Chapter 22
Chapter Twenty-Two
Zane looked around the barn, at the streamers that were hanging in there, paper lanterns, bunches of crêpe paper flowers, and he had to smile. It looked exactly like he would imagine prom might, though he wouldn’t know.
It was perfect. Perfect for Cara. It was a gesture, one that had taken hold of him when he had had the idea, and one that had forced him to work with Cody, Walker, and Marlowe.
That had been the most difficult part.
Getting their help, saying that he wanted to do this.
Now he was there, looking at all that hard work set into motion. A prom for two. Possibly the most ridiculous idea on record, but one that just had to happen.
If he had to be a little bit embarrassing, a little bit cringe in order to pull this off, then that was just fine by him.
He was startled when Walker slunk into the barn behind him.
He and Walker rarely had much to say to each other. They were completely different people. Though one thing was that darkness recognized darkness. He had a feeling that nobody saw darkness in Walker. But he knew it was there.
Everybody else saw this charming, easy playboy, and he was that. On the surface.
He was very much not that deep down, and Zane was certain of that.
Because he recognized walls.
Zane had built himself a fortress off in the mountains, Walker just had one in his soul.
“Looks good,” Walker said. “And thank you, because now I’m going to start offering us up to the local schools as a venue possibility.”
“Well. That’s something.”
Zane felt exposed because everybody knew that he was doing this, and he would rather keep it to himself. But then, he kept everything to himself. He always had.
So now there was this thing out in the open. He couldn’t hide it, and hell, he didn’t even really want to.
He didn’t want to. Cara was important to him. And he had to crawl across emotional broken glass in order to admit to Cody that he wanted to do this in the first place, and now that he had done it, yeah, now he felt just fine.
“She’ll love it,” Walker said.
“I’m sure she will.”
“I’m a little jealous. She’s pretty. I might’ve been interested myself if I didn’t think my brother would take my arm off.”
Zane grunted.
“Easy tiger,” Walker said. “I’m not going to steal your girl.”
“You couldn’t anyway,” Zane said. “She likes my particular brand of fucked.”
“So nice for you,” Walker said. “I guess I’m just going to have to continue going through life as if it’s a buffet. Somehow, I think I’ll cope.”
“Yeah, I’m sure you will.”
“Still. Could’ve been fun.”
“She’s not fun,” he said, anger rising up inside of him. “I mean… I’m not doing this for fun. Do you think I set up a fucking prom to get more sex? I’m getting all the sex I can possibly have while we both run our lives. I’m not doing this because of that. I’m doing it because I…”
He loved her. That much was clear, right then, right there. He loved her.
He loved her, and he wanted to do this for her because she mattered to him.
Because she was the most important person in his life.
Because she was the only person who made him smile, the only person who even came close to making him laugh.
Because even though Cody was like family, she was like something else altogether.
Because she was the first person who had allowed him the space, the safety, to talk about his family.
Because she was the only person who had helped him begin to process the things that had happened in his life.
All of the death, the destruction.
She was the first person to make him think that maybe his life could have more than just that.
She was magic altogether.
He didn’t have to think anymore about what love might be because love was the thing that consumed him now. Love was the thing that made him get up every morning. Love was the thing that made him have this barn decorated. It was why he had done something this… outlandish.
Because he wanted to give to her, in every way, and even if he couldn’t figure out quite what to do, he could figure out something; he had figured out this.
He couldn’t make the past disappear, he couldn’t make everything okay, but he could give her a little piece of what she had lost, he could give them both a little piece of something, and maybe, just maybe, they would start to feel healed.
Maybe, just maybe, these were the missing pieces to the map that would help them find their way home.
One thing was for sure. She was his North Star.
The one thing helping him begin to find himself.
After all this time.
“She’s more than that,” he said, only because he wouldn’t say those words for the first time to Walker.
“All right,” Walker said. “My bad.”
Walker’s phone rang, and his shoulders went tense.
“I swear to God, if that’s Addison, I am going to set this barn on fire so that she can’t use it for her wedding. I will wait until you’re done with your prom.”
“Don’t let her run you, Walker,” Zane said, knowing he was being a little bit of an asshole, but not really caring because Walker had come in here for the express purpose of being one to Zane.
“If this weren’t a customer service situation, you bet your ass she would be getting an unfiltered response from me. And she’s honestly about on the verge of getting it for real anyway.”
He picked up the phone and began to walk out of the barn. “Addison. So great to hear from you. How unexpected.” His voice trailed off and away, and Zane looked back around at the decorations.
He felt certainty bloom in his chest.
He loved her.
It was enough to make him want to fall to his knees. He loved her.
He had lived a whole life of darkness, a life that was almost a mockery of the miraculous, and he had found love.
Even if she didn’t love him back, even if she didn’t want to be with him, the fact that he could love somebody else was a gift.
It felt like something he would hold to his chest and treasure always.
How could he not?
He loved her.
Love was a light in the darkness that was his existence, a light he had never expected to find.
Even if it didn’t come back his way, just feeling it was enough.
And he knew that he would never be able to explain that to somebody who hadn’t lived the way that he did.
Who hadn’t found himself alone in his home, his family lost to him forever. Or holding his grandmother’s hand as she slipped away in a hospital room when he was nineteen, and he found himself truly alone on this earth.
Or in foxholes and under artillery fire.
He had been in darkness.
So he knew how to recognize the light.
And it was what would guide him home.