19
Poppy
Igive Jake one last hug good-bye, squeezing him probably a little too aggressively. Until an hour ago, I hadn’t seen him in ten days. That’s the longest we’ve ever gone without seeing each other. Walker stopped in to visit Jake several times before or after practice. I didn’t want him to see me until the remains of my bruises could be covered with concealer.
“Good to see you, stinker.” I release him. “I hope you didn’t enjoy that little hiatus from me too much. Because it’ll never happen again!”
His grin only spreads more, and he moves to Walker and hugs him.
“Thank you,” Jake says. “For making Poppy smile again.”
Walker tenses but pats him on the back. “Talk to you later, buddy.” He steps back, glancing at me. “Ready?”
Blowing out a breath, I bob my head up and down. “Ready.”
Hudson was able to trace the call I received from my attackers and locate the scumbags. And because of the connections Beckett has, those men are now in prison—probably the same one as my dad, where they can all conspire against me. Nonetheless, I’m free to go about my everyday life again.
And yet I’m kind of sad about that.
It’s like doomsday is coming, and I know Walker and I both feel it. His uncle has demanded he come to South Carolina this weekend, and we both know that the girl he is going to soon be married to will be there.
As we head outside to his truck, I’m lost in my thoughts. What if she’s prettier than me? What if he falls for her and forgets I even existed?
And the thing that’s killing me the most is thinking that I might never get to see him again. Like, really see him. Sure, I’ll see him in passing. But we’ll never be the way we are right now. Not when he becomes someone else’s other half.
He turns out of the parking lot and reaches over, putting his hand on mine. “Hey, you all right?”
Glancing at him, I give him a weak, half-assed smile. “Yeah. I’m…I’m good.”
“If you don’t feel up to going to Sunset Drive today, we can pick another day,” he says, looking at me with pure understanding in his eyes.
What other day?I want to scream out. This is one of the last days we’ll be together. And this is something he and I need to do. Without him, I don’t think I could get through it.
For weeks, I’ve known that I need to go to the trailer and get Van’s belongings out of there, in case, for some stupid reason, Ron gets let out of prison early. Because the second he returns to Sunset Drive, I’ll never step foot on that street again for as long as I live.
It’s now or never.
“Today is fine,” my voice barely squeaks as I make a pathetic attempt to sound okay. “Let’s just go get it over with.”
He eyes me over suspiciously, and I know that he can read my every thought. He knows that I’m dreading going back to that place. But he also knows that if I don’t, I’ll never forgive myself.
And eventually, he nods. “All right.”
*********
Walker
I sit on the worn, definitely-not-safe steps, happy as fuck I’m up to date on my tetanus shots, looking out at the street as I wait for Poppy. I didn’t want her to go inside alone, but how can a street hold so many good memories and so many bad ones at the same time? Sunset Drive is where I made my first friend. Learned to ride a bike. Threw a football for hours on end with Jake. Lit off firecrackers with Van while Poppy stood on the steps, shaking her head at us with that annoyed yet amused look on her beautiful face.
It’s also where I knew, with every single cell in my body, that I loved Poppy Wilson more than I would ever love another human being because we both had this darkness inside of us. Something that could only come from growing up the way that we did. We just got each other. We still do.
I know that the more time we spend together before we say our good-byes, the harder it’ll be to leave. But I don’t have a choice. Not as far as I can see anyway. My uncle is a ruthless man. Once he sets his sights on something, there’s no going back. And right now, his sights are set on me getting married to Gia Romano. A girl I’ve literally met twice at parties that Beckett hosted during my senior year of high school.
And, yeah, I got way too drunk, and we hooked up. But it’s not like I can tell Poppy that. The girl fucking waited for me, never so much as kissing another man. Well, besides Cade. But I’m sure as hell not going to think about that fucking shit right now. Pisses me off too much.
But aside from Huff, she waited. All while I did the opposite. I tried to drown my sorrows in meaningless sex, pretending each girl was her.
It’s one thing for Poppy to know I’ve been with other women. It’s another for her to find out I’m marrying a girl I’ve been with in that way. But it didn’t mean anything. In fact, after it was over, I couldn’t get away from her fast enough.
She’s the opposite of Poppy. And that’s why I can’t stand her.
The door creaks open, and I turn my head to see Poppy before she takes a seat next to me and sets the cardboard box of random things on the ground.
Her head rests against my shoulder as we sit in silence. The light breeze rushes through the trees, making the leaves dance on their limbs.
I gaze up, not seeing this shithole the way I used to. When everything looked dirty and abandoned, I resented everything about it—even the pavement. We’d all talk about how, one day, we’d get out. I guess we all did in some way or another.
Now, I just want to go back. Back to a time when Poppy looked at me like I’d hung the entire fucking galaxy. Or when Van hadn’t taken his first hit of heroin and he had dreams of getting out of here. Jake had both siblings alive and healthy. And most of all, to a time when, in my heart, I thought I’d end up with Poppy. The NHL isn’t far away now. LaConte has gotten multiple calls from teams interested in me. I have all the money I could dream of, and I no longer live on a street where no one is safe.
Yet I feel like I’ve lost everything. And she’s not even gone yet.
Loving and letting her go is like a Band-Aid that’s sitting on a wound. You know it’s better to just rip it off and get it the hell over with, but it’s the hardest fucking thing I’ll ever have to do. And that says a lot because we both went through a lot of shit during our childhood on Sunset Drive. A place where we learned about life, loss, and pain. And even heartbreak. It sucked, and it didn’t make for the easiest life. But it made us who we are today, in this moment.
She’s strong. She’s so fucking strong. And to be honest, I know she’ll be fine without me. But I can’t say the same for me. Because those years without her, I was so fucking lost. And since that night that her brother died and she let me back in, I am finally starting to feel like everything makes sense. Even as fucked up as that sounds because Van died. I’d give anything to change that, but the fact is, that terrible, fucking awful moment in time brought us back together. And now, we’re about to get ripped apart again.
And I can’t stomach it. But I also don’t know what to do. My uncle is not above getting those two thugs out of jail and having them go after her again if I don’t play my part in his game.
The way I see it, either way, I can’t win. But if one of the options keeps her safe and the other doesn’t? Come hell or high water, I’ll always throw myself in front of a bullet for her.
Finally, she sighs, keeping her head against my shoulder. “I can’t say I’ll miss this street, but I wouldn’t change a thing about it as far as me and you. You know?”
Of course, I know what she means. I wouldn’t change anything either. Because as shitty as the circumstances were, it brought us together.
I don’t think I could love anyone who had never known the pain she and I have felt. Because of that pain…I know how tough and resilient she is. And that’s what makes me love her as fiercely as I do.
“There will always be you, and there will be me. But without this street, there would be no you and me. So, as much as I’d like to…I can’t hate this place,” I mutter softly. “I can’t hate anything that led me to you.”
She nuzzles her cheek against my hoodie. “At least this time around, we’re not leaving angry.” She pauses. “That’s got to count for something, right?”
“Right,” I mutter lifelessly.
It doesn’t matter if we leave each other happy, angry, or fucking hating one another. Any universe where she’s leaving or I’m leaving her behind makes zero sense.
I nod toward the box, seeing one of the hats Van always wore and a piece of pottery he made in, like, fifth grade. But when I see the MVP baseball trophy Van got in seventh grade, I almost lose it. He stopped playing the next year, which was a damn shame because he was quite the player.
“I hated baseball. Literally couldn’t fucking stand it one bit. But I always wonder, if I had just played a few more years, if I could have stuck it out for him…maybe he would have kept playing and ended up with a scholarship.” My eyes glance around. “A scholarship to get him the fuck out of here.”
“You had to chase down your dreams, Walker,” she whispers against my hoodie. “If you hadn’t, you could have ended up in the same boat as he did.” She stretches an arm around the front of me. “Watching you on the ice again just solidifies what I’ve known all along.” She cranes her neck so that her face is tilted up toward mine. “You were born to play hockey. And I love watching you do something that sets your soul on fire.”
My chest warms while my heart hurts, all at the same time. “Hockey just doesn’t seem like that big of a deal anymore.” I shake my head. “I’m losing you. We lost Van.” I stop, feeling the dread spreading through my body. “I’ve felt guilty since the night I saw Van when I came back here. Right when I looked at him, I knew in my heart that I had abandoned him and that if I hadn’t, he might have never gotten into drugs or dealing them to begin with. Just because I moved away didn’t mean I had to stop being there for you all. But that’s exactly what I did. That’s something I have to live with. And to be honest, P, it fucking kills me.” I take a long breath, slowly letting it out, though it comes out shaky. “My sister has lost her mind. Van is dead. Jake will likely hate me when he thinks I’m leaving you again.” I look at her, my eyes growing blurry as I squeeze her hand. “I just want you to be happy, Poppyseed. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”
Slowly, she reaches up, brushing my hair over. “I refuse to think that after everything we’ve been through,” she says, stopping as her eyes fill with tears, and she smiles before pouting sadly. “Our families addiction, abuse, betrayals, hunger, feeling filthy…” Her lip trembles. “After all of that, Walker James, I refuse to think that someone they call Dr. Boobs is going to be our demise.” She attempts to lighten the mood but only cries harder. “I was never with another man because I had never given up on the idea of us.” She squeezes my hand tighter. “I’m not about to throw in the towel now.”
My lips attack hers, and I kiss her, tasting the salt from her tears on my lips as her body shakes against mine. Pulling back, I cup her cheeks. “I love you. I have loved you since we were kids, and I will love you until the day I die.” I kiss her again—happy as fuck that her lip is healed because I’m almost certain I just bruised it without meaning to.
“I think I’ve loved you for my entire life.” She sniffles. “And even though I’ve never thought of myself as wife material, I can’t let you marry someone who isn’t me.”
I don’t make a promise that I can’t keep. And I don’t tell her it’ll all be okay and that my uncle will drop the deal and let us ride off into the sunset and leave me the fuck alone. I might have hurt her in the past, but I don’t want to lie to her and give her false hope. So, instead, I kiss her again and touch my nose to hers.
“Please, let me get you out of here,” I whisper, sliding my hand to her thigh. “Let me take you home. I need to feel you, my perfect fucking girl.”
“Okay,” she utters, nodding her head up and down.
But before we stand, my phone rings in my pocket. Pulling it out, I see an out-of-state number with an area code I don’t recognize.
“Better see who it is,” she whispers, nodding toward my phone.
Slowly, I drag my thumb across the screen and bring it to my ear.
“Hello?” I say, expecting a telemarketer or maybe even my uncle to respond.
“Hey there. Is this Walker James?” a deep voice replies quickly.
“Uh, yes.” I glance at Poppy, who watches me closely. “This is Walker James.”
“Walker, this is Jack Dow, GM of the New England Bay Sharks here in Portland, Maine.” There’s a short pause, and I swear to God my heart fucking stops beating as I wait for his next words. “You’ve probably heard that our starting center, Kenneth Smitten, is retiring after this season. Leaving us in need of some fresh blood on the team. We’ve watched you this season. And we’re impressed. You came onto a brand-new team as a freshman, stepping into the shoes of Cam Hardy. Which we recognize was no easy feat. Anyway, we’d love to offer you a position on our team next season.”
“For real?” I barely register myself saying. My brain feels like it’s spinning.
“Hell yeah, son.” He laughs. “We’ll send over a contract for your agent to look over. Talk about it with your family and get back to me in the next few weeks. Okay?”
I’m still so shocked by the phone call that it takes me a second to even respond. “Yeah…yeah, that sounds great. Uh, thank you.” I run my hand over the top of my head. “Thank you so much.”
“Look forward to hearing from you, James. Enjoy your day.”
He ends the call, and I look at Poppy, whose big eyes stare at me, wondering what the hell is going on. And I’m scared to tell her because if the odds weren’t already stacked against us for being together…they really are now.
Playing in the NHL is all I’ve wanted to do since I was a kid. But if I had to choose between the pros and her, I’d hang my skates up right now.
All I know is…I’m not letting Beckett find out that his nephew just made it into the NHL. Fuck. No.
*********
Poppy
Judging by the look on his face, it’s obvious that he just got big news. Huge news even. And as the call comes to an end, I patiently wait for him to share with me what’s going on.
Slowly, he stands. “That was the general manager of the New England Bay Sharks.” He swallows, looking straight ahead. “They want me to come play for them next season.” His eyes find mine, and he cringes the slightest bit. “In Maine.”
As hard as the sting in my chest hits me, knowing he’ll be gone and I’ll be here, I’m so happy for him. Because this has been his dream for his entire life. Everything he’s done has been for this moment. And what better place to find this out than here, where it all began? To remind him that where he came from isn’t where he’s going to end up.
Pushing to my feet, I stand, looking up at him. “You’re going pro?” I barely whisper, tears gathering in my eyes because I’m the one who’s right next to this boy when all his dreams are coming true. Not his arranged wife. Me.
“I mean … yeah,” he croaks. “I guess I am.”
I leap into his arms as the tears flow down my cheeks in a steady stream. “You’re in the NHL,” I cry. “You did it!”
His arms squeeze me, pulling my feet from the ground as he buries his face into the crevice of my neck. “Maine is a long ways away from Georgia,” he murmurs, an unmistakable anxiousness in his tone.
When he sets me down, I keep my hands on his waist and angle my chin up to look at him. “I’m losing you anyway, Walker.” My voice croaks. “I’m finally starting to understand that whether you’re one mile away or a thousand … you’ll always be with me.” I sniffle harder when his thumbs brush the tears gathering under my eyes. “No matter where you go, I’ll be with you. Always.”
“It’s not the same,” he growls. “It’ll never be the same.”
It’s like watching a clock run out of time when you still have so much more you need to do or want to say. There will never be enough time with Walker. I could be promised eternity, and I’d still watch the clock, scared it would eventually come to an end.
“I always knew you’d be the one to chase down your dreams and make them become reality,” I whisper, smiling through my tear-soaked lashes. Releasing one hand from him, I wave toward the street that once was our home. “You came from here and look where you’re going next.”
I stand on my tiptoes, pressing my lips to his. “I love you, and I am so proud of you, Walker James. And I know your parents are looking down, so proud of you too.” I kiss him again. “So, you’re going to go to Maine because you deserve it. And you’re not going to feel bad.”
His eyebrows pull together, and his eyes grow misty before he lifts me up, forcing my legs around his waist. “I fucking love you, Poppy. And I promise you, when it comes to this arranged marriage, I’m not going down without a fight. I’m going to try like hell to come back to you.”
I nod, my nose rubbing against his. “I believe you.” I say the three words, trying to sound so calm. But the truth is, I’m terrified.
Because deep down, I know I’m going to lose him. Again. Only this time, I don’t think he’ll come back.