Chapter Thirty-One Sera
Chapter Thirty-One
Sera
August begins to slip away. The summer crowd thins and the heat peaks.
Maddy and I plan a big beach party for my birthday.
It’s the night before Luke goes to his orientation, but that morning I wake up feeling nauseous and slow.
The idea of trekking out to Thirds for the whole afternoon and evening is too daunting.
I text Maddy to cancel while I nibble on some dry toast in my room, brought up on a tray by my dad, who hovers and fusses.
I lean back into my pillows and sigh. The last few days have been like this.
“I’m sorry, sweetie,” Dad says, sitting on the edge of my bed. “Maybe we could do something small here at the house? Just a few people? I’ll make my famous grilled pizza?”
“That sounds great, Dad. Thanks.”
He stands up again and comes to kiss me on the top of my head.
“It won’t be the same here without you. If—if we don’t find you a new heart.
” His voice is clear, and I’m glad. We’ve been working on this, saying what we feel when we feel it.
My therapist agreed it would be good for everyone, but especially me, to know how much I’m loved but also to have support in the choices I’ve made.
“I’ll work on haunting the place, but only if it comes to that,” I say. He laughs.
“I’ll go over and tell Luke and his family about pizza night. I’m sure the boys would like to come too.”
I thank him and text Maddy the plan, asking her not to bring anyone else. I spend the day napping and wake up to the sounds of someone in my room. I open my eyes and find Luke on the window bench, sketch pad in his lap.
“Are you drawing me?” I ask, both delighted and embarrassed. He looks up at me, caught. I managed to shower earlier before I climbed back into bed, so I don’t smell, but I can’t look pretty.
“Getting you back for the boat portraits,” he says with a shrug, then puts the pad down and slides into my bed with me.
I snuggle into his chest and press my ear to his heart.
The cold I’ve been feeling in my bones ebbs away.
I listen to the strong regular beats, and with each one I make a wish for him: to make friends at school, to draw more, to save Harborside, to help his brothers through those awkward teen years, to find love again and again, to travel and see the world, to be a husband and a father and an uncle, and to grow old and cranky and silver with knowledge and time.
I want him to share how he sees the world with as many people as he can—they’ll all be better for it.
I weave myself into these imagined moments and hope he’ll always feel me with him when his heart races with joy.
The pieces of me stitched into him, holding him here in the universe for as long as it takes to live a good, long life.
“What are you thinking about?” he asks, playing with my bangs.
“Your future.”
He swallows, and his heart picks up.
“Our future,” I lie, like it’s a spell to break his sadness.
Adam and Oliver are sent up to get us a few minutes later. Adam catapults himself onto the foot of my bed.
“Wake up! Time for pizza!” he shouts, somehow getting tangled in the blankets.
“Guys,” Luke admonishes, sitting up and helping Adam out of the nest he’s gotten himself into. “You’re supposed to knock.”
“And you’re supposed to keep the door open,” Oliver sings, “like Mom said! Six inches!”
Luke stammers, and I dissolve into laughter. We got caught on his bed last week, and I thought Paula’s head was going to explode. She came up with the six-inches rule on the spot, which was actually pretty impressive.
Downstairs, Mom and Paula are working with Maddy to decorate the patio a little. Maddy bounces over and gives me a hug.
“Happy birthday, Sera.”
“Do you have the thing?” Paula asks her.
“Oh! I forgot it in the car!”
She turns and disappears around the corner of the house, and I catch Mom’s eye. She’s grinning, but she shrugs.
“Wasn’t me.”
Maddy comes back with a small box even though I asked for no gifts.
“From everyone who wanted to be here,” Maddy says, handing it to me. I’m just opening the edge when the porch door creaks open. I turn around and find Abbi hovering there, Cam just behind her. She barely has time to say hello before I’m out of my chair and crushing her in a hug.
“Hi.” She laugh-cries into my shoulder.
“Hi,” I say, getting a curl of her hair stuck in my mouth. I let her go and say hi to Cam too, taking the box of cookies he’s holding out for me. They join us at the table, and soon everyone’s laughing at stories about their hiking mishaps in Maine.
When we’re done with pizza, Abbi goes in for cake plates, and I follow. She pulls out the nice china plates that we never use, and shrugs when I ask if that’s okay.
“It seems like a thing to celebrate,” she says. “We weren’t sure you’d make it here, right?”
“Yeah, nineteen.” I smile. “Maybe I’ll finally get into that smoking habit I’ve been dying to try.”
“Sera!”
“What?!” I cross my arms, but she knows I’m joking. She looks at me for a beat, and suddenly her eyes fill with tears. I tell her about the new rule: Say what you’re thinking and feeling no matter what.
“I thought I might miss it,” she whispers.
“My death?”
“No, well. Maybe a little, but no, you growing up.” She hiccups, and I pull her into a hug again.
“Sorry I didn’t call,” I say.
“It’s okay. I think we needed that fight.”
I nod and tip my head back to the porch. “So you and Cam aren’t sick of each other after being stuck in a tent?”
She laughs. “We’re great. We’re actually getting a place together for next semester.”
“Really?! You’re not going to take any more time off school?”
She shakes her head. I hug her again.
“I’m so glad. I can’t wait for you to get way too smart for your own good and write a wordy dissertation I won’t understand.”
“I wish.” She swallows, tries again. “I hope you’ll be there for it.”
“Me too.” I hug her again, and we stay there for a few minutes, just two sisters sorry for hurting each other’s feelings. Then we wipe our tears and go outside for cake.
After cake, I open my gift as we all relax in the yard and watch the bats start to swoop overhead.
Oliver and Adam do cartwheels in the grass.
Mom fills her and Paula’s glasses again, and Dad is asking Cam about the apartment he and Abbi are planning to rent.
Maddy scooches over as she sees me reach for the stack of papers inside the box.
They’re handwritten requests from every shop on Main Street.
“What is this?” I ask, flipping through a few. Maddy and Paula share a look and explain.
“We know you didn’t want gifts, but everyone in Northport wanted to show you how much they love you.”
“They’re commissions,” Paula jumps in. “We want you to make some art for the town.”
“It’s a job?” I laugh, incredulous.
“Yep!” Maddy hugs me. “Don’t think you were getting out that easy.”
I pass the box to Mom, who bursts into tears and has to be led back inside by Paula and Abbi. Dad takes it from her and shakes his head.
“Window art designs for every shop on Main Street. Do you think you’ll be up for it?” Maddy asks.
I nod. “I’ll make the time. But I’ll need help.”
Luke comes and sits on the arm of my chair, reading through the papers from each shop owner, his eyes glassy.
“This is a great idea,” he tells Maddy. “I’ll help.”
“Us too,” Oliver says, butting his head between us. I tousle his hair, and he darts away. Luke slides an arm around me and squeezes. It’s a perfect present. Something that means I’ll leave part of myself in Northport whether I’m in Paris next summer or…not.
*
I head upstairs after saying good night to everyone and take a few minutes at my desk, coming up with ideas for the commissions.
Outside my window I see Luke’s light turn on, and I go over to my window and crack it open.
He opens his too, turns his music on, and cranks it up just enough so I can hear it.
He disappears and comes back without his shirt on, getting ready for bed.
Through my tiredness I wish I could sneak over and spend the night in his bed, but he has to leave early tomorrow.
My phone pings three times suddenly, and I dig it out of my pocket. It’s a health chart alert, a text, and an email from Dr. Lee. Each one has the same message.
Happy birthday, Sera. We received the news today that you’ve been moved up and are now second in line for your match type. Please call me in the morning to discuss.
I look back up for Luke, but his light is off.
“Second,” I whisper down to EBE with disbelief.
I’m so grateful for her, and I’ve asked her for so much over the years, but I finally ask the thing I’ve been avoiding.
“Think you can hold out for me?” She beats strong and steady in reply, and I let myself picture it: The transplant and all those future moments with Luke becoming a reality.
Paris and school and love and family and a life in Northport.
I shut off my light and settle into the window bench, watching the stars as they grow brighter, shining a miracle down on me.