5. Nash
CHAPTER 5
NASH
N ash felt like he was having an out-of-body experience. As he walked towards the stables, his feet automatically taking him wherever they pleased, it felt like the only explanation. There was a strange numbness all over him, inside and out. He moved like a plane on autopilot.
He ended up back at Tilly’s stall. The mare’s mood hadn’t gotten any better, and she didn’t seem particularly happy to have him there. But Nash didn’t know where else to go. He didn’t know what to do…
The last time he’d seen Meg was the day before senior prom. He’d never seen her all glammed up in the dress she’d chosen, never seen her under the lights in the gym, because he’d stood her up, hunkering down in his bedroom like it was Fort Knox. He’d been in love with her for years, a deep, matter-of-fact love that was so solid he hadn’t realized that it was even love for the longest time. He’d always thought being in love was how it was in the movies; it made you feel sick and stupid. But this had just felt like a fact, strong as concrete. At the end of the day though, he was an awkward teenage boy, Meg was his best friend, and she was way too good for him as it was. So he had kept quiet and kept his love to himself.
It was obvious that she was going to be a superstar vet, that she was a borderline genius at that stuff. And Nash was… well, he wasn’t really much of anything. A drifter at best. Even at eighteen he’d been aware of that. He was destined for a normal life, and that was fine. There were worse lots in life to be saddled with.
But then Meg had actually started entertaining the idea of staying in this dead-end town for him . His whole body had revolted at the idea… the thought of chaining her down, of making Meg mediocre just so she’d be close by… He couldn’t stand the thought of it. He’d thought it was a joke at first, but then she seriously started comparing the local college versus the one in Texas, and he’d panicked. She couldn’t stay for him. She shouldn’t stay for anybody or anything; she needed to get out to a place where she could spread her wings and be brilliant. And she definitely needed to get away from her parents, her mom specifically.
So he’d set the friendship on fire. He’d stood her up at the prom, staying home in his fort. He’d ignored her calls and her texts, even though the shrill beeps of his ringtone set his teeth on edge. When he’d finally answered, he’d been a jerk about it, hitting every sore spot he could. All the while he’d been thinking, Don’t stay for me. Do something for yourself for a change .
It had been messy, and it had been cruel. She’d never spoken to him again. The older he got, the more he cringed at what he’d done that night. But in his pigheaded, teenage brain, it had been a desperate attempt to do the right thing, like jumping on a landmine to save someone else.
There was a strange sense of relief in him now, knowing that it had worked. She was a veterinarian, after all, and a livestock vet on top of that, at an industrial farming company. Only the best were hired for those sorts of roles, and they made ridiculous amounts of money doing it. Nash had always known that she could be the best, so long as she had the space to actually grow. So it was worth it, in the end. All of it had been worth it. It was the same mantra he’d been repeating to himself for the last decade, but now he had actual proof that it was true.
He hadn’t intended to completely destroy their friendship; that had never been the goal. He’d just wanted to make her see that she was meant for bigger things than this small town and all its small problems. Staying around just because she was friends with him wasn’t a good enough reason to stick around, not by a long shot. Having her never speak to him again hadn’t been the end goal — he’d tried, in a fit of guilt weeks later, to get in touch with her. But the effort was quickly abandoned when he realized that either she had blocked him on every single messenger platform or she was straight up ignoring him. Nash hadn’t really been sure which one was worse.
After the whole thing had blown up in his face, after she’d disappeared forever, Nash had truly realized how in love with her he’d been. He always had been in one way or another, even if he hadn’t been aware of it. His brother knew too and said he looked like a sick puppy whenever Meg was even mentioned, and that he looked like someone had died when she left. It would have been easy, so easy, to put his own feelings first, to trap Meg in this nowhere place in the hopes that maybe she might feel the same way as him. That was when the reality of what he’d done really sunk in. Meg was gone. Not just from the state of Wyoming but from his life. She was probably going to be gone forever. It was a very unique sort of grief because the person he had lost was still alive out there somewhere.
He’d never had a North Star to follow, never had any serious goals and ambitions. Nothing had ever called to him the way some people seemed to have callings. The only real anchor in his life, the only thing that had the power to change his future, had been Meg. And then she was gone. Well. It was a successful plan then, wasn’t it. And really it was just further proof that he was nothing but a weight on her, like a little kid clinging to her ankles, making it harder to move forward. He hadn’t concocted this whole thing as the best thing for him; he’d done it because it was the best thing for Meg. So what if he was hurting? It was his own fault. And it was for the best.
After that Nash had thrown himself into a regular life, taking it all day by day until the days led him here. Now. With Meg standing in front of him with a bag over her shoulder and a stunned expression on her face.
Nash leaned against Tilly’s flank, letting the heat from her fur soak into his cheek. The mare must have been able to sense something was up because she let him lean there without a snort of protest despite her bad mood.
So, what now?
He couldn’t turn Meg away. She was here for a job, and his future depended on her doing that job. Trying to turn her away, to get her to leave, would only make things a million times worse. He could be overly nice to her? Pretend like nothing at all had happened and be friendly? But the look on her face… She didn’t seem like she was all that open to friendly banter. He would keep it professional; that was the best strategy he could come up with at such short notice. If they had to interact, he would be polite and to the point. The rest of the time, he would just avoid her as best as he could. Was it cowardly? Sure. But it was the best-looking option out of a million really terrible options.
Feeling kind of sick, reality still not quite sinking in, Nash made his way back to the house before he could change his mind. He strode down the hall and knocked on the bedroom door, resisting the urge to run back outside. Meg opened it, looking up at him with a stony expression. If looks could kill, he would have dropped dead.
“Food’s in the kitchen,” he said.
“Yeah, that’s usually where it is,” she said dryly, and Nash pressed his lips together to keep from biting back. She clearly hated his guts; that much was obvious. But if Meg had held a grudge this long, then that was on her. He, on the other hand, was determined to be nothing but professional .
“You can help yourself to whatever you want,” trying and failing to sound hospitable. “Food’s being covered by your company .”
“Okay.”
They stared at each other for another couple of seconds.
“Right,” he said, taking a step back. “Let me know if you need anything.”
She shut the door in his face, and he let out a breath. This was going to be the exact opposite of a good time.