Chapter 10 Cillian
Cillian
She has a way of calming me. I swear to God the last year in that hell was unbearable because she left me. Every time I think back on it all I know is that my father passed, we had an argument and then things changed.
Staring down at the texts from Reed, that began last night until this morning, I know I should be focused on the club, but I want answers from my hellcat.
Why is she so fucking scared now, walking into the club like she doesn’t belong?
What happened—what really fucking happened that drove her away? Was it me? Or was it something else … was it someone else?
Reed (7:14 pm): You two all right?
Reed (8:09 pm): The police just came knocking now.
Reed (8:10 pm): They haven’t stopped since you left. Every couple of months there’s something.
Reed (10:26 pm): Can we talk?
Reed (10:47 pm): Can you at least let me know that you’re still fucking alive and they didn’t arrest you again?
Reed (11:14 pm): I just drove by her place and talked to Lydia. Look, I’m sorry. When your pops left, and Eamon took over, things changed. In a lot of ways and I wish they didn’t but we have to talk.
Reed (9:15 am): I think there’s a rat. I think whoever it is either wants you back in jail or they were after me this time.
I was moving supplies when you came in. I only put it back and stopped because I heard your voice downstairs.
If you hadn’t come just then, I would’ve been holding it.
I wouldn’t have had a chance to hide the shit.
Cillian (9:15 am): Delete that shit right now.
Reed (9:16 am): Then let me come over. Fucking talk to me.
Cillian (9:18 am): Come over
The rustling by the sink brings my attention up to Kat.
The morning light kisses her face through the kitchen window as she rinses off the pan.
Her hips sway as she dries it. I must be addicted to her, because even with the world crashing down around us, all I want to do is lay her on the table and fuck her until she comes undone with my name on her lips.
“Reed’s coming over,” I speak out loud, if for no other reason than one of us will know we have company soon and I can’t strip her down unless we want to get caught.
Her hair falls down her shoulder, exposing the thin strap to her satin nightie. “Right now?” she questions in a breathy voice and it’s only then I realize she may want to change. The fabric is thin and as my gaze drops to her chest, I note her nipples are pebbled.
“Yeah, you may want to change,” I comment as I lift the cup of coffee to my lips. I’m not given a chance to take a sip, though.
The knock at the front door is followed immediately with him opening it. “It’s me,” he calls out before shutting it. We can only hear him as I answer that we’re in the kitchen.
When he comes into view, it’s obvious he didn’t sleep for shit. His clothes are rumpled and the bags under his eyes add to the pathetic demeanor. The sight of him is exactly what women must see when they say he looks like a lost puppy.
“Hey.” Reed’s greeting is complete with a nervous swallow. My entire body tenses but I tell him hey in return. I don’t know if the man standing in front of me is my best friend or a fucking traitor.
He glances at Kat and respectfully averts his gaze to me, leaving her standing in the corner of the kitchen as he takes the closest seat which puts him straight across from me at the table and her at his left.
“You want coffee?” Kat asks and Reed nods, his gaze focused on the wilting flowers in the center of the table. With a deep breath in he gets right to the point. “It had to be a setup.”
“Who? Who would have even known I was heading in?”
“It could have been me they were setting up,” Reed offers but then hesitantly looks over his shoulder at Kat, still standing in the corner of the kitchen by the sink. Watching silently.
“Back when Missy—”
“Don’t bring up her name,” I say, cutting him off as my voice drops deathly low. Just the mention of Missy, a woman who was like a second mother to me, the woman who kept the club together and then ratted, makes my blood boil.
Reed is silent, staring back at me like he has something to say. He doesn’t say a word, though. “Who could be the leak? Who’s the rat now?”
“They’re saying it’s Kat, but I don’t think it is.”
“Who the fuck is saying it’s her?”
“Me?” Kat’s tone echoes both disbelief and fear. “I wouldn’t dare,” she says, barely getting out the choked words.
“Who the fuck said it’s Kat?” I say harsher, slamming my fist down to get their attention.
Reed looks me dead in the eye when he tells me, “Your uncle.”
“Fucking hell,” I say, gritting the words between clenched teeth. Everything runs cold and I look up at Kat to find her expression fallen and true fear in her gorgeous eyes.
“I’ll kill them before they think to say that shit again … let alone touch you.”
“It’s not her,” Reed says and then glances up at Kat to add, “I know it’s not you. We all know you wouldn’t.”
“Then why the fuck was her name even mentioned?” The cords in Reed’s throat tighten as he swallows.
“Is it because of her father?” I ask, my anger barely contained.
Before I can help myself, before Reed can even answer, my decision to go back there is final.
Leaning over the table, I stare down Reed and ask, “How did you let this happen?”
“I think maybe you should calm—”
As my fist slams down on the table, I can feel the rage boiling. I’ve always had anger issues, my pops used to say I was temperamental. Prison only made that worse.
“They turned their backs on her the moment I left.” I still have the ring I was going to give her. The memory of it only makes the pain worse. “It’s a betrayal and it needs to be dealt with.”
“Cill, it’s—”
“We’re going back,” I say and my tone holds no room for negotiation as I meet each of their gazes.
It doesn’t escape me that there’s worry buried inside each of them.
When did conversations about the club get met with fear?
“We’re going back.” It takes everything in me to keep my voice calm and lower it to add, “We’re going to do another vote and I’m going to put it all back to the way it was. ”
Even as the words leave me, I know it’ll never be what it once was. If that’s what I want, the family the club used to be, I might as well start over.
That very thought echoes in Reed’s eyes.
“They don’t want me in there and that’s fine. But I would never–” Seeing my hellcat give in, seeing her cower under the idea of going back … I fucking lose it.
“It’s not fine! Who the fuck said they don’t want you there? My uncle?”
“Calm down, Cillian.”
“It’s my fucking club,” I scream, my muscles coiling.
“My father’s,” I add and my voice splits with emotion I have no fucking intention of dealing with. “I should have been there,” I shout, each word emphasized with the slamming of my fist.
“How could they make you feel like you weren’t welcome?” I say and stare down Kat, my everything. Her eyes are glossy and I can’t fucking take it.
“Reed, how could you let this happen!” I’m met with nothing but silence, both of them staring at me like they would a wild, uncaged animal. “I should fucking kill him …”
“No one’s killing anyone right now, Cill. Man, you just got out,” Reed points out, attempting to temper my anger.
“I need you to calm down so I can tell you—” Kat does the same, although she doesn’t finish.
“Tell me what?”
“When I … when we stopped …” My hellcat grips the counter as if she needs it to hold her up. “I was with someone and your uncle found out, and that’s why.”
“So fucking what? So what if you slept with someone. That’s between us. It’s none of his fucking business.” I don’t care that she fucked someone. I care that he wasn’t good enough to keep her and that she’s mine now. That’s all that matters. My uncle can go to hell if he doesn’t like it.
“Cill … it’s who.”
“Who? Who was it?”
“I think you should calm down,” Reed offers, no longer sitting as he steps away from the table.
“I have to tell him. I have to, Reed,” she says and Kat’s shoulders crumple on his name. What the fuck is going on.
Who could make her break down? My hellcat. I only survived that first year because of her. What the hell is going on?
“Cillian, just sit down, man.” Reed glances to Kat, his agony in her pain … I finally put two and two together.
It’s a bullet to the chest. Shocking and paralyzing as I realize it was Reed.
“Was it you?” I manage, the words sounding heavy and deep as the room blurs and all I can see is my best friend’s face.
“You fucked her and dropped her,” I speak the reality out loud. It was him … and he let the club drop her? He let her turn into this weak version who’s more afraid than I’ve ever seen her.
“You did this to her?” My body’s heavy as I stand, the legs of the chair scraping against the floor as I straighten my back.
“No, it wasn’t like that,” Reed insists, taking a hesitant step away from both Kat and myself.
Kat’s apologies are drowned out by him telling me to calm down.
“You fucked her?” I ask although they’ve already admitted it. Denial and betrayal bring my hand to form a fist, the skin across my knuckles stretched so tight they turn white.
With a single glance down, Reed’s hands fall to his side, resigned to the fact he’s about to get the karma he’s had coming.
I get one in, one solid punch before he yells out something incoherent and as I go in for another, purely fueled by rage, he slams his fist into my jaw, the crack and blister of pain barely registers.
Just like I can hardly hear Kat’s scream.
Kat
“You don’t understand. It wasn’t like that,” Reed tries to explain as if Cill’s in any state to listen.
“She was mine! Mine and you were supposed to protect her.”
I beg him, “You’re scaring me Cillian, please! Please! Stop!” I can’t get out the words: they have to stop yelling.
The cops can’t come.
“Stop,” I cry out, watching the two of them barreling their fists at each other’s faces. Reed throws his weight into Cillian and the two of them slam into the kitchen table. It gives instantly, splintering between the two of them as they crash onto the floor.
Make it stop.
“Please! Cillian, let go!” Reed’s attempt to back away is denied. Cillian’s hell-bent on getting his anger out and as much as I can’t blame him, I can’t let it happen.
He can’t go to jail.
“Please, Cillian,” I cry out again and as they scream at each other, their voices getting louder and louder, I act without thinking. My body wraps around Cillian’s back, my arms over his shoulders and my legs around his waist, my face buried in his neck.
Everything is hot and turmoil rages inside of me as I beg him to stop, knowing it’s all my fault. I did this.
“Off me, Kat! Get off before you get hurt!”
“Run, Reed!”
Cillian’s hands wrap around my arms as he grits between his teeth, “Off, Kat. Get off before you get hurt.”
It’s enough time to give Reed the chance to get out of the rubble and the moment I see his feet steady on the ground I yell out for him to leave. “Get out! Go!”
Cill attempts to stand but my weight throws him off and he staggers back, falling and my shoulder bashes against the cabinet.
“You’re protecting Reed!” Incredulity is clear in his voice and for the first time in my life, I’m afraid of him.
“Please! Please! Mulberry.” My world spins and my body trembles pressed tightly against Cillian’s hard body. “Mulberry,” I whisper again and hate myself. “Please, Cillian. Please.”
“Let go of me, Kat.” His voice is lowered as the front door shuts. But I can’t let go yet. I have to give Reed time. Unable to speak, I shake my head.
“I need you to let me go.” Betrayal sinks into his words.
“I can’t, Cillian. Please. Please just … I can’t.”