Chapter Seventeen Sera
Chapter Seventeen
Sera
That night I can’t sleep, even though I’m exhausted from the blood drive and my fight with Luke.
Now, at one in the morning, it’s all I can think about.
I’m lying backward, feet where my head usually goes, trying to trick my body into thinking we haven’t already been lying here for over an hour tossing and turning.
It cooled off quickly this afternoon and Dad turned off all the AC units, so the house is quiet and a little sticky with humidity.
There’s a light breeze blowing my curtains around, bringing in the sound of peepers and June bugs humming.
I plugged my phone in downstairs so I wouldn’t be tempted to doomscroll through Instagram, and I’ve counted the glow-in-the-dark stars on my ceiling three times.
Forty-two. I’ve lost hope that I’ll sleep at all when I hear something hit one of my windows.
I roll over, assuming it’s a moth or a squirrel clambering around the roof, but then there are two more distinct pings against the glass.
I get up and push my curtains to the side. In the thin moonlight I can just make out Luke standing on his back step.
I pull on jeans and throw a sweatshirt over my T-shirt.
I haven’t snuck out with Luke in ages, but the instinct to go prepared is still there.
I grab a light beach towel, just in case, and I put that in my small backpack.
Then I creep down my stairs, shoes in hand.
The house is dark. Mom, Dad, and Abbi are all asleep.
I don’t risk going for my phone. I’m wearing my watch anyway, so I can call them if I need to.
I ease the sliding door open and shut again, then slip on my sandals.
I go around to the driveway and creep under the rhododendron where Luke and I used to hide during neighborhood flashlight tag.
I feel a shy bloom of worry in my stomach when I pop out on the other side.
“Hi,” he says, hands deep in the front pocket of his hoodie. “Thanks for coming out.”
I straighten up and brush my hair out of my face. “I couldn’t sleep,” I say, trying to sound light but realizing I’m still feeling bitter.
Luke kicks at a rock, looks at me, then up at the sky. The moon is a bright slice, almost like a smile, taunting us.
“It’s been a while since I’ve snuck out,” he admits.
“But I had to see you. I feel bad about today.” He’s nervous, bouncing his weight side to side.
“Wanna walk?” He tips his head toward downtown, and I nod.
We’re quiet as we head down Beach Rose Lane.
The peepers are even louder out here, and the tunnel of trees makes it feel like we’re inside a terrarium.
We leave a little space between us but keep pace, occasionally bumping into each other as we avoid potholes.
I let the silence stay. It feels good just to walk.
We end up at the old marina. There are a few abandoned buildings on this end of town that have always been that way, but one of them should be an ice cream spot with my favorite cherry chocolate chip.
“I’m so bummed Frappie’s went out of business,” I say, stopping in front of the window. Through a thick layer of dust, I can just make out the painted sundaes that decorate the glass.
“Yeah, it closed just before last summer.” He steps back and looks up and down the dilapidated area. “It’s sad. It’s such an iconic building, it could be something cool.”
I look up past the broken Frappie’s sign to the long, high windows, which are reflecting the stars. “Like what?”
“I don’t know,” Luke says, but his eyes are following mine, and I can see him thinking, making plans, inventing futures.
“This part of town always struggles,” he adds.
“It feels like things always close, and nothing takes their place. I worry that someone with a lot of money will come in and tear it all down, put up some fancy condos or something.”
“Oh, don’t say that.” I feel a deep, aching sadness that anything in Northport might change. “Sometimes things come back. Or new things come around that honor the old ones.”
“Or both,” Luke says, smiling sadly at me. “Anyway, somebody should save all these historic buildings.”
I get the sense that by somebody, he means him.
I sigh and shove his shoulder, trying to lighten the mood.
He pretends to stumble over, but he’s back quickly.
He grabs my hand and squeezes it. “I’m really sorry for being such an asshole earlier today at the blood drive.
” The admission seems to let all the air out of the tension between us.
Breathing is suddenly easier. “If you like Jackson, then he’s probably cool.
” He takes a deep breath. “Even though five hundred dollars’ worth of raffle tickets was a show-off move. ”
I laugh a little. He’s right about that. “Thanks,” I say, squeezing his hand back. “I appreciate it.”
“Wanna go in?” Luke says, pulling me to the front door of the closed shop.
I look skeptically at the broken door handle. “Won’t it be locked?”
He reaches out with his free hand and pushes. The door swings right in. It creaks loudly, just like it used to, and reminds me of childhood, of the promise of sweets.
“Guess not. Come on.”
I follow Luke inside the dark building, and push the door closed behind us.
The skeleton of Frappie’s sits shrouded in dust. The little two-top tables have been pushed to the left, and the sprinkle-colored chairs are on top of them, leaving the tiled center wide open, almost like a dance floor.
Most of the ice cream and maritime decorations have been taken off the walls, so what’s left is the sturdy frame of what was probably an old fish market or boat storage.
The high casement windows let in the diffused moonlight, and the room glows white and blue like we’re underwater.
I drop Luke’s hand and walk over to the counter.
I hop up and swing my feet to the other side.
I land in a pile of old empty ice cream cups, then turn to face Luke.
“Welcome to Frappie’s, home of the Cape’s best homemade sprinkles and hot fudge. What can I get you?”
“Chocolate peanut butter with a cherry dip, please.”
“Ew,” I say, wrinkling my nose at him. “Unfortunately we don’t have that because it’s a terrible choice.”
“Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it,” he says. He looks around the space, taking it all in. “Hey, where do you think that ladder goes?” He points behind me.
I turn around and shrug. “The roof, probably.”
Luke hops the counter, too, and tries the low rungs. “Seems sturdy.”
“Careful,” I say as he quickly climbs to the top.
“There’s a door,” he calls down. He pushes it until it swings open with a screech. “Whoa,” he calls down. “Come up here! The view is great. You can see so many stars.”
I look at the ladder and the twenty or so feet I’ll need to climb. I’ve never been afraid of heights, but for some reason this makes me anxious.
“The ladder is wicked sturdy,” Luke calls from above. “Don’t worry.”
I take a deep breath, grab the rungs at eye level, and start climbing.
The ladder is indeed very solid, but my hands are sweaty.
About halfway up I suddenly wish I’d left my backpack down below because it’s feeling very heavy.
I pause and take a long, slow breath as my heart skips around a bit from my nerves.
I take the last few rungs quickly and heave myself through the door and onto the roof.
I stand up, shake off my weird nerves, and finally look up.
“Wow,” I say. The harbor stretches out below us, shadowy boats bobbing gently on the black water.
“I know, right?” Luke is smiling up at the stars.
After a minute, I can finally identify the difference between the water and the sky, and I look for the Big Dipper, the only constellation I can locate with any confidence. I find it spilling itself over the ocean in a tangle of dimmer stars.
Luke lifts his arm and points right where I’m looking. “Big Dipper.”
“Hey,” I say, pouting, “I saw it first.”
Luke laughs, then sits down on the scratchy shingles and lies back. I sit carefully next to him, wondering if the warmth between us will last this time.
“Lie down.” He scoots over and pats the space next to him.
I tell myself to stop thinking so much and lie back.
The wind settles a little once I’m flat, and the sky yawns overhead.
Luke moves closer still, his left leg resting flush against my right, his breath hot on my cheek as he points again and calls out Gemini.
“How did you find that?” I’m genuinely impressed. “I can’t even see what you’re pointing at.”
“Here.” Luke takes my hand, extends my pointer finger, and draws a line from the bottom right corner of the upside-down Dipper to the top left corner.
Then he guides my hand gently, out, out, out, until he stops on one of two brighter stars.
“This is Castor, and to the right is Pollux, and they’re the twins. Look for this U shape.”
“Cool.” I trace the shape with my free hand, and move to take my hand back, but he holds it tighter.
“Hold on,” he says, pulling my hand to his chest. He splays our hands flat, and I can feel the faint thump-thump of his heart.
My own is still racing a bit from the climb up the ladder.
I turn to face him. “I wanted to tell you that I talked to Izzy. We were sort of together, but we’re not anymore. ”
“So you broke up?”
Luke nods, and I take in his familiar face, the small scar under his left eye. My eyes catch on his bottom lip, which is trapped in his teeth. He releases it and says, “I like someone else.”
My stomach sinks. “Oh.” I swallow and look away.
Luke lets out a strangled laugh. “Sera. It’s you.” He says it clear and slow. “I like you, Sera. I have for two years, and I think it was killing me keeping it in.”
Beneath me the roof suddenly feels thin, like I might fall through it and then through the floor of Frappie’s, all the way to the center of the earth.
“Really?”
“Really,” Luke says.
I turn and look at him. He’s waiting for a reply like I’m holding the answer to the universe. I repeat what he’s said in my head. Luke LIKES me. LUKE likes me. LUKE likes ME.
I want to say it back so badly, but a flash of fear makes my chest seize.
I can’t just lie there, so I stand up and immediately feel woozy and out of breath. I close my eyes against the swirling spots racing across my vision. I wait for my heart to settle, but it won’t. My watch beeps as it registers an irregular heart rhythm. Crap. It hasn’t done that in months.
“Sera?” Luke’s at my side, but I can’t look at him.
Both because I can’t believe this is happening and because EBE can’t calm down.
She’s gasping and struggling and tripping over herself.
When my watch beeps three times in a quick succession, I swear out loud.
It’s called my mom and sent an alert to Dr. Lee.
“Sera? Are you okay?” Luke sounds frantic as he grabs my shoulders, like he’s trying to hold me in place, and oh, how I wish that were enough.
I want to reassure him. I want to tell him so many things, but I can’t find the breath to do it.
I open my eyes and find his in front of me.
Even in the dark they shine a little green, like the ocean, or a portal out of this dimension.
I tip forward into that swirl of green and black, hoping there will be something there to catch me.