Chapter Twenty-One - Soter
The serpentine daemon lunges, fangs bared, jaw unnaturally wide. I’ve seen what that mouth can do—several paralyzed Blades will need to be rushed to the hospital across the river.
I aim my pistol, sunstone bullet already chambered, and squeeze the trigger. There’s no bang thanks to the silencer. The bullet punches straight through the daemon’s skull, leaving a smoking hole. The creature drops onto the muddy beach with a wet thud.
Thirteen daemon bodies litter the shore around me. Small but lightning fast. If more come through that rift, we need to be ready.
“Good aim, Commander,” Wendy notes, lowering her weapon. “You handled that better than any rookie I’ve met.”
I attempt a smile, but the praise feels hollow. I’m not used to compliments. I glance at Isolde, who’s gathering corpses with Ry, preparing them for the acid vats back at the precinct. If she heard Wendy’s praise, she doesn’t acknowledge it.
My frown deepens.
“Thank you.”
Wendy nods. “What do you think—should we defy Wilder and send a team after them?”
I glare at the lake’s black water, still as death, taunting me like my father’s silence whenever we’re in the same room. Would my father praise me now, or ignore this victory like all the others?
These weren’t Dullahan, but that doesn’t mean they won’t return. The real threat could be waiting on the other side. It could be suicide.
I hate admitting it, but Wilder might be right. He can handle Leigh. We need to protect this city.
“Wait it out,” I order. “If they’re not back by dawn, we seal the gate. That’s what’s safest, and it’s the queen’s standing order, according to Ravi. It’s what Wilder wants, too.”
Wendy nods. “Understood.”
“Wait,” Jaxson shouts nearby. “I didn’t think we were seriously going to listen to Wilder. We are trained soldiers; we can easily send a retrieval team after them. It’ll be simple.”
I exhale. He isn’t going to make this easy, and he’s thinking too much like a best friend than a Domna. “It’s what Wilder and Leigh want. They are being rational, so should you.”
“Screw what they want,” Jax snaps. “If you’re too scared to go, I’ll fucking do it myself.”
“Stand down, Domna,” Wendy cuts in, her voice razor-sharp. “Soter’s your superior, act like it.”
“But, Commander …” Jax’s protest dies under Wendy’s hardened stare.
“Go cool off,” I say, my patience wearing thin.
I get it. Our choices suck, but I don’t need Jax undermining my commands.
“We’ll talk when you’re ready to listen.
Remember that your personal problems aren’t what’s important right now.
You swore an oath to protect this city and its people.
Right now, that doesn’t include Leigh or Wilder. ”
“They aren’t the only ones missing. Fynn is, too, and—”
Wendy produces her credit card with a flick and thrusts it into Jax’s hand. “Coffee. Now. If we’re going to survive this night, we need caffeine, and you need to calm down.”
“A coffee run? Seriously?” Jax stares, incredulous.
Wendy doesn’t miss a beat, her tone cold enough to freeze the blood still pooling beneath the dead daemon at her feet. “What’s with you tonight? You’re not usually this ornery.”
Jax’s jaw tightens. “I’m fine.” He turns to leave but shoots me a glare that could kill.
Years apart, and he still hates my guts. Not even my new title can change that.
I shove my hands into my jacket pockets. Maybe a walk isn’t a bad idea.
“I’ll be right back,” I say.
My boots sink into the wet sediment as I patrol along the moonlit beach.
I keep my eyes on the center of the lake, willing Wilder and Leigh to surface.
It’s infuriating to stand here, keeping guard, not able to do anything because Wilder said so.
It pains me more to agree to his terms because we don’t know what awaits us in Mictlan.
Dooming the city isn’t worth finding out.
How could he go through that portal without consulting me first?
“Nothing is getting past our perimeter, Soter. I think you can chill.”
I glance over my shoulder. Isolde stands with her arms crossed over her chest, her uniform stained with mud and daemon blood.
She looks so distant. I want nothing more than to reach out and pull her close, but I keep my arms at my sides.
She’s beautiful, almost unattainably so.
I’ve longed for her since we broke up all those years ago.
I’ve tried every trick I know to earn her forgiveness for putting my family first, but nothing seems to work.
I have her body, but what I truly want is her heart.
I was a jerk at the Academy when I pursued her to get under Wilder’s skin.
After getting to know her, though, I realized she was the one for me.
She’s smart, sassy, and brave as hell, and more importantly, she doesn’t put up with my shit.
I thought I had it all with her. Wilder found out about us, and she chose me, until my father issued his ultimatum: break up with her or lose my place in his family.
Desperate for my father’s approval, I pushed Isolde away. Too bad I had already fallen for the blue-haired girl who could no longer stand the sight of me. I destroyed any chance I had with her after that. My father? He respects me about as much as a thief respects a locked door.
I was ready to give up on Isolde. Nine months ago, I confessed my love for her, told her I understood why she could never feel the same, and promised I was done chasing her and trying to force something that was no longer between us.
That’s when she finally agreed to give us another shot—so long as we kept it secret.
I agreed, even though I want to shout that she’s mine to every asshole who looks at her.
But that would mean losing her for good.
It’s unfair, and I’m done being everyone’s shameful secret.
I’m the commander now—the title I spent years trying to earn, hoping it would prove to her and my father that I’m enough.
So why aren’t I?
“Wilder’s a real idiot for going after Leigh alone,” I mutter. Isolde’s gaze pins me, sharp and unreadable. Silence stretches. My heart wavers. “Who does he think he is, anyway? I swear, he can’t last a day without playing the hero. Golden Boy Dunn—guess some things never change.”
Isolde crosses her arms, canvas jacket crinkling. “Maybe he went after Leigh because he loves her.”
“Maybe he can’t stand to rely on me for anything.”
“Yeah, I am sure he was thinking of you when he heard Leigh had disappeared.”
“Abandoning your post to lecture me, Faez? Maybe I should send you away like Jaxson.” My voice sounds colder than I mean it to.
Sol bristles. “We’ve got two cities’ worth of Blades backing us up.
Nothing’s getting through that portal except Leigh and Wilder.
” She shoots me a glare. “And swear to the gods, if you call me Faez again, I’ll slap sense into you.
Call me Isolde or Sol, like you always do.
Seriously, you’re starting to weird me out. ”
I laugh darkly. “I thought only friends called you Sol. And if I am your commanding officer, can I also be your friend?”
“Stop.”
“Stop what?”
“You’re being bitter for no reason.”
I straighten. “No reason? You let Jaxson treat me like shit because—”
“Not here.” Isolde vanishes into the tree line.
A muscle in my jaw twitches. Jax has been a dick all night; the party was just the start. I breathe in, count to five, and head for the shadows between the trees. This talk is long overdue.
The forest eats the light, and sudden blindness makes my skin crawl. “Sol?” I call out.
No answer. Not even a crunch of leaves.
“Come on, where are you? Enough with the games.” My voice snakes between the pines.
She’s messing with me. She knew I’d follow, and she’s making a point by staying silent. I can’t stop obsessing over Wilder—about us. About how Wilder always gets everything, including her.
“Boo!” Isolde slips out from behind a thick trunk.
I yelp and instinctively reach for my gun. She doubles over in laughter.
Dammit, why can’t all her smiles be for me?
“You scream like a terrified recruit,” she teases.
I clear my throat. “I do not.”
She arches a brow. “You scream so manly, like a bear or a lion. Better?”
I scowl, folding my arms. “You’re talking down to me again.”
“Am I, Commander?”
“Insubordination has consequences.”
She grins. “Didn’t peg you for a delicate flower, but if the combat boot fits …”
“Just—”
She shuts me up with a kiss. It’s urgent and fierce, no room for hesitation.
Her lips are hot against mine, making every protest crumble.
I cave, pulling her tight, wrapping my arms around her like manacles.
I’m shackling her to me, not out of control, but out of terror that if I let go, I’ll lose her forever.
Her tongue presses against the seam of my lips, and I push her away. “No.”
Isolde blinks. I never stop her; she usually brings our time together to an end. We are working right now, and this is my first major case. I’m doing everything in my power to impress her, to be the guy she wants me to be, yet she’d risk me getting fired for a few minutes of fun.
“What’s wrong?” she asks.
We aren’t together, that’s what’s wrong. I’m in charge, yet she’s calling the shots.
First, it was Wilder keeping us apart, then it was my mistreatment of her, then it was public perception. Now I am her superior. Being the commander should make her proud to be with me, but she’s not. We are constantly battling with our hands tied behind our backs.
“What are we doing, Sol?” I ask.
Isolde’s lips curve with wicked confidence. “Well, if you’d stop pussyfooting around, I’m trying to kiss you. Maybe something more—if you think we can be away for twenty minutes.”
The image of Isolde bent over, hands braced against a tree as I pull her pants down just enough to take her from behind, ambushes my mind.
She would have her palms flat on the bark, desperate moans slipping out even though the others are less than a hundred yards away.
The risk of being caught. The twisted thrill of almost wanting them to find us—to see how she’d still gasp my name even with their horrified faces because she’s too lost in what I do to her to care, brings a sick smile to my lips.
Only that’s not how I want them to know about us.
I close my eyes, dragging myself out of the fantasy. No more secrets. No more hiding.
“Why? What’s the point?”
She gasps. “Soter. Why are you doing this? Because of Jaxson? You know why I didn’t say anything at the party. We are friends. More than that.”
“Yeah, I get it.” But I wish I didn’t.
“Then why are you pushing me away?”
I sigh. “Maybe I’m just over it.”
Isolde balks. I’m saying all the wrong things, but I can’t help it. I’m angry not only with her, but with myself.
I’m sick. Sick in the head. Sick of all this shit.
Not to mention, sickeningly turned on after one small kiss.
There are a thousand things I want to do with Isolde in these woods, but I’m tired of hiding in the shadows.
I want to hold her and kiss her in front of everyone.
I make the rules; she won’t break them. Not for me, at least.
“You don’t have to be such a jerk.” Isolde shakes her head.
I step back. “I thought that’s all you liked about me. There’s nothing else about me you deem worthy of your love. Or did you lie? Because if you loved me, you’d want to be with me.”
“I’m no liar.”
Could have fooled me. “Do you not want anyone to know about us because you still love your ex?”
I can’t believe I just asked that. I feel like a fucking idiot. Isolde doesn’t care for Wilder anymore, not in that way, at least. But I want to make her mad. I want a reason to be angry.
Isolde glares at me as if she wants to punch me, and I step closer, almost inviting her to do it. Make me bleed, baby. Hate me; it might help me stop loving you because that’s what I need to do. You’ll never choose me.
“Are you being serious?” Isolde hisses.
I nod once. “As a trip wire in tall grass.”
“I am not in love with Wilder; I am in love with you. Although I am wondering why that is right now because you’re horrible.”
There it is. “If that were true, you wouldn’t keep us a secret.”
“You are my boss.”
“What if I wasn’t?”
Sol huffs a breath. “You are, so that’s a moot point. Don’t you think?”
The ground under my feet feels unstable. Somehow, I manage to stay upright despite knowing there’s no future for us. “Then let’s end things now.”
I turn to head back to Wendy and the others.
“Why can’t you just be happy with the way things are?” she quietly calls after me.
Because it’s not enough; just like I am never enough. I can’t control Isolde, but I can control how I manage the Blades. With my head held high and my heart bleeding outside of my chest, I walk away, leaving Isolde alone as I should have done years ago.