back and forth over what to do.
We told our parents together that Brielle was pregnant.
They all made it clear what they thought the solution was, which is why we are sitting here in a parking lot for an appointment that we promised we would make.
As much as she’s eighteen and I’m near twenty, we are barely adults.
I’m in the draft for pro hockey, but I haven’t signed a contract yet, and Elle is supposed to start college in a few weeks.
She sits back, causing my hands to drop from her face. She rests her head against the seat but turns to pin her eyes on me.
“Margo convinced them to let us have another option,” I repeat the facts.
Margo heard our parents yelling in the living room after a summer BBQ where we thought was the opportunity to tell them.
Brielle’s parents were angry that I ruined their daughter’s future of becoming a lawyer, reminding my parents that their only child is barely eighteen, and my father was worried my future as a pro athlete would be no more and that my girlfriend is ruining my focus on the sport, not to mention the example I’m setting for my little sister.
My mother didn’t have much opinion since we barely see her after my parents divorced.
Margo calmed everyone down and convinced them to be more supportive, but our parents’ version of supportive is meeting us only halfway.
And this is where I try to suppress my own tears.
Because our other option should be easy, but it’s not, as it means I don’t have Brielle.
“There must be another way.” Her voice cracks.
I interlace our fingers on the middle console of my car, and my eyes can’t glance away from her fingers. In my world, I would ask her to marry me.
I swallow, knowing if I want to support her right now that I have to be the logical one. “I think we know it’s the only way, Elle.”
Already, I feel the pain in my throat from saying those words. She continues to cry, but I have to highlight the obvious. “You’ll still go to college but will have time if you need it, your parents will help raise the baby.”
“You’ll go pro in hockey as planned.”
“Yeah… and we won’t be together.”
Because that’s the deal.
Her parents will still pay for her college, and my parents will help to financially support the baby until I have high earnings, as long as Brielle and I follow our plans and aren’t a distraction to one another.
They don’t want us in a relationship because they think we are dealing with enough, and our boundaries should be clear.
I wanted to scream that they could all forget it, but I’m not yet a star player who can give us the financial means, and I won’t let Brielle give up on her dream of becoming a lawyer.
I’ll be so busy with hockey training and games for half the year, and I know it’s not just financial, she needs help with raising the baby and support that I can’t give when I’m on the road, but her parents can.
“It’s for the best. We get to make something of ourselves instead of struggling with a newborn. It’s a long road to becoming a lawyer, and I won’t let you miss the opportunity to follow that path.”
She nods in understanding.
The sound of the rain is somewhat calming at this moment.
“You can focus on your career. You’re destined to be MVP. I guess you wouldn’t be around much anyways for a relationship, plus balancing a child. It’s probably for the best that we do this.” I only half believe the words she just said.
“You know that’s bullshit, although slightly practical.” I scoff a sound. “Maybe the plan can change one day.”
“Ford,” she says my name with pure reverence.
I lean into her, our foreheads touching because I need her close. “A hockey career is only so long. Maybe when you finish college and I—”
She interrupts by slamming her long finger against my lips. “Don’t. We’ll drive ourselves crazy wondering if or when we might have a chance to be together again. I’ll go crazy with that in the back of my head. You will too.”
I kiss her finger away. “I want to believe there is more for us.”
“Me too. But we have a child to think about, and we can’t play around with trying to maybe work somewhere along the road. That’s not fair to him or her. It would be confusing for all of us.”
I can’t even argue with that. “We’ll both accomplish everything we wanted before we got pregnant. Even if this feels so wrong, yet I know it’s right.” I despise this, I’ll never forget this moment.
“We’re not being selfish, I guess that’s what parents are supposed to do. We are putting this baby first. Our focus is trying to balance the baby and the career paths that will ensure they have a good future.”
Our foreheads connect again, and I can taste a salty tear from her skin when I nip her nose with my lips. “It may be co-parenting and careers now, but we’ll show them, Elle, and one day we can have it all.”
“I can’t think like that. My heart is already breaking, and I can’t do this with the thought that maybe one day you will fix it. I’m protecting my heart. I need to be strong for this baby.”
She’s right. It’s not fair to either of us to always be wondering. It’s better to have no blurred lines on our plan forward. We have a kid to think about.
Brielle glances out the window then back to me.
Her piercing gaze has me concerned because it strikes me in my heart.
“I need you to know that I love you. That I want you involved with this little girl or boy’s life.
You’ll be a great dad. But I think for both of our sanities, we accept that our only option is this, being apart.
” Her voice cracks. “Waiting for a moment when maybe we have a chance to make this work for the three of us will be painful, and that’s not healthy for us. ”
I sink into the driver’s seat. “We’ll do this as two people who are putting our child first.” I turn my key to start the car. “Let’s go for a drive, we need some time before we talk to our parents.”
She buckles her belt, and I get us on the road. A cruel twist of fate, the Verve Pipe’s “The Freshman” comes on the radio, which is only fitting in this moment.
I’m at a total loss for what to feel right now. We’re going to have a baby that I’m thankful for, but I wish the circumstances were more giving for us all.
We drive in silence for what feels like hours, but it’s been maybe thirty minutes when I pull off the side of the road before a forest preserve.
Turning the engine off, I know exactly what to do right now at least.
“Come on, let’s go to the back of the car.”
She doesn’t question me. We both get out of the car and get into the back. I bring her to my chest to hold, kissing her forehead. She wraps her arms around my middle, squeezing tight.
“I love you, Elle. Always will,” I whisper.
“I do too, which is why this is hard.” She glances up at me, and we kiss softly.
This is our last hour together like this, and we know it.
“I need you to promise me that we will put the baby first. Our hearts know the deal, and we accept that. It’s the only way we can move forward with this. We eliminate the what-ifs and do exactly what this baby needs. Can we promise that?” she pleads softly.
I’m beginning to feel that her fear of a broken heart runs deeper than I ever imagined, and she has no idea my heart broke already an hour ago.
Even if I have no intention of letting her go, right now she needs me to be the strong one.
She probably barely slept last night, and her body is changing.
Hell, it’s her life that is about to be upended more than mine.
I get my hockey career, and she will be delivering a baby when she should be at a lecture.
I have to do right by her. If she wants me to promise, then I have no other option, it’s the best way to support her.
And if I’m being honest with myself, I would go insane waiting for us. Doesn’t mean the idea of a different path won’t be lingering inside me somewhere.
She looks exhausted, and with her face puffy from her crying, her eyes are so innocent and vulnerable. I kiss her forehead, nose, cheek, jaw, before placing a firm kiss against her mouth.
“I promise,” I murmur against her lips, and she sighs with what might be relief, sinking deeper into my arms.
A man can tell a lie if his intentions are pure, right?