Chapter 23
Zac
Noah rushes off to Beckford U an hour later after his father calls asking why he’s not in class. I guess he has someone on the inside checking up on him. It still doesn’t scare me off. Noah deserves a happy ending, and I selfishly want to be the guy who gives it to him.
I still haven’t wrapped my head around the fact that my grumpy teammate is not only gay, but he’s the mysterious shadow I’ve been hooking up with these past few months.
How is this real? It’s not right that he has to hide who he is because of his father.
I met the guy for two seconds and could tell he was a fucking arsehole.
It doesn’t change how I feel about Noah.
If anything, everything is amplified now that I understand why he’s been so afraid to get close to me.
Pursuing something with him won’t be easy, especially because of the deep-seated fear his father cultivated in him after Nathan, but I can’t bring myself to walk away.
There’s something about the raw vulnerability he showed when he opened up to me that makes me want to see where this goes.
I haven’t forgotten about Theo, though, and I find myself driving towards his house instead of the university after I leave Noah’s. I’ve already missed my first lecture and study group, so I may as well write the whole day off.
No one answers when I knock on the front door at the Walters. My stomach churns. Theo was on a pretty intense trip when we fell asleep last night, and if he’s not home, I don’t know where he is. I knock again, and when there’s still no answer, I pull out my phone and call him.
It rings out, then goes to voicemail.
Shit.
I can’t go home until I know he’s safe, so I make my way to the side gate and type in the four-digit code. Jade’s at school, and his parents are at work, but I know where they keep the spare key for the back door, so I let myself in, closing the sliding door behind me.
I’m at the base of the stairs when a door opens from above. With relief flooding through me, I call out, “Yo, Theo. Is that you?”
“Kincade?” He appears on the landing, bleary-eyed and dishevelled. “What are you doing here?”
I gape at him when I reach the top of the stairs. “Are you serious? I came to check on you after you disappeared on me this morning.”
“Huh?” He rubs a hand over his face. “What are you talking about?” His eyes widen, panic crossing his features. “Wait. We didn’t—”
My lips twist in disgust. “Fuck no.”
His shoulders slump in relief. “Thank fuck for that. I had the most bizarre dream. I was spinning out hard,” he says with a groan, turning and walking down the hall to his bedroom.
I follow, dropping into the bean bag in the corner while he falls face-first onto his bed. “It wasn’t a dream, dude. You’ve been on a trip.”
“How bad was I?”
“Pretty bad. You ended up in Henderson and called me to come get you. I knew your parents would castrate you if they saw you like that, so I took you to Noah’s and we crashed on their sofa bed.
You were gone before I woke up this morning, and in the state you were in last night, I had to make sure you got home all right. ”
“Thanks.”
I kick his foot, and he rolls on his side to face me.
“What’s going on with you, man? You’ve been pretty wild since graduation.”
He rakes a hand through his hair. “It’s scary. You spend so much of your life at school, then you’re thrust into the world with no routine and no guidance. I don’t know what to do with myself.”
I roll my eyes. “Maybe get a job?”
He grimaces. “I was offered a junior CFD engineer job in Sydney, but I turned it down.”
“For someone who’s extremely intelligent, you’re pretty stupid. You decided to stay in this small town, getting drunk and high and doing god knows what with god knows who, instead of moving on with your life?”
“It’s not that easy.”
I study him with a frown. “What’s keeping you here?”
He swallows. “I know Beckford. I know what to expect here.”
I consider his words. “It’s scary as hell to step out of your comfort zone, but there’s a difference between staying in Beckford and finding something you want to do with your life and partying and writing yourself off.
At some point, you have to grow up and move on with your life.
If you keep going the way you’re going, you’ll end up dead in a ditch. Don’t use staying here as an excuse.”
“Everyone else has their shit together. Luca’s playing in the EPL.
Mitch is working for his dad’s pharmaceutical company.
West is playing in the A-League down in Melbourne.
Dylan’s travelling with his girlfriend. I’m scared to take the plunge and move to Sydney to work in my dream job because…
” He hesitates, his jaw tight as he looks up at the ceiling.
“What if I get there and I’m not good enough? ”
My eyes widen. Theo’s always been the clown, that friend who jokes around and seems so in control and cool all the time. Not once in the twenty-two years that I’ve known him have I ever seen him vulnerable like this.
“What are you talking about?”
He lets out a heavy sigh. “What if I fuck up? Let’s be honest, when have you ever known me to take anything seriously? The field I want to work in is for serious individuals. I won’t fit in. I’ll look like an idiot.”
“What do you want to do?”
“I want to work in the defence force. Aerodynamics research. Drones, flight systems. That sort of thing.”
I grin. The excitement in his voice reminds me of the kid who took his toys apart so he could see how they worked. “Have you applied for anything?”
He shakes his head, letting out a bitter laugh. “They’re disciplined, sharp, and focused. I’ve got the attention span of a fly. They’ll take one look at me and laugh me out of the force.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I’m a screw-up, Zac. Everyone knows it. Why give them the opportunity to say I told you so?”
“You’re selling yourself short, Theo.”
He scoffs. “Are you trying to psychoanalyse me now?”
My lips tug into a smirk. “If it convinces you to put yourself out there and go for the job you want.”
A pillow flies at my head.
I toss it back at him with a laugh.
“If you want me to help with the application or interview prep, just ask.”
“Thanks. I’ll think about it.”
“In the meantime, maybe lay off the booze, drugs, and partying. I don’t think the defence force will look favourably on all those things.”
There’s a moment of silence, then Theo asks, “Why are you helping me?”
I shrug. “We grew up together. I won’t sit back and watch you throw your life away. You’re a smart guy who’s making some really dumb decisions.”
“Aw,” he teases. “Here I was thinking you didn’t like me.”
“I don’t,” I shoot back with a playful grin. “If you get into the defence force, I won’t have to look at your ugly face again.”
“Admit it, pretty boy. You want this.” He runs a hand over his body.
I mime throwing up. “You’re not my type.”
“Want to play some FIFA?”
“Sure.”
I spend a couple of hours playing video games with Theo, then go home to catch up on the class work I missed today.
It’s hard to concentrate on anything when all I can think about is Noah.
I’m counting down the time until training, that fluttering sensation in my stomach getting worse the closer I get to seeing him.
We have to be careful. I know he’s wary about us, especially after what he went through with Nathan, but that was right under his father’s nose.
We’re four thousand kilometres away, and we have Hannah as our cover.
As much as it doesn’t feel right using her as a smokescreen, it gives Noah a sense of security.
We can figure out everything else after his grandfather’s birthday next month.
For now, I’m going to use it to convince Noah we can make this work.
I arrive at the stadium early and head into the gym to try working off my excess energy. The thought of seeing Noah has my body buzzing with adrenaline, but I need to be chill. I’m halfway through a set of crunches when Dane enters, calling out a greeting as he strolls over to the bench press.
“Did I see your car out the front of our place this morning?”
Shit. He’d been asleep when Theo and I rocked up last night, and Theo had been long gone this morning.
“Yeah, Theo went on a bender and needed somewhere to sleep it off. I had to make sure he didn’t choke on his vomit in his sleep.”
Dane laughs and shakes his head. “That guy’s going to get himself into trouble one day.”
“Hopefully not.”
We continue our workouts, the only sounds in the gym our low grunts and the clank of weights.
Then Dane breaks the silence again when he clears his throat. “You’re going to be graduating at the end of this year,” he says.
I glance over at him, a nervous energy thrumming through me.
“Yeah. Why?”
He finishes his set and straightens, wiping his brow with the back of his hand. “Do you think you could do some extra sessions with me? I know I’m quick to come off my line and slow to get back. If you’ve got any tips to help…”
My lips tug into a grin. The kid is eager. I give him props for that. He’s got skill, and I know I’ll be leaving the team in good hands with him in front of the goals. “Yeah, no worries. Mondays are pretty hectic for me with classes, but we can do Wednesdays after training?”
“Perfect. Thanks, man.”
I catch a glimpse of Coach Johnson passing the gym doors, and I clap Dane on the back before rushing after our coach, a crazy idea forming.
Training is gruelling, which I expected after our draw on the weekend.
It’s good to be back on the pitch with the boys at full capacity, and though I feel the lack of fitness after my illness, I push through, relishing the ache in my muscles and the burn in my chest. I’m out here doing what I love with the guy I’m falling for.