Chapter Thirty-Four - Wilder
I walk through Mictlan, holding onto whatever remaining dignity I have.
How dare she? I left Leigh by the river to clear my head.
She doesn’t have to marry me, but I’m not leaving her here.
I need a moment to gather my thoughts before I face her again.
She’s upset about the whole situation. Hell, I am, too.
I just don’t take it out on her like she does on me.
If she meant to hurt me, she damn well succeeded.
I know Leigh is trying to protect me; she doesn’t have a malicious bone in her body. But it’s not her responsibility to fix everything at the expense of her own well-being. When will she realize that?
You are a Blade, and I am the queen. You stick to what you excel at, and I will do the same.
Her words sting. I served as Blade Commander longer than I needed to.
I claimed it was for her, but really, it was for me.
Soter was ready a year ago. Why did I hang on?
Because I wanted to. The command, the purpose, and the excitement that came with closing a case.
Am I just like my parents—cold and power hungry?
I gave everything up for Leigh, but if it was the right thing to do, then why does it still feel like I lost a piece of myself?
The piece that made me who I am. Leigh fell for me as a Blade; she knew what that meant and chose me anyway.
Despite my limbs feeling heavy as lead, I turn around, wanting to confront her and face our fears.
We need to clear the air between us and make one last effort to find Fynn.
We cannot give up on ourselves or each other in this world.
It will break us if we let it. My body is already fighting the effects this land has on the living.
I feel like a living corpse, and I know Leigh can see what I’m feeling.
I love her for trying to help me, but she doesn’t need to sacrifice herself or our relationship to do it.
“You’re going the wrong way,” a voice calls behind me.
Selene emerges from the mist, purple hair and rain-slicked shadows materializing with her. I keep walking. I’m not dealing with her right now.
She hurries beside me, water running down her jeans and spectral face. Her grip on my arm is as cold as plunging into winter. I jerk away.
“Did you hear me?”
“I did.”
“So why aren’t you going home?” she presses.
“You know why.”
“You won’t find her there.” Her smile is glass, cracked and sharp.
I stop. “Where is she?”
“Kosac has her. She’s his now.”
Her words stab deep. “What is that supposed to mean?”
“She sold her soul for Aradia’s freedom,” Selene responds, satisfaction coloring her words, while dread crushes my insides into dust. She’s lying.
Leigh would never … but who am I kidding?
Of course, she would. “She’ll be Kosac’s prisoner for eternity.
You should have listened to me. There’s nothing left for you here.
And if you don’t leave, you’ll be stuck here, too. ”
Rain pours down my face, sticking hair to my skin. Selene’s delight in this misery only deepens my dread. “Did you do this?”
Everything clicks. The voice in the cell. The smile. She pretended to be ambivalent about the dangers of this world, but that’s because she’s been working with Kosac all along.
“Why Selene?” I ask.
“I did what I had to—always have,” she says, chin high. “I survived.”
“Survived?” My voice is acidic. “You’re dead, Selene.”
She throws her arms wide, laughing bitterly.
“Exactly. Just when I found a family with Pallas and Chiron, my life was taken from me. Leigh’s cowardice got me killed, and now I’m trapped here.
Pardon me for trying to make my afterlife bearable!
Leigh … meeting her was my undoing, but now, she is my ticket to making the most of this misery. ”
“Leigh isn’t a coward. She’s always been brave,” I reply. If she traded her soul, there must be a way to get it back. We can’t give up. Selene can help me.
She blinks. “Leigh hid her powers and cowered behind her family’s name when she could have changed things for Lunar Witches. She’s a terrible person.”
“You’re wrong.” My voice cuts through the storm.
“She closed the asylums and turned them into centers for rehabilitation.” Selene’s silence suggests she hasn’t been paying attention to the living since her death.
Leigh has made the world a better place.
She’s made significant strides toward peace.
We’ve both come a long way from the day we met Selene.
“When you met her, she was in denial, just like you are now. But she changed.”
“I am not in denial. Leigh is why I’m dead. That’s a fact.”
“You’re blaming the wrong person,” I spit. “Don Raelyn killed you. Eos put you here.”
She stiffens, but her expression stays tight. Selene’s mistaken about Leigh and holding on to her remaining resolve.
“Chiron wasn’t your savior,” I say, removing my soaked jacket and letting it hit the ground with a splat. “You traded freedom for scraps. He tricked Leigh, locked her in a vault, and tried to use her to spark another civil war. Leigh didn’t kill you. But you are condemning her out of spite.”
She clenches her jaw. “Kosac and I struck a deal. I told him everything I knew about Leigh, and in return, he’ll let me spend the rest of my days on this level of Mictlan, never experiencing the other levels of sorrow.
He sent the Dullahan to kidnap the boy named after Leigh’s brother, knowing she’d act to save him out of guilt. ”
My heart skips an uneasy beat. “But Leigh opened the rift. How could you predict that?”
“Kosac opened the rift the night Leigh tried to call the gods for Aradia. He blocked her signal and made his move. She agreed to his terms: her soul for Aradia’s. Your leaving gave him the opening. She fell right into his trap.” Her hands fall limply to her sides.
White-hot guilt floods my chest. I shouldn’t have left. By leaving, I let Kosac fulfill his wish. “She made a mistake. Mistakes can be unmade.”
Selene frowns. “No, Wilder. She’s stuck here, forever.”
No. The word repeats—booms—throughout my entire being. I refuse to believe that. I can fix this; I’m a Blade, and I solve tough cases in my line of work. Leigh is going to be my wife, in this life and the next. I’m not giving up on her.
Selene lets out a strangled sound. “You never liked me, Wilder. Admit it. You probably felt relief when I died. The Lunar Witch got what she deserved.”
Heat flushes my cheeks. She isn’t entirely wrong.
I was raised to hate her kind. But when she died, all I felt was disappointment in the system and myself for believing in it.
Leigh changed my views—as well as the world’s views—on Lunar Witches with Aradia’s help.
She abolished the Labor Laws, freeing the Nebula from being forced into jobs dictated by their respective magic sectors.
For the first time in my life, I had a choice about my future.
However, I still chose to remain a Blade.
It was never my dream, but gradually, it became my calling.
By dooming Leigh, she has put all of us at risk of repeating the past.
“You’re right,” I admit. “How I treated you was wrong. I’m sorry.”
Selene’s jaw drops.
“Leigh changed my life.” My fear eases. “The world’s different now. Pallas works for the Blades, Chiron is serving a life sentence, and Leigh is queen. Things are better. Why undo all that now? For petty revenge?”
A shadow crosses her face. “Because I—” She cuts herself off, pain in her eyes.
Guilt is probably eating at her, but it’s not too late for her to fix what’s broken. She can help me. Help Leigh.
“What happened to you is unforgivable, Selene. But Don is in prison; he stood trial for his actions. While his crimes can’t be undone, Leigh made sure he faced the consequences. You still have a chance to make things right. You deserve peace. Let her have hers, too. Help me, please.”
She shudders, rain and ghostly tears mixing together. “I wanted happiness. Thought revenge would give me that. I thought you, of all people, might understand after what Chiron did to you by recruiting your dad into Nyx.”
I shrug, water running off my arms. “Eos corrupted my dad, and ultimately, justice prevailed. He made his choice. He faces that regret every day, but you don’t have to follow the same path. There’s still time for you to change course.”
Something softens in the haunted depths of her face. She whispers, “Oh.”
“Where is she?”
“The castle.”
I don’t hesitate. Heart pounding, I run toward Leigh. She’s my heart, my anchor, my home. I’ll steal her back right from under Kosac’s nose. Each sprint brings me closer to her, to whatever madness, hope, or heartbreak lies ahead.
As I run, the rain steadies, echoing my determination. For the first time since I arrived, Mictlan’s storm seems to part, clearing a pathway just for me.
I want it all, and I’m done waiting.