Chapter Twenty-Five - Desiree
“Why the hell is everyone just standing around?”
It’s still dark outside as I run through the trees behind the castle, but daylight isn’t far off.
We might have another hour or two of darkness, then I’ll want to head back inside to escape the sun.
Mom and Vane are several yards behind me.
Judging by the somber mood among the Blades present at the lake, Leigh and Wilder haven’t returned.
I scan the serious faces but don’t see Jaxson.
“What are you all waiting for?” I shout, pointing toward the lake.
“My brother is in there.” I rip off my jacket.
Wilder is my twin—my flesh and blood. I will not stand by and wait to see if he’ll make it back like these jerks.
I run toward the water’s edge, but two uniformed Blades step in front of me.
One grabs my shoulders and plants his feet wide, while the other snags me around the waist.
“Let go,” I shout, squirming against them. “Please. What if he’s in trouble?”
“It’s not safe,” one Blade says to me, voice strained.
If the Blades had discovered the rift sooner, or gone in after the little boy themselves, Leigh and Wilder would be getting ready for their wedding—scheduled to occur in about twelve hours—instead of battling through who-knows-what horrors.
It’s moments like these that I wish my dad were here and still in control. He wouldn’t be passive like these assholes.
“Do you hate my brother so much that you’d rather he was dead?” I ask Soter.
He grits his teeth. “Desiree, you are blaming the wrong person. I didn’t ask him to go through the damn portal.”
Yeah, I’d rather yell at my brother, but Wilder isn’t fucking here.
“You should be chasing after them, you should be doing something.”
The Glaucus Blade Commander, Wendy, frowns. “Mrs. Bathory, I assure you, we are doing everything we can. We’ve secured the perimeter. Daemons have been shot. But we can’t go inside; we could get ambushed—”
“You are being cowards,” I sneer.
“We are following orders,” Soter adds next.
“Whose?” I ask, still wriggling. “I thought you called the shots now?”
Soter looks toward the water, then back at me. Unease swirls in his mismatched eyes. “Wilder’s.”
I stop struggling. One Blade restraining me exhales in relief. “What did he say?”
Soter runs his tongue over one of the two symmetrical snake bite piercings in his lower lip. “If they aren’t back by daybreak, Ravi should use the spell to close them in it.”
“No,” I whisper. That’s an instant death sentence.
Sunrise is too soon.
Loose strands of hair blow into my eyes, and I struggle to breathe.
If Wilder doesn’t come back, I’ll never get to laugh with my brother again.
I faked my death once, thinking I’d have to live an eternity never seeing him, but fate had other plans.
We didn’t get a second chance to be torn apart again.
No. I swallow back tears. I refuse to accept this.
“Where’s Jaxson?” I ask Soter. “He would never let you do this.”
“Jax is running an errand,” Wendy replies softly.
I shake my head. They sent him away on purpose.
I jerk against my captors, lurching toward the lake again.
If I can reach the portal, I’ll be in Mictlan before they can stop me.
The Blades grunt, and their muscles strain as they try to hold me back.
I manage to free one hand and punch one of them in the face, cartilage crunches under my knuckles.
The other officer yanks me back, and I land flat on my back with a grunt.
“You bitch,” the one I just hit exclaims, blood running down his chin.
“Better a bitch than a doormat,” I wheeze.
“That’s enough,” Soter warns. Neither Blade hears him. One of them comes down on top of me. I growl, hiss, and do everything I can to buck him off. Mud cakes my clothes, my face, and my hair. In my frenzy, I rake my nails across one of their faces.
“I said that’s enough,” Soter growls, prying one officer off me.
“What the fuck?” Jaxson’s voice rings through the air like a shotgun blast.
A moment later, Wendy pulls the remaining officer to his feet. I rush toward the water. But Jax catches me before I can dive in.
“Desiree, stop.”
“Let me go.” A Styrofoam cup crunches beneath my shoes as I shuffle my feet. There are several more discarded cups lying nearby. Coffee stains the mud a milky brown.
“Don’t! Desiree, look at me.” All I can see is my desperate need to take action. “Desiree. You’re leaving me no choice. If you won’t listen to me, I will need to remove you from the situation.”
“I won’t leave them in there—”
Jax hauls me over his shoulder. “I’m sorry, don’t hate me,” Jaxson says as he carries me away from the lake.
I stop fighting because he’ll listen to me and see reason once he has space from the others. I need to hear from him that he wasn’t going to give up on Wilder and Leigh, along with that defenseless child in Mictlan. He has a plan.
Still, I flip off the two Blades with both hands. Soter does a poor job of hiding his smile before smacking them both upside the head. He scolds them a second later, but I can’t hear him over the pounding in my temples.
“Desiree?”
A moment later, Vane and my mom appear from the trees. Mom’s green eyes bulge.
“It’s not what it looks like,” Jax mutters to Vane, who folds his arms. “She and I need to talk.”
Vane steps aside and allows Jaxson to whisk me away, a brittle smile on his face.
When Jax finally sets me on my feet, I whirl on him, pushing both hands into his solid chest. “What the hell, Jaxson?”
“Have you lost your damn mind, Desi?” Jax fires back. “You were beating up two armed men.”
I release a long breath through my nose. “They want to trap Wilder and Leigh in Mictlan,” I screech, desperately searching his face. “We can’t let them.”
Jax frowns as I put distance between us. “It’s what Wilder wants.”
“How could you say that?”
“I didn’t say I was going to let it happen—”
“Then why did you take me away?”
“We need a plan. Soter and Wendy won’t—”
“You’re a Blade. Fight them off!”
“Wendy is my boss. I need to handle this rationally. I think I can convince some of the other Blades to join our side. Wendy and Soter will have to listen if the majority of us want to carry out a rescue mission.”
I scoff. “By the time you get enough people on your side, it’ll be too late.”
“We can’t just jump through the portal with guns blazing,” Jax says. “If we do, we could put Wilder, Leigh, and Fynn’s lives in more jeopardy. My plan is solid.”
“Who the hell are you? You aren’t you right now. My Jax wouldn’t stand around and play by the rules if a child got taken. He wouldn’t let them trap my brother and his fiancée in a realm of sorrow. My Jax would lose his shit and fight back if he saw two men attacking me—”
“I’m not your Jaxson anymore.” He exhales loudly.
I wince. “I just meant, you are my best friend.”
Jax wipes his hand down his face. “Desi …”
“You’ve been on edge all night, not acting like yourself. I thought it was because of me, but maybe I was wrong.”
He groans. “I failed, Desi. I failed to tell you and everyone the truth, and now everything is ruined.”
Truth about what? “What’s ruined?”
He laughs, but it lacks his usual warmth. “My future.”
I blink, still confused.
“I should have been honest with you and everyone else, but I was afraid you all would tell me I was making a big mistake—that I wasn’t mature or responsible enough. Now, Fynn is missing, and it’s my fault.” He closes his eyes and takes a trembling breath.
“Jax, what the hell are you talking about?”
“Fynn is my responsibility.”
“You sound like a concerned parent rather than a Blade,” I joke, but the words turn his expression raw.
“Jax?” His scent sours—determination mixing with fear. Dread coils in my stomach. What isn’t he saying?
He stands taller. “The missing boy. Fynn. I’m adopting him.”
His admission is a syringe of adrenaline. “What?”
“Anselm and I decided six months ago. It started with supervised visits, and we completed the final paperwork this week. I wanted to tell you immediately, but I was afraid you’d talk me out of it.
You know me better than anyone. If you said I was making a mistake, I would believe you.
So, instead of being upfront and sharing the big news, I kept it to myself, and it really messed with my head.
I even asked Anselm not to come tonight so I could break the news without him there in case you all reacted badly. ”
Oh my gods. How did I think Jaxson was upset because Anselm dumped him? I thought he was going to confess he was still in love with me. How self-centered am I? Vane must have known about Fynn. Is that why he was so determined Jax and I talk? I want to bury my head in the mud.
“I’m sorry,” I manage past my fangs. “I’m sorry you would even think I would tell you that adopting a child with your boyfriend is a mistake. That’s not how I feel at all.”
“You always said I ran from responsibility.” His heart rate spikes. “After seeing you all tonight, I started worrying that I’m not fit to be a dad. My parents divorced when I was fifteen. My brothers are lucky they didn’t end up on milk cartons.”
A hollow ache expands in my belly. “Jax, anyone can see you’ve grown up.”
“Tell that to Wilder and the others.”
“Wilder sees it, too.” My chest tightens. “Come with me to Mictlan. Save Fynn. Be his hero.”
Jax pauses, then shakes his head. “There’s power in numbers. If we can persuade the others to go against Wendy and Soter—”
“Jaxson!” Soter’s voice cuts through the trees.
Jax frowns. “Trust me, Desiree. This will work. I’m not risking their lives. We do this right.”
I get it. He’s trying to be responsible for Fynn. I need to respect that.
“Jaxson,” Soter screams again.
“Go,” I tell him, needing a moment alone. “I’ll be right behind you.”
Jax hesitates. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, Desi. I hope this doesn’t change things between us.”
“It won’t.”
My vampire heart swells for him as I watch him walk away, fully knowing he will be every bit of the father he strives to be. I’m barely alone a minute before I sense Vane’s presence. The hairs on the back of my neck stand up, as they always do when he’s nearby.
“I know you’re there.”
Vane steps into the moonlight, his dark brows furrowing with worry. “Are you okay?”
I inhale a deep breath. “Yes.”
“I know when you are lying.”
Shaking my head, I say, “I’m fine. I am just embarrassed. I thought Jaxson was acting weird because he was going to tell me he still had feelings for me. I never expected he was going to tell me he was adopting a child.”
“He’s growing up.”
I rub my chest. My heart hurts. “He is, and it’s without me.”
“It was bound to happen eventually.”
“I didn’t expect it to happen so soon, and with Wilder missing, I feel like I’ve lost them both.”
Vane takes my arm, turning me to face him. “Look at me.”
I refuse to meet his eyes. I’m embarrassed. I wanted him to tone down his affection for me because I thought it would spare Jaxson’s feelings. Vane’s my mate; I never should have asked him to do that.
“Desiree, please.”
I lift my gaze. “What?”
Vane stares down at me, and I strain my neck to meet his eyes.
“Vyvyan had this same conversation with me a long time ago,” he begins. “It may sound harsh, but I’m not trying to be.”
“Okay,” I whisper.
“You are a vampire now. Your mortal life is over. Yes, it wasn’t that long ago, and it holds wonderful memories—memories I want you to hold onto with all your heart, because one day, you will wake up and immortality will feel different.
The people you love, your friends, your family, will grow old and die.
Their time will be brief; yours is eternal.
Missing them will be painful but promise me you won’t let the fear of losing them stop you from being happy. You deserve to be happy.”
He pauses before adding, “Jaxson is your first lesson in letting go. He was your first love, and saying goodbye hurts—that pain may last forever. But it will ebb with time, and I will be here to ensure you stay standing. Wilder is your brother; nothing will ever change that. You didn’t lose either of them; they are making their own choices, and those choices have consequences.
Now, it is your choice on how you will move forward.
With one foot in front of the other, or will you let them dictate your future? ”
Something inside me splits—the new vampire part that understands precisely what he means, and the still-human part that wants to scream in denial.
“How do you do it?” I ask. “How do you watch them all slip away and not go mad?”
Vane studies me for a long moment, and I see decades of loss in his eyes.
When he speaks, his voice is still soft.
“You’re strong, Desiree. You know yourself better than I knew myself at your age.
You’ve grown and adapted, refusing to let your vampirism define you.
It’ll prevent you from hardening into a monster.
Every loved one becomes an integral part of who you are, and that part remains with you forever.
The gift of immortality isn’t surviving; it’s carrying that love through time. ”
Fresh tears trickle down my face. “Your wisdom betrays your age, old man.”
Vane frowns. “I was trying to be nice.”
“Maybe I don’t want you to be nice,” I reply with a weak smile, failing to lighten the mood.
“Desiree.”
I squeeze him tighter when his grip on me loosens. “Hold me.”
“Forever, if you let me.”
We cling to each other in the dark. I cry into Vane’s chest; he never tells me to stop.
Silently, I wish Jaxson and his growing family all the best. I remind myself that Wilder will be fine. I’m not saying goodbye to him today or anytime soon, even if I might have to someday. And on that day, it’ll hurt like hell, but I won’t be alone. I won’t ever be again.