Chapter 22
HADLEY
Staring aimlessly into my coffee mug, I dive my spoon into the drink in search of my jellybean. That’s why people come here, after all—for the jellybean in their coffee. I hope it’s purple, they normally bring luck.
“Hey, girl,” Isla’s voice causes me to look up and see she is standing over me with a to-go cup in hand. I wasn’t expecting her, and I haven’t been the greatest friend lately.
“Hey.” I softly smile back. “Want to join me?”
“For a little bit. I need to get back to the sports complex, as we are getting ready for our pre-season marketing strategy.” She slides into the booth across from me. “I’m happy to see that you’re still alive. I was getting worried.”
I tilt my head slightly to the side and my smile feels strained. “Sorry about that. Had some family stuff.”
“Everything okay?” Isla inquires before her lips purse on the rim of her cup.
I thought about reaching out to her many times.
The support of a friend is key to a friendship.
But the secret that put me in my current state is one that I don’t exactly want to share.
The fewer people who know the truth the better, because if I’m honest to myself, I understand my dad’s logic.
I wouldn’t want any reason for anyone to think he is anything less than the dream dad he is.
Not to mention, I have someone to share this all with… Connor.
A soft smile toys on the corners of my lips at the thought of him.
I was taken aback when he told me he loved me.
It was a beautiful moment and stirred a lot inside of me.
While I didn’t say it back, he was at peace with that, and it didn’t alter our mood.
It’s not that I don’t feel strongly for him, I do.
More than anyone. Just in that very moment, I felt being lost in his embrace was the only answer.
My smile stretches, though, because wow, he said it first. Not only that, but it also lightens the gray that’s been looming over me lately.
“Earth to Hadley.” Isla waves a hand in front of my face, and my gaze zooms to her as she laughs. “Wow, your giddy look is hopefully contagious, and I hope I find myself a hockey player who sends me in a daze like you… preferably after a long night.”
I bring my hand to my cheek and attempt to hide my blush. “What can I say? I scored myself a good husband. Besides, you’re surrounded by hockey players, you have options.”
She wiggles her long finger back and forth.
“No. The ones that hang around Lake Spark are too close to where I work. They are a no-go.” I bounce my shoulder up in agreement.
She changes the topic. “Are you getting nervous for game season? It’s a long and exhausting one, with pre-season games and potential playoffs later in the season. ”
I bite my bottom lip. “Truthfully, it hasn’t crossed my mind. At least, it probably should a little more. I’ve just been distracted.”
“I can tell.”
“I kind of originally didn’t plan to be around for game season, but now… that plan has changed. I also just assumed it would be kind of like my dad when he played baseball.”
Isla’s face goes crooked. “Hockey is a totally different realm. Longer season, more games, more injuries, a hell of a lot more fights. Connor will need the emotional and mental support for sure, and you’ll need to get used to him not always around.” She speaks from experience with her brother.
I take in her suggestion and recognize that I can add it to the list of trying to figure out how to move forward with my current life.
“Damn, I should have gotten a cinnamon roll while I’m here.” Isla peruses the menu on the wall behind the counter.
“They are delicious,” I note.
She studies me for a second and seems to debate her words. “You’ve lost a little weight. Are you sure everything is okay?” Isla reaches across the table to touch the back of my hand. “Or is it just that you’re working out a little extra with your partner?”
I snort a laugh. “Something like that.”
I feel someone arrive near my side, and they tower over us. “Oh hey, Mr. C,” Isla greets him.
My dad offers her a warm smile. “Hey, Isla.”
Isla scoots off the seat. “You can steal her back. I actually just popped in for a coffee on my way back to the office.”
“Thanks,” he replies.
Isla waves goodbye to me, and I promise to text her soon, but my stomach flips when my father replaces Isla in the seat across from me. There is no way around it. In plain terms, I’ve been avoiding him.
His eyes carry a seriousness and love combined. “Saw you sitting here when I was walking down Main Street.”
I hold up my mug. “Caffeine. The code word to open the door to my soul.”
The corner of his mouth tilts. “Not long ago, you would sit here and demand a sundae after your ballet classes.”
“Hmm, I still demand sundaes.” I do my best to keep our conversation bright because I believe we will eventually be okay.
“Hadley.” He breathes a long breath. “I can’t keep repeating myself, but I will if that’s what you need.”
My fingers curl up and my palm faces him low on the table to stop him. “I would rather we didn’t rehash what we both now know.” The truth and his reasonings.
He nods in relief.
I lean over the table. “I think I’m beginning to realize that sometimes life gives us a boost in the direction of unlocking a truth.”
“It does,” he agrees.
“I’m living two parallels right now. With Connor, it was a Vegas wedding that led to more. With you, it was a science project that led to a change in our dynamic.”
“I don’t want there to be a change,” he protests in a low gritty voice.
I scan Jolly Joe’s and see we are basically alone, as it’s a weekday, except for some tourists over by the jukebox taking photos of the interior.
I blink several times to ensure tears won’t fall. “You are my dad, but I don’t feel anything for the person who is biologically my dad, you know? And I think what I struggle with is… I feel guilty about that.”
“Hadley, you don’t need to. It’s what my brother would have wanted,” he assures me.
“Isn’t that twisted? He gave me away so easily.”
My father shakes his head. “It wasn’t like that at all. He knew he wasn’t going to make it, so he made the choice to give you the best life, a selfless choice.”
I lick my lips as my mouth feels suddenly dry. “I’m trying to wrap my head around that.”
My dad sulks, as he is balancing patience and wanting to scream, I can tell.
“You know, Connor seems to think that we should get out of Lake Spark for a few days for a change of scene,” I inform him.
“I think he might have a good suggestion.”
“He wants to go to Sweden.” I half laugh because a simple bed-and-breakfast somewhere warm would have sufficed.
It causes my father to grin. “I would say I should be concerned that he wants to take you far away, but I know he has to be back here before he starts training for pre-season.”
I puff a breath from the reminder of my husband’s career and what it will entail for me.
“I remember watching your baseball games—well, the snacks might have been my highlight, but I remember. I was so proud, and you would always come say hi before a game. Something tells me hockey is a little different. I’ll be clenching my seat every time they get out of line. ”
“I’ll be there holding your hand then,” he offers in a tone of pure affection.
A closed-mouth smile hits me as natural as a breeze. “I would like that. I might be cursing half the time, but we abolished the swear jar many years ago.”
There it is, a natural laugh and ease between us.
“It’s okay, I’ll join you. At some point, we get past things that are no longer what they always were.
No more Pioneer Park that you loved to go to, no more tooth fairy bills, and no more treating you like a kid.
But I promise, the moment you come to me and say you need anything, then you’ll still be my little girl, and I’ll take care of you. ”
Emotion floods through my veins. Spencer Crews is a good man.
I glance away to try and hide a tear. “April is my mom, and I never even think of my biological one. It’s just, I know my biological dad didn’t think the same way and wanted the best for me, which is why I feel so guilty that I wish I didn’t know because I’m perfectly content that you are my dad in all aspects.
But I do know, and it just lingers in my thoughts.
” I feel like I’m repeating myself, but at least I’m being open.
“Trust me, I wish I could make you feel better,” he swears.
I quickly wipe a token tear away. “I know.”
A long silence hits us. What more can we say? We’ll be going in circles.
“Want me to order a sundae? The one in the kitchen sink? It always used to make you feel better.” My dad tries to capture my gaze with a sympathetic half-smile on his mouth.
God, I appreciate that this can’t be easy for him and that he’s trying.
“Go on. Just make sure they add peanut butter to the banana part.”
“Oh, I’ll steal the jar if they don’t,” he promises.
Sometimes an old-fashioned heart-to-heart over ice cream is what we need.
Returning home, I overhear Connor in discussion with someone in the living room, and I slowly approach, only to stall before the corner so they don’t see me.
“I hate being in this position as both team owner and your uncle. I don’t enjoy having the sense that you want to sign to another team after next season, especially after your marriage news is really spinning your image in a positive light.” It’s Declan, I recognize his voice right away.
“Look, my heart is with the team. But I’ll never get to be captain of the Spinners, you know that. Everyone will assume bias,” Connor explains.
“Just play like you are worthy, then it isn’t a problem,” Declan reminds him.
Connor scoffs. “We both know that isn’t true. Besides, if our coach doesn’t shape up this season, then it’s another year of my career where I miss the opportunity to skate during playoffs and for a cup. I have career goals.”
Declan growls, and when I peek around the corner, I see he is rubbing his face in aggravation.
“Look, I shouldn’t be telling you this, but we’re off the record as family right now.
I doubt we’ll have the same head coach or general manager after next season.
Not if I have anything to say about it. Just hang on a little longer.
You even have a wife now, and I’m sure Hadley doesn’t want to leave Lake Spark. ”
I clear my throat, announcing my arrival. “Hadley can speak for herself.”
Both men whip their attention my way. Declan appears guilty, as if he was caught, and Connor smirks because he enjoys when I have a backbone.
“Sorry. You know where I’m coming from,” Declan apologizes. “I’ll leave you two be.” He tips his head to Connor while he stares at me. “Talk a little sense into him, will ya?”
I grimace. “I think we both know that Connor will do what Connor wants to do.”
Declan sighs. “Story of my life.”
With Declan leaving us, I stride in Connor’s direction, carefully, as I can tell he is sailing on rough waters right now.
“All good?” I ask, even though it feels like a pointless question.
“It’s fine,” he lies and walks to the kitchen. “This happens a lot. The lines get blurred between me and him.” Connor grabs a beer from the fridge, and I hop up to perch on the edge of the counter.
My sympathetic look hasn’t faded yet. “I think you and I have had a day.”
His eyes narrow in on me with intrigue. “What happened to you?”
“My dad and I talked. It was needed, but I still feel a little overwhelmed. Need to find my bearings, I guess,” I explain and stare at my dangling feet.
“It will get better,” he assures me.
I sit tall and throw on an overdone smile. “I’m sure it will. Especially since I think I will take you up on the offer to get out of town. It seems that you could use a getaway too.”
Connor sets his beer bottle down and approaches me with a smoldering gaze. “Oh yeah?”
I nod and quirk my lips. “Yeah. I figure you have two more weeks before you really hit the gym and ice hardcore to get ready for the season. A last-minute trip. No Sweden, though. I sent my passport off for renewal and it isn’t back yet. Can we settle on, I don’t know, Florida Keys or something?”
Connor brings his hands to the counter on either side of my body and leans in to bring our mouths within touching distance, but not quite. An agonizing move, but also enticing for me to attempt to brush my lips against his.
“You in a bikini, it’s a deal.”
Our lips meld together for a delicious kiss, which leads to him pulling me to the edge and using his hands to guide my legs around his waist.
This is what we need. A new setting to bring some clarity.