Chapter 10
She wanted to be friends. Of course, she did. He should have expected this, but it was a dagger to his heart. He wanted more, and he suspected she did too deep down, despite her protestations. But she wasn’t ready. So he would have to be patient. Friends.
He spent their lunch together trying to keep the conversation light and her distracted from the heavier thoughts of earlier. “What’s your favorite thing to sing?”
“I’m in my church choir.”
Of course, she was. He could just picture her at the front of the church, singing her heart out in her Sunday best. “And some of the hymns are quite lovely. My favorite is ‘For the Beauty of the Earth.’ It’s so simple and inspiring.
In terms of other music, I hum along with the radio from time to time.
You already know I like ‘I’m Always Chasing Rainbows.
’ When Roger was with me, I’d sit at the piano, and we’d sing Gilbert and Sullivan songs together. And we’d laugh and laugh.”
Gilbert and Sullivan, eh? He laughed and sang softly so as not to attract notice. “‘I am the very model of a modern Major-General. I’ve information vegetable, animal, and mineral. I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical from Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical.’”
A smile burst onto her face. “You enjoy them too, I see.”
“Of course. Their songs are ridiculous, silly, and absolutely hilarious. I love them.”
“Maybe you can come by sometime and we can sing together.” She turned bright red. “I mean…as friends.”
The dagger in his heart thrust a bit deeper. “Of course. I would love that.”
No matter how much it hurt, he wasn’t going to turn down an opportunity to spend time with her.
“Out of curiosity, why are you so anxious to see my friend, Hank?” It was sweet of her to take an interest in his injured friend, but it surprised him, given her own history.
She looked thoughtful for a moment. “I want to tell him not to give up flying, or at least not to let this accident be the reason. One of my greatest regrets is that I never got a chance to tell Roger how much I respected what he did. When he was in the hospital at the end, he regretted his decision. It was in his last letter to me. I wish I could tell him I didn’t blame him for flying.
I know he did what he felt inspired to do, even though it was dangerous.
I loved him for his bravery, and I wouldn’t have changed it for the world, even though we didn’t get our happy ending.
Because changing it would have changed him, and I loved him completely for who he was. ”
The urge to reach out for her hand was overwhelming.
He clasped his hands tightly in his lap to keep himself from doing so.
“I’m sure Hank will be very moved to hear that, especially from you.
Any pilot would be. We’ve chosen a dangerous profession, and it means the world to have supportive loved ones who understand. ”
Ann Prince was too perfect to be believed.
He needed to win her heart, however long it took.
He’d never met another woman with such a thorough understanding of the risks he took and the potential costs who still believed in and supported his flying.
His mother hated his chosen career. Most women he met found his being a pilot attractive but had no idea what it truly meant.
Ann understood and cared despite it all. He had to make her his.
Bolstered by his new conviction, he ordered them strawberry shortcake for dessert.
“You spoil me.” Ann’s lips curved into a timid grin.
“Someone should. You deserve it.”
Her smile widened. Oh, he loved that smile. He planned to do everything in his power to see it every day for the rest of his life.
“Hawley, are you awake in there?” Bill peeked into Hank’s hospital room, Ann’s hand on his arm. He wrinkled his nose at the astringent scent of the place.
“I’m awake now,” Hank grumbled as he pushed himself up to sitting in the creaky metal-framed hospital bed. Boy was Hank in rough shape. There was a bandage around his head, and his leg was in a cast. He moved gingerly, as if every movement hurt.
Bill put on his brightest smile, not wanting Hank to know how worried he was. “Excellent. There’s someone I’d like you to meet.”
He and Ann walked into the room together. Fortunately, Hank was alone. It was good to know Rory had gone home for some rest.
“I hope you don’t mind.” Ann released his hand and stepped forward. “If we’re disturbing you, we’ll go.”
For a moment, it looked like she was going to lose her nerve, so Bill took her hand again and squeezed it.
“Hawley, this is Ann Prince. You may remember that I met her at Rory’s birthday.
When I told her what happened, she asked to come and visit you.
I can’t imagine what for, you tiny-brained baboon. ”
“Bill.” She turned on him, eyebrows raised. “The man is injured.”
Hank laughed. “Don’t take him seriously. I never do.”
She was looking at Hank but didn’t seem overcome with that dreamy look most women got in his presence. Her hand clutched Bill’s, and he loved it.
“I hope you don’t mind my intrusion,” she said.
“You see I… I didn’t get to see my husband at the end.
He was hospitalized for injuries but caught a fever that killed him.
I had things that I wanted to say but never had the chance.
I wanted to speak to you because I wanted you to know I think you’re very brave. ”
Tears gathered in the corners of her eyes.
Bill had to cheer her up. How could he lighten the mood? “He’s brave? What about me?”
She chuckled sadly, but it was a chuckle, nonetheless.
“You are too. But what I mean to say is I don’t blame flying for my husband’s death.
We both knew the dangers that came with being a pilot.
I loved him for facing them valiantly every day in the service of our country.
I know he worried that he was risking too much with a new wife at home.
He didn’t want to leave me heartbroken and alone.
But if I had it to do over again, I would still have married him, even knowing how little time I had with him. ”
She sniffed and dabbed a tear away with her handkerchief.
Her grief ran so deep, and there wasn’t a thing Bill could do about it.
No matter how he wanted to make things better for her, he knew he couldn’t.
Only time would heal those wounds, and until her heart had healed, it would never belong to Bill.
Patience had never been a strong point, but he would wait as long as it took for her.
“Bill told me about you and Miss Belmont. I wanted to tell you that you don’t have to choose between love and flying.
You probably think you do, especially after this.
But women who love pilots know the risks.
We choose brave men that explore the skies and push the boundaries of human achievement.
We don’t love pilots despite their chosen vocation.
We love them because of it. Whatever you choose to do next, don’t give up flying for Miss Belmont.
Make the right decision for you, and she’ll love you for it. ”
Bill wanted to fold her into his arms and hold her until she’d cried all her tears away, but he settled for holding her hand.
Hank looked up at Ann, who was wiping away her tears. “Thank you for sharing, Mrs. Prince. I appreciate your kind words more than you’ll ever know. I know it can’t have been easy to come here today.”
“It wasn’t, but as soon as Bill told me, I knew I had to.” She clutched Bill’s hand.
“I hope it has given you some comfort and relief to speak what was in your heart. I know your husband would have been deeply moved, hearing what you have to say. I know I was.”
And so was Bill.
“That’s very kind of you. We should let you rest. Thanks again for hearing me out.” She turned to look at Bill, who could hardly stand to see the look of adoration on her face, knowing full well that he couldn’t kiss her into oblivion like he wanted to.
Hank smiled. “I’ll be sure to invite you both to the wedding.”
Bill’s brain stuttered. Surely he misheard.
“Wedding?” What wedding? Were Hank and Rory going to tie the knot?
“She finally accepted my proposal. We’re planning to marry as soon as I get this bandage off my head.”
Bill thought he might combust from excitement. “He’s getting married! Did you hear that?” He turned to Ann, who smiled shyly. “Hank Hawley is getting married. I never thought I’d see the day. Can I tell Pritchard and Thompson?”
“You can tell whoever you want.”
Too exuberant to worry about the consequences, Bill took Ann by the waist and spun her around. “I can tell whoever I want. Did you hear that?” He kissed her on the cheek, and she turned bright red.
“Bill.” She smiled but disentangled herself from his embrace. “We should let your friend get some rest.”
Oh dear. He’d overstepped. Hopefully, she wouldn’t hold it against him for long. But Hank was getting married! How absolutely incredible!
“I’ll see you later, Hawley. Congratulations, buddy! I’m truly happy for you.”
They left Hank alone and headed back out to the car.
“You shouldn’t kiss me, Bill,” she murmured.
“It was on the cheek.” As if that helped.
He shouldn’t have kissed her at all. She wasn’t ready.
It was his problem, not hers, that he wanted to kiss every inch of her, that he dreamed every night of worshipping her body and making her forget her sorrows.
She could never know what tender, hot, filthy things he imagined.
He woke up hard as a rock every morning, aching for what he couldn’t have.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have kissed you. Not even an innocent peck on the cheek. I got carried away by the good news.”
“I forgive you.” She placed her hand in the crook of his arm, and it was agony. “I know I’m not easy to be friends with. I have too many troubles, and I can’t give you what you truly want.”
“All I want is to be your friend, Ann. You need a friend. I want to be there for you.” Liar.
You want so much more. You want every smile and every sigh.
You want her passion and her pain. You want kisses and her confessions.
You want her body, her heart, her promises, her love, her mornings, her nights…
You want it all, you selfish ass. “Let’s go pick up Junior, and I’ll take you home. ”
“Yes, let’s.”
He helped her up into the car and drove her back to his parents’ place. Upstairs, they practically had to pry Junior out of his mother’s arms.
“Don’t you need more time? Maybe you could take a walk,” his mother suggested. “Junior and I are having such fun up here. Yes, we are, aren’t we?” She cooed over him.
“I should take Ann and Junior home,” Bill said.
“He’ll get hungry soon,” said Ann. “I should get him home before he needs feeding again.”
“Well, all right. If you must.” His mother surrendered Junior to Ann’s waiting arms. “Any time you need a babysitter, my dear, don’t hesitate to call me up.”
“Thank you, Mrs. O’Donnell. You’re too kind.”
With that, they headed down to the car for the journey back to Merrick.
On the way back, Bill kept up his usual stream of palaver, going on at length about Hank and Rory and their upcoming wedding. Truth be told, he hardly knew what he was saying. He was filling the silence to avoid more awkward moments with Ann. She was silent and thoughtful all the way back.
When he stopped outside her house, he caught her hand before she got out of the car. “Ann, I don’t expect anything. But if ever you find that things change, and you’re ready to be more than friends, I’ll be here for you. I’ll always be here for you.”
“Thank you, Bill. You’re a good man—always responsible and reliable.” His heart soared at her words. No one ever saw him that way.
“I wish I could be what you want,” she continued.
“Someday, you’re going to make some woman very happy.
” She squeezed his hand. It took all his willpower to hold back from kissing her.
She was so close and so lovely. Her skin looked so soft and smooth.
Her soulful green eyes looked at him with such warmth and sadness.
“May I kiss your hand?”
She nodded slowly.
Raising her hand to his lips, he kissed her ever so gently, trying to put the full scope of his emotions into that wordless communication.
He could only hope she understood. Letting go of her hand at last, he got down and opened her door for her.
She got out with the baby, and he helped her bring the bag inside.
“Can I give you a ride to Hank and Rory’s wedding?” he asked. “It would mean a lot if you would come with me. As friends, of course. I’m sure my mother and Mary would be happy to help out with Junior at the reception so that we can dance.”
“Of course,” she said. “I would much rather ride with you than take the train.”
“Then it’s settled. I’ll see you when those two tie the knot.”
“Yes, you will.”
She waved goodbye with Junior in her arms as he drove away. That woman filled him with so much tenderness and desire, he thought he might burst. Someday, when she was ready, he was determined to be the man she chose to give her heart to. Nothing less would satisfy him.