Chapter 18 #2
“Good to meet you, too,” Connor said. “So this is Grease Lightning, and you can see he’s a fine-looking stallion.” He started to go over the horse’s bloodline, and that wasn’t much of anything that Zane knew about. But he knew a very fine horse when he saw one. And this was a fine horse.
“He’d be a good stud, if you wanted to have your own.”
“Yeah. I’m leaning toward that. But… It’s been a long time since I’ve had much to do with the business.” Childhood. But he was born into it. Raised in it.
“It never really leaves you,” he said. “Once horses get under your skin, there you are.”
He turned to look at Cara. “See? Horses. They’re a hell of a drug.”
“I’m not a fan,” Cara said. But she smiled winningly, so even though Connor looked completely baffled by the statement, he was probably also held captive under Cara’s spell, and wasn’t going to say anything overly negative about her non-love of horses.
“I can hold him for you for a few more days, but I do have other interested buyers. Most of them have established businesses. But I’m more interested in the idea of helping you get something off the ground.
I’m old. I’m going to retire at some point, and I don’t have any kids who are interested in this business.
If you and I start a relationship… Well, there’s room for you to get more stock from me down the road.
And I can refer people to you. Help you with connections. ”
This was the kind of offer somebody might get from family, and he was just getting it from someone who shared his love of horses.
But he came back to the fact that horses were some kind of healing. That they were magic, and this sort of proved it to him.
This was what he might’ve had if his father were still alive. A glimmer of it. One drop of glitter in an endless ocean of loss and loneliness. But damn, it felt pretty good.
“All right. Well… I’d love to ride him.”
“Saddle up. Let’s get going.”
Once they left the ranch, he had a lot on his mind. And he was more than ready to get Cara on the back of a horse.
“You look beautiful riding,” she said, her voice sounding dreamy, and when he looked at her, he could swear he saw hearts in her eyes. No one had ever looked at him like that before. It was miraculous.
“Are you ready to give it a shot?”
She wrinkled her nose. “I was really trying to commune with the horses a little bit more. I worked my way up to feeding one.”
“And what stopped you?”
“I’ve been kind of busy getting my brains fucked out?”
He howled a laugh as they drove down the highway. Then turned onto the road that would take them up to the Painted Ridge Ranch.
“Well, it’s true,” she said.
“I didn’t realize I was taking up so much of your time.”
“I have a full-time job. And my part-time job has been your –”
She got distracted, her head whipping around. “Are those elk?”
He slowed the truck down and saw that there was a herd standing in one of the open fields. “Yep, looks like it.”
She smiled. “I haven’t gotten used to that. Just seeing elk milling around, grazing in a whole herd. I did see a moose once.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, there are a small number in Vermont. But it’s not like… Herd, just off the side of the road. But they are massive. And scary.”
“Kind of like horses?”
“Scarier,” she said. “I wouldn’t try to ride a moose.”
“You haven’t tried to ride a horse yet.”
“True. True.”
They rattled up the dirt road that led to the working ranch side of Painted Ridge, and he was relieved to see that it was pretty cleared out, because it was edging into the middle of the day, and everyone was out working their assignments.
“There’s a horse here that I have in mind for you. His name is Billy. He’s a gelding, and he’s very gentle. Have you met Billy before?”
“I’m going to be honest with you, I’m not a hundred percent up on the horse names, because usually I’m just too busy being scared of them.”
“All right,” he said. “That’s fair enough. But let’s get you introduced to Billy.”
When they both got out of the truck, he took her hand and let her into the barn.
Billy was in a stall at the center of the large stable, and he had a gentle look about him, at least in Zane’s eyes.
He was a beautiful horse. A blonde mane, and soft, brown eyes with long lashes.
“I missed the horses,” he said. “When I moved in with my grandparents, it was a neighborhood. And I really missed living on a ranch.” He was quiet for a moment.
“All the money from the sale of the ranch and all the livestock went to me. And it’s just been in an account the whole time.
I’ve never known what to do with it. Because it just felt wrong to use it.
But this is what I’m thinking of doing now, investing in this business. ”
“You should do it,” she said. “You should start building something that belongs to you. A legacy.”
A legacy. What kind of legacy could he possibly have?
He had never been close to his dad’s side of the family, and if there were cousins, he didn’t know any of them.
His mother had been an only child, and that was that.
His grandparents were gone, his mother was gone.
Right now, it felt like everything was going to end with him, and it felt like there wasn’t a legacy to be had.
But what was the point of letting that money sit there?
What was the point of living the whole rest of his life like he hadn’t made a mark on the Earth at all?
“I think I will,” he said. “Thanks.”
“I think you were going to make the decision to do it anyway.”
“I don’t know if that’s true.”
He looked at her for a long moment and then decided it was time to get the ride moving.
Because his chest was starting to feel a little bit too heavy, and his body felt like it was on the edge of something, a cliff, a knife-edge.
He wasn’t quite sure which. Cara stood way back while he tacked up the horse.
“Come on,” he said, grabbing her hand and drawing her slowly toward Billy. “Put your hand out, let him sniff you.”
She did, her eyes round.
“You don’t have to ride today if it’s not feeling like the thing to do. The last thing I want is for this to be scary. I don’t think it will be, I think it’s going to be great. I’m going to take you out to the arena, where the dirt is soft, and if anything happens, I promise I’ll be right there.”
She nodded slowly. “I don’t really trust the horse. But I trust you.”
He couldn’t remember the last time he smiled quite so easily. Not just a small smile, but one that moved his whole face, one that moved his spirit.
“You can trust me,” he said.
But goddamn, he hoped that was true. In all the ways it can possibly be meant, he hoped that it was true.
He didn’t want to do anything to abuse that trust. To use it poorly.
He let Billy out of the stable, and Cara followed behind, and when they got halfway to the arena, he turned toward her. “Do you want to lead him?”
“Oh… no. I would… No.”
“Billy is eighteen years old. He doesn’t do anything but follow where you’re headed. He’s as docile as they come.”
“But it’ll put my shoulder right within biting distance.”
“I’ve never known him to have a thing for shoulders.”
“You never know.”
“Cara, I’m more likely to bite your shoulder.”
She met his gaze, her cheeks slowly turning pink.
“Is that a promise?”
“It can definitely go on my to-do list.”
“Okay,” she said. “Show me.”
He put the lead rope in her hand, kept his hands over hers as the two of them began to walk, and Billy followed easily. Gradually, he removed his hands, and Cara was the one leading the horse. She looked essentially mortified and ecstatic all at once.
When they arrived in the arena, he was the one who led Billy out to the center. “I’m going to help you get on. Don’t worry. I’m not going to let you fall. I promise I’m going to hang onto you, and you can just sit until you get used to it.”
They did take their time. He guided her on how to put her foot in the stirrup, how to lift herself into position and they did a couple of dry runs with his hands on her waist. Then finally, she mounted the horse.
“Oh my gosh,” she said. “This is so high.”
“I know. It’ll feel that way at first, but it won’t the whole time. You’re going to get used to it.”
“I’m going to lead you. I’m not going to turn you loose.”
And that was what he did. For half an hour, he led her in circles around the arena, and eventually, Cara seemed happier. Eventually, he could see her relax.
She even reached out and patted Billy on the shoulder.
“Do you wanna do it yourself?”
She looked down at him. “No. This has gone great. And I would like for it to have just gone great.”
“All right.”
He could understand that. Taking the last step might result in a disaster. And right now, they hadn’t had any disasters, and that was a good thing.
He stopped Billy and lifted Cara down from the back of the horse. She looped her arms around his neck and kissed him.
And he growled in the back of his throat, losing himself in that kiss. Then he kissed her neck, down to her shoulder, where he bit her gently.
She laughed and grabbed his face, kissing him again.
It was only the sound of something falling that broke them apart.
And when he looked up, it was to see Cody’s retreating back, moving quickly away from the arena.
“Oh shit,” he said.
He waited for the horror to settle into his body. Waited for something like shame, but he didn’t feel that. He didn’t feel it because he wasn’t as ashamed of being with her. That was the thing.
“I’m sorry,” she said, holding onto his forearms. “That was my fault. I shouldn’t have…”
“It’s not your fault. I’m not upset. I’m just going to have to have a conversation with him. But let’s get Billy put away, and I can take you back to my place, or…”
“I can go with you.”
He shook his head. “You don’t need to do that. I’ll take you to the bakery if you want.”
“Yeah. Okay, I’d like that.”
So that was what he did, determination flowing through his veins.