Chapter 14
Chapter Fourteen
The bakery was extremely busy the next morning, and it was good that she had gone in to get started when she did, because she was completely run off her feet with customers.
She took a special order for delivery the following morning, three dozen strawberry rolls, and three dozen lemon sunshine rolls, and three dozen cinnamon rolls for a family reunion breakfast. That was happening over at the hotel, and apparently, the family had rented out most of a block of rooms.
She wanted to text Zane and tease him about whether or not they were going to take a ride on his property, but she didn’t have the time. She thought about Zane off and on all morning.
It was only six, but he hadn’t been in yet for his treat, and she hoped that he would come. She hoped he wasn’t changing his mind, hoped that he wasn’t now wanting to avoid her after what had happened.
Because if he did that, she would have no one to talk to but herself, and last night the idea of nobody knowing had felt a little bit comforting, but today, it felt scary and isolating, because she had been counting on at least being able to share it with him for a little bit longer.
This was a problem already. She had to figure out some way to avoid being completely obsessed with him, because that was a path to madness as far as she was concerned.
This was good because it was something she’d never dealt with or experienced before.
It was also bad because she’d never experienced it before, and she didn’t know how to hold onto both of those things at once.
She’d been fascinated with Zane before – obsessed, if she were being honest, which she’d rather not be — and now it was something else.
If she’d hoped for even a moment that this would demystify him and therefore make this less obsessing, she had been a fool.
But she didn’t know what to do to combat the foolishness. She was just a girl. A girl who was having her first grand affair, and how could that not be obsessing?
She was so focused on that that when Jackson Carey walked in, she felt like she was having an out-of-body experience.
“Morning,” he said.
She blinked. “Good morning.”
“You weren’t here a couple of weeks ago,” he pointed out.
“Oh no. I… I sprained my ankle, and I took a little bit of time off. But I’m feeling good now.”
“Bad timing. I came in to see you, you were gone, and then I was out of town doing some work for my dad.”
“Oh.” Of course, they probably had some kind of family business. They were that kind of wealthy. He wasn’t very much older than her, but he had a professional job, thanks to his dad.
“But now that we’re both back, maybe it’s a good time for us to make plans for a dinner date.”
The word no hovered on her lips, but for some reason, she didn’t say it. Maybe because this could be a solution to the obsession. Maybe leaving the door open for another person was the solution to dealing with the intensity of her feelings for the current one.
“Um… maybe let’s talk about it next week? I have a lot going on right now.”
She wasn’t dating Zane.
Maybe she should go on a date with Jackson. But then… She wasn’t going to sleep with two different men. That was not something she was prepared to do, but she kind of wanted the experience of going out, and since Zane was a total secret, it wasn’t going to happen with him.
Of course, it would be more convenient if the whole thing with Jackson had happened after Zane, but…
She just couldn’t give an answer right now.
Partly because she was standing in the middle of her bakery, with a line of customers beginning to form, and her employees scrambling as quickly as they could to fulfill orders.
And being rude to a customer by saying she never wanted to go out with him was probably not the thing to do at the moment.
But also partly because she wasn’t sure that shutting the door entirely was smart. Not for the future.
Because she didn’t want to have this experience with Zane and then have all of her self-discovery just end.
“I just got a really big order for a family reunion, and I’m recovering from my ankle sprain and…”
“Sure. Whatever works for you. But as long as we have a date pinned somewhere in the future.”
“Somewhere,” she said.
He gave her a cocky smile and then walked out of the bakery without buying anything.
She mused about him while she cleaned the tables out in the dining area.
It wasn’t that he wasn’t handsome, he was, there was just nothing about him that was really very interesting to her.
Which wasn’t fair. How could you know if a person was interesting or not just by having a few scattered conversations, a little bit of small talk while you were on a work shift?
You couldn’t. For all she knew, he was a totally interesting guy.
Water that appeared shallower than it actually was.
She sighed, and walked back into the kitchen, and stopped.
The roll was gone. And in its place was a flower.
She walked over to the counter and picked it up, held it delicately in her hand, and sniffed it deeply.
He had left her a flower.
She had a smile on her face for the whole rest of the day, and it was still there when Zane walked in at closing time. He came in the back like he always did. She had his flower tucked behind her ear, and she turned to him and smiled. He did not smile back.
There was nothing she could do because her staff was still here, and he still wanted things to be a secret.
“I’ll finish everything up,” she said.
Annabelle and Joseph looked at each other, and she had a feeling they were canny enough to realize that she wanted them to go so that she could have some alone time with Zane, but she supposed as long as she didn’t say anything, it was still a secret.
Either way, they weren’t going to question being let off the hook at cleaning time.
As soon as they left, she closed and locked the door behind them, which ensured that no one else could just wander in.
“Thank you for the flower.”
“Yeah. You were busy when I came by.”
“I was?”
“Talking to Jackson Carey.”
“Oh.” Her face felt hot. She felt like she’d been caught doing something she wasn’t supposed to do, which was ridiculous.
“Still interested in him?”
“I wouldn’t say that I’m interested in him. But he has offered to take me to dinner.”
“You’re obviously free to do that if you want.”
She could tell by the tone of his voice that he did not want her to be free to do that.
“Okay? Why are you telling me that?”
“Just making it clear. What’s going on between the two of us is between the two of us, and not between you and anybody else.”
“Is this because you want to sleep with other people while we’re sleeping together?”
“No. I don’t. But if you do, it’s none of my business.”
“I don’t want to. Just so we’re clear. But I’m not sure why you’re pretending that you don’t care when you clearly do.”
The sound that he made was somewhere between a grunt and a growl.
“You get very… beastly when you’re horny or mad.”
“Beastly?”
“You’re in Big Bad Wolf mode, and I would like for you to go back to being the somewhat sensitive man you were last night. Have a conversation with me. Tell me what your deal is.”
“I don’t have a right to be possessive of you,” he said.
“But do you feel possessive of me?”
His nostrils flared, and he looked away.
“I don’t have to go out with Jackson. Honestly, my main thing was I didn’t want to shut him down out in public in my bakery. But also, I was thinking about… Succession planning.”
“Already replacing me in your bed?”
Indignation zipped down her spine and made her face hot. She was the one who’d been a virgin last night, and he was absolutely not a virgin, so his worry about that seemed both unfounded and unfair.
“I was actually thinking about dating. Because I thought dating might be a nice thing to do. You know that I haven’t been with anybody else.
Well, I’ve kissed two guys, and they were terrible kisses.
Both were at bad school dances, and they don’t even count.
Those are also the only two dates that I’ve ever been on.
That’s sad. I have to figure my life out, Zane, and this is great.
But it’s not that. It isn’t a step toward me…
Making a future for myself, I don’t know.
And you know that. You said it yourself. ”
“Which is why I also said it’s fine if you go out with him.”
“Well, you know what, I assumed that it was. I didn’t think you’d care at all if I went out with some other guy in public because you want us to be a secret. But you do care, and now it’s weird.”
“I only know how to make things weird. You know social isn’t my default setting.”
“I guess.” She was exasperated.
“If I make you mad, are you going to stop paying me in sweets?”
“Paying you?”
He frowned. “Isn’t that why you leave me the rolls? For the work that I did?”
“No. I mean, now that you say that, maybe that’s what I should’ve been doing. But… No. It’s not what I was doing. I was just leaving them because I wanted you to come here.”
Silence stretched between them. “I like you. As weird as that is. As dumb as that maybe is, I’m not just attracted to you. I actually like being around you. I won’t date anybody while we’re together.”
“I don’t need –”
“Don’t lie to me.”
“Fine. I wanted to kill him. I wanted to tear him limb from limb. I wanted to punch him right in that smug smile. That guy pisses me off. Just by breathing.”
Her heart stumbled over itself. This was feral and not the kind of thing that she should be excited by. Not the sort of thing that she should encourage, but she loved it.
This was her problem. She didn’t want milquetoast. She didn’t want the thing that Jackson was offering her. She wanted to want it. She wanted to push herself towards something nice and normal. That was what she wanted.
Except, the undercurrent of everything was that… It wasn’t what she wanted. She had done a big move, a big change. She had made strides in her life to really, really have something different, and she had to stop trying to shove herself into the box of normal.
Maybe this was it. Her life had been abnormal. Totally and completely.
And so had his. Maybe that was why her connection with him was so strong.
Or maybe it was just that they had intense chemistry, and she liked it. Maybe it was just that he was possessive of her, and she wanted somebody to want her that badly.
Whatever the reason, she didn’t want to turn away from it now.
“I promise. Nobody else. I’ll tell Jackson that I’m unavailable.”
“Are you going to tell him you’re seeing someone somewhere?”
“If I do that, it’s going to get around. I’m just going to have to give him some kind of line about… Not liking him.” She grimaced. “I’ll figure it out. I’ll workshop letting him down easy. That’s also a new experience. I’ve never had to do that before either.”
“Good. Tell him that he doesn’t have a chance.”
It felt good to hear him say that, and she knew it shouldn’t.
She should probably tell Zane that he was being a dick. She should probably tell him that he didn’t get to be possessive when he was having her keep this secret from everybody.
But it felt good. To be wanted like this.
Because she had felt outside for a long time. All through her teenage years, she had felt like a pariah.
But this was fun. It was hot and magical, and he made her feel beautiful and joyful and wanted.
And she wanted to fling herself into it, even if it was a fire that was going to burn her life.
“All right. For as long as this is happening. I’m yours.”