Chapter 18
HARLOW
He’s right.
Be in this moment.
I’m guilty as hell for taking what I can, knowing this will only make us spiral into the unknown.
I move to straddle him then lie forward, our bodies tight and my head resting against his chest.
“Stone, well, this has been a twist to the night,” I comment mundanely for humor.
There’s that scoff from his lips that always weakens my knees. “Did you really think this wouldn’t happen?”
A smile begins to stretch on my mouth. “True. It’s just a little confronting.”
That’s when he cozies up to my body to flip me under him and be on his side, I have to smirk because he is about to unravel my thoughts the way he manages to do.
“You mean…” His finger caresses the spot just above my breast, and I refrain from looking at him. “You want us, but you’re not sure how we can make it work?”
My head bobs side to side. “Something like that. We established that I actually really enjoy your personality and the way we click, not to mention you’re not too shabby in bed either. So yeah, you nailed it before you nailed me. I’ve missed you, and I’m scared.”
“I’m a little wounded that you didn’t contact me before we saw one another, you knew it would happen.”
“I look for easy ways out, only to make it more complicated.” I give a weak fist pump in the air. “Yay, point for me,” I say, completely sarcastic.
Stone’s face skews for a second. “I’m not complaining, but why did you insist I took you bare?”
My eyes strike up to meet his. “I only want you closer, to feel you inside me a little longer… Call me selfish.”
His thumb travels up to my cheek and swirls my skin softly. “If you’re selfish, then it seems we meet eye to eye.”
“What the fuck now?” I growl yet can’t help but smile.
Stone slides out of bed stark naked, and we seem to swap roles as I grab the sheet and sit up in bed. “Now we eat.”
I laugh at his demand and sadden a bit when he throws on a robe from the bathroom. “Wine and dine. Look at us planning a future,” I tease.
He chuckles and turns on the TV and presses the room service button. “Ooh, ouch… apple à la mode is on the dessert menu. Looks like you need your knight in shining armor to save you from that.”
I roll my eyes at his humor. “A bottle of white wine and maybe some fries will suffice.”
“Sounds good.” He types in our order on the screen, and it should be a little bit before it arrives, but he notices the TV guide indicates that the evening highlights of today’s hockey games are on.
His head tilts and his jaw slides side to side.
Stone’s trying to keep the night between us, but it’s a struggle.
Grabbing a spare pillow next to me, I throw it at him. “Don’t need to have chivalry now. You can turn it on. Hockey is you. Just like green smoothies are me.”
Relief hits him, and he is as fast as the speed of light to change the channel and sit on the edge of the bed with great interest on the screen. “Ah, a woman after my own heart,” he mentions without turning his head.
Maybe it’s in jest, but why does my entire body wish and hope it’s true?
I want his heart.
Oh fuck, that internal war inside me is building again. A desire to fight for a future that seems difficult to achieve.
The thought I keep to myself as Stone groans and grins when the scores for various teams appear and a few major highlights are replayed.
He grins when Vaughn, his brother, has to speak to the media about what the Spinners will do with a player who just got banned for two games in the middle of the playoffs.
The brotherly affection for one another is always there on Stone’s face, and a text to his brother will happen in the next ten minutes.
Because Stone is a family man who will never leave them. Being near is part of his life.
Blowing out a breath, I bury the thought for tomorrow morning. “Since your brother’s team seems to have somehow won, does that mean you will come back to bed soon? This northern climate is shaking me to my bones.”
Stone looks over his shoulder, amused. “First off, it’s the end of April. Illinois weather has been warming up a bit.”
“It’s 55 degrees, with a prediction of tornadoes outside the city,” I deadpan.
“Totally a warm spring. Plus, a storm front is coming through later to bring a change of temps. We’re all good.”
“Oh, really.” I give him a pointed look.
Just then there is a knock on the door. Wow, it seems hockey and contemplation of my love life took longer than I thought. Stone quickly hops off the bed and heads straight to the door. He doesn’t let room service come in to set the stuff down since I’m literally draped in a sheet.
For that, I have to laugh when he walks in with a tray after he closes the door with his foot. “What?” He looks like I’m crazy. “I’m a little protective, with no plans for anyone to ever see you with anything less than actual clothes.”
Now I just burst out laughing. “I have no plans to live my life covered from head to toe. Besides, I’m proud that I have a body to show off.”
Stone straightens his posture. “Fine. I’ll have to deal.”
“Why thank you, master.”
His brow rises, and I see sin in his eyes. “Master, huh?”
I roll my eyes. “Later.”
“You’re right. First, we need to talk about how you’re using the weather as a ruse to avoid hard talk.”
A deep breath hits me in a flash.
Stone gets to work on the bottle of wine as he patiently waits for me.
Having this talk while I’m in bed naked under a sheet is not wise. Taking a moment, I leave with the sheet wrapped around me to grab a robe from the bathroom. The moment I tie a knot around my waist, a strong feeling hits my stomach.
The few paces that my feet take is like a trek through the desert; difficult.
“Come on, Stone, long-term we both know this isn’t sustainable. We’re two mature adults talking about what the future could bring, to see if we can go anywhere. Distance and…”
He turns around to lean against the desk, only to cross his ankles and arms. Stone is like a rock; he has no plans to move. Instead, he will stay firm with perseverance.
“Can we ban the word distance, because that’s not the only issue,” he states.
Then panic hits me in the chest, as if I’m about to suffocate.
Throwing my hands up in the air, an overwhelming fear is about to spew out of my mouth.
It’s impossible to hide from him. “I’m a disaster waiting to happen.
I’ll only disappoint you when a panic attack that I shouldn’t be having hits me, when a memory that has faded from my mind somehow returns.
Hell, I can’t even walk at night unless I’m with someone.
That’s what you will have to deal with. You could have any woman you want.
They fall at your feet. Yet, someone you want, the one who might still. ..” I don’t know how to define it.
In record time, Stone propels from the desk and charges at me to grab my upper arms; he’s firm with a storm in his eyes.
“That’s the biggest bunch of bullshit. You’re not a fucking mess, and even if you were, I’d still be standing right here.
I’m very well aware that it's difficult to shake away the shitty things in life, but that’s not a reason to run away. ”
“But…” I quiver.
“No buts, Harlow. I’m here, and I’m not afraid. You’ve got to accept that. I’m not the one running away. It’s you. Even when I tell you that there is nothing to escape from.”
“I don’t want to disappoint you.”
Stone chuckles in astonishment. “Again, you’re adding thoughts that are not true to your pot of crazy that I’ll happily prove wrong… I mean, I’m hoping we could add something sweet and spicy to your caldron.” He shrugs. “But that’s up for discussion.”
A weak softness spreads on my face, relaxing my cheeks, and a chip of calm falls inside of me.
“Stone—”
He brings a finger to my lips to hush me. “We all deal with things in our own way. But this isn’t even a factor on my list.”
I give him a gentle nod, but I’m not 100% sure I believe that my mind has caught up.
“Can we maybe save the rest of this conversation for tomorrow? My brain is spinning, and I could use a little wine before we head to bed.”
“Of course.”
Stone’s jaw ticks, and I’m certain he hates how this night is going as much as I do.
But we both ignore it, and 20 minutes later we find ourselves back in bed with our bodies entwined and a consuming need to have him inside me as he peppers kisses all over every inch of my body within reach of his lips, while he lazily pumps inside of me, because all we want is slow while our sight remains attached to one another.
Every time we wake up during the night, we repeat what we can’t seem to stop doing; getting lost in one another with the flare of fire that we share, not simmering down in the slightest.
I do my best to shake Stone off as he attempts to keep me in the shower. It’s tempting, but I’m a little worn out, plus I have a flight later this afternoon.
“Can’t I just hold you a little longer while you spread soapsuds across my back and my cock rests against your middle, ready to slide into you?”
I throw him an amusing glare. “How have I not trained to keep up with for your sports stamina that translates to your sex drive?”
“You’ll catch up one day.”
My head falls from his humor, and I walk out to dress. When I’m working on my earring, Stone emerges then quickly throws on his clothes from yesterday. He ditches the tie and suit coat and keeps a few buttons open at the top of his white shirt.
Sexy as hell. I could repeat that statement a thousand times.
As he’s rolling up the sleeves of his shirt, he sighs. “So… for us to work long-term, then the obvious thing is that...”
I huff out a breath and drop hopelessly onto a chair by the tall light. “One of us will eventually have to move. That’s how I see it. Long-distance relationships might work for some, but most of the time, they eventually find a destination together.”
Stone wipes a thumb across his chin. “Exactly.”
“It’s a big step.”
“But kind of necessary. We are well past being a fling. Maybe we are two people in a serious relationship who eventually need more together.”
My eyes widen. “Wow, we’re not just in the ‘find a place to live near one another’ stage. It’s the whole possible ‘moving in together stage’ too.”
He isn’t impressed with my statement. “Really? You seem surprised.”
My entire body slackens, and I rub my hands down my face as I take a beat.
“No… I’m not. We didn’t just meet yesterday and falling in love often involves getting to know one another beyond a schedule of flights,” I admit.
I stand, giving up on sitting; it doesn’t feel right when we’re in a faceoff, yet equally agreeable that this is the conversation that we need.
Love. That’s what this feeling is. I mentioned it, but he just brushed past it.
Nerves seem to hit him. “Harlow, you know what I’m about to say.”
Licking my lips, I remind myself that this is about honesty. “You won’t leave Lake Spark.”
His shoulders slant up then drop. “My family is there, helping on the ice is there. It’s a great little town.”
I swallow. “And I’m not sure about leaving Florida.”
The last step he takes has Stone tangling his fingers in the ends of my hair.
He focuses on his fingers, only to meet my gaze a second later.
“The thing is… I believe that you would love it in Lake Spark. Instantly, you have me who is kind of the greatest gift to humanity.” Still, he tries to make me smile before he turns serious again.
“But there are people there who would welcome you instantly. A support network readily available. A place that goes holiday crazy with great summers and cold winters that many would say are romantic as hell. Who doesn’t love the smell of wood burning? ”
I can’t suppress the wry smile on my lips. “I’ve only ever known where I live now. I have friends. It’s a big step. Maybe even a sacrifice. I’m not sure. It’s just…”
“Damn,” it draws out of his mouth. “If you say you’re scared then I might be out of strength to argue yet again right now. That’s a word that should be buried with no chance of resurrection.”
My head falls back as I take a deep breath. “I can’t decide right now. You wouldn’t want me to either if I wasn’t sure.”
Stone’s face falters into disappointment.
“I agree. It’s just that closing the distance means someone has to take the leap.
I’m deciding that it can’t be me. This is the one thing that I can’t even debate on.
I’m standing firm. My entire life, I’ve lacked a father, but Vaughn and I have been united by that fact.
I have a niece, and one day, if I ever have a family of my own, then Lake Spark is the place I would want to raise them. ”
“See?” I protest. “We haven’t even discussed kids. Maybe I never want that.”
“Really?” he challenges dryly.
My head goes on a slight roller coaster from side to side. “Okay, I do want that one day.”
“I’m sorry, Harlow, but…”
My palm flies up. “It’s clear.”
“Will you think about it?”
Getting attacked between my teeth, my lip takes a beating as I figure out my words. “It’s that or run away.”
In a flash, Stone kisses me, and naturally I kiss him back with the same devotion and murmur as his hands hold my head while his body pulls me tightly close. It’s long and deep, never-ending, the way I love.
Then he pulls away, his lips brushing against mine. He whispers against them, “I should go.” I can’t answer, especially when he creates space with one last hold of our eyes. This time he is giving me a seriousness that I’ve never seen before.
Watching him walk away, a mixed feeling stirs inside me.
Only made worse when he stops short, his fingers on the door handle. He half turns to give me one last glance.
“I’m surprised you haven’t realized that we get another signature trope from those romance books you write.”
“What’s that?”
The corner of his mouth hitches up slightly. “He falls first.”
Then he’s off.
Leaving me to ponder a future with him.