Chapter Forty-Two
Present - Evelyn
I WAKE UP happy. Really fucking happy.
So happy that I don’t even have a heart attack over the fact that it’s nearly noon. Ryder is already long gone, leaving behind a note:
You were sleeping too peacefully to risk disturbing you.
I’ll pick you up after rehearsal.
Lying back down on the bed, I clutch his note to my chest and stare up at the ceiling through a rose-colored lens called love. For the first time in my life, everything I’ve ever wanted feels within reach. I pulled off the largest event of my career, which will get the company enough exposure that it will skyrocket. And Ryder is off to another rehearsal with Immoral Support as their lead singer.
My parents were…proud, even stuck up for me and Ryder.
Part of me wonders what my birth mom would think of it all. My choices and my life. Would she be happy for me? A wave of nausea rocks me, and I sit up, placing a hand over my stomach. I guess I’m still not ready to revisit that loss.
Padding to the kitchen, I squint as the midday sun blasts me through the windows. I’ve never slept this late in my life. Am I getting to the age where I can’t even handle a few glasses of champagne without getting sick the next day? Surely not. It’s probably just my uterus giving me a heads up on the delivery of her monthly gift.
Wait.
Counting on my fingers, I trace my thoughts back to the last period I had, counting backward and forward. Counting and recounting. Grabbing my phone, I open the calendar, searching for the error in my calculations, but no matter how many times I go over it, I’m faced with the truth: I’m late. Weeks late.
Pulling out my phone, I swipe to my best friend in a panic. Google .
For once it gives me so many useful answers. Stress. Change of diet and schedule. My body adjusting to the birth control. Syncing up with the new women in my life. All could be the case. I’ve had the most fucked-up sleep and eat schedule, not to mention stress over the past few weeks.
Being so wrapped up in the event is why I didn’t even notice I was late in the first place. Plus, I’ve been spending lots of time with the girls, especially Ara over the last few weeks.
Grabbing the Magic 8 Ball off the side table, where it’s sat since last night, I take a deep breath. “Am I…pregnant?” Giving it a shake, I turn it over to find the answer.
With a screech, I throw the ball onto the couch, as if the response burnt me.
Without a doubt.
Pacing my apartment, I stop in front of the mirror and lift the black t-shirt I commandeered from Ryder to sleep in. My stomach doesn’t look any different. Reaching for my lower belly, I place my hand there, wondering if there’s something tiny inside, feeling the hand.
Before I let my thoughts go any further, I throw on some sweatpants and grab my keys. There’s only one way to know for sure, and it’s thankfully available for purchase at the corner store.
Finding the two things that I need, I don’t wait to open the water and chug as I tap my card and walk back to my building. It takes a century to get back to my floor, and by the time I’ve made it through my front door, the water has done its job, and I head for the bathroom.
My eyes hurt with the amount of focus I read the instructions with, studying them once. Twice. Thrice. And then I follow them, step by step, trying to remember how to breathe while I do. The minutes crawl by, a whole new category of time. Finally, the timer goes off and I close my eyes, before flipping the stick over.
I count to ten and open them, finding two pink lines looking back at me.
· · ·
Ryder’s phone goes straight to voicemail. Again.
He must not have charged it last night.
Maybe it’s a good thing that he couldn’t answer my first call, the one I would’ve been wailing about the news through tears. But I’ve been freaking out for long enough now that I’ve experienced the full range of emotions, and I’m finally coming out the other side, accepting that our life is about to change. Drastically.
And soon.
With everything going on between Ryder and Blackhall, the timing could not be worse, but as I place my hand over my belly, I can’t help but think this little bean was sent for a reason. I’ve always wanted the chance to give a little person the childhood I never had. Raising one together and doing it right…the prospect of it brings so much warmth to my chest.
Ryder is going to be an amazing father.
Glancing down at the metal wrapped around my finger, I smile. We were already going to spend the rest of our lives together, what’s a little more company? And after last night, I’m fairly sure that my parents will be nothing but happy for us, even if they are surprised.
Ryder said that he’d only get to propose once.
I’ll only get to tell him that he’s going to be a father for the first time once, too.
Under the warm water of the shower, I make a plan. I’ll go to Target and get the cutest little socks I can find, put them into a box, along with a Polaroid photo of the test with the expected month written along the bottom.
Dried and dressed, I begin typing up my shopping list.
There’s a knock on the door, and I’m so invested in making sure my plan is perfect, I don’t bother checking the Ring app. I open the door wide, with a smile to match, finding three men, scowling. And I realize too late that these aren’t the kind of men who would come to talk to me about religion. They’re not here to sell me on something or fix my sink.
Too late.
Even with the adrenaline coursing through me, if I try to shut the door, they’d overpower me in a heartbeat. So I run, sprinting toward my room. Their heavy steps pound close behind and a sob escapes when I remember I’m no longer the only one in danger.
Catching myself on the wall, I pull myself through the doorway and shut the door. Slipping to the side, I put my back against the wall where I’ll be hidden by the door when it inevitably swings open. There is nowhere to go, all I can do is buy myself time.
My fingers shake as I type a text to Ryder.
Evelyn: 3 men taking me i love you remember that you did the right thing
The door swings open and I have just enough time to slide my phone into my back pocket before one of the men grabs me by my hair, dragging me to the living room. I clench my teeth through the pain, knowing that screaming for help would be futile with the high quality, sound-proofed walls this building was constructed with.
The man’s grip remains tight as he bars an arm around my throat, while one of the others shoves a rag over my nose and mouth. I fight with everything I have, kicking and scratching and elbowing until every limb is being held down. It feels too familiar, and even though I’m bigger and older, I’m still so much smaller, and they’re so much stronger.
A sweet smell invades my senses, but I continue to fight, wasting every ounce of energy on a battle I’ll never win. Tears run down my face as I imagine the moment Ryder is forced to watch me fight for my life through the Ring cameras. He’ll discover the positive test where it waits on our bathroom counter and know that I wasn’t fighting for just myself. He’ll watch until the very moment I lose control over my body thanks to whatever they put on that rag, watch me go limp in these men’s arms as they drag me out of the front door.
Despite barely keeping consciousness, I know when I’m dragged through another door, ankle cracking against one of the concrete steps I’ve only used when the elevator was being serviced. The gray walls and echoing sounds belong to the stairwell usually reserved for fires and other emergencies.
Is there a fire? Is that why my nose is burning?
No. Something’s not right. Going with these people is not what I want.
I’m greeted by the warm afternoon air, head lolling to the side as my mouth refuses to work, to suck down the air I need to form a scream. I silently plead for my body to kick and thrash, to fight until I manage to get away, but all I can do is marvel at how good life was for a second. To wonder what would have happened if I’d gotten to tell Ryder the news.
Ryder.
My Ryder.
He’ll find me. I know he will. Even if they take me to space.
A van door slides open and fear for the little bean I’ve just started to grow crashes through me. Impossible strength materializes in my arms, and I grapple with something, finding purchase on skin.
Biting down as hard as I can, blood sprays into my mouth. There’s a scream, and hope flutters in my chest, until something sharp is stuck into my arm and I’m tossed onto the plastic floor of a utility van.
My phone is pulled from my back pocket and there’s a loud crunch before the door slams shut and everything goes dark.