Chapter 17
Noah
The floral scent of perfume invades my senses as I float towards consciousness.
I peel open my eyes to see Hannah sleeping soundly on the other side of my bed, blonde hair fanning over the pillow.
In the soft morning light, she looks beautiful in that quiet, understated way of hers.
Without make-up, the smattering of freckles across her nose makes her look younger.
She’s the kind of woman my father would want me to settle down with. Polite, motivated, and connected. But as I study her, trying to stir up something deeper, all I can think about is a strong, angular jaw. A crooked grin. A low, gravelly voice.
I drag a hand over my face and stare at the ceiling, guilt pressing heavy against my chest. Hannah’s everything I should want. But she’s not the one who fills my every thought.
She’s an amazing friend.
After Dane gave her a hard time about leaving last night, she agreed to stay. She’s been really good about the fake dating arrangement, even though it was only supposed to be for my father’s benefit.
Guilt churns in my stomach when I think about hooking up with my masked Romeo at Euphoria, but Hannah knows this is strictly for show.
For a moment, I wonder if I should come clean to her, tell her why nothing can ever happen between us. But I’m not ready to open that can of worms.
My thoughts drift to Zac, and the feel of him pressed against me on the back of my bike.
Every inch of my body was in tune to his, the way he shifted with the turns, how tense he got over every bump, gripping me tighter.
My cock stirs to life, and I push the thoughts away.
It’s too dangerous to think of him like that.
That doesn’t stop me from reaching for my phone and bringing up his message thread.
Noah: Hey man, let me know when you’re ready to go get your car. I’ll swing past to pick you up.
My stomach fizzes with anticipation when I press send, and I stare at my phone, waiting for the bubbles to pop up that let me know he’s replying.
Zac: Appreciate it, but Ritter and I have already picked her up. Thanks.
Disappointment washes over me, but again, I push it away.
I was an arsehole to him when we both joined the team last year because I was scared of my attraction to him. After everything that happened in Perth, I had to keep those inclinations locked down. No one else could get hurt because of me.
Nothing can ever happen between us, which is why I went to Euphoria in the first place—to find someone I can be with in secret. That’s all I can have for now.
I set my phone down just as Hannah stirs.
Her eyes flutter open, and she blinks up at me. “Morning.”
“Morning.”
She stretches, the t-shirt she’s sleeping in riding up, but I don’t even offer a cursory glance.
“Can I ask you something?” she says hesitantly.
“You can,” I say, shooting her a playful grin. “I can’t promise I’ll answer it.”
She rolls her eyes. “Is something going on between you and Zac?”
“No,” I scoff, but my pulse quickens. “What makes you ask that?”
“I think he likes you,” she says carefully. “He’s bi, isn’t he?”
I shrug. “It doesn’t matter what he is. There’s nothing going on between us. Besides, the guy can barely stand me.”
Hannah nods, thankfully dropping it. She reaches for her phone, scrolling through some messages. “Can you give me a lift home? Livvy hooked up with Theo last night, and neither of them is in any state to drive.”
“Yeah, of course. Can I shower first?”
“Sure. I’m in no hurry.”
I roll out of bed and gather some fresh clothes before padding across the hall to the bathroom.
Locking the door, I search the cupboards for the packet of razors I bought earlier in the week.
My movements are methodical as I take one out, remove the blade, and press it into my skin, my head dropping back at the familiar bite of pain.
The heavy weight of expectation that’s been squeezing my chest bleeds out of me.
I’m sick of feeling like there’s something wrong with me because I don’t fit into my father’s perfect mould.
All I want is to be enough.
The doorknob rattles, and I drop the blade. My heart races as someone pounds on the door.
“Yo, dude, how long are you gonna be in there?” Dane shouts through the door. “I’m busting for a piss.”
I clear my throat. “I’m about to shower. Use the one downstairs.”
He curses, but then his footsteps head towards the stairs, and I release a heavy breath.
After showering, I dress in sweatpants and a black t-shirt and head back to my room.
Hannah’s sitting in the middle of my bed, thumbing through one of the soccer biographies from the bedside table.
It’s so domesticated. Another pang of guilt stirs in my stomach as I drop onto the bed beside her, resting on my arm.
“I’m sorry that I dragged you into all of this.”
She lifts her gaze and smiles. “It’s not a hardship hanging out with you, Noah.”
“Yeah, but it was only supposed to be for my dad. Now everyone thinks we’re dating. I’m essentially cock-blocking you.”
She snorts a laugh. “You’re giving me an excuse to focus on my studies.
I promise, if I meet anyone I’m interested in, I’ll let you know.
” I rest my forehead against her knee, and she ruffles my hair.
“One day you’re going to tell me what’s really going on with you, Noah Bentley. I’m a patient woman.”
“I have no doubt about it,” I say with a grin. If I open up to anyone about what’s actually going on with me, it’ll be her. Just not yet.
My stomach rumbles. “Come on. I’ll make you some breakfast before dropping you home.”
I enter the library in a huff, barging through the doors.
I’m supposed to be studying for an upcoming ethics assignment, but I can’t get the phone call with my father out of my head.
It was the same old shit—him dictating my life after graduation—but this time, he brought Hannah into it.
It seems he’s done a bit of research into my fake girlfriend and discovered her connection to the Minister for Resources.
I’m now under strict instructions from Carl Bentley not to fuck up this relationship, or I’ll have him to answer to.
I stop short, my breath catching in my lungs when I spot a familiar blond sitting at a table by the window, laptop open, headphones on, open books spread around him. It’s been a week since I gave him a ride home, and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it.
Zac’s been absent from training the past two days due to illness, and I can’t help but drink in the sight of him as he chews on the lid of his highlighter.
His face is paler than normal, but otherwise he looks fine.
Better than fine. That’s the problem. I shouldn’t be noticing things like that. Not about him. Not here.
Instead of walking away like I should, my feet carry me towards him of their own volition. I hover behind him, guilt swirling in my stomach at how much I want to reach out and run my hands through his silky strands. I’m about to force myself to walk away when he looks up and startles.
“Jesus, Noah,” he chokes out, one hand clutching his chest while the other whips off his headphones. “You scared the shit out of me.”
“Sorry,” I say, rubbing the back of my neck. “How are you feeling?”
Now that I’m a little closer, I can see the beads of sweat kissing his temples.
“Not great,” he admits, his voice nasally. He covers his mouth with the crook of his elbow as he coughs. “I don’t think I’ll be playing this weekend.”
My chest sinks. “That sucks.”
“Yeah.” He huffs a laugh, no doubt at the disappointment in my tone, when we both know I haven’t been his biggest fan prior to this season. If only he knew it was because I’ve been fighting my feelings towards him. “I’m sure Dane will be happy to hear it. He’s been waiting to get off the bench.”
“You mind if I join you?” I wave a hand at the space across from him.
His eyes widen a little, and he casts a glance over his shoulder at the empty tables surrounding us, but he nods and moves some of his textbooks to make room for me. “Just don’t get too close,” he warns. “Coach Johnson will kick both our arses if you get sick.”
I just shrug as I sit across from him, pulling out my laptop and textbooks.
“What were you listening to?” I ask when he turns off his headphones and shoves them in his bag.
“The latest Forever Summer album.”
My lips tug into a grin. “How good is Under the Covers?”
“It’s good, but my favourite’s Crawling on my Knees.”
“Elias is a fucking genius with his lyrics. You know, I saw them in Perth last year. They’re so good live.”
“I had tickets to see them in Sydney, but I got food poisoning.”
I wince. “Brutal.”
“Yeah.”
Not knowing what else to say, I fire up my laptop and access the Beckford student portal to check over the requirements for my assignment.
We work in awkward silence for a bit, occasionally interrupted by his sniffles or coughing fits, but it’s almost impossible to concentrate when I can feel the heat emanating from his long legs, which are stretched out under the table, dangerously close to mine.
After a while, he heaves a heavy sigh and closes his laptop.
I glance up from the article I’ve been reading and watch as he closes his eyes and pushes a hand through his hair.
“Are you okay?” My gut twists at the concern in my voice, hoping he doesn’t read anything into it other than a worried teammate.
It takes him a second to open his eyes, and he blinks as if unfocused. “Yeah. I think I’ve just pushed it a little too hard today.”
“Are you going to be good to get home?”
“Hmm?” he asks, staring at his things scattered across the table.
Christ.
I close my laptop and shove my things into my bag before helping him.
“I’ve got it,” he mumbles, grabbing his laptop off me and sliding it into his bag.