Lash (Club Sin #7)

5. From the Train to the Ferry

from the train to the ferry

Lash

S o far, so good.

We disembarked the train and left the station together on foot, and now we are walking together down a quiet, tree-lined neighborhood on the south end of Split, near the shore. The sky to the south above the tops of the buildings has that indefinable open quality that says you're near the sea—a deeper blue, perhaps.

Lorenzo is in front, leading us to the ferry that will take us to Ancona, Italy. The plan is to travel as far west as we can by bus, train, or sea within Europe, where security measures are typically less stringent than by air. Eventually, we'll have to find air travel to Brazil so we can join the others in rescuing Inez, but the hope is that between myself, Lorenzo, Scarlett, and Solomon, we can figure out a flight across the ocean that isn't commercial. To achieve that, we must outmaneuver Mercado’s forces. I also anticipate a move by Roberto—he's a crafty, cunning man who plans ten steps ahead of everyone else. I know he knows I've surfaced—his network of spies and informants is vast and thorough, and he hates me with a vicious passion. Not as much as I hate him, however. My hatred is that of a widower and a father. He stole my family from me. Stole my life. My identity. I shall take his life before this is over, and then I shall swear the oath I should have sworn when Inez pulled me from the burning wreckage of my former life—the oath to never take a life.

Beside me, Tatiana has been reserved and thoughtful. She steals glances at me now and again, her dark gaze intense and full of private emotion that I cannot quite read.

Scarlett and Solomon walk side by side a few paces behind us, having a quiet conversation.

"Tell me what are you thinking?" I say to Tatiana.

She doesn't answer right away. "The train," she murmurs. "I'm thinking about the train."

"It is on my mind, as well," I say. " You are on my mind."

She looks at me. "I don't like how it ended. You walking away."

"I had to."

She shakes her head. "You didn't have to. You could have let me touch you."

"I wouldn't ask such a thing of you in such a public setting," I say.

She snorts. “But you'll make me come? How is that better?"

I frown at her. "Are you upset with me?"

"A little." She sighs. "I started it. I know that. You woke up to me…" she flushes scarlet, ducks her head. "Acting like a…"

"Like a woman with desires," I finish for her. “There’s no shame in it. If there is a better way to wake up, I cannot think of it."

She smirks at me. "I can think of a few ways of waking you up that you might enjoy a bit more."

My breath catches at the implication. "Tatiana, I…" I shake my head. "I guess I do not understand what you are upset about."

"You made me come," she says, switching from English to Croatian—for privacy, I suppose, since we are the only ones who speak it out of the five of us. "And then you walked away. You said you wouldn't share the sounds of my pleasure. I know I wasn't quiet, but I heard them, too.” She tilts her head toward Sol and Scarlett, behind us. “So I know they heard us. I heard Solomon…enjoying himself. But you would not let me give you pleasure.”

"I am a man," I say. "My release is…messier…than yours."

"Should that not be my choice? Should I not be able to decide if I want to deal with that, and how? My desires do not begin and end with my orgasm, Lash. I desire you. I want to enjoy your body as much as you do mine, but you took what you wanted and then walked away without giving me a choice in the matter.”

I frown. "I hadn't thought of it like that."

"I know. You thought you were being…" she shrugs. "I don't know. Noble? But that's not what I want. You physically prevented me from touching you."

"I should never have let things escalate to that point in the first place.”

She groans in irritation. "You still do not understand, then. I escalated things, not you. If that situation made you uncomfortable, blame me for starting it, not yourself for not stopping it. I have never done anything like that, Lash. I am not…like that. I am private. Because of who my father is, I am a pretty public figure in Zagreb. I keep my personal life, my sex life, private. But with you…I didn't care. I knew what I was doing, and I chose not to stop myself. Perhaps I couldn't have. I don't know. I felt desperate. And it's still there, that desperation." She looks at me. "It wasn't sated. If anything, it is only worse."

"I was protecting you."

She nods. "I know. But Lash, I want to be protected from other people, not from you."

I walk beside her in silence for a while, thinking, processing. "I understand what you're saying, Tatiana. I will not apologize, because I was doing what I felt was right. But I do hear you, and I understand you." I look at her. "I am confused by all this, Tatiana. By you…and by my feelings for you."

"What is confusing?" she asks.

I shake my head, snorting. "Everything. That I feel anything at all. That part of me has been…dead, I suppose…for a very long time. I never thought it would or could be resurrected. And with you, no less."

"Why me? What is it about me?" she asks.

"Everything. Who you are. Who your father is."

"And?" she presses.

I sigh, running my fingers down through my beard—I badly need a shower, but in such circumstances as these, grooming concessions must be made. I admit, however, that I am a vain man, and to be so dirty, greasy, and unkempt is difficult. I feel uncouth.

"And…" I shrug. "And many things. I am much older than you. I am…I do not like to think of myself as a bad man, exactly, but I have done many awful things. I like to think I have only done them to those who deserve it. But then, who is to say who deserves death? I am no god. I worked for your father. He and I have…a troubled and complicated history." I hesitate, and the plunge onward with my confession. "The deaths of my wife and children, the manner and reason…it broke me, Tatiana. It broke me, and I do not know if I can be fixed. But then I saw that vile scum, Filip, dragging you into the hangar, and I knew right away who you were, and I…" I shake my head. "My heart began beating again, metaphorically speaking. I took notice of you. As a woman. You were obviously no longer the girl I knew. But in my spirit, I am still Ileana’s husband. I am still Leonora and Leander's father. They are dead and buried, and I mourn them every day. My sorrow, my heartbreak…I fear it is eternal, Tatiana. You are a remarkable woman. Beautiful, strong, and resilient. How can I offer you these broken pieces of myself?"

She looks at me for a long time, silently, her gaze unreadable, searching and piercing. She reaches down, takes my hand, and entwines our fingers. "I am very good at puzzles, Lash."

"But why would you want…" I shake my head and shrug. “I am not whole. I am good at violence, Tatiana, and not much else."

She is quiet again for a while. "Who can explain attraction, Lash? I cannot. I am physically attracted to you. I think you are handsome. I love your hair and your beard. You are fit and strong. But I…I think more than anything, it is the feeling of safety when I am with you. I have been afraid most of my life. There have always been threats, Lash. Tata being who he is and doing what he does, he is always in danger. And so have I been. I’ve been kidnapped several times. Usually for ransom, or to force my father to do something. While I have evaded rape or torture, the fear is always there. When I am with you, I am not afraid. And that is a feeling I cannot describe, other than a kind of delirious relief, as if I can finally breathe for the first time in my life."

"I will protect you with my life, Tatiana," I say. "As long as I breathe, no harm will come to you."

"I know." She says it as if there is no doubt. "But the question is, do you trust me ?”

I frown. "I…I do not know. Trust is…it is a complicated thing for me.” I gesture at Solomon, behind us. "I trust him with my life—he and my Broken Arrow brothers. But trusting them with my life and physical safety is easy enough. They are operators, like me. I know their skills. I have sworn an oath to them, as they have to me."

"But?"

"But trusting them with my safety does not mean I trust them with…" I roll a shoulder, looking for the right word. "With the rest of me, such as I am. They know nothing of me, not really."

"Why not?" she asks.

“Because I was betrayed."

"By whom? How?"

"That is a long, painful story," I say, "And one I have told no one, not even Inez."

She frowns at me. "Who is Inez?"

"My immediate superior in the Broken Arrows."

"And what are the Broken Arrows?"

"A private security company, of sorts."

"Of sorts?"

I nod. “We are unusual, I suppose. All of us operators. Meaning, former black ops specialists for various militaries, except Solomon's brothers, Saxon and Silas. We have all been through unimaginable hell—extraordinarily traumatic events that have left us unfit for society. The Broken Arrows gives us a brotherhood, a community of men who understand each other. We have all taken vows to defend, protect, and serve each other. We work at a nightclub and live beneath it. It is a simple, safe life where we can be ourselves with people who understand us."

We have been speaking in English, and Solomon moves up on Tatiana's other side. “What Lash isn’t mentioning is that we all swore not only to support and protect each other but also to not take another life, a crucial commitment given our history of violence.” He looks at me, and I see the confusion and resentment in his eyes. "Except Lash. Unbeknownst to the rest of us, he didn't have to swear to not kill. And Inez wouldn't say why."

"Because she did not know why," I said. " I do not know. Our employer made the decision, and as you know, he does not explain himself to anyone."

Solomon sighs an annoyed huff. "That's a shitty explanation."

"I know, and I’m sorry, but it is the only one I have." I shrug. "I am certain he had his reasons. I wish I knew what they were myself. It is an oath I would swear to right now if our lives were not in such danger. I have kept that oath even though I did not swear it…until now. Until her." I indicate Tatiana. "When all this is over, Solomon, I will take the vow in front of all of you. I will take the brand again if you wish. You are my brothers. That has not changed simply because I did not swear not to kill.”

Solomon sighs. "That isn't for me to decide—we'll have to see what the others have to say."

At that moment, Lorenzo, about to lead us around a corner, jerks back and flattens himself against the wall. "We have a problem, friends."

Solomon and I move up to join him, Sol peeks around the corner, and then I do.

The bus station is just down the street but lined up in front of it are local police, heavily armed and watchful. A young woman and her infant attempt to enter and are searched, the woman's papers checked.

"What do you want to bet they are there for us?" Lorenzo says.

I curse in three different languages. "Only a fool would bet against that," I say. "Their presence is courtesy of Roberto Pugli."

“You're gonna have to explain,” Scarlett says to me. "I know Sol has said you're private about your past, and I respect that, I do, but this affects the rest of us, now. So, I think we're owed at least some kind of an explanation. Who the fuck is Roberto Pugli, and what does he want with you?"

"I believe I already said—he is a high-level executive at Interpol. He is an intelligence operative by trade but, in reality, he is a much more powerful version of Stjepan Juric." I indicate Tatiana. "Pugli is corrupt, cruel, and evil. He trades intelligence, sells secrets, and facilitates arms deals with terrorists, using his position and influence. He owns many officials across Europe, and has eyes and ears everywhere."

"And what does he have against you?" Sol asks.

"I investigated him," I answer. "I have evidence against him. Enough to bring him to justice." I hesitate, but I know Scarlett is right: I owe them answers. "I brought charges against him. He would have been imprisoned for life had I succeeded, but he…" I swallow hard, fighting the hot lump in my throat, the burn behind my eyes. "He kidnapped my wife and infant children. If I gave him the evidence I had against him, he claimed he would let them go once it was destroyed."

“A man like that doesn’t take chances," Solomon guesses.

"No, indeed he does not. I knew it, too. So I…I tried to rescue them. It was…I slaughtered dozens of his men. He had my wife, my children. They were innocent, and he had them. So I…I did what I had to do.”

"Of course you did," Sol says. "Who wouldn't?"

I shake my head. "I succeeded…for a while. I tried to get us away, off-grid. I used every favor and contact I had. New identities, a new life. I left Germany, hid my family, and tried to start over working as an investigator for a small police force in Denmark. But Pugli found us anyway.”

"Fuck," Solomon says.

I stare at nothing, seeing flames, hearing the screams of my wife. "He captured us. Tied me to a chair and used an ophthalmic speculum to force my eyes open. I was forced to watch as his men locked my wife and infant twins in a room. He himself doused the house in gasoline and lighter fluid, and he himself threw the match."

Silence greets this.

I know I must continue.

"I heard them die. I will forever hear my wife screaming for me to save them. And I could not. I was helpless."

"Lash, Jesus fucking Christ," Solomon says, grabbing me by the shoulders in a rough embrace. "I'm so fucking sorry, brother. That's…I don't have the fucking words."

"There are no words, my friend," I whisper. I look at Tatiana, who is weeping. "That is why I am broken."

“He didn't kill you?" Lorenzo asks.

I shake my head. “No. I had hoped he would. It would have been kinder if he had—which is why he didn’t.” My eyes burn, and I look away, blinking and swallowing. "He left me alive. Unbound me and left me there to watch the house burn. All I had to bury was a handful of bones. I walked away from everything. Went to the States and…I suppose I was a ghost, then. I found what work I could, usually unsavory jobs for unsavory people. Eventually, I encountered Inez and ended up with the rest of you."

"Perhaps this mysterious employer of yours left you out of the vow against killing because he knew you could never truly find peace until Roberto Pugli has been brought to justice for what he did," Scarlett says.

I nod. "That is my thought as well."

"Do you seek revenge?" Lorenzo asks me, his gaze sharp and watchful.

"Of course." I look away from him. "I have dreamt of it for a long time, but…he is well protected. Insulated. I have formulated many plans for getting to him and killing him, but…my oath to the Broken Arrows took precedence. I could not and would not leave Club Sin to pursue my vengeance. I know well enough that killing Pugli will not bring my family back. Perhaps it will bring me peace, perhaps it will not. But now that I am here in Europe and so close to him, how can I not at least try? But…" I shrug. "Inez is in danger. Her safety is more important. And I still do not know how I would get close enough to Pugli to put a bullet in his skull."

Lorenzo eyes me again. "If it were me, I would not be content with a bullet to the skull."

I shake my head, sighing. "I have dreamt many nights of the punishments I would enact upon him, it is true. Clever, horrible ones. A blood eagle, perhaps. Or cover him in honey and stake him to a fire ant hill, as the Apache used to do. I have realized, however, that to do such a thing would only make me more like him. So no. I will not torture him. I will not murder his family—his wife, his daughters, his grandchildren. They are innocent of his crimes. But he will die. I will look him in the eyes and I will put a bullet in his brain, and I will not take up a gun ever again thereafter.”

Tatiana is watching me carefully, tear tracks staining her cheeks. "Lash…my god. How you have suffered." She says it in Croatian.

I shake my head, shrug. "Life is suffering. A mob murdered my parents when I was a boy."

“Murdered by the mob?" Scarlett asks.

I shake my head. "No, not the mob, as in your American mafia. A mob. During the revolution in Romania, where I was born. My people, the Romani, were persecuted. We have always been hated and persecuted wherever we went, and we still are. But that was…" I shake my head. "It was a horrible time. Many innocent people were murdered."

"How did you survive?" Tatiana asks.

"Thievery, begging, and starvation." I look at her. "Your father saved me. I left Romania and made my way on foot south and west through what is now Serbia, Bosnia, and Herzegovina, and into Croatia, eventually ending up in Zagreb. Your father hired me to wash dishes and sweep floors in his restaurant. He took pity on me, I think. Why, I do not know. I do not know if he knows why, but he did." I blow out a breath. "Enough story time. Now you know my history." I gesture at the corner, indicating the police presence. "We have to find another way out of Croatia, or we have to deal with them."

Lorenzo meets my gaze. "I think we deal with them. I won't kill police officers unless I have to, but I think we could use them to draw this Pugli out of hiding. Bait him into coming for you himself. You aren't on your own, now. We are with you. We will help you."

"And Inez?" I ask.

"We need a way back across the ocean. But this Pugli is here. He knows you're here. So we may as well make the best of it. Kill him, and then we rescue Inez."

I look at Solomon.

He nods. "I agree. He needs to die. And you know I've got your back, no matter what."

Scarlett smiles at me. "Solomon's loyalty is mine. I'm with you, too, Lash."

Tatiana takes my hand again. "I am not a soldier like you four, but I am with you, Lash, no matter what."

Lorenzo claps me on the back. "So then. We need a plan."