Chapter Nine
Present - Ryder
I’VE SPENT THE last twenty-four hours hoping to hear from Evie while simultaneously hoping that I don’t. Stefan dropped by the bar during my shift last night, a little reminder of what the consequences will be if I mess up again. Defending that girl put me on his radar, that much was clear after our chat, cementing that Evie can’t be in my life.
One more wrong move and my life could be forfeit. Risking hers is not an option.
Pulling back the loose floorboard in my bedroom, I add another wad of cash to the hidden reserve. It’s more than any usual bartender would make, which is why everything is done off the books. Not to mention the tips I receive. Perfect for someone who never bothered to worry about the things you need for a real job like a Social Security number.
You’d never know that I’ve accumulated close to two-hundred-thousand dollars over the past four years, now hidden in the various compartments underneath my floor, false-bottomed drawers, and in the walls. But I guess that’s the idea.
My place looks like any other shitty loft in Tampa. The floor is faded, made from recycled wooden pallets that do nothing to reassure you of its strength. The walls are gray, but they could be orange, and I don’t think I’d be able to tell the difference. A full-length mirror leans against one wall, with a huge crack right down the middle, reflecting the broken shards of the man who rarely peers into it.
A queen mattress lays right on the floor, underneath the only window, which I like to leave open for a breeze that comes off the nearby bay. Between that, a sagging couch, and one of those little white fans that are underrated as fuck, the few hours I spend here are comfortable.
I’ve lived on the bare fucking minimum for more years than I can count, saving up for…what? I’ve never known, refusing to believe that I’ve secretly harbored the hope of finding her again, being able to give her anything she’d want in the world. After yesterday, I’m certain there’s nothing I could give her that she doesn’t already have.
Perhaps a floor full of cash was my only shot at acquiring any sort of worth.
But money doesn’t make a man.
I imagine Evie stepping through my front door that’s lined with deadbolts, in her pretty heels and her perfect hair. Evie wouldn’t bat an eye, I know that without a doubt. Whether I lived in a million-dollar estate or a tent in the woods, it wouldn’t make a difference. But she deserves better.
Better than a run-down loft.
Better than a life with danger lurking in the shadows.
Better than me.
As much as I know it, I can’t bring myself to leave her be.
My phone vibrates, as if to mock me.
Unknown Number: Hi. It’s me.
Unknown Number: Hopefully you didn’t put your number in too many other girls’ phones yesterday, otherwise this is about to get really confusing for you.
I smirk, saving her contact with a few taps.
Ryder: Stacy? Is that you?
Evie: Funny.
Ryder: Or is this Bianca?
Evie: Okay, comedian, the joke’s over.
Evie: What are you doing tonight?
My fingers move, abandoning any sense of loyalty to my brain.
Ryder: Nothing.
Evie: Perfect :) Dinner?
This is where I should pull back, but...
Ryder: Where?
Evie: I’m sourcing something for a client on the other side of the causeway. Want to come this way?
Ryder: Sure.
Evie: Cristinos in Clearwater? 8?
Ryder: See you there.
I lie back on my mattress, wondering what the fuck I’m thinking. Shaking my head, I dig my grave deeper and send Terra a text.
Ryder: Not feeling well. I won’t be in tonight.
Calling in sick is a shitty move, but you know what’s a really shitty move? Sleeping with someone you don’t like on a good day, especially when they’re your coworker.
Terra: Are you fucking with me? Colin isn’t around. There’s no one to cover you.
Ryder: It’s Sunday. It’ll be slower.
Terra: This is fucking bullshit. You’re going to bring Stefan down on both of us.
Ryder: I’m sick. What do you want from me?
Terra: Absolutely nothing.
Terra couldn’t stand me to begin with, and why we decided to fuck that night, I’ll never know. One minute we were cleaning up after a shift, and the next she was kissing me, and I was lifting her onto the bar. Then it was done, and we went right back to barely tolerating each other. Terra has punished me for it ever since.
I grab the Bluetooth speaker that Ara got me for Christmas last year and head to the bathroom that’s tucked away in the far corner, beside the kitchenette. My phone is already connected, so I hit play, and let the music rattle the rickety walls as I try to wash away Terra’s words.
You’re going to bring Stefan down on both of us.
Terra’s right, but I need to see Evie one last time before I walk away.
At least that’s what I tell myself.
· · ·
The weather is nice tonight. My chucks crunch on the gravel driveway as I make my way toward the glow of the restaurant, the smell of garlic and all things carbs luring a growl out of my stomach. As I reach for the door, my phone vibrates. Dropping my hand, I retrieve it from my pocket in case it’s from Evie.
Stefan: Heard you caught a bug.
Peering over my shoulder, I get that sick sense of someone watching me. My appetite vanishes, paranoia taking its place, as I tap out a reply.
Ryder: After-shift gas station food just isn’t sitting right.
Stefan: I hope that’s the truth.
Stefan: I’d hate to find out that it’s something else that isn’t sitting right.
A bead of sweat rolls down my spine, hand flexing at my side with the reminder that my future is no longer my own. Calling in sick and then taking Evie somewhere public !?
What was I thinking?
If being here somehow endangers her…I take a few steps away from the door, as if it could burn me. This is a colossal mistake. As much as it’ll hurt, thinking I didn’t give a shit, it’ll be nothing compared to the pain they’d inflict upon her to torture me .
With the decision made, I put the glowing lights to my back and cross the street, ensuring I’m far enough out of view. I’ll force myself to watch her wait for me, until her face inevitably crumples and her shoulders slump, my penance for not finding a way to be something better.
Minutes go by, infuriatingly slow.
8:10
Still no Evie. No text about running late, either.
Is she standing me up? Or did they already get to her?
Panic creeps in just as I’m shoved from behind, hard and fast enough that not even my fight-or-flight response honed on the streets, can prevent me from losing my footing. I’ve been followed, caught in my lie and now they’re here to drag me back to Stefan. Adrenaline courses through me as I get myself upright and turn to meet my maker.
Except, it’s Evie I find, feet planted, with her arms crossed. “How DARE you sit here all broody acting like you’re doing me a favor by standing me up!”
I gape at her, struggling to recover from the violent rush of adrenaline, along with the completely humbling manner in which she’s just called me out.
“You don’t think I’m onto you?” Evie scoffs. “ Wahhh, I’m a big bad man covered in tattoos who doesn’t deserve to have dinner with a friend. What a crock of shit!”
The anger pours off her, and despite the sick sensation still rocking my gut, I manage to collect myself, the slack in my jaw eventually evening out. “How did you figure me out?”
“I was waiting in my car when you pulled up, feeling too awkward to be that early.” Evie’s eyes flatten even more. “But instead of following you inside, I got to watch as you did a one-eighty to come here and mope instead.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Were you really going to stand me up?”
“Yes.” It’s the truth.
“Well, I won’t let you.”
· · ·
Evie wears a soft sage sweater that brings out the green in her eyes, tucked into a short, white pleated skirt. My eyes drop down the length of her legs as she approaches the chair I’ve pulled out for her, still pissed. I swallow, forcing my gaze back up to her face as she takes a seat, and I follow suit.
“Can I get you guys something to drink?”
Evie fusses with her napkin, refusing to make eye contact with me as she reveals her drink of choice. “I’ll have a fruit punch, please.”
Something kicks in my chest. “Coke for me, thanks.”
The waiter takes note and heads off to grab our drinks.
I subtly glance around the restaurant and over my shoulder, only slightly reassured when I don’t recognize any faces. There’s a fire exit at the back, and probably another exit from the kitchen, along with the one at the front. Plenty of options should the worst happen.
“Are you looking for someone?” Evie’s tone is sharp, rather than curious.
Maybe I’m going overboard. It’s only one missed shift. But Stefan has killed for less. “Just admiring the interior decorating.”
Evie pins me with a glare. “Ryder, what have you gotten yourself into?”
Answers of various kinds swirl through my mind, but nothing comes out. Eventually, the irritation recedes from her face with a sigh. “You know what? Don’t answer that. I want to steer clear of all things… whatever . Let’s just try to enjoy our dinner.”
“Okay.”
“Here’s your drinks, guys.” The waiter places our respective drinks on the table. “Any appetizers we can get started with?”
“The bruschetta, please, and can I also order the carbonara as my main?”
“Of course.”
Evie passes the menu back to him with a thank you, before looking expectantly toward me. “I’ll have the lasagna.”
“You got it!” The waiter takes my menu and disappears.
“You’ll eat tomatoes, but not ketchup? What’s your theory on that?”
A small lift of her shoulder. “Ketchup doesn’t really taste like tomatoes.”
“Yes, it does.”
“Well, I don’t think it does.”
We’re both quiet after that, using our drinks as an excuse not to talk. Or even look at each other. What is there to say when we have nothing in common anymore? What is there to say when I can’t explain why she had to drag me into this restaurant?
As if the waiter knows this entire night is hanging in the balance of some bruschetta, he places it between us a few minutes later, faster than expected for a restaurant this busy. I almost beg him to stay and have a chat, just to prevent the tension from falling over the table again. My chest screams at me to say something, to offer her anything at all, but my fear for her safety screams louder. The only way she never gets too close is if I don’t let her.
Evie clears her throat before digging into the bruschetta. “So, what’s with the skeleton tattoos then?”
“Guess I wanted people to see how dead I feel on the inside.”
Pause. “And the snake, wrapped around your neck?”
“Symbolic.”
“For what?”
“What do you think?” The words are acid on my tongue. I’m not going to spell out how the life is getting strangled out of me, day by day.
“You know what? Suddenly I need the ladies’ room.” Evie tosses her napkin on the table before shoving her chair out and stomping toward the bathroom.
I close my eyes, unable to stomach my behavior. Evie needs to hate me, it’s the only way, and this is my opening to seal that fate. I’ll get up, walk out of this restaurant, and she will be forced to move on, find a man who can tell her about himself over dinner.
The thought of that feels worse than the snake wrapped around my neck, but she would be safe, and that is far more important than the aching in my chest. It always has been. Minutes pass as I fight the internal battle, begging my body to move while Evie hides in the bathroom, but my legs refuse.
“Carbonara and…lasagna.” The waiter sets our plates down, just as Evie returns to the table after taking her time.
“You know what? Fuck this. We’re going.” Evie’s hand shoots out, stopping the surprised waiter from walking away. “Could we please just take all of this to go?”
“Err– yeah. I’ll grab some boxes.” The waiter glances at me, then back to her before retreating.
“You’re killing the vibe, Ryder.”
My head falls. “I know.”
“There’s probably a good reason, but I refuse to let the dark cloud of gloom follow us around for the rest of the night, even if you won’t tell me what it is.”
A deeply buried part of me sighs in relief at the prospect of her pulling me out of the chasmic, endless dark. “What do you have in mind?”
“Let’s just see where the night takes us.”
The waiter appears then, helping Evie scoop everything into some to-go boxes. I toss him a handful of twenties before Evie can reach for her wallet. “Keep the change.”
It’s only a matter of minutes until we’re in Evie’s car, a white Mercedes with light brown interior, pulling out with her at the wheel. It’s an E-Class Coupe, not overly pretentious, but nice.
It suits her.
The smell of our uneaten dinner fills the car, and Evie’s stomach lets out a loud growl, warning us that wherever the night is taking us, it better be close by. She takes a hard left, followed by a right that has us pulling up behind a car that’s headed through a gate into a wealthy neighborhood.
“Where are we going?”
“I knew someone who lived in this neighborhood once.”
My voice pitches. “What kind of someone?”
“Not the kind who would get your panties in a bunch, so pipe down.” Evie tosses a glance in my direction and smirks. “My biology partner. Christie .”
“And what are we doing in Christie’s neighborhood?”
“First, we’re eating.” Evie pulls the car over, putting it in park before sliding her chair back so there’s enough room to cross her legs. Digging out her carbonara first, I pass it over with the wooden utensils before retrieving my lasagna.
Silence descends over the car without the tension this time. It feels safer here, tucked away in this neighborhood. I’m not looking over my shoulder every thirty seconds, worrying that we’ll be noticed by the wrong person and end the night in body bags. Pretending I can let this go on feels a little easier, too.
The unluckiest man in the world.
That’s what I must be to sit here, knowing that I can’t have her.
“Is it weird that we’re still quiet when we eat?” Evie breaks the silence first. “Like a part of us will always be stuck in that house with Cyrus?”
“I never thought about it like that…but I guess old habits die hard.”
Evie smiles a little, despite her mouth being full of carbonara. “Truth for a truth?”
If I’m going to walk away from her, let our remaining minutes be worth the years I’ll spend revisiting this last night, away from the eddied grays and desolation that is my life. “You first.”
She sighs, a hint of red traveling over her cheeks. “Making friends—or any genuine connection—has been next to impossible for me.”
I open my mouth to speak.
“And it’s NOT because I’m bossy, but because my parents’ friends always knew that I wasn’t one of them. That I’d been saved from poverty and brought into the luxurious life.”
“I wasn’t going to say it was because you’re bossy,” I say too softly. “What about the kids who grew up the way we did? They would have accepted you if you found others like that.”
“Maybe, but between their assumptions about me and my parents scheduling out every minute of my day…I wasn’t given the chance to find out. You were the only true friend I’ve ever had until Marcy, but even that relationship has its limits. At the end of the day, she’s my employee. I pay her to be there.” Evie sighs sadly. “I can do anything, except fit in. Always stuck somewhere on the outside, cursed to watch on.”
Evie believes me to be the only true friend she’s ever had, and I’ve spent the night treating her like table scraps. Reaching over, I close up the now empty to-go box on her lap, along with mine, and put everything in the plastic bag.
I twist toward her in my chair, making sure she does the same, so she can see the honesty in my eyes. “You know what I think?”
“What?”
“I think…that being in the middle of all that is overrated. Just because those trust fund brats appear to have friends because it looks genuine doesn’t mean it is. How many of them have been stabbed in the back by the friend who’s supposed to be watching it? I bet many.”
Evie softens, eyes turning into a honeyed gold. Out of all of her expressions, this might be my favorite, reserved for when she’s feeling sweet for me. It’s the only clue I need to know that I’ve said the right thing, that I’ve done something good and made Evie a little happier. “Maybe you’ve only ever had two friends, Eves, but they’re the only two you really need.”
“It’s your turn,” Evie whispers.
Late nights spent talking about our fears and our dreams call to me from their graves. The world has never felt safe to me, but it was less formidable when we could face it together.
“I hate what I do. In the beginning, I thought it would be cool to be a bartender and the pay was good. The first few nights, I’d just smile at the ceiling, thinking something had finally gone right. But as it turns out, I’ve traded something far more valuable than money because it isn’t something you can buy.”
“Why don’t you put in a notice? Quit?”
“The owner is not someone you want to piss off.”
“But surely–”
“ Evie. It’s a truth for a truth.” I shake my head. “I’m not asking you to solve my problems.”
“Fine.” She opens the door, stepping into the night. “Follow me.”
The weather is warm and breezy, the night sky lit up by the moon and stars. Their celestial laughs echo down from where they’re perched in the blanket of darkest blue, mistaking me for an idiot who thinks they’ve aligned for him.
Evie takes my hand in hers, pulling me into a run as we head toward a path hidden between two perfectly manicured lawns, down stone steps, and into Clearwater’s best-kept secret. We slow to a walk, weaving between shrubs decorated with flowers of every color. I’d pick them all for her if it didn’t feel like a transgression against this beautiful, peaceful place.
Evie’s hand is still in mine, and I allow it, her fingers interlocking with my own, thumb delicately dragging over the back of my hand. Her unmarked skin is a striking contrast to the skeleton inked across mine, the comparison like that of black and white. Life and death. Because that’s what we’ve always been together.
A sanctuary is what this garden is, capable of shackling up the shadows that haunt me, keeping them at bay for as long as I’m inside. It’s as if I’ve stepped through walls of magic, left over from a better world or a better time. In this secret garden, I can be anything. Be anyone.
Here, even the moon and stars stop laughing.
I’ve spent the last decade trying to finish a puzzle, always missing that last, center piece, leaving a veritable wasteland right through its middle, a black hole. Except I’ve finally found that missing piece. She’s standing right next to me, with dirty blonde hair and hazel eyes, holding my hand. And that ceaseless black hole, it starts to quiver. Shaken to its depths.
“It’s like something out of a fairytale, isn’t it?” Evie’s voice is soft, as if she’s worried that speaking too loud may break the spell.
“It is.”
“I saw this place from Christie’s window, while I was working on a project we were assigned to do together. I’ve always wished to visit it, but it’s not the type of place you visit alone.”
The night breeze weaves through the tendrils that have escaped from her ponytail. Reaching up with my free hand, I hook a finger through her hair tie and gently pull it out of her hair, flexing my hand so it rolls onto my wrist as her hair falls loosely around her shoulders.
Curious eyes meet mine.
“A wish for a wish.” I shrug. “We’re here, meaning you got your wish. And that was mine.”
Those hazel eyes spark.
“Come on, it gets even better.” Evie grabs my hand, pulling me deeper into the garden before it opens to an infinity pool, bubbling over into the ocean.
She faces me, keeping our fingers interlocked, gaze settling on my lips. Lightning rips through me, bringing my body back to life as it splinters through my chest. My cells burst with energy, until every last one is standing on high alert.
The only issue with getting struck by lightning, though? Amnesia. Because as I’m standing here, watching Evie pull her lip between her teeth, I can’t remember for the life of me why I’m fighting this. “I dare you to jump into that pool.”
“What!?” Evie gasps, clutching her sweater. “This was handmade by a lady at the Sunday markets, it’s one of a kind.”
“A dare is a dare, Eves.”
“I’ll never be able to replace this sweater if it gets ruined.”
I step a little closer, already neck deep in dangerous waters myself, as my lips hover just over her ear. “Nobody said you had to keep your clothes on.”
“I’m not going to strip for you!”
“I didn’t say you had to go in naked, either.”
“You’re unbelievable.” Evie crosses her arms. “I dare you to go in with me.”
“Thought you might say that.”
Hiding my smirk, I kick off my chucks as Evie grumbles a string of complaints. Out of the corner of my eye, I see her gently pull her sweater over her head, folding it neatly on the grass. Relief flows through me when she’s got a camisole under the damn thing. What the fuck would I have done if she did strip down?
Something catastrophic, obviously.
I unbutton my jeans and pull them off, keeping my briefs and shirt on.
“This is the most ridiculous way this night could have gone,” Evie complains as she unzips her skirt, leaving a pair of tiny white shorts that were hiding underneath. “You’re lucky half of these are vacation homes that stay empty most of the year.”
“Come on, you little coward, I want to see your best cannonball.”
Evie walks to the edge of the pool before backing up a few steps, shaking her head. “Nope. I changed my mind… I rescind my dare for a–”
But I’m already scooping her into my arms and launching us into the air.
Thankfully, the water is warm as we plummet underneath the surface. She’s pulled out of my arms on impact, but I can feel the reverberations as she kicks to the top. Taking a second to sink to the bottom, I count to thirty, forcing my body to expel some of the energy that sizzles under my skin before finally joining her.
Little droplets of water catch on her eyelashes as she blinks. My gaze remains glued to her face, refusing to let it drop down to her camisole, now a sheer white. I keep my expression blank, unsure of which version of Evie I’m about to be on the receiving end of, but her lips pull to the side, and she sends a playful splash my way.
And so it goes, Evie showing me her best handstand, contests, and kicking around the deep end. It unlocks something in us both, a joy and freedom neither of us ever found in childhood. It’s all thanks to this special place, concealing our moment of joy from the outside world. Eventually we swim over to the ledge, resting our elbows where the water falls over.
“Now what?” Evie whispers.
I wish I had an answer. We look out at the bay in silence, watching the boats that are anchored for the night rock back and forth. “Evie…”
“Yes?”
Is telling her everything the right thing to do? Who and what I’ve become, the part I play in Stefan’s world? Could she still look me in the eye, knowing I’m a cog in the wheel that stole her mom?
Meeting her gaze, I’m ready to put it all on the table, but my thoughts fumble under the weight of her stare. I’ve seen her eyes pulse with indignation and fill with annoyance. I’ve seen them light up as many times as I’ve seen them turn calculating or become swelled with grief. I’d thought there wasn’t a glimmer that could reach her eyes that I didn’t already know.
But as her eyes run down past my neck, where my black shirt has become plastered to my chest, there’s hunger I see within. A yearning desire becoming more amplified, as her gaze continues its journey over my arms that drape over the ledge.
The feeling reverberates inside of me, penetrating the obsidian walls I’ve so carefully constructed. I recognize the sentiment for what it is, despite the decade that’s passed since I last encountered it. All at once, I have something to lose.
But the clock metaphorically strikes midnight, my fears rush in, and the magic begins to fade.
“We should go.”
Evie’s eyes flash up to mine, full of surprise and something worse: hurt.
· · ·
We pull up to my car, the restaurant and parking lot now completely deserted, being late enough that the only people outside at this hour are the ones I pray aren’t watching, the kind who’d tell Stefan they caught his dog running around off lead. Neither of us would survive it if they did.
A couple of clouds part, letting the moon shine right over us, a beacon to anything that lurks in the shadows. The universe’s message is clear: I was granted one last time, but I’ll never be the prince who finds her glass slipper. I’m the villain, and villains don’t get the girl.
Weighed down by the truth of that, I get out of Evie’s car without another word, but the sound of a second door closing echoes behind me.
“Ryder, what is it? Why are you shutting me out?” Evie’s voice is pleading from where she follows. “Whatever it is…you can tell me. I need you to tell me.”
Whipping back toward her, my mouth fills with venom, ready to break this for good, but Evie’s hazel eyes are searching and worried, as she reaches a hand toward my face, and I can’t bring myself to ruin that.
“Ryder, we’ll face it together. We always have.”
Together.
“Eves.” My head drops, her name rolling off my tongue wrapped in pain. “I can’t let you become involved in my world.”
“Why not?”
“It’s dangerous.”
She swallows. “How dangerous?”
“Dangerous enough that you need to walk away from me.” Resting my hand over hers, I close my eyes, memorizing how it feels. “You need to get as far away as you can. Keep me in your rearview, where I belong.”
“But that’s not where you belong.”
“I wish it wasn’t.”
“Don’t do this. Don’t force us apart.”
“I have to.” Mentally, I start taking apart everything she’s spent the night fusing back together, ripping and shredding until I feel like that bleak man from a few hours ago, who so stupidly followed a girl into a magic garden. Steeling myself, I deliver the final blow. “We’ll never be together , Evelyn. Whatever you thought we had…that’s long gone.”
Her hand remains suspended for a painful moment, before it drops to her side, lifeless. “So it’s like that then?”
I shrug. “It’s like that.”
“Then fuck you, Ryder.”