15. Daphne
15
DAPHNE
What are we doing? Why am I in here alone? I turn and open my door in time to hear the click of Logan’s door closing. Okay, I guess I’m in here by myself. Nothing new with that. I’m always alone. I’m always going to be alone. I ease my door closed again. The creak of the bed when Logan sits on it sounds so loud in the quiet house. We share a wall, with our headboards inches apart. It feels like a million miles separating us, not just a few two-by-fours and drywall. I climb into bed and make sure I set the alarm on my phone. Normally, I’d play an audiobook or one of my favorite music playlists as I drift off to sleep, but Logan will hear what I play, and I don’t want to keep him awake. No reason for us both to be awake all night.
I stare up at the ceiling. What a day. So much has happened. Never in a million years when I set off this morning to visit the remaining lighthouses did I expect to see Logan and have him tell me he wants to be with me. Or to spend the night cuddling and kissing him. Or for him to ask me to pick up and go to Europe. It hasn’t even been eight hours since we met at the Cape May Lighthouse. How has my life changed so much in such a short time span?
Of course, isn’t that the way it happens with me? My life gets upended in a moment, and then I have to deal with it. At least this time it isn’t a loss. This is a good thing. Right?
Yes, this is a wonderful thing. He says he cares about me and wants to be together. He’s here for a week, and then he’s gone again until December. We’ll be apart more than we are together. Is the plan that we’ll be friends with benefits when we’re on the same continent and only friends when we’re apart? Is this one week together the start of something long-term or just an experiment? If I only get him for a week, I’ll take it, but I need to protect myself. No being swept away. No sex. No I love you . My world won’t be destroyed when he leaves me. This time I’m going to be prepared. I couldn’t prepare for a drunk driver leaving me an orphan, but I can prepare for Logan to break my heart. It will hurt, but it’ll be worth it to experience being the one he wants, even for a few days.
I roll to my side and punch my pillow to get it right. I settle my head and sigh.
I whisper, “Goodnight, Logan.”
Logan’s voice drifts through the drywall. “Goodnight, Daph. Sleep well, sweetheart.”
His words thrill me even when whispered through a wall, and I smile into my pillow, pressing my hand flat against the headboard as if I can reach him that way.
This needs to be okay. I’m not sure I can handle it if it’s not.
* * *
Fumbling to shut off my alarm before it wakes Logan next door, I’m shocked I fell asleep. I thought for sure sleep would elude me. I toss back the covers and head to the connected bathroom. I take the time to shave my legs and other areas now that there’s a chance someone is going to see them. I don’t go full-on Chewbacca—not that there’s anything wrong with that—but I don’t shave every single day. My stomach growls, but I take my time getting ready. I’m not worried about setting fashion trends, but for the first time, I dread facing Logan.
Okay, time to be brave. I grab my purse and phone. The delicious scents of breakfast cooking greet me as I open my bedroom door. I wasn’t expecting Logan to be up this early, but I guess it makes sense he’s awake. His body clock most likely hasn’t adjusted to East Coast time yet. It would be early afternoon in Europe now, and he’d be up and working unless he had a night shoot the prior evening.
I follow the scents of bacon and coffee into the kitchen. The coffee is for him. I’m a tea drinker, but I hope there’s bacon for me. I take a moment to appreciate the sight of a sleep-rumpled Logan standing at my stove in his T-shirt and flannel pants. He’s barefoot. It’s crazy, but the casualness of him being barefoot and the domesticity of him cooking for me makes my tummy flutter. And not from hunger. Well, not hunger for food.
“Hey, sunshine. I was about to knock on your door.” Logan leans in to give me a sweet kiss as I sidle up next to him at the stove, where he’s scrambling eggs with ham and shredded cheese. “I don’t think I’ve seen you in yellow before. You’re so pretty. Like a cheery ray of sunshine.”
I put four slices of bread in the toaster to accessorize our eggs and bacon. “I love this color, but it’s not the best color for me to wear. I saw it in the store on sale and thought screw it and bought it, anyway.” I shrug. “It makes me happy, and I decided that’s good enough.”
“Well, to me, you’re beautiful no matter what you wear. All I want is for you to be happy, so say screw it all you want. I’m quite the fan of screwing, actually.” An exaggerated, lascivious wink accompanies that statement.
I plate the toast and walk to the breakfast bar, shaking my head and blushing. “You’re ridiculous, you know that, right?” I set the toast on the counter and rummage in the fridge for the grape jelly Logan likes on his toast. I grab another butter knife from the drawer. We need separate knives for the butter and the jelly—we aren’t barbarians. The rest of the silverware is already at our seats. He carries the plates holding our bacon and eggs to the counter and slides into the seat next to mine. My tea is just how I like it and the perfect temperature. I take a bite of the expertly cooked bacon and moan.
I rest my head against his bicep and sigh. “I could get used to this. I usually heat up a couple of waffles or get a toasted bagel from Wawa if I have to stop for gas. This is quite the treat.”
“Woman can’t live on carbs alone, Daph. You need protein too. You’re probably hungry by ten and ravenous by lunch.” Logan appears distressed at my lack of a balanced breakfast.
I won’t tell him about hitting the stash of pretzel rods in the break room around a quarter past ten to help me make it to lunch. I’ll keep my desk stash of granola bars a secret too.
“Yes, dear. You’re right,” I say instead. “Thank goodness you’re here to care for me today.” I take a bite of my delicious eggs. The flavors of ham and cheddar make my taste buds tingle. I could get used to this, but I know I can’t. He’s only here for a week, and then he’s off again for however long. I won’t dwell on that now. I’m going to enjoy the fact we’re together for breakfast.
I glance at him. “What’s your plan for today?”
Swallowing his sip of coffee, Logan replies, “Do laundry. If you have anything you need washed, let me know. I can do it with mine.”
I shake my head.
“While laundry is going, I figured I’d clean out the gutters, rake the yard. Then I’ll grab a shower and meet my gorgeous girlfriend for lunch.” He bats his eyelashes. He has the prettiest eyelashes, it’s not fair.
I nod. “Yes, please.”
“After that, assuming I can’t convince her to play hooky for the afternoon…” He casts me a hopeful puppy dog look.
I shake my head again. “Not a chance.”
His shoulders droop in resignation. “After that, I’ll swing by Uncle Will’s office and check in.”
“Sounds like a plan,” I say. “Oh, that reminds me! I saw Liam the other day. He was doing some minor maintenance stuff in my area of the building. You should call him while you’re here. Maybe you can get together. He invited me out with his friends, but I was doing the challenge.”
“Do you hang out with Liam a lot?”
“No, I don’t hang out with anyone other than Jessica Fletcher. And now Shelby from college. You know that!” What a weird question. Why would he care if I hang out with Liam?
“We’ll all have to go out. Maybe go to the casino. We haven’t done that in forever. Maybe Devil’s Den?” He names one of the newer Atlantic City casinos. It’s smaller and more like an old-fashioned gambling club in nineteenth-century England than a neon wonderland.
I haven’t been there yet. I’m not much of a gambler. They do have lounges and restaurants besides the gaming, from what I’ve heard, so maybe it will be fun.
I stand and take my dishes to the sink to rinse them off. “That sounds good. Maybe Friday or Saturday? Talk to Liam and let me know.” I take Logan’s dishes from his hand and rinse them while he takes mine to load the dishwasher. He has opinions on the proper way to load it, so I let him have his fun. I don’t care as long as I have clean dishes when I need them.
Turning away from the sink, I lean over to kiss Logan goodbye. “Thank you for breakfast. It was delicious. I have lunch at one this week. Where do you want to go?”
“It’s nice out. I could snag sandwiches and chips, and we could go to the park,” Logan suggests, resting his hand on my hip.
I look up into the face I love so much. His eyes are such a gorgeous forest green. There are flecks of gold in there if you look closely enough. I love being close enough to him to see them.
His hand flexes on my hip. “Daph?”
I got so lost gazing at him I forgot to respond. “Sandwiches in the park sound great. Turkey club and red bag Herr’s, please. Are we meeting there, or are you picking me up?” I ease back and snag my purse from the back of my stool, checking to make sure my keys are in the pocket. I glance up at him, waiting for an answer.
He nods. “A gentleman picks up his lady for their date. You know that, Daphne.” Logan slips his feet into his sneakers near the door. “If you’re going to insist on going to work, I’m going to insist on walking you to your car.” He holds his hand out for my keys, and I give them to him. He wraps the fingers of his free hand around mine, and we walk outside. I hear the click of the car door unlocking. He pulls it open, handing the keys to me.
Before getting in, I turn, wrap my arms around his neck, and stretch up to give him a kiss goodbye. His arms encircle me in return, and his hands rest right above my butt. Our goodbye kiss deepens. His embrace tightens, and I press myself closer. I can taste his morning coffee on his lips. Usually I don’t like coffee, but I could learn to enjoy this. I’m not sure how long our kiss lasts, but the beep beep of the yellow school bus rumbling past causes us to break apart.
I laugh a bit breathlessly, hoping I didn’t give the school kids too much of a show, and get in my SUV. I peek up at Logan after getting settled.
He’s holding my door and has stepped in to press a quick kiss to my lips. “Have a good day, sunshine. I’ll be there at one to take you to lunch. If you change your mind about the turkey, text me.” He steps back and gets ready to close the door.
I stop him. “I’m so glad you’re here, Logan. I can’t wait for lunch.” With that, I let him close my door. Turning the key in the ignition, I give the car a moment to warm up and plug in my phone so I can listen to my current audiobook on my way to the office.
He stands on the porch, watching me and waving as I blow him a kiss. He catches it and presses it to his heart, causing me to melt at his romantic goofiness. After checking to make sure all is clear behind me, I back down the driveway, giving another little wave before I put the car in drive and head off. If I’m only going to get a handful of these mornings with Logan before he leaves me and we’re done, I need to remember every moment.
It’s all I’m going to have for the future.