18. Nash
CHAPTER 18
NASH
T he retreat had officially been open for less than a day, and already there was a booking. Nash had nearly fallen over when the notification came through: two guests staying overnight in the smallest building. Paying for that half-page spread in the newspaper had been worth it, apparently.
It would have been nice to feel the relief that all of this was working out. But Nash was honestly just way too nervous to feel anything other than slightly sick. He did a final tidy-up of the building that the first guests would be staying in, making sure that they would have everything they needed. It didn’t take too long, and soon he was left with nothing to do but wander around the ranch, trying to distract himself.
The horses were out in the pasture grazing, and the sun was a white dot in a sky blue as the sea. The foal would periodically sprint around, testing out its legs, before running back to the safety of its mother. Opal was already a naughty thing, though, sticking her nose in places that were going to get her into trouble.
Other than a nosy foal, the ranch looked stupidly idyllic, like a picture book or something. He hoped it would all make a good first impression on his very first guests. Word of mouth was the best form of advertising, after all. If these first guests had a great time, if they told even one other person, that would be the boost this place needed to really get going.
Please just let this work . The thought ran around his head on a loop, driving him half insane with the repetition.
As the hours dragged on and Nash well and truly ran out of things to distract himself with, he went from trying to ignore the anxiety to focusing all of his attention on it. It was easier than acknowledging the sadness that was creeping around the edge of his thoughts. He wished Meg was here. He wished she could see how nice the buildings had turned out now that he’d added the final touches. He wished he could say he was sorry and have her believe him. He wished for a lot of things that were probably never going to come true.
Finally , he heard the telltale rattle of a car coming up the dirt driveway. He tried to look busy, because standing there looking like he was waiting for them would just be creepy. And that was definitely not the impression he wanted to make. So instead of waiting there awkwardly, he set about moving a pile of spare lumber piece by piece to a separate pile, even though there was no reason to do so.
When he deemed it safe to turn around and greet his guests without coming off as insane, he turned around with his best megawatt smile, which promptly fell off his face in shock. Meg was walking towards him, looking unsure. But she was wearing that sundress, and she looked beautiful as well.
Her mom was there too. Nash hadn’t seen Rebecca Whitmore in a decade, but she looked basically the same. While Meg looked hesitant and shy, Rebecca waved a hand with a big smile of her own.
“Hello, Nash. Long time, no see.”
“Uh, yeah…” he said, trying to piece it all together. “Are you…”
“I booked, yes. I wanted to see what you were getting up to these days. Also, you and Meg really do need to have a conversation.”
She was as blunt as ever. Nash had no idea how to respond to that, but Meg laughed. Actually laughed. As if she and her mom were on good terms or something.
“What are you doing with the lumber?” Meg asked.
“Trying not to look creepy,” he said. The complete ridiculousness of the answer made her smile, and that made Nash’s heart come alive in his chest for the first time in days.
“She surprised me with a girls’ trip,” Meg said, jabbing a thumb at her mom. “So yeah, hi. I guess.”
“I did say, Meggy, that it would be the last time I meddled in your life, but you really must talk this out with each other. No more sulking. Oh look, a baby,” her mom said, shielding her eyes as she gazed over at Tilly and her foal. “How delightful. You two catch up. I’ll be admiring the horses.”
Without further ado, she waltzed off to the fence to do just that, leaving Nash alone with Meg on the driveway.
“She tricked me,” Meg said dryly, gesturing at her mother, who was giving Nickel a tentative pat on the nose.
“Yeah,” said Nash. “I didn’t think you’d be back here willingly.”
Her face fell. “I wanted to come back…” she said, voice almost too soft to hear.
There was an awkward pause as she folded her arms over her chest. Nash wanted nothing more than to sweep in and use his own arms to wrap her up, squeeze her tight and make her feel safe.
There was an order to this though, wasn’t there? They should talk first. Then he should apologize, even though it would be stilted and awkward and horrible. But there was an order . But you know what? Screw it. Following the right order of things had never done him any good.
He stepped forward, closing the distance between them and wrapped his arms around Meg, folding her in, holding her close, his cheek pressed against her hair. Nash waited for Meg to push him away. He half expected her to slap him, maybe. He deserved it. Instead, she softened, her whole body loosening in his arms as he held her. Her fingers hesitantly gripped onto the front of his shirt and then gripped harder when she realized that he wasn’t letting go.
“I’m sorry,” he said, lips brushing against the warm strands of her hair. He’d thought of so many elaborate things to say, a million long-winded apologies. In the end it was just “I’m sorry.” But it sounded right. It felt right.
“I know,” she said. “I’m sorry too.”
Nash pulled back slightly to look at her face, but he simply couldn’t bear to let go of her shoulders. He didn’t want to let go of her ever again.
“What are you sorry for?” he asked, confused. He was the jackass here, not Meg.
“Because…” she said, thinking so hard her eyebrows pinched together, her hands still gripping his shirt. “I don’t know.”
“Well, we can both be sorry,” he said, attempting a smile. “It can be like a bonding experience or something.”
“Yeah,” Meg said with a little laugh. “We’ve got to start somewhere, I guess.”
He rubbed her upper arms, feeling Meg’s muscles relax ever so slightly beneath his hands.
“So, I was going to give my first guests a tour around our freshly renovated buildings,” he said, not sure where to go from here but stumbling forward regardless.
“Did you have a speech ready?” she said with a sly little smile.
“Yeah, I did actually. It’s really good, too.”
“I have to hear it. To get the whole experience, you know?”
This was good, right? Nash was so prepared for everything to keep falling apart that he was honestly kind of surprised that she was still standing here in front of him — that she hadn’t vanished into thin air.
“Mom?” Meg called, looking over at Rebecca, who was still fascinated by the horses. “Me and Nash are going to go look at the buildings now that they’re finished.”
Rebecca flapped a hand in their direction, dismissing them as she held her phone at various angles, taking pictures of the horses. Nash figured that Meg’s mom intended to give them all the time in the world to talk in private. He felt a flash of warmth for the woman, which was just as surprising as everything else that had happened lately.
“It looks great,” Meg said as she entered the small building where his “guests” had booked to stay.
“It’s all pretty much the same since you saw it last,” he said with a shrug. “Just the little extras.”
“Yeah, but details make all the difference.”
She stopped wandering around and looked at him. There was a small smile on her face, and Nash desperately hoped that he wasn’t imagining it.
“I love you,” he said.
Nash didn’t know which of them was more shocked. He hadn’t been planning on saying it. He’d just been thinking it, and the words had leapt out of his mouth. Meg was staring at him with her eyes wide and unblinking.
“Uh—”
Before she could say anything else, before the moment escaped him, Nash let the rest of the words he needed to say be said. He wasn’t going to waste maybe the last chance he’d ever get…
“I do,” he said, with all of the conviction he could muster. “I love you. I think I always have. And I was such an idiot for pushing you away for some stupid sense of obligation that was all in my own head. And I’m sorry. I’ll always be sorry, because you’re the only one who should have the final say in what happens in your life. And I’m sorry that it cost us ten years together because we’ll never get that time back. But I hope… I really, really hope that you believe me when I say that I never want you to leave again.”
The only reason Nash stopped was because he needed to take a breath.
Meg was still staring at him, but she was blinking again, some of the shock wearing off.
“I don’t want to leave,” she said simply. “Is it… I mean… is it all too much, too soon?”
Nash shrugged and said what he really thought.
“Maybe. But so what if it is? Who cares? I mean, your mom tricked you here so we could talk. Will was jumping up and down about us being together. Maybe we’ve just got to jump in?”
“So I just move in? Just like that?”
She was smiling as she said it, taking a step closer.
“You kind of already have,” he said, smiling wider as she moved even closer. “We’ve already been living together.”
“The separate bedrooms thing would have to change.”
“Oh definitely.”
Meg stopped in front of him, her smile fading as her expression turned thoughtful and serious. She rested a hand on his chest, and Nash was sure she would be able to feel the thrum of his heartbeat beneath her fingers.
“I can’t hold a grudge against you for something you did as a kid. Especially when I know how sorry you are. Hanging onto all of that would only waste more time, and I’m so sick of wasting time.”
So was Nash. Screw it. He wasn’t going to waste another second.
He put his hands on her shoulders, his fingers cradling the curves, and pulled Meg even closer to him. He kissed her, his lips touching hers, and it felt like coming home. For a fraction of a second, he was terrified that she would pull away and say that this was all a mistake. But then she leaned into him, her body rising as she went up on her tiptoes, her arms wrapping around his neck.
He was never going to let go of her ever again, not when he had a decade’s worth of love to make up for.