1
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Walker
Ipull my helmet from my head and trudge into the locker room. Preparing myself to listen to my teammates critique me on how I’m not their old center.
“That was sloppy today, James,” Link Sterns calls out, not surprising me in the least. “Hardy would be fucking pissed to see that shit on his ice.”
Setting my helmet down, I sit on the bench, unlacing my skates. I shouldn’t say a goddamn thing. I’m the new guy—the freshman who walked in here and was chosen to be the starting center.
I shouldn’t, but I can’t fucking help myself.
“Well, good thing it’s not his ice anymore,” I mutter quietly.
I respect our captain, Link, so much. But the dude is intense. Plain and simple. And he also needs to get over the fact that Cam Hardy is gone. In the pros. In Boston. Not Brooks. See ya later.
“What was that?” Link snaps.
“Nothing,” I grumble. “Absolutely nothing.”
I look up to meet Sterns’s harsh glare, assaulting me. He huffs in and out, clearly mad.
“Sorry.” I shrug. “But I wasn’t the only one looking sloppy out there today, and you know it.”
“Nah, your dormmates looked sloppy as fuck too. But guess what. You’re the only one who’s supposed to start this season who can’t keep up.”
Elias and Nixon look at each other and frown.
“How the hell did we get brought into this?” Elias pouts, shaking his head.
My dormmates are both freshmen and very good players, but are second string. Elias is a defenseman, and Nixon is a goalie.
“Your boy brought you into it,” Link says, giving me an amused look.
Elias is guaranteed to get more playing time than Nixon will this season because the Wolves already have a goalie, Watson Gentry. And unless he gets injured this season, Nixon’s chance of being pushed to goalie one isn’t likely. Nixon is good, but he has a lot to learn. Gentry is an absolute beast in front of the net.
Cade Huff sits next to me on the bench and starts unlacing his skates. “Don’t be worried about Sterns. He and Hardy have some sort of special relationship. Now that he is gone, Linky here is a Grumpy Gus.” He grins before nodding his chin up toward Sterns. “It’s okay, Linky Winky. I’m here for you through this troubling time, not having Cam Hardy to jerk off to.”
“Fuck off.” Link shakes his head. “Babying him isn’t going to do this team any good. Kid needs to be ready for the opening game. If he’s not, how’s an L to start the season going to feel?”
“Don’t be a Negative Nancy. He’ll be ready,” Cade chimes. “Won’t you, James?”
“Oh, I’ll be ready.” I nod, keeping my eyes fixed on Sterns. “I’m always ready.”
“Guess we’ll see,” Link says before shutting his locker and heading toward the showers.
Pulling my gear off, I head toward the shower farthest away from him and turn it on. I climb in once it gets hot enough to burn my skin off.
Cam. Hardy.
A name I’ve heard over. And over. And over. And motherfucking over again since I arrived at Brooks this summer to start training. One would think now that I earned a full scholarship to Brooks University—a D1 college in Georgia—and was chosen to be the Wolves starting center, my teammates would stop talking about their old center.
Fuck no, they haven’t. In fact, I get the luxury of living in his shadow constantly. And I get it. I really do. He is a great player. A weapon on the ice and a huge asset to any team he’s on. He left behind big shoes to fill. But the thing is, I don’t want to be the next Cam Hardy. I’m Walker James. And just like Hardy, I’m going to the NHL too.
I’ve played hockey since I was six years old. Back then, it was an escape from my shitty reality. And the older I got, the more I was noticed. When I was fifteen, my parents died of a drug overdose, and I was dragged out of my shithole neighborhood to live with my loaded uncle, who was a bit of a celebrity star. Some would say it was probably the best thing to happen to me.
And those people…haven’t met my uncle.
The only reason why his greedy ass brought me to live with him was so that he could get even more famous. One day hoping that I’d make it to the pros and acknowledge that he saved me. That shit couldn’t be further from the truth because when I make it pro, I’m going to hide it from him until it becomes public knowledge.
Despite the fancy hockey clinics he got me into when I was a teenager, I’ve made it this far because of me. Because of the hunger to be more than the shitty place I came from. Not because of him or his money and connections.
Being here, at Brooks U, I feel like I’ve escaped him in a way—much more than my sister has. Last I talked to Briar, she was traveling to different countries with my uncle Beckett and his wife, Natasha. They’ve brainwashed her into thinking that’s the lifestyle she should want. And now, the sister I grew up with is someone completely different.
But when I got away from him by coming to Brooks, I sort of just came back to my past. This place was far from my first choice. It’s a great program with one of the nation’s best college hockey coaches. But it’s also close to my childhood home. The street I grew up on and where my parents died are just a few miles away.
It was easier to block out the memories when I was hours away. But having it a hop, skip, and jump away, passing by the same stores I did before I left…well, it’s fucking with me.
But what’s making it worse is wondering if she still lives on that street. Or worse, if she attends school here. At Brooks.
Poppy Wilson has haunted my dreams since the moment I left her crying on that sidewalk. That was over three years ago.
Now that I’m at Brooks though, I can almost feel her presence.
And that only makes me resent her more.
*********
Poppy
“I love it.” I grin, looking around my brother Jake’s new apartment from a counter stool. “This place is amazing, J. I’m so happy for you.”
“Thank you.” He can’t stop the smile from spreading over his face.
It’s obvious how happy and excited he is right now. And my heart warms.
“I like it too.”
When good things happen to the best people, that’s what makes my day. And my brother is one of the kindest, most deserving souls I know.
Everyone seems to have a different opinion about what someone with Down syndrome can or can’t do. What their goals should be and what will never happen. My brother’s mission has always been to prove to the world, as well as himself, that he could do anything he set his mind to. And after holding a steady job and getting his own place after always dreaming of it, it’s safe to say he’s doing just that.
“Maybe Van will come to see my new home,” he says thoughtfully.
I don’t have the heart to tell him Van won’t be over because I instructed him not to. If Van showed up here, he’d ask Jake for money. And Jake is too nice and would give it to him. And the money would simply be for Van to get high. Again.
“Maybe. You never know.” I shrug. “Even if he doesn’t, you should be so happy. This is huge for you! You’ve talked about this for years!” I jump up from my stool. “I gotta run. Dance starts in a bit, and I still have to take the bus home to get my stuff.” Throwing my arms around him, I give him a squeeze. “Proud of you, dude!”
As I release him and head toward the door, he calls from behind me, “Nice to see you. Next time…bring Ryann.”
I turn to find my brother wiggling his brows at me.
Shaking my head, I pull the door open. “Not going to happen, man. She’s too wild for my brother!” I blow him a cheesy kiss. “Love ya! Don’t throw any parties at your sweet new pad!”
“I will make no promises,” he tosses back just before I close the door behind me.
Jake has the biggest crush on Ryann. Then again, every guy does. Bringing new people around him always makes me nervous. Not for them, but because I’m always afraid they will disrespect my brother in some way. Not every human being is like me and has been brought up around someone who has Down syndrome, and people can be just plain ignorant in understanding that my brother is not dumb and isn’t a baby. So, when I hear people’s voices change when they speak to him, it makes me go on the defense. With Ryann, she always treats him like he’s a normal person.
Because he is. Only way cooler.
As I walk out of his apartment building, I pass one of his neighbors, a girl who seems to stop in and visit him quite a bit since he moved in.
“Hi, Poppy,” she says, holding her hand up.
“Hi, Bonnie!” I wave but keep moving.
Bonnie is a sweetheart, but my Lord, she loves to chat. Most days, I stop and talk for as long as she wants to. Today, I’m too short on time.
Bonnie and my brother actually both started off in the same housing situation shortly after my father was taken to prison. Jake’s plan was always to gain enough independence to live alone. But he wasn’t ready for that until recently. So, a few years ago, he ended up living in a house with other men and women who, like him, had Down syndrome. Not everyone in the home had the ability or wanted to leave there, but Bonnie and my brother wanted help getting ready to live on their own. Now, someone from the home visits them once a day to make sure all is good, but aside from that, they have their freedom. And they both have jobs.
Jake started working as a janitor at a local health clinic a year ago and absolutely loves it. He gets to see people and be social, and most of all, he’s a very hard worker.
Walking along until I reach the bus stop, I sit on the bench next to an older man and wait for the bus.
“Beautiful day, isn’t it?” He smiles.
“It sure is,” I say back.
And it really is. The sun is shining, and it’s in the seventies, the absolute perfect temperature.
But now, I have to go to dance and listen to Jolene, my dance coach, fawn all over our newest dancer, Sutton Savage.
Her father is the senator of Tennessee. She left Juilliard to come here. Juilliard. My freaking dream school that I couldn’t even bother to apply to because I knew it was so out of reach.
So, even though the girl hasn’t personally done anything to me, she rubs me the wrong way.
And that right there is enough to cloud this gorgeous day.
“Gorgeous, Sutton,” Jolene gushes, watching my new nemesis dance across the floor. “Way to extend those legs and point those feet.” Looking around the room, Jolene gives us a less enthused look. “Good work today, everyone. Cool down a bit, and then you’re free to go.”
Sutton’s a good dancer. It’s true. I mean, for the love of God, she transferred here from Juilliard. She should be good. No, great.
Which she is. Even though I want to roll my eyes, even thinking it, she is extremely talented and has an amazing technique.
But for the months before she arrived here, the other dancers and I had been working hard. I was deemed Jolene’s number one dancer from week one. And as a freshman, I felt pretty great. But then she showed up and dimmed my shine with all of her damn blinding, annoying sparkle.
What’s worse is that we’re stuck being roommates too. Thank God Ryann and Lana live there with us. There’s no way I could live alone with Sutton without feeling the urge to put a laxative in her coffee.
A part of me wishes I hadn’t been offered to skip the mandatory freshman year in a dorm because then I wouldn’t have to go home to my rival every night of my life and watch her gloat that she’s the top dog.
All right, fine. She doesn’t really gloat, but I still find her infuriating. With her perfect bun when my hair always has random frizzy pieces everywhere. And her extremely straight legs, like it’s just second nature to stretch them like that.
Sutton Savage is everything I’m not. Nor will I ever be. She comes from a rich family. And I’m sure she’s always gotten everything she wanted. I grew up with charity dance lessons and hand-me-down ballet slippers. There were no fancy dance camps or incredible choreographers for me. But I’ve always made do with what I was given. But I still wonder, if I had more opportunities or if my upbringing were different than it was…would I be at Juilliard right now?
What irks me most about her is that she walked away from Juilliard to be here. At Brooks. While our school is Division 1, our dance program certainly isn’t the best in the country—unlike our football and hockey programs.
She gave that up. Something that I’ve wanted my entire life, but knew I could never have. Not just because I don’t have the proper training, but also because I’ve never wanted to leave Jake or Van behind. After all, we’re all each other has.
Whenever my dancer friends bitch and complain that their parents push them to be perfect, I usually go along with it, too, saying that my parents have been the force behind my hunger to be the best. Truthfully, they have been part of my reasoning for trying so hard. But it’s not because they’ve pushed me, but because I want more for my life than what I saw while growing up.
I finish my cooldown and head toward my bag in the corner of the room. As I start to pull my ballet slippers off, I look up to see Jolene and Sutton chatting. Jolene’s entire face lights up as she hangs on every word that flows from Sutton’s lips.
“Bitch, your ears are smoking,” Ryann mutters, appearing next to me. “She’s not a bad person, you know.”
“Yeah, all right.” I shove my shoes in my bag, slide my knockoff Birkenstocks onto my feet, and stand. “Sorry, Ry. Princesses just aren’t my type of friends.”
She tosses her head back and laughs. “She is so not a princess. In fact, I’m much more princess status than that chick.” She steps closer, sighing. “She’s way nicer than you think. And her life isn’t perfect either.”
“What? Did Daddy not buy her the latest sports car model?” I snort. “Please, Ryann. Let it go. Some people just aren’t meant to be friends.”
Spinning her body completely toward me, she sets her hands on my shoulders and drops her gaze. “I love you. You know this. Bitchiness and all, you’re my friend. But come on, Pop. Don’t assume the worst of someone just because it looks like their life is perfect.” She tilts her head to the side. “Because no one’s life is perfect, babe. I promise you that.”
I shrug away from her. “For months, I’ve been here. And to be here, I had to physically live here. You know what that meant. It meant I had to scramble to find Jake somewhere to move into last spring to make sure he was situated before I could move from the trailer to here.”
I exhale. “Don’t get me wrong; it all worked out. I got away from Van and his…business. And Jake ended up living at The Birches for four months, where they got him ready to be on his own. But either way, for a few weeks leading up to that…it was pure chaos, and I was sick, thinking I had to physically leave my brother or risk Brooks pulling my scholarship if I didn’t move in and start training this summer.”
I nod toward Sutton, who is now getting her shoes on by the door. “She decides Juilliard—my dream school—isn’t good enough. Strolls in here two freaking weeks into the school year when we’ve all been training since August, yet she’s the one who Jolene is acting like is the lead girl.” I shrug. “It’s bullshit. And unlike the rest of y’all, I’m not kissing her left asscheek.”
“Well, first of all, you should know by now that the only asscheek I’d kiss was if Chris Pratt walked in here right now. Because…yum.” Her expression softens. “And I get it. I get all of that. But she’s here for a reason, Poppy. She didn’t just walk away from there because she decided she was bored one day. Trust me on that.”
“Yeah, okay,” I huff out, annoyed that my closest friend drank the Kool-Aid and is now one of Sutton’s minions. “Whatever you say.”
“It is whatever I say, biotch.” She winks. “And one more thing: don’t be killing her in her sleep. I’m a ride-or-die sort of girl, but I don’t want to help bury a body. That shit grosses me out, and I’d never survive jail.” She pulls her lips to the side, widening her eyes. “Annnnd…I like her. I think, someday, you will too.”
With that, she practically skips away, calling, “I’ll be in the car,” over her shoulder.
Trudging behind her, I wave good-bye to Jolene and watch Sutton and Ryann pile into her car.
When Sutton sees me approaching, she shuts the door, and her eyes widen. “Do you want to sit in the front? I didn’t mean to just jump in the front seat.”
“Well, you’re a princess. And princesses get what they want.” I smirk before yanking the back door open and sliding into the car.
If I didn’t have to be at work in an hour, I probably would have just walked my grouchy ass home. But like every day of my life, I have no idle time. And walking and catching a bus everywhere is time-consuming as hell.
I know that my attitude toward Sutton isn’t warranted. I understand that I’m acting like a toddler whose mother just brought home a new baby who’s sucking the attention away from everyone else. But Sutton Savage could have any opportunity she wants in life. Brooks is my only opportunity. I have to prove to the dance world that I’m good enough to work for a company on Broadway.
I might be acting like a mean girl, but she’s in my way.