Chapter 27
The walls closed in on Ann. She could hardly breathe.
The apartment was too small and far too hot.
She wore her lightest summer nightgown. Why bother dressing when she wasn’t going to see anyone anyway?
Junior was naked except for his cloth diaper.
She wished she could take that off too. He developed an awful diaper rash that made him scream every time he soiled himself.
Fortunately, so far neither of them had gotten sick.
It had been a week, and they were still healthy as could be, only stir-crazy from being closed in this oven of an apartment.
If Bill came home… No. She wasn’t going to think like that.
When Bill came home, they were going house shopping first thing.
This apartment had begun to feel like a prison.
No one was guarding the door. The only thing keeping her inside was her own sense of caution and duty to others. Still.
She picked up her knitting and continued the sweater she was making for Bill.
It might have been sweltering at the moment, but soon enough the autumn chill would come.
She knitted one row and then another, then put it down.
Pacing back and forth only made her hotter and more miserable.
Junior, fortunately, had dozed off. He was sleeping less and less during the day, and this was a rare reprieve.
Ducking into the bathroom, she opened the bathtub tap and stuck her head and neck under the cool water. Goodness, what a relief.
She took a deep breath in and let it out.
Bill was going to be fine. He was young and strong.
But from what the papers said, this flu was felling the young and strong the fastest. What if she lost him? If she prepared herself for the worst, then hopefully it wouldn’t come.
This time, becoming a widow wouldn’t spell disaster like it did with Roger.
Bill had a nest egg that would carry her through.
She also had the O’Donnells, who she was certain wouldn’t abandon her like Roger’s family did.
Every day, Mrs. O’Donnell had been bringing over a casserole, the newspaper, and a brief written update on Bill, all of which she left on the doorstep.
These little deliveries were the highlight of her day, and after seven days of this, she needed something to cheer her up.
Mrs. O’Donnell had been visiting the hospital daily, even though she wasn’t allowed to see Bill, and got updates on his health. Apparently, Bill’s fever was reduced, but his lungs were still in bad shape. Pneumonia, the doctor said.
Yes, best to prepare herself for the worst. The practicalities would be easier this time, but her heartbreak…
Her heart thundered within her chest, a pounding beat of no, no, no.
She traced Bill’s face in her mind. He was smiling his funny crooked smile.
Those lips she’d kissed. Those eyes full of merriment.
That unruly brown mop of hair on his head that always escaped the pomade.
She remembered suddenly that she was sitting on the bathroom floor next to the tub with the tap still running. Moving quickly to turn off the tap, she stepped into the tub, sat back, and leaned her head against the back of the tub.
Oh, dear Lord, he might die without me telling him I love him.
What?
Love?
She took a deep breath, and water dripped down her neck. The tap dripped rhythmically in the tub.
Was she sure?
Precious moments from their time together cycled through her head—meeting him at the gala and laughing over cake, the gentle pressure of his arms around her as they danced, their first kiss after Hank and Rory’s wedding, the first time they made love…
She stared at the side of the tub observing the curve of the smooth porcelain, reaching out to trace it with her finger.
There was no other word for what she felt when she pictured his face. It took the prospect of losing him to realize it, but she was madly in love with Bill O’Donnell.
She had to tell him before it was too late. He needed to know.
Scrambling up from where she sat, she stumbled into the main room. Junior was still asleep, thankfully. She found a pen and paper and began to write.
Dearest Bill,
You’ll no doubt think me daft for writing you a letter when you’re just a few blocks away, but I had to write. I know you’re very ill, and there are things I have to say.
I’ve hesitated in telling you this for too long, but I love you. I regret that I never said it to you in person. I should have. You’ve said it to me countless times, and I wish I had said it back. Come home to me. Please. I miss you terribly.
I’m sorry that I held back for so long. It hasn’t been easy for me to admit my own feelings.
My heart is still sore with loss. But I’ve realized I can mourn and still love you.
Being with you doesn’t make me forget. It makes me remember how good it can be.
It makes me remember myself as I was before all the terrible things.
Roger would have wanted me to be happy, and with you I am.
Please get well soon so that I can say all of this in person.
Your loving wife,
Ann
She folded it and put it in an envelope, writing Bill O’Donnell fondly on the back.
Then she wrote a little note to Mrs. O’Donnell asking her to please give it to Bill, if she could.
When Mrs. O’Donnell stopped by that day, she knocked and said loudly through the door, “I will, my dear,” before going away.
The next day, she got a note back, and she opened it eagerly, but it was from Mrs. O’Donnell.
Ann,
I was able to deliver your letter to a nurse who promised to give it to Bill. Since they don’t know how the germs spread, patients aren’t allowed to send letters back. I’m afraid you’ll have to wait for his release to hear what he has to say.
His condition remains troubling, but the nurse I spoke to said he appears to be improving. They take the patients out for fresh air and sunlight for several hours every day, and that seems to ease his suffering considerably. Bill never was good at being cooped up.
The nurse told me to tell you that Bill sends his love.
Stay well, my dear.
Yours,
Shannon
Ann hugged the letter to her chest. Bill sent his love. It was the most she could hope for, it seemed. She picked up Junior and spun him around, eliciting little coos of delight. “Bill loves us, my sweet. He’s going to be such a wonderful papa for you.”
She waltzed Junior around the room, dancing to the swelling orchestra that played within her on hearing this news.
He was improving and he loved her. In this meager ray of hope, she could see the brightest sun shining down on her.
She could bask in it for a week. And she would need to in order to finish her quarantine.
Thank you, Lord Jesus, she prayed silently.
If only she had her piano here, she could play her heart out and give free rein to all the songs within her. Instead, she contented herself with humming Amazing Grace for Junior and waltzing him around the room.
When she finished the melody, she put Junior down with a sigh and grabbed a pen and paper.
Dearest Bill,
I’ve decided to write you a letter every day and, in each one, tell you something new about me that you didn’t already know. I hope you find my letters entertaining.
Today’s confession is that I don’t know how to swim. Despite growing up within walking distance of the water, I never learned. Perhaps you can teach me when you get better.
Love and kisses,
Ann
The next day, Mrs. O’Donnell gave her a note saying he loved the letters and to please keep sending them.
On Monday, she told him how much she loved to play checkers.
On Tuesday, she admitted she didn’t like chocolate, even though everyone seemed to think it was marvelous.
On Wednesday, she told him a story about sneaking into her parents’ closet when she was seven to get an early peek at her Christmas presents and then getting caught. Oh, she was in so much trouble!
Thursday, she confessed that the first time she tried to bake a cake as a little girl, she confused salt and sugar, and the results were completely inedible.
Friday, she agonized over what to write, wracking her brain, and finally decided to tell him about the time she won a school-wide spelling competition when she was ten.
When Saturday came around, she wrote about how much she was looking forward to Sunday when she would be able to leave the apartment once again and join Mrs. O’Donnell on her visits to the hospital.
Sunday came at last, and she was free. Her first visit was to the O’Donnells.
“I can’t tell you how grateful I am for all you’ve done for me these last two weeks,” she said to Mrs. O’Donnell who was chasing Connor and Adelaide away from the cake frosting she just made. “I can’t tell you how good it feels to escape that tiny apartment.”
“It’s barely fit for a bachelor and far too small for three people,” Shannon agreed. “You need a proper house as soon as possible.”
“Bill has his eye on the Millington house, but I think it’s too big for us and needs too much work inside.”
Shannon waved her hand dismissively. “Bill’s handy, as you well know, and he’s got the savings to hire contractors to get the work done quick.”
Ann nodded slowly. “When Bill gets out, I think I’ll tell him to buy it.” Her head fell. If Bill gets out…
After several days of improvement, his cough had suddenly worsened, according to Shannon’s updates. Ann could hardly sleep at night for worrying about him.
“That’s the spirit, my dear. Our Bill is going to get through this, and you’ll have him back soon enough.”
Ann could see the fear, as well as the fierce love, in Shannon’s eyes as she said it.
“I’m sorry. He’ll be fine. I know he will.
” She didn’t, but she couldn’t bring herself to voice her doubts to his mother.
Shannon was a bulwark against all the chaotic fears that buffeted Ann.
Her calm and warmth meant the world in this difficult time.
“There. I’ve finished frosting the cake.” Shannon put down the butter knife she was using to smooth out the last bits. “Who wants to eat it?”
Connor and Adelaide came running, yelling, “Me, me, me.”
At that moment, Mary came in the door. “I see I’ve arrived just in time to see how you’re spoiling their lunch, Mum. No wonder they never want to eat after visiting Grandma.” Turning to Ann, she said, “How are you holding up? These last two weeks must have been a terrible strain.”
“The best thing I can say about them is that they are finished.” Ann gratefully accepted the cake that Mrs. O’Donnell pushed into her hand.
“Once you’re done with your cake, you and Mum should go visit the hospital. I have to take these two little hellions home anyway.”
Ann nodded with a mouth full of cake. Between Bill and Shannon, she was going to be plump as a Christmas goose before long, not that she’d managed to eat very well during her quarantine. Perhaps she could get away with today’s indulgence, but she really did need to stop eating cake all the time.
Soon, Shannon was ready to go. They said their goodbyes to Mary and headed out to Nassau Hospital.
Ann’s heart pounded loudly in her chest as they walked up the familiar wooden steps and past the porticos to enter. Bill was here, even if she couldn’t see him. They were as close as they’d been for two weeks.
“Hello, Mrs. O’Donnell,” said the woman at the front desk, clearly having gotten to know her over the past two weeks. “And who is this you have with you?”
“My daughter-in-law, Ann. We’re both anxious for news of Bill. Can the nurse speak to us now?”
The woman at the front desk walked out through a door and then came back a moment later. “She’ll come out shortly.”
Shannon reached out for Ann’s hand as they waited and gave it a reassuring squeeze.
Ann was too worked up to speak, but she’d never been more grateful for company.
Two minutes later, a nurse came out to the front lobby and headed straight for Mrs. O’Donnell.
“Hello, Mrs. O’Donnell. And I assume you must also be Mrs. O’Donnell? ” she said to Ann.
“Yes, I’m Bill’s wife.”
“You look just like his description,” the nurse said.
“I’m Nurse Carter. I’ve been caring for your husband.
He has quite the sense of humor. Keeps the other patients entertained and lifts their spirits.
While I’ll be happy to see him go home to you, I know it will be a loss for the other patients when he does. ”
Clenching and releasing her fists to vent her anxiety, Ann asked, “How is he doing, Nurse Carter?”
“I’m happy to report he’s improving. If he keeps it up, we might be able to release him within a week.”
Ann’s hand flew to her heart. Relief flooded her at the nurse’s words. “Thank heavens!”
Leaning in, the nurse said quietly, “I’m not supposed to tell you this, but he’s out on the south lawn right now. You’ll have to keep your distance, but you might be able to catch a glimpse of him.”
“Thank you so much, Nurse Carter. You have my deepest gratitude.” What a gift this stranger had given her! She couldn’t wait to see her husband, even if from a distance.
Ann handed over her letter and linked arms with Shannon who had a spring in her step as they headed outside and made their way toward a fenced-off area to the south of the building.
In the distance she spotted his tall frame, and it sent a jolt to her heart.
She loved this man so fiercely, it shocked her.
Waves of tumbling emotions rocked her as she watched him, and she knew the moment he saw her.
They locked eyes across the long distance, and all the unspoken words she had in her heart passed between them.
He waved frantically and blew a kiss. She did the same.
An unfamiliar nurse saw them and shooed them away. Waving a regretful goodbye, Ann turned away to walk back to the O’Donnells’, feeling as hopeful as she’d felt in weeks.