Chapter Twenty-Four
Present - Ryder
IT’S A PERFECT day today, the heat and humidity giving us a break from their usual assault. Standing on the stage, I stare across the empty field that will soon be filled with bodies. There will be thousands, crowds thick enough that there won’t be a single patch of grass visible from up here. For now, I have an uninterrupted view of the sky meeting ocean, where the field is edged by deep blue.
The few hours before a show are always filled with anticipation. It’s the fear that gets me going, knowing there’s no room for error. But maybe I should find comfort in the sheer volume of witnesses. It’s perhaps the only time I won’t have to worry about looking over my shoulder.
Evie had an important event today, but she’ll be here before we go on, already set with a VIP lanyard that grants her backstage access, thanks to Connor. My eyes catch on where he stands on the far side of the field, talking to some guy in a cut-out shirt. It’s rare for someone to be almost as tatted as me, but mystery guy gives me a run for my money.
“Hey there, stranger.” Ara stands next to me.
“They really let anyone into these things.”
“Har-har-har.” Ara shoves me playfully. “Look who’s finally got jokes!”
My lip pulls to the side. “Where’s everybody else?”
“Brooke is off on groupie duty.” AKA glaring at whoever is the most likely to fuck something up. “Theo is off on a mission for me, Lou will be here any second, and Connor looks like he’s talking to you in another ten years.”
I snort.
A moment later I feel Ara’s eyes on me. “You seem… different .”
“How so?”
“There’s something noticeably less tortured about you.” Ara passes me a bottle of water. “At the risk of pushing you away, I’m just gonna say it: I’m happy for you, Ryder.”
Unsure what to say, I unscrew the cap and take a massive gulp.
“You may not believe it, but you’re a good guy. When I walked into the bar after losing my dad and I had to spend his birthday alone, I felt broken. There was no light at the end of my tunnel. You could have turned your back on me, a stranger you owed nothing to, but you didn’t. That told me something about you.”
My chest pangs at the memory.
Ara lifts her hand, flashing her fat diamond. “You may have even played a role in this.”
“Was that the night you two finally got together?”
“I wish.” Ara snorts. “But I was drunk, and Theo is way too much of a gentleman. He thought I should be able to remember our first time, or something ridiculous like that.”
“Ridiculous.” I chuckle.
“All I’m trying to say is, you deserve happiness as much as the rest of us. I’d love to get to see it.”
The Ryder who Ara’s known would shrug her off, perhaps walk away and not even acknowledge the sentiment. But this Ryder, he can’t have that. “Thank you, Ara. Not just for what you said, but for never giving up on me.”
It’s Ara’s turn to be unsure what to say. This time, I let the thoughts in, images of Evie laughing with Ara and Lou after having too much to drink, spending countless birthdays all together, and eventually banning Connor from the Christmas Potluck.
It brings a smile to my face.
Ara’s eyes spark before they catch on something behind me. “You better wipe that look of contentment off your face. We’ve got Lou incoming in three…two…one…”
“What’s up, bitches !?”
Ara smiles before hugging her friend tightly. “How did the rest of today go?”
“It was like the fucking Hunger Games.” Lou shakes her head before her face splits into a goofy grin. “And the best day of my life.”
“You’re gonna have to expand pretty soon.” Ara waggles her eyebrows playfully before scrunching them seriously. “Tampa Bay can’t get enough of you.”
Lou shrugs. “I mean, it wasn’t hard to win them over. Starbucks and Wawa have set the coffee bar pretty low.”
I knew Lou had opened up a small café outside of Ara’s warehouse studio, but I had no idea it was such a success. “I’ll have to come check out the café sometime.”
Lou’s jaw drops like some sort of cartoon character before she pins me with a glare. “Who the fuck are you, and what have you done with Ryder?”
Rolling my eyes, Theo comes to my rescue as he approaches with two paper plates, piled with fried monstrosities, covered in powdered sugar.
Lou nearly falls over at the sight of it, not hesitating before she grabs one of the plates. “Ughh, thank you, Jesus!”
“No, thank you, Ara, for having the idea and Theo , for the perfect execution.” Ara lifts up onto her toes, kissing him on the cheek before snatching the remaining plate.
“Whatever.” Lou waves a hand before digging in. “I’m so hungry I could eat drywall.”
My phone vibrates.
Evie: Okay, I’m fairly certain this event isn’t going to go down in flames if I leave.
Evie: I’ll be on my way soon.
Ryder: Take your time. They’ve just opened the gates.
This version of me could get used to this, me and Evie, taking turns supporting each other. She loves the joy of celebrating, and I love… music. The truth of it shudders through me. I love music. It’s woven through me the way that Evie is.
Sliding my phone back in my pocket, three pairs of eyes dart to each other in that telltale look. “ Did you just see what I saw ?”
“Seriously, who the fuck is this guy?” Lou whispers too loudly.
“ Shhhhh .” Ara smacks her shoulder. “Let’s go find Brooke.”
The girls wander away, alternating between whispering about me and shoving funnel cake into their faces. Theo comes to stand at my side as we tuck ourselves farther into the stage, watching as the crowds of people descend on the field.
“You’d better be careful, or those two are gonna start thinking they’re making a breakthrough with you.”
I cough. “You think so?”
“It wouldn’t be bad if they did.”
There’s a question that’s been eating at the back of mind. “Why have any of you bothered?”
“It was different for each of us, but we’ve all been there, completely lost in darkness. When we look at you, we know what it’s like. It’s hard to turn your back on something you know all too well.”
“Fuck, man. Saying shit like that so casually should be illegal.”
Theo laughs. “Maybe I should save the poetry for my next book.”
“You have another one coming out?”
He grins. “Yeah.”
“What’ll it be about?”
“There’s a few stories that are warring for my attention right now, but I won’t bore you with the details.”
“Once, Lou made me listen to an entire step-by-step breakdown of her curly hair care routine. It can’t be worse than that.”
“Well, in that case, I can’t choose between a thriller that follows a serial killer who turns the tables and hunts his hunters, or one that’s so sad I think everyone will hate me for it.”
“I can see it now.” I shake my head with amusement, painting the picture. “All the girls cuddled around the living room with your book in their hands, blowing their noses and cursing your name.”
Theo laughs. “Maybe I should write that one first, then.”
“I’m sure whatever you pick will be great.”
He’s quiet for a moment. “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.” Although I’ll probably live to regret it.
“Connor would kill to have you in this band permanently. He won’t admit it, but I know he’s waiting for you to come around.” Theo turns toward me. “Will you?”
Fuck me dead. “That’s…a hard question to answer.”
“Is it?” Theo cocks his head. “I’ve seen you on stage a handful of times, how the music calls to you. There’s no denying that you belong with Immoral Support. And us.”
“Are you sure you’d want me?” They don’t know the blood that coats these hands of mine, the darkness that follows me around, threatening to taint everything I touch.
“Yes.” Theo looks at me then, seeing right through to the center of me. “But only if it’s what you want.”
“I…” Fuck. “I think it is.”
“Then let the pieces fall into place.” With that, Theo claps me on the shoulder and heads over to where his best friend makes his way onto the stage.
· · ·
“You ready, mate?” Connor hops from toe to toe. “You look a little dazed.”
“He’s fine.” Ara smirks. “It’s just the side effects of having one of Theo’s life-altering conversations.”
Everyone groans in unison, and I can’t help but chuckle. “You guys mean to tell me that you’ve all gotten one of those talks?”
“Yep.” Ara pats the love of her life on the shoulder.
“Every last one of us,” Connor adds.
Looking at Theo, I shake my head. “I thought what we had was special, bro.”
“Don’t listen to them.” Theo grins conspiratorially. “What we shared was beautiful.”
“No, it wasn’t, you’re getting our philosophical leftovers.” Lou laughs, Ara following right behind her.
“I’ll be right back.” Connor slaps me on the shoulder before jogging down the stairs and disappearing behind the stage, just to reappear on the other side where Brooke stands with the guy wearing the cut-out shirt. I don’t miss the starstruck glances being thrown his way by the stage crew. Who the hell is he?
I’m about to ask when there’s a tap on my shoulder and my body instantly relaxes, as if I’m coded to her DNA. Turning, I lift Evie into my arms, spinning her around before I set her back down on the ground and kiss her.
Lou snorts. “Can you imagine if that was an innocent person who just needed to check his earpiece?”
“Something tells me he’d never make that mistake.” Ara tacks on a bit wistfully.
“Okay.” Lou makes a barf sound. “I can’t take all this love. It’s getting its goo on everything.”
Suddenly the lights drop, plunging the crowd into darkness before the Immoral Support intro starts playing. As the music blasts over the speakers and the lights begin illuminating the sky, they start screaming.
“I made it just in time.” Evie smiles. “Have fun.”
“I’ll do my best.” Giving her a peck on the forehead, I take a few more steps toward our entrance point on the stage. Dane appears out of thin air and Rue jogs up from behind me, panting and out of breath.
Connor darts across the stage, trying to stay in the shadows, but some high-pitch squeals tell us he didn’t do a good job of it. Brooke covers her face with her hands, shaking her head.
Connor grins at Rue. “Cutting it a little close, eh?”
“Don’t even get me started.” Rue clenches his fist around the drumstick, looking like he’s ready to put it through someone’s face.
The intro music cuts off and the lights go down, and even the crowd goes silent in anticipation.
“It’s time,” Dane murmurs.
“You guys ready?” Connors asks, that wild look on his face. We all nod. “Then let’s take these people to another fucking planet.”
My heart races as I step onto the stage, the crowd so loud that I can hear it over my earpieces. Despite the blinding lights, I can make out the crowd, which seems to go on and on, even past the fence. Boats crowd around the water line, as close as they can get to view the stage. These are the thousands that couldn’t get tickets but refused to miss the show.
I knew it was sold out, but this? This is insane.
You could say we’re just the opening act, that these people are here for the ones taking the stage after us, but I’d challenge that if that were true, why are they chanting our name?
Glancing to my left, I see Evie standing there, so stunning it seems like she fell out of a fairytale. Tonight, she wears a black halter neck top, tucked into jeans that are doing too much for her waist. The smile on her face that’s directed at me has my soul smiling back, feeling more whole than it has in a long, long time.
Looking at Connor, his grin is nothing short of feral. The kind of undiluted joy you find in doing the thing you love. Eyes shining, he leans into his mic. “G’day.”
“G’DAY!!!” The crowd screams back, raising goosebumps across my skin.
Connor laughs. “How’re you goin’?”
It’s nothing but unintelligible screams, but it becomes clear to me that tonight is an escape for these people. One night they can get away from the horrors, the stress, the darkness that plagues them. They’re here for therapy in the form of music, for the healing you find in screaming lyrics with thousands of others. And by standing here on this stage, holding the mic, maybe I’m part of that, bringing them a healthy escape.
Connor strums the guitar, and they lose their minds all over again. “If it’s alright with you bloody legends, we’d like to play a few songs.”
More screams. Another strum. The third is my cue. And as Connor runs his pick over the strings, something wakes up inside of me. Maybe it’s the overwhelming amount of lights, but everything appears so bright. So special. So beautiful.
With one last look to the girl who holds my heart—the first person to ever hear me sing—I lift the mic to my lips and hum the first note. Rue begins setting the pace on the drums, and Dane pitches in with the bass, adding depth. There’s no holding back as I continue into the first verse, Connor’s vocals coming in behind mine, melding together in a way only ours are capable of.
And then I let the music take over, shimmering its way through my broken and hollow bits, banishing the shadows that haunt me, and carrying me toward the present where thousands are screaming my name. The lyrics continue to flow out of me, my voice harmonizing with the drops and highs of the music, alternating between smooth and guttural like never before.
Flashlights light up the crowd as we reach the bridge, lyrics being screamed back at us. Finally, I take a breath, watching Connor fall to his knees, sacrificing himself to the music with his guitar. Mesmerized by the way his hands move over the strings, I fall to my knees beside him, adding the gravel over the smooth flow of his guitar.
Throwing our rehearsals out the window, I hold my mic to Connor’s lips as I bow down, convincing him to let go completely. Digging deep, Connor finds that voice I knew was hiding within him all along. I can’t help my euphoric grin, mirrored on Connor’s face, as I take back control of the mic.
Unable to help it, I scream. Every bit of emotion I’ve shoved down comes barreling out of me, the anger and resentment and sadness, along with my newfound ecstasy and the thrill of being on this stage. The crowd screams with me.
And so our set goes on, breaking the mold, setting ourselves and the crowd free.
· · ·
Walking off the stage, my high only intensifies as Evie takes off into a run, launching herself at me. Her arms hook around my neck and I pull her close, losing myself to her vanilla scent.
“You were…amazing.” Evie’s breathless as she pulls back, noting the energy and hope coursing through me. There are paths through her makeup, where tears were no doubt streaking down her face, but the shade of hazel tells me it was from exhilaration and happiness, rather than anything else. “The girls are heading to the bathroom, and I need to fix my face. Theo is chaperoning. I’ll be right back.”
“I’ll be right here.” Waiting for her, the way I always am. Evie links her arms with Lou, who’s already linked with Ara and Brooke, before wandering toward the line of portables. It makes me wonder if Evie has discovered something special tonight too, something I’d never be able to offer her on my own: girlhood. And I know that’s a very powerful thing.
“Ryder, I just want to say, it’s great to have you again,” Dane offers, hair windblown and eyes crinkled.
“It wouldn’t be shitty if you stuck around, you know?” Rue adds in, not even a little pissed. How could he be after a set like that?
“Ah, guys, come on. I promised we’d leave Ryder alone after this,” Connor lectures, completely amused. “We gotta wait at least twenty-four hours before we break our word.”
A throat clears behind us. “You guys got a minute?”
Turning, I find the guy in the cut-out shirt. Both Dane and Rue stand a little straighter, swapping glances. It gives me the feeling that I’m the only fucking idiot who doesn’t know who he is.
“Mate, we’ve always got a minute for those pretty blue eyes,” Connor teases before clapping him on the shoulder and facing us. “Guys, this is Blondie.”
“Blondie?” I eye his black hair, shorter on the sides and slicked back at the top. “There’s gotta be a story behind that nickname.”
Blondie grins. “Maybe, if you’re lucky, I’ll tell you one day. Unfortunately, today is not that day, but it is the day I make you an offer.”
“You might recognize him from a little band known as New York Ave .” Connor’s eyes shine bright as Rue swears next to me. Embarrassment washes over me as quickly as the recognition. “Blondie wants to take us under his wing. Help us make it big.”
Holy. Fucking. Shit.
“I believe in you guys. All of you.” Blondie’s piercing eyes land on me. “If you decide to put your trust in me, I think the future of Immoral Support will be blindingly bright.”
“That means… a lot, mate.” Connor clears his throat, but it does nothing to hide the emotion in his voice. “I’ll talk to the guys and be in touch.”
“Remember, the three-day callback rule doesn’t apply here.” Blondie smirks. “I’m a straight to bed kind of guy.”
Connor laughs. “Saves me from paying for dinner, then.”
I can’t help but ask, “Why Immoral Support ?”
“I heard about a band gaining momentum in Florida and it made me nostalgic.” Blondie shrugs. “And unfortunately, I saw the denim short-shorts video.”
He means the video that went viral last year from the show at Poison Ivy, a local venue. Connor had lost a bet with Brooke and his penalty was wearing a pair of denim short-shorts, cut higher than his briefs, for the entire show. You can imagine why the Internet loved it.
“Nobody can resist these thighs of mine.” Connor wriggles his eyebrows.
“Your wardrobe has improved drastically.” There’s a chirp from Blondie’s pocket and he pulls out his phone, a devilish smile replacing the mischief. “Sorry, boys, I gotta get going.”
“Get out of here before you start drooling all over whatever just came through on that screen.” Connor laughs.
Blondie winks, tosses us a little wave, and strides off toward the exit at the back, awed glances following him the entire way. Thankfully, the conversation about Immoral Support’s future—and my involvement—doesn’t remain open, with the girls and Theo fast approaching.
“Who wants to come back to ours to celebrate?” Ara shouts a little too loud. “I’ve convinced Brooke to make enough pancakes for all of us.”
Brooke rolls her eyes and swears, as everyone else jumps at the offer. I can only assume that Evie and I are in as well. She comes back to my side looking refreshed, and tucks herself under my arm. Everyone else piles toward the exit, but she grabs my shirt, a silent request to hang back.
“Ryder…I’ve always known you’ve had an amazing voice, but that?” Evie shakes her head. “It was surreal .”
Needing to feel her lips on mine, I cup her cheek and drop my face to hers. Taking my time, I let my tongue explore the mouth that was shouting and cheering for me all night. Electricity crackles around us, the kind not even the screams of thousands can elicit.
Finally, when I feel her become breathless and hungry, I raise my lips to her ear, my words only for her. “ My sun that breaks the day. My sparkling streak of light. ”
Evie’s eyes glow a soft, warm gold. “You remember my lullaby?”
“I’d never forget it.”
Resting my forehead against hers, I see it.
The future with Evie and this group of sore thumbs that’s started to beckon me. The guys in Immoral Support are there too, waiting for me to make my way to them all.
And I don’t know how, but some way, some fucking way, I need to make it there.