Chapter 6
SIX
Kianna swung her legs over the side of the hospital bed. Her pulse skittered, and her head floated like she’d stood up too fast. It had nothing to do with the attack earlier, or even the minimal blood loss from the bullet graze on her hand.
It had everything to do with the man who stood mere feet away from her.
For a minute, she’d let her heart believe Cole had initiated the simple gesture of checking in on her and getting food because he enjoyed her company and cared for her. Dare she say she hoped he liked her?
Of course, that was a silly notion. Her fantasies had been put into perspective when he’d reminded her why he was in the hospital.
To get information from Rainy. The closest lead they had on Mackey’s whereabouts.
And naturally, like any good person, he’d make sure she wasn’t severely injured after the shooting in the woods.
He was a nice guy. But that didn’t mean he was interested in her.
She’d been foolish to even entertain the idea. Hadn’t she learned from past experience? She’d been hurt once, and still her heart hadn’t caught up with the reality.
Cole cleared his throat. “Earth to Kianna.”
Kianna blinked and turned to Cole. “Sorry.” She grimaced.
“You sure you’re feeling okay?” He wore worry across his brow, and his brown eyes narrowed like he was trying to discern for himself the state of her condition.
“Absolutely.” She offered him a smile she hoped didn’t fall flat. What else could she say to him? That she was fine physically, but her heart was torn with conflicted feelings?
No. Better to put her thoughts behind her and move on. Wallowing in her emotions would only remind her of the fantasies that would never be reality.
Right now, they had more important matters to focus on.
A short rap sounded from behind Cole, then the curtain rolled back, and Charlotte walked in.
“Here are your discharge papers.” She handed Kianna the forms. “I know you know, but if anything worsens or changes, make sure you get it checked out.”
“Thanks, Char.” Kianna tucked the papers in her pocket. “Let’s find a time to hang out soon.”
“A girls’ night in would be wonderful. Make some hot chocolate and watch The Holiday.” Charlotte grinned and let out a short squeal.
Kianna had connected with Charlotte after interacting with the nurse several times a week when she brought patients to the hospital. Then when Kianna had found out Charlotte went to the same church, they’d bonded over their shared beliefs and professions, and the rest was history.
Kianna swallowed, and her throat constricted at the thought of watching a rom-com. She didn’t want to disappoint her friend. “Or have some girl time without the movies.” She winked to pretend the idea of watching a sappy, romantic Christmas movie didn’t bother her.
But her friend picked up on the unspoken words.
“We’ll add our own touch of holiday cheer.” Charlotte gave her a hug, then excused herself to go check on another patient.
“Why don’t we go eat in the cafeteria?” Kianna stood up and tossed the sheet that had been draped over her legs onto the bed.
Cole grabbed the bag of food. “Sounds good.”
“Then we can check on Rainy.” She followed him out into the hall and down to the elevator.
“We?” He raised his eyebrows.
“I was at the scene too.” Kianna pressed the button for the third floor. “Plus, she might be more inclined to speak if a woman is in the room.”
“Fair point.” Cole nodded.
They found a table in the cafeteria by the window.
Kianna was grateful they didn’t have to wait in line for food. The line wrapped around the corner as other medical personnel grabbed a quick dinner before getting back to their shifts.
“I got turkey and avocado, and ham and provolone. Which one would you like?” Cole pulled out the subs.
“That’s a hard choice.” Kianna placed a napkin on the table. “Want to split both?”
Cole handed her two halves, and she took a bite of the turkey.
“For the record, I can’t stand the cheesy holiday movies either.” Cole opened a water bottle and took a swig.
Kianna choked back a laugh and swallowed. All the men she’d ever known rolled their eyes at the holiday rom-coms, including her dad and brother. So Cole’s comment didn’t take her by surprise.
But something told her there was more behind his confession. “Based on your tone, I’d say you aren’t a fan of holidays in general.” She raised her voice and leaned forward to be heard over the clanging of dishes and other people talking.
“That obvious?” He grimaced.
“Welcome to the club.” She raised her water bottle and clinked it against his, then took a sip.
“Why not?” They both said in unison, and a glimmer shone in Cole’s eyes.
Were they really going to bond over being Scrooges during the holiday season?
“There’s a holiday party the PD puts on. And every year I have to come up with a lame excuse as to why I can’t go.” Cole leaned back in his chair and sighed.
“Eastside Firehouse is having one too.” Kianna crossed her arms. “Just say you have a family gathering. Everyone’s always having some party or another.”
“That would be far from the truth.” Cole cleared his throat. “I haven’t seen my parents in over a year.”
Kianna closed her mouth to keep her shock from showing.
Despite her disdain for the festive season, she couldn’t fathom not spending time with her mom and dad.
“Even if it means putting on a smile, singing Christmas carols, and baking cookies with my parents and my brother’s family, I can’t imagine not visiting them. ”
Did that mean…
Chairs screeched along the floor, and a group of doctors walked past their table, chatting. Kianna studied Cole’s lips to understand what he was saying.
“They’re still alive,” he said, like he’d read her mind and answered her internal question. “I know it’s wrong. It’s just”—he shrugged—“seeing them is a reminder of how things used to be. And how things will never be the same again.”
“What happened?” Kianna asked, her voice barely above a whisper.
Cole ran his fingers through his hair, then propped his arms on the table, pushing his half-eaten sandwich to the side.
“My dad suffered a stroke a year and a half ago. Last Christmas was the first time he was in a nursing home.”
Kianna sucked in a breath. “Cole.” She shook her head. “I’m so sorry.”
“Me too.” Tears welled in his eyes, and he fisted his hand over his mouth.
She took the moment to eat more of her food, giving him time to compose himself. She didn’t want to rush him with sharing details or make him feel uncomfortable for showing emotion in front of her.
“It’s a miracle he’s alive at all. That’s what doctors say. And I’m grateful God spared his life.” He sat up in the chair like he was trying to convince himself that what he’d said was true.
She could empathize with his wrestling.
“God is writing a beautiful story, even when it includes sorrow.” Kianna sighed and put her hands on the table. “I get it. You know the truth about what God is doing, but often you need to keep reminding yourself of it because your heart has a harder time catching up.”
“Exactly.” Cole gave her a sad smile. “I want to cherish the moments I still have with him, but I don’t know how. He’s confined to a wheelchair, and his speech is slurred, so it takes him longer to form thoughts and sentences.”
“So you stopped visiting. Because it’s easier to hold on to what was instead of what is.”
“My mom keeps asking me to consider joining them this year for Christmas. I haven’t responded yet.”
“One thing I’ve learned with the few patients I’ve encountered who have to adapt to a new way of life is the more you show up and spend time with them, the more normal life feels.
” Kianna smiled. She didn’t want the advice to come across as insensitive.
Rather, she wanted to give him hope. “You’ll never know unless you try.
God can work in any circumstance, even the impossible ones. ”
“You sound so sure.” Cole twisted the cap off his water bottle and chugged half of it.
Her words came out so confidently, like a simple act of faith could change everything.
Even when the situation appeared bleak. Kianna stared at her hands for a moment.
Did she really believe the truth she was preaching to him?
That God could do anything? Especially when her heart desired something God hadn’t given her yet. A husband and family of her own.
“What is it that keeps you from enjoying the season?”
She lifted her gaze to his. “There’s always an overromanticized view of the holidays.
If you just have the right mood, with the right music and decor, the right people by your side, and the Christmas cheer, everything will be magical.
” Kianna swept her hand through the air like a series of gold sparkles would follow her movement.
A nurse squeezed behind Cole to sit at the next table.
Cole scooted his chair in and clasped his hands on the table.
“We’re told the perfect set of circumstances will create the perfect holiday, when that’s never the case.
” He chuckled. “Even Christ’s birth was messy.
Being born in a cattle stall.” He wrinkled his nose.
“Still, the sinless Son of God entered into our bleak circumstances to bring hope.”
Silence descended between them even while the noise around them carried on.
Did Cole realize what he’d said?
No matter how bleak the situation with his dad, he could have hope.
And if it was true for him, it had to be true for her.
“Unfathomable, right?” She cocked her head. “I want to focus on the True Hope of the season. But sometimes it’s hard with so many other voices clamoring for my attention. Especially when this time of year takes me back to my own hopeless situation.”
“What do you mean?” Cole furrowed his brow.
“Someone I thought was a good friend strung me along.” Kianna finished off her water, then fiddled with the plastic cap.
“Two years ago, Derek came home for Christmas and wanted to catch up.” Kianna’s stomach twisted, and she pulled in a breath, then continued.
“I was excited. I had assumed we were just in the best-friends zone. But he told me we were basically long-distance dating, given how many times we’d hop on a phone or video call, and he wanted to talk about our relationship.
A few hours before we were supposed to meet up, he said he needed to reschedule.
I went to grab coffee at Bridgewater Café and found him with another girl.
And they certainly weren’t shy about showing their interest in each other either. ”
Cole’s eyes widened. “You’re joking.”
“I wish.” Kianna finished off her sandwich, then balled up the paper wrapping. “We stepped outside to talk for a minute, and I asked what was happening between us. He looked me in the eye and said he’d been leading me on and had no intention of dating me.”
Cole’s jaw dropped, but he didn’t speak.
“That was my reaction.” Kianna gave a short laugh. The whole situation seemed unbelievable. “I left the café that day and haven’t talked to him since.”
Cole shook his head. “First, a real friend would communicate with you, not keep you guessing. Second, I’m so sorry you were treated that flippantly.” Cole’s brown eyes stared into hers, and he leaned closer. “You deserve better. To be cherished. Protected.” His Adam’s apple bobbed.
Kianna couldn’t break eye contact with Cole.
Not while his eyes searched hers. Her heart fluttered, and the nerves tingled in the tips of her fingers.
She waited in case he was going to say more.
Like maybe he would cherish her. That he could be someone who’d prove godly and respectful men still existed.
Kianna blinked, and the moment was lost.
Cole cleared his throat and leaned back in his seat.
“Thank you,” she mustered. While her heart longed for a glimmer of possibility, she couldn’t entertain the idea further.
Not when deep down she’d be advocating for the exact thing she despised about this season. Finding the perfect person in the perfect set of circumstances to make the perfect holiday.
She could trust the Lord with her heart’s desire and rest in the hope He brought—no matter what circumstances followed her.
“Thanks for sharing that with me.” Cole broke the silence. He took her trash and put it in the bag that had held the sandwiches.
“Thanks for trusting me with your dad’s story.” She smiled. “It means a lot.”
Cole pulled in a breath. “While neither of us can change the reality that Christmas is coming whether we like it or not, with everything that’s going on right now, we can at least focus on something else for a little while.
” He stood up and pushed in his chair, and Kianna did the same. “Ready to go see if Rainy is awake?”
“It would be a Christmas miracle if she is.”
They headed to the nurses’ station, and Cole approached the desk. “Is Rainy Athers out of surgery?”
Charlotte glanced at the computer. “Indeed. And she’s awake.”
Kianna and Cole followed the directions Charlotte gave them to Rainy’s room.
Kianna just hoped the woman remembered everything from before she’d blacked out and would be willing to share information that could lead to Mackey’s arrest.