Chapter 6
Cillian
With a soft click, the front door shuts behind me and my gaze roams down Kat’s backside as she enters a code into the security system.
My body’s hot and my blood pounds as I slip off my leather jacket and wait for her to turn around.
To face me and face this situation we’re in.
It’s so quiet in her place that I can easily hear her swallow as my jacket is placed over the back of the simple wooden chair.
“Well, now they’re gone …” she says and trails off as she ambles her way into the kitchen, her bare feet padding on the floor. With her arms crossed over her chest, she hides the fact that she’s not wearing a bra under her dark navy sleep shirt.
“Do you need anything before I go to bed?” she asks, brushing her hair off her shoulder, her wide hazel eyes peering up at me.
“Why does what you say to me, not match what I think … you’re thinking. What is it you really want to say?” I take a hesitant step toward her and the floor creaks beneath me.
My little hellcat stays where she is, her breath hitching as I reach out and let my thumb slip down her arm. The small touch is like a spark, cracking and igniting the faint tinder into a blazing fire.
She swallows again, her chest heaving with a desperate inhale before brushing my touch away and ripping her gaze from me as well.
I haven’t felt so nervous, so close to the edge of something that could break me since I sat in that small barren room of the courthouse, signing confession papers and knowing it meant I wouldn’t see freedom again for years.
That’s what her simple act of rejection does to me … it’s worse than that even. Fuck.
“I um …” She clears her throat, her back to me as she gathers the wine and glasses, cleaning up the small space and avoiding me entirely.
With both hands gripping the back of the chair, I’m careful as I ask her, “Do you want to talk? Do you want me to help?” It takes everything in me to keep my voice steady as I confess to her, “I’ll even take small talk, Hellcat.”
I’m only given her profile as she rinses out the glasses, the sound of the water rushing from the faucet taking up space, but her laugh, feminine and warm, drowns it out. She still loves to be called Hellcat. Hope lingers and the heat rises.
I may be nervous, but I’m not letting her push me away.
“Small talk, like what?” She peeks up at me, turning off the faucet.
“Thought you preferred beer.”
She huffs a short laugh, wine staining her bottom lip. “Things changed …” In an instant, that warmth vanishes. She’s hot and cold. “I have to tell you—”
“No you don’t.” My response is harder than I thought it would be.
“I don’t want to talk about … whatever the hell it is that keeps stealing you from me.”
“I can’t—” Her head shakes and her reluctance shows as she grips the counter, no longer facing me in the least when she adds, “I can’t stand seeing you without telling you—”
Reed did this same shit on and off before I got out. Everyone wants to fill me in on the bad shit.
“Stop,” I say, cutting her off. Everyone I love is holding back and, for the love of God, I just need them there.
“I just got out,” I tell her. Emotions riddle the words and because of that, and maybe because I take a step toward her, she faces me again.
Vulnerable but wanting. I soften my tone, offering her the parts of me she loves.
“Can’t I just have a moment where I see you smile again? ”
I used to tell her that her smile made it all okay.
No matter what shit we were in, no matter how fucked anything got, if she was smiling it would all be all right and just like back then, she offers me one.
Her gaze falls to the floor as the shy smile I’ve held on to for years to carry me through this hell settles on her lips.
With one more step, I close the gap between us to tell her, “That’s my girl.” This time I cup her cheek, my thumb falling on those lips I used to devour.
Both of her hands wrap around my wrist and I think she’s going to pull my hand away, but she doesn’t.
Longing is etched into the shards of green and gold in her gaze. Then in a blink, it’s over. “I’m really tired,” she tells me and it’s my cue to drop my hand.
“Didn’t sleep last night?”
“Yeah …” she answers and peeks up at me again, the tension still there but held back so carefully. “... just wanted to stay up in case you needed something.”
“I’m good,” I tell her softly and add, “You should go to bed.”
There’s a moment I think she’ll kiss me. That she’ll pop up on her tiptoes like she used to and give me even the smallest of pecks. My chest thumps and my blood rushes, knowing if she does, I’ll fucking devour her.
I’ll take her right here and now.
Instead, the moment passes and I watch her go. I wait for her to look back, and she does, at the very top of the stairs. She grips the banister and her lips part like she’ll say something, but then she stops herself and all I’m given is another sleep well.
I could. Ten seconds before she’s gone and that’s when I can breathe. With both hands on the table, I lean over forcing myself to stay right the fuck where I am.
I’ll give her a moment. I’ll let her climb into bed and then I’m going up there.
Rounding the table, I tour her place, picking up odds and ends here and there. Getting a good look at who she is now. Little bits of her show in accent pillows with deep jewel tones and soft blankets laid out on the back of the sofa.
It’s not until I open the drawer in the coffee table that my composure crumbles. There’s not only a framed photo of the two of us tucked away, but also my leather patch I gave her. The one my mother used to wear that I gave Kat the day after I told her I loved her for the first time.
It’s right there, in the heart of her home, but hidden away so no one can see.
Slamming the drawer shut, I run my hand through my hair and second-guess my plan, but only for a moment. Taking the stairs two at a time, I head upstairs and any hesitation I had vanishes when I see her bedroom door open.
It wasn’t this morning. It was firmly shut.
It’s pitch black inside and as I push the door open, it creaks. It takes a moment for my eyes to adjust.
And a moment for her to see I’m there.
“Cillian?” she asks in a hushed voice, breathless even.
“Is your bed big enough for the both of us?” I question, my hand already on the door to close it.
With the light filtering in from the stairwell and the lights left on downstairs, they offer a halo around Kat and I’m able to see her nod a yes.
Thank fuck, I nearly groan in satisfaction as I close the door.
My boots come off first, followed by my jeans and then my shirt. My back was to her for the first part, but as I tug off my shirt, I catch sight of her watching.
If we were as we used to be, I’d tease her. I’d ask her if she liked what she saw.
In my mind I see her, I see us: a different version that was never broken and she’d bite her lower lip, sitting up and teasing me back to come see for myself.
A pang in my chest of regret and guilt stays with me as the comforter rustles and the bed groans as I climb in.
She’s silent and perfectly still on her side of the bed. Waiting, and more than likely overthinking things.
As casually as I can, I roll onto my side and tell her, “I want to hold you.”
It’s dark and the shadows play on her gorgeous face but I can perfectly see her defenseless gaze. Carefully, I lay my arm on hers and my brow cocks as I add, “Please?”
A moment passes and then another before she rolls over to the other side, scooting closer to me so I can wrap an arm around her.
There’s space between us but as the minutes pass, both of us lying there, our warm bodies slowly shift closer together until she settles her ass against my crotch.
I take my time as I slip my thumb down the crook of her neck. Every action is measured. Even when I nuzzle right there and kiss below the shell of her ear.
Her hushed gasp is fucking everything I need to continue. My thumb finds the swell of her breast and she presses her chest into my touch.
It may have been years but I remember that soft gasp where a touch of surprise lingers. The way her eyes nearly close, heavy with lust, is a detail that hardens me even more, although I didn’t think it was possible.
As I press my splayed hand against her lower belly and then lower, her back arches, bringing her ass to press against me. Only the thin fabric we both wear under the covers separates us now.
A deep groan leaves me, one of primal need that I can’t control.
Kat peeks over her shoulder, looking up at me with a concoction of emotion swirling in her gorgeous hazel eyes.
She swallows audibly, not breaking the gaze to tell me, “I used to dream of that sound.” The moment she’s spoken, it’s almost like she wishes she hadn’t.
As if she’d reach up and grab the words, hide them and never admit that again if she could.
There’s a wretched pain that burrows into my chest as she attempts to look away, but I crash my lips against hers, taking the kiss I snuck in here to claim.
Maybe I shouldn’t be here. Maybe we shouldn’t be doing this. But as she turns in my arms, her hands gripping my shoulders, her legs wrapping around my hips as she clings to me, greedy for more, I don’t give a fuck.
She has always been mine. Even though she broke my heart. Even after years of being apart.
She’s mine. She’ll always be mine.
With my lips at the shell of her ear, I whisper, “Get undressed for me.” I’m already aching hard for her, but her eagerness is everything I need.
I swear if she gripped me, if she wrapped her fingers around me in this moment, I’d come undone in an instant.
It’s been so damn long and I need her. Fuck, how I need her.
When she’s fully undressed, but still hiding from me under the covers, I pull them down and turn her over how I want her.
“I’m going to move the pillow here,” I tell her before settling it under her hips so her ass is higher, so her pussy is right there for the taking.
I groan in approval as my hand cups her ass and then finds that sweet entrance between her legs.
“Already wet for me,” I murmur and then lean forward, grabbing the back of her neck. “If I didn’t come in here to take care of you, were you going to do it yourself?”
As her lips part to answer, I rub circles around her clit and my little hellcat jumps beneath me, writhing from the touch.
Giving her ass a quick smack that makes her jump again, I scold her. “Answer me like the good girl I know you are for me.”
“No, I wouldn’t have,” she groans and when my hand returns to her swollen nub, she moans the sweetest sounds into the pillow.
I only pull away to remove my boxers, taking my time so I’m sure she’s aware.
As I get into position, I place my hand on her shoulder, keeping her where I want her.
I whisper, just to be certain, “You want me?”
Her whispered answer is immediate. “Yes.”
With my head at her slit, I command her, “Tell me how much.”
Turning her upper body as much as she can, her eyes find mine and pierce through me as she whispers, “Please. I need you.”
Her chin tilts for a kiss, longing evident in her eyes and the moment my lips meet hers in a gentle kiss, it turns bruising and I thrust into her all the way to the hilt with a single stroke.
Her cries of strangled pleasure fuel me to fuck her faster and harder. To take her and ruin her. I wanted to take it slow and love her for our first time together since all this shit happened.
But the moment I’m inside of her, I can’t stop mercilessly taking her with every thrust, each one nearly violent. It’s been too fucking long without her. I need to feel her come on my dick more than I need to breathe.