Chapter 1
Olivia
Three months earlier…
I feel sick to my stomach. I wish I could just throw up and be done with this feeling, but it’s not from drinking too much, or food poisoning, or anything like that. I’m just sick of my life and the shitty position I put myself in.
Getting turned down for your ninth job interview sucks. And it was for a hair salon. Like, really? All I’d be doing is bookwork. It can’t be that fucking hard. I’m starting to think there’s no hope. That’s what makes me so damn sick. Like there’s nothing I can do, and I’m just screwed.
It’s been three weeks since I got expelled from the university.
It was all over alcohol. They have a zero tolerance policy.
So of course getting kicked out also meant losing my scholarships.
And losing my scholarships meant losing my income, plus my part-time job in the registrar’s office.
Which means when the rent is due, I’m fucked if I can't hurry up and land a job already.
As if this wasn’t already the worst month of my life, my mother won’t even answer my calls.
It's her idea of tough love. Yeah, I know I fucked up. I don’t need to hear it again.
It’s not like this is what I usually do.
Like I went to college and suddenly became a horrible person.
I was in all the honors classes in high school. I was a teacher’s pet.
I’ve gotten straight A's my entire life, except for that one C in Advanced Literature. Fuck English, I only took the class because I had to in order to fulfill my graduation requirements.
I've always been a brown-noser, as Cheryl calls me.
Fuck, Cheryl. It’s her fault!
I bite my lip and cross my arms over my chest to warm myself up.
I shake my head, trying not to be bitter about it all.
It’s not really Cheryl’s fault. She may have put the bottle in my hand, but she didn’t make me drink.
She was only trying to help. After all, it’s not every day that your first real boyfriend, the man you gave your virginity to, dumps you for someone prettier.
Tears prick my eyes, but I’m sure as shit not going to cry over him.
I’ll cry over my self-esteem though, because that shit hurt.
When I asked him how he could just break up with me like our relationship meant nothing to him, he just shrugged and said her tits were bigger.
Fucking asshole. How did I ever fall for him?
Daniel Croast is hot and athletic, and really knows how to lay on the charm.
But he’s a fucking dick. I knew this, yet I still fell for him. I still spread my legs for him and let him take every last piece of me that he wanted.
Curse my fucking hormones. Tall, with broad shoulders. He played on the rugby team and there's just something about men crashing into each other and taking those brutal hits; it makes my pussy pulse with desire. I’m not a biology major, but it was definitely my fucked-up hormones.
I fell in lust, not love.
I finally had a boyfriend and friends. Real friends who liked me for me. Cheryl may be a bad influence and not have a clue about how the real world works, but deep down I know she cares about me.
Drinking on campus in the dorms was stupid though.
Real fucking stupid. I just went there to cry to Audrey about everything, and instead we ended up drinking. I even thought, No, we should go to our apartment if we’re going to be drinking. Shit, that’s the entire reason we got the apartment off-campus.
But I felt horrible, and my friends were all around me, and I just wanted to feel better.
I fucking hate that RA prick that busted us. I swear he's got a stick shoved up his ass. He can go to hell for all I care.
I turn twenty-one in two months, and Cheryl in three.
That RA's so fucking pretentious and likes to pretend he did this for the “right reasons” but seriously, he can go fuck himself. He’s never liked Audrey since she turned his scrawny ass down during freshman orientation.
That’s really what it was about, his dumb fucking vendetta.
Luckily for Audrey, she left to go get more booze. And while she was walking to the liquor store, campus security showed up. She got a strike, and we got booted.
So now I’m at the lowest point in my life.
What kills me the most is that my parents aren’t talking to me, which I don’t understand.
I know they’re disappointed and all, but the silent treatment is just not helpful.
All it's doing is hurting me. I stop at the edge of the sidewalk and wait, standing in the chill of the fall night, hugging my arms tighter around myself.
My legs are freezing since I wore a black A-line skirt to my interview, but at least I grabbed my cream chenille sweater.
I stare up at the red hand on the crosswalk sign and just wait.
There aren’t any cars this late at night. But the hand is red. And that means you can’t go, so I don’t. I'm not a fan of breaking the rules.
I huff a laugh at this train of thought. The one time in my entire life I break the rules, and of course I get caught. And now everything I’ve worked so damn hard for is crumbling all around me. Tears prick at my eyes again, and this time one escapes.
I breathe out slow and steady, calming myself. I wipe the stray tear with the cuff of my sweater and start walking as soon as I get the green signal to go. Mascara covers the end of my sleeve now, but I don’t care.
I feel like I'm balanced on the edge of a razor.
On one side, I care entirely too much about everything, and my heart aches with all the disappointment I've caused, not to mention the disappointment I feel in myself.
But on the other side, I don't give a fuck about any of this.
I've hardened my heart with hate for everyone around me that doesn't care enough to try to help.
I swallow thickly. They don’t have to help me. No one owes me anything, and that's just fine by me. I have a plan.
This isn’t going to ruin me.
Yes, I got kicked out of one of the most prestigious universities in the country, but I can get into another.
If I can just get a job, I can survive until February for sure.
That's when I'll find out if I got in anywhere else. I’m sure another school will take me. They can’t hold having a drink over my head forever, especially since I'm sure this kind of thing happens all the time. I’m just happy they decided not to press charges, and it’s not on my legal record.
As for my academic record, it was embarrassing as hell to have to explain that I got kicked out for drinking on campus. But I'll do whatever I have to do.
I’ve already filled out twenty applications for other colleges. I filled out nearly forty for jobs.
I’ll keep applying myself until someone gives me a break. I’m sure my professors are disappointed, but at least they were kind enough to offer their recommendations.
My heart twists in my chest. I hate disappointing people. Especially those I look up to. In my mind, I see Dr. Griffins shake her head slightly, mouth parted in shock as I told her I had to leave.
Disappointed.
Well, you and me both, I guess.
I keep walking down the sidewalk and I start to get a real uneasy feeling creeping over me. It’s so fucking quiet. There’s no one around. It’s just dead. I’m pretty used to walking everywhere, even late at night, but not on this side of town. I don’t even know what time it is.
I should be home this late at night. I shouldn’t be here. It’s obvious this isn’t the safest part of town. But I just couldn’t go back to the apartment and have nothing to tell Cheryl.
I’m the one who looks out for her. But right now I’ve got nothing for either of us.
I couldn’t tell Cheryl that I didn’t get the job, and that I have no plan for us.
She's freaking out about money. She’s kind of a wild child, and she’s never had a worry in her life.
I love her free spirit and all, but that needs to take a back seat when your parents cut you off.
She isn’t like me though. She’s never worked a day in her life.
Between all my savings and the scholarships, I was able to pay for college on my own.
Not Cheryl Fletcher. I don’t think her perfectly manicured hands have ever performed any sort of manual labor.
Which is fine if you don’t have to, and it’s not like she’s a spoiled brat who throws it in your face.
But her parents were pissed about the expulsion and completely cut her off.
And it's not like she isn't trying--she’s filled out more job applications than I have. Partly because she doesn’t plan on going back to school.
She was undeclared anyway since she doesn’t know what she wants to do with her life.
But the best plan we have to make rent this month is to start selling our shit.
And by our shit, I mean hers. A purse or two from her collection would be enough to do it.
I’m not going to ask though. My everyday purse is a clutch I bought on clearance from Target a few semesters ago.
Hardly glamorous, and hardly expensive. Nope, not like Cheryl's newest purse, a Michael Kors hobo with buttery soft leather. Still, I’m not going to ask and put her in that position.
It’s the only option I can think of though.
I see a few guys walking two blocks up from me. They’re on the opposite side of the street and heading in my direction. I don’t like it. They’re talking and laughing, and having a good time. They don’t seem threatening. But still, a young girl walking alone and three men… I just don’t like it.
There’s an alleyway on my left that lets out a few blocks down from the main road where our apartment is. As I stand in the opening, I can see it opens up on both walls of the alley halfway through and that there are some cars farther down on the other side. It's empty.
I don’t even hesitate to take the left turn and walk toward more people. Toward safety. I’m pretty sure it’s an even faster route home--I think, anyway.