Chapter 15
Toys As Teammates
This is the part where I’d like to crawl into a hole and disappear.
Somehow, I’ve managed to be both painfully awkward and completely incapable of fabricating a believable lie to get Walker to come to my place.
Now I’m standing here while he waits for an explanation, my brain scrambling for any alternative that isn’t the truth: that my libido is defective and I’m doomed to die a virgin.
Am I being dramatic? Without question. Is it warranted, given my impressive history of overthinking that leads to panic? Also yes.
“I got frustrated trying to follow your terrible advice,” I mutter quickly.
Good thinking blaming the man trying to help you. Stellar strategy, Birdie.
Walker arches a brow. “And what advice was that?”
I let out a nervous laugh, rubbing my palms against my shorts. “You told me using a vibrator would help me learn what I like, but it was a total bust…”
This would be a really great time for a fire alarm, an earthquake—honestly, I’d take Mrs. Bixby popping over rather than have this conversation. Especially if she brought a pan of her lasagna, I could drown my mortification in layers of cheese and pasta.
“Wait. You tried that tonight?” Walker’s hands flex against my waist, and his eyes dart to the crate Nugget is sitting on. “Are there actually kittens in there, or…” He trails off, waiting for an explanation.
“I’d never lie about animals in need of rescue… just the part about a broken crate.”
He nods slowly, a soft smile on his handsome face. “I’m curious, what made your little adventure unsuccessful?”
“I couldn’t… come,” I mumble under my breath.
It’s humiliating to admit I can’t get off with a stupid vibrator. I’ve grown more comfortable opening up to Walker over the past few days, but what he thinks matters to me and I’m not sure if I’m ready to lay all my insecurities at his feet just yet.
He tilts his head closer. “Sorry, what was that? You were so quiet I could barely hear you.”
I sigh, dragging a hand down my face. “It doesn’t work, okay? Simple as that.”
Please let that be the end of it. I could’ve saved myself the embarrassment by not inviting him over and just telling him I’d used a vibrator and had a mind-blowing orgasm.
Instead, I went and exposed my deep-rooted insecurities to a man who’s practically a sex god—someone who could never possibly understand my dilemma.
“It probably just needs to be charged,” Walker offers. “Where is it? I’ll take a look.”
I shake my head. “No, that’s all right. It’s late—you should head home, and we can revisit this later.”
Better yet, we could pretend this conversation never happened.
“Or I could stick around and give you a hand,” he says, a lazy smirk playing on his lips. “It’d be a shame to come all this way and not make myself useful.”
Translation: he’s not leaving until I’ve told him the truth.
“The vibrator isn’t broken,” I explain with a defeated sigh. “I just… I can’t get off using one. I’ve tried in the past, but it’s never worked for me.”
Walker’s gaze snaps to mine, his eyes darkening. “Birdie, are you telling me you’ve never had an orgasm before?”
I slowly nod, my voice barely above a whisper. “No, I haven’t.”
I’m half expecting him to laugh at the absurdity of the situation, but he surprises me by taking my hand and brushing his lips against my skin, sending butterflies dancing in my stomach at the tenderness of his touch.
“There’s nothing to be ashamed of. The whole point of our arrangement is to help you explore your sexuality and build confidence, but I can’t do that if you shut me out every time you hit a roadblock.
” He traces my palm with his thumb in soothing circles.
“The problem is you’re overthinking it. There’s no formula for discovering what you like.
It’s all about trial and error, and that’s part of the fun. ”
His analysis is spot-on: The second I start to feel any pleasure, whether with a vibrator or my own fingers, I get stuck in my head, and it all falls apart before I can climax.
“It’s not your responsibility to solve all my problems in bed.” I glance at the floor. “I don’t want to sound like a broken record, but I’m worried you’ll start to think I’m taking advantage of you.”
My breath hitches as Walker drops to his knees before me.
“Wh-what are you doing?” I stammer, lifting my foot to step back, but his hands settle on my hips, keeping me in place.
“I want you to,” he states, a dark edge to his tone.
I swallow hard. “Want me to what?”
“Use me—for your pleasure, to live out your every fantasy, to chase the rush of your first orgasm. All. Of. It.” Walker’s hand slides along my hip bone, tugging my tank top up just enough to reveal the curve of my abdomen. “All you have to do is ask, and I’m here to serve you.”
He peppers kisses along my stomach, and I clutch his shoulders to stay upright.
A ripple of fire spreads through my veins as his eyes lift to meet mine, seeming to pierce straight through every defense I’ve built.
He nudges my tank higher, his mouth trailing along my skin, and a soft moan escapes me as he drags his tongue up my torso, leaving goose bumps in its wake.
I’m lost in a haze of lust and can barely form a coherent thought as he teases me with the promise of what’s to come if I allow him to take control, and trust that he’ll take care of me.
I’m hit with the harsh reality that if I don’t fully embrace this, I’ll never get the results I want from these lessons—and in the process, I could risk pushing Walker away, which terrifies me.
I’ve grown more attached to him than I ever thought possible, and I can’t bear the thought of losing the open line of communication that we didn’t have before.
Especially now that I’ve felt his hands all over me and know how his touch can make me ache in ways I’ve never experienced.
It’s time to stop sending mixed signals, be brave, and quit holding back.
He peppers several kisses just below my bra, careful not to go any higher, his hands still firm on my hips.
“Walker?” I rasp.
He glances up at me. “Yeah, Birdie, baby?”
“Don’t stop touching me.”
He smirks. “You’ll have to be more specific.”
“I want you to help me come for the first time… please.”
His warm breath teases my skin. “Does that mean you’re done hiding from me?”
I nod.
“I need to hear you say it, pretty girl.”
“No more hiding,” I say as I hold his gaze.
The declaration feels more significant than it should, like crossing into dangerous territory, where our no-strings arrangement could transform into something real, beyond keeping up a charade for the sake of appearances and mutual convenience.
He brushes a final kiss to my breastbone before tugging my tank down and rising to his feet, forcing me to stifle a frustrated moan in the absence of his touch.
“Where’s your vibrator?”
“Uh, in the trash bin… in my room.”
Walker motions in that direction. “Will you show me?”
His words are measured, gauging whether I’m truly ready to take this to the next step.
I am.
I study him closely, noting the way his chest heaves and the hunger burning in his eyes. Every muscle taut, his restraint hanging by a thread, and it’s clear he wants this as much as I do.
“Yeah, I will,” I say.
Before I lose my courage, I motion for him to follow me down the hall, not bothering to look back—confident that he will.
I move on autopilot, heat pooling low in my belly, and intensifying with each step, until even breathing feels like an impossible task.
Before I know it, I’m standing next to the trash can by my bed, staring down at the vibrator I tossed earlier.
When I look up, Walker is in the doorway, his hands flexing at his sides, his gaze fixed on me.
“Nervous about going into a girl’s bedroom? Don’t worry, I’ll hold your hand if that’ll make it less scary,” I tease, holding mine out to him.
Walker chuckles, shaking his head. “It’s best if I stay put. If I’m close enough to touch you, I’ll be tempted to do a whole lot more than watch—and I’m trying to be good tonight.”
My lips round into an O.
“What if I don’t want you to be good?” I ask tentatively.
His jaw tightens, hands flexing at his sides. “You’re making it very difficult for me to act like a gentleman right now.”
I’m on the verge of pleading with him to forget about that and skip a few steps to get to the lesson we’re both eager for.
But then I remember I’m about to get completely naked in front of him as he guides me toward what I hope will be my first-ever climax.
I’m slowly building my confidence, but diving in fully overnight isn’t realistic—no matter how loudly my impulsive, lust-driven side argues otherwise.
“Why don’t you show me that vibrator of yours,” Walker suggests.
I blink. “Oh, right.”
Before I can overthink it, I pluck the infamous pink device from the bin, holding it out like radioactive waste. Just being near the thing is poisoning my optimism that tonight’s outcome will be any different than in the past.
Walker studies it from across the room, scrutinizing every angle. “Is that the only one you’ve got?”
I cast him a sidelong glance, running my fingers through my hair. “I have another one, but I’ve never used it, and I’m sure it’s just as useless.”
“Why don’t you show it to me anyway?”
I sigh, knowing there’s no point in arguing.
I rummage through my nightstand drawer until I find my blue rabbit vibrator.
When I first got it, I took it out of the box, but after one look at the little attached arm, I got overwhelmed and shoved it in the drawer, where it’s stayed out of sight until now.
A smile curves at the corners of Walker’s mouth. “That’ll do.”
I tilt my head. “Care to elaborate?”
“You should use that one.” He motions to the vibrator in my hand. “That is… if you’re still up for this.”