Chapter 16 #2
She hadn’t been. But that was a whole other thing. She didn’t know how to balance this… whole thing with him and anything other than work.
Because when she wasn’t here, she just wanted to be with him.
And she was going to be. Tonight.
“Definitely let’s do dinner,” she said, because it was going to be good for her, because she couldn’t sync everything into Zane.
This was temporary. He had made that much clear from the beginning, and she needed a temporary anyway.
Because Marlowe was actually right. She didn’t want to find what Marlowe had with Cody.
Not right now. She was just on the verge of figuring out how to live her life.
She was just on the verge of something like freedom, without having an obligation to another person. Without caregiving.
It would be insane to jump into a long-term relationship so quickly. And sure, it had worked out for Marlowe. But all of that was different. Yes, she had been married, but she had chosen that.
She had chosen to marry Cara’s brother, had chosen to take on the jobs that they had taken on, to live the life that they had lived.
Cara hadn’t chosen anything.
She needed to. She needed to start choosing different things.
Right now, she was choosing this whole thing with Zane.
And it was wonderful, and she was going to enjoy it while she had it.
She was itching to close the bakery, and she actually left while her employees were still cleaning, which she pretty much never did, just because she liked having a hand in everything and overseeing, and she did feel like a boss ought to be willing to do everything she asked her workers to do.
But she was too anxious to get up to Zane’s place. Of course, he might not be there yet.
But he did keep the same early hours that she did.
Heart pounding, she drove her car up to his place. She reflected on the first time she had gone up there, basket in hand.
Had part of her known then?
Had it been inevitable? Because now, with all this hindsight, now with all this sexual experience, she knew that her feelings for him were nothing even remotely like neutral. That it wasn’t only a fascination.
She had been attracted to him. Deeply, desperately from the first moment she had seen that man, and it had been mutual.
She pulled up to the front of the cabin, and a big balloon felt like it deflated inside of her when she saw that his truck wasn’t there.
She wrinkled her nose, got out of the car, and looked around. Then she heard the rumble of an engine, tires on gravel.
She turned quickly and saw his truck come into view.
She thought that her heart was going to beat out of her chest.
He pulled the truck up beside her car and got out. He was dusty, he had dirt all over his face, his shirt was a mess, so were his jeans. And she didn’t care. She ran to him.
She jumped into his arms, practically scaled him like he was a redwood tree, and wrapped her legs around his waist, arms around his neck as she kissed him.
He cupped the back of her head, his cowboy hat falling off as they kissed, deep and intense, until neither of them could breathe.
“I’m a mess,” he said against her mouth.
Maybe he meant the dirt on his clothes. Or maybe he meant something else. Something deeper.
They looked at each other for a long moment, and she swallowed hard, feeling giddy.
“That’s okay,” she said.
It was. For now, it was all okay. Because this was… Beautiful right now. It really was.
Beautiful and lovely and all that she needed it to be. And when it was over, it would be okay, because it would be time for them to move on. It would be time for her to live her life, to do the things that she had told Jackson that she was doing.
But right now, what she was doing was him.
“Now we both need a bath,” he said, holding onto her thighs as he began to walk her away from his truck, toward the cabin. Except he didn’t take her into the cabin; he walked past the cabin, onto that trail they had taken during their survival lessons.
The one that he had been coming up that first day when she had brought the sweet rolls.
“The creek is freezing,” she said.
“I’ll keep you warm,” he said. “Promise.”
She was clinging to him like a spider monkey, holding onto him for all she was worth as he walked them off that main trail and straight to the creek.
He kicked his boots off, and she did her best to get her shoes off, and he walked them both straight down into the water like they weren’t fully clothed.
“That was silly,” she said.
He growled and bit her lower lip, then kissed her, dipping her down into the water.
“Was it?”
“It was a little silly,” she said.
“Yeah. I’m super known for my silliness.”
He wasn’t, of course.
But he was kind of silly with her. At least this kind of silly, where they ended up in the water fully clothed, desperate for each other. At least, she was desperate for him. She really hoped that he was just as desperate for her.
She really, really hoped so.
He started to take her clothes off in the water, and she could only say a prayer as her very nice bra was committed to a watery grave.
Perhaps they would be able to get it back, or perhaps it was going to wash away.
Perhaps it would be found one day, and people would wonder why a woman had lost all of her clothes in the creek.
Her eyes met his.
Well, insanity. That was why. But this particular brand of insanity that came from Zane… She didn’t want anything else.
She wanted to lose herself in this entirely.
If this was what she was doing right now, then it was going to be all there was. If this was what she was doing right now, then she was going to let it consume her, because why not? Because that was beautiful. Because it was exhilarating.
Because it was everything.
His large hands cupped her breasts, her nipples tight from the cold, but also from desire. He leaned in and sucked her in deep, and she arched her back up, water droplets sliding down her torso.
“You too,” she said, as he continued to feast on her. Was he ignoring her?
She wiggled, moved away from him, managed to grab a hold of his T-shirt, and pulled it up over his head.
And then, he was getting naked too.
This was something crazy. Something beyond both of them.
They were breathing hard, kissing, touching.
She wrapped her legs around him, and he pressed the head of his arousal to the entrance of her body, and she wanted to beg him to take her.
Fuck condoms and safety and everything else.
She just wanted him. So much that she was nearly desperate with it.
She could understand, right then, the whole way that humans propagated the species.
Through desire and momentary lapses in thought.
Need and the way that caution evaporated with the touch of a man who could make your body feel things you had never even imagined before.
“Condom,” she whimpered.
Because there was only one shred of sanity left inside of her entire body, and she was going to use it to make sure that nothing they regretted happened.
It made her grow cold, the idea of trapping him with her. The idea of trapping him at all.
Because she knew what it was like to be trapped.
She would never do that to him.
Ever.
No matter how much she wanted him.
She could see the blazing regret in his eyes, and his jeans were close by. He grabbed hold of them. The fog was beginning to clear just a little bit. Of course, his wallet was in there, his keys.
Had he very nearly let them float away?
All because of this? All because of her? He dragged them both to the shore, along with his jeans, retrieved his wallet, and laid her down on the grass as he took a condom out.
“Fucking…” He took a deep breath, put his hand on his forehead, and she had no idea what he was about to say, because he froze then, like he couldn’t even think, like he had no idea where to go from here.
But then, he kissed her instead of going on. Then, he tore the condom open and rolled it over his hard length.
Then he thrust inside of her, which was perfect, because she needed him so much that she was ready to die from it.
Each stroke was so deep, so perfect, and she wanted it to go on forever.
She arched against him, clung to his damp skin.
She was cold from the water, but hot from him.
The inferno that burned inside of her seemed like it would never go out. She didn’t want it to.