Chapter 16
Luca
“Are you sure you’re doing okay? I can go get you some more ice chips.”
Addison sat up, her hands on her belly as she breathed slowly in and out. Her hair, which had grown a bit longer over the past few months, was now braided back into two French braids and twisted somehow in the back so it was all away from her face. She looked so damn pretty, even with her red nose and glaring eyes. I knew she was in pain, and was just as scared as I was, but I had a feeling she was handling this far better than me.
Which meant I needed to get my ass into gear and not screw up.
“I don’t need any ice chips. If you want to keep pacing, you’re welcome to do that. I know that helps sometimes.”
“I feel like I heard sarcasm in that tone.”
“Oh, there was plenty of sarcasm in that tone. I’m fine. I’m just sitting here, wondering when this baby is going to be pushed out through my vagina. Which apparently is going to hurt more than the lower back pain and contractions already hurt.”
I sat down in the chair next to her and took her hand, rubbing her palm with my thumb. “So you had no idea you were in labor?” I asked, still confused.
I had grabbed the bag and everything we had prepped while Addison texted the group chats. Paisley and Devney were going to handle everything on that end after that, according to our birth plan, so all I had to do was make sure I had everything in the car, including Addison.
The fact that I’d almost forgotten Addison at the house notwithstanding. She stood at the front door as I had packed everything in the car, just giving me a look.
I blushed, double checked we had our phone chargers, and then we were in the car and heading towards the hospital.
Now we were sitting in our room, both of us waiting for this next part of this adventure.
No, this wasn’t stressful at all.
“No, I didn’t. I just had back pain. I’ve been uncomfortable this entire pregnancy because I haven’t been able to go out and do what I want, like baby yoga or whatever else pregnant women do. I’ve been at the house watching you prep the nursery. Watching you paint the walls and get everything ready. I sat down in that same armchair I’ve been stuck in for months, even during my baby shower as my best friends brought everyone to me and I wasn’t allowed to lift a finger. And now we’re here and it’s all coming to an end and yet something huge is beginning and I’m really stressed out.”
I leaned forward and cupped her face with my free hand, my other one still holding hers.
“Do you want me to tell you that you’ve got this? That you are strong and capable and no matter what you can handle it? Because you know that, Addison. You are the most fierce and competent and strong and beautiful woman that I know. I’ve loved watching you thrive in this, even though this wasn’t the plan you had when you thought about having a kid. But you’ve got this. And I’m going to be right beside you.”
“You’ve been beside me this whole time, you know. It’s a little daunting.”
I raised a brow. “I’m daunting?”
“Maybe? But it’s more the fact that you’re here. And I never doubted you would be. Which is probably something I should worry about.”
I leaned forward and took her lips, pressing my forehead to hers as we each rested for a moment.
“I think another contraction’s coming.”
She squeezed down on my hand as she breathed out like we had practiced during our class, the midwife having come to the house to work with her.
I hated that I hadn’t been able to get her out of the house more while still making sure she was safe. I was a doctor, but not for people. I wasn’t able to do much for her, and I hated that.
She had been on bedrest for two trimesters and hadn’t been able to have the pregnancy she deserved. But it was the pregnancy that she had gone through, was going through, so I held her hand through the contraction, and wiped away her tears and sweat, and let her curse me out.
“I hate you, you know,” she growled, running her hands over her stomach.
“I hate myself too. This is all my fault.”
“It really is. I mean, seriously? Why does your sperm have to be so amazing?”
“I feel like I came into the room at the wrong time,” Paisley said, and I burst out laughing.
“You really did.”
“So I take it everything’s normal?”
“As normal as you can be for the fact that I’m only four centimeters dilated.”
I winced, feeling that somehow this was my fault again.
Paisley studied both of us. “And you somehow blame yourself for the fact that you’re not progressing as quickly as you wanted to? You’re doing great. I have an entire room of people here that want updates by the way, and since I won the coin toss to be able to come back here, I’m going to switch places with Luca.”
Panic settled in my chest. “What?”
“Go take a breather, I’ll stay here with soon-to-be Mom.”
Addison’s eyes widened. “Mom. Wow. That’s going to be soon. I’m going to be a mom.” She beamed as she looked towards me. “Right, Daddy?”
“Now I’m having another panic attack even though we’ve already talked about the fact that yes there’s a baby coming. I will go see the others.”
I cupped her face and kissed her softly, knowing that these would be some of the last moments with just the two of us. Even with Paisley in the room, it was just the two of us. Life was about to change forever, altered into a new reality that didn’t make any sense and yet made the best sense.
This was going to be amazing.
Even if it scared the hell out of me.
“I’ll be right back.”
“And maybe bring those ice chips.”
“Anything you need.”
Walking away was one of the hardest things I’d ever done, even though I knew I’d be right back. It was just so hard to leave her in pain, when all I wanted to do was ensure that she was safe and happy.
The doctors and nurses were constantly in and out, making sure that she was comfortable and her blood pressure was doing well.
Other than that first complication, she had been fine. She hadn’t passed out again, and we had followed the doctor’s orders implicitly. I knew she was tired of sitting in that damn room and dealing with my ugly face every day.
But I had moved in to take care of her, and that’s exactly what I had done.
The fact that she let me have animals in and out all the time because of my job, and was just always there for me no matter what? That meant something.
I just wasn’t sure what we were going to do once the baby came.
But that point was moot, because I wasn’t going anywhere.
She was it for me.
And this baby? It changed everything. For the better, and for the stress, but I couldn’t wait. Even as I panicked because I was about to be a dad.
I walked out into the waiting room and smiled as everyone looked up at me.
“Everything okay? Paisley went in there to relieve you for a bit.”
“And we have food for you,” Devney said as she waddled towards me.
She was heavily pregnant and due in one week. “I love you. But should you be standing?”
“I’m okay. I’m here for my new niece or nephew, and I brought you food to take care of you. And I knew if you ate it anywhere near Addison, she would murder you.”
“That is the truth,” I said as I took the bag from her.
I opened it up and smiled at the burrito and chips and queso.
“The smells delicious.”
“It should be, I picked it out,” August said, which made me grin.
“I’m going to scarf this down quickly and head back in there. I want to make sure she’s okay.”
“Paisley is texting, so don’t worry. She’s doing just fine,” Devney said.
“Are we late?”
I had just taken a big bite of burrito so I could only wave at Addison’s parents.
They looked relieved to see me as they came over.
“Oh good, you’re getting a break. I was really afraid that you were going to exhaust yourself just like you’ve been doing these past months taking care of our daughter.”
Over the past few months I had really gotten to know the Lilys. They were great people who loved their daughter. And I knew they were relieved that she finally had a job she loved, and maybe relieved that I was with her.
Not that I was going to ask them that.
“I’m just eating something real quick.”
“Because our daughter would kick you in the nuts if you decided to eat in front of her when she’s not allowed to,” Addison’s dad said, and August laughed beside me.
“That sounds like Addison.”
“Do you think she’d want us to go on back?” Addison’s mom asked. “I know in the birthing plan it’s just the two of you. Do you know how far she’s dilated?”
I swallowed my food before answering. “Four centimeters.”
“Oh, damn,” Devney said with a wince.
“I really don’t know why I have to know these things,” August put in. “I mean, there should be things I shouldn’t know about the mother of my future niece or nephew.”
I scowled at my brother, though he was just trying to lighten the tension in the room.
We were all worried. Worried about the baby, about what was going to happen next. Worried about everything.
But after months of being stressed out about what could happen, the time was here.
“I’m just going to go on back. You stay here,” Addison’s mother said to her husband. She kissed his cheek and went to go talk to the nurse.
“You’re all on the list to go back there,” I said.
“We know, we got the spreadsheet,” August replied with a roll of his eyes as he handed over some water.
“Stay hydrated. Because if you pass out during the birth, Addison will never let you live it down. Hell, I’d never let you live it down.”
“You really are the sweetest.”
“I try.”
The doors opened again and a family I didn’t recognize walked in, so I focused back on my meal.
“I just, I don’t know what I’ll do if something happens,” I whispered, and I hadn’t even realized I was saying the words until they were already out.
“Don’t think about it. If you think about it, you’ll stress yourself out for no reason.”
I frowned at Heath.
“I don’t know, it seems like a good reason to be stressed.”
“Well, just be there for her. Worry about what you can do and not about what you can’t.”
I finished my food and went to wash my hands. When I came back, everybody was silent, and I realized that other people had joined the party.
Only it didn’t feel like a party right then.
My sister came forward and hugged me tightly.
“Sorry we’re late. We were dealing with a few of Ford’s family things.”
I looked up at Ford, who shrugged. “I’ll talk about it later. But it’s baby time now. Congratulations, brother.”
I hugged Ford, then Noah, then both Greer’s husbands moved back to let my baby sister hold me tight.
“By the way, I’m so sorry. They followed us. Long story.”
I frowned then looked past her and realized why everybody was stressed. My parents stood in the corner, not touching, but also not looking as if they were planning to leave anytime soon.
I opened my mouth to say something, only nothing came out.
“We wanted to be here. But we can go if you want us to,” my mom said, and I looked at Heath who appeared just as flabbergasted as I felt, and then at August who glared.
It was Greer who spoke up. “As long as they’re polite, I’ll handle it.” She beamed at me. “That’s what sisters are for.”
“I have to go back there.”
“Go forth and take care of her. We’ve got you, Dad,” she teased, though I saw the worry in her eyes.
For me? For Addison? For the fact that the parents that I hadn’t spoken to in months were here together?
I didn’t know why they were here. But maybe their need to be involved overrode the fact that they’re selfish asses.
“I’ll keep everyone updated and send Paisley back out.”
“Sounds like a plan,” August grumbled, as another person walked in that I recognized as Paisley’s boyfriend.
I didn’t know Jacob well, and I nodded at him as he went over to sit next to August, like that wasn’t awkward at all.
But I didn’t have time for my family drama, not when my new family was about to arrive.
I made way back inside and Addison glared.
“You ate. That’s queso on your lip.”
I quickly wiped my mouth, and then looked down at my hands. “It was not. I washed my face.”
“Well, I can smell it. I can’t believe you had a burrito.”
“I need the strength to keep up with you. You’re the strongest person I know. I’m weak.”
“Keep going. I think that’s working,” Paisley said with a laugh as she made her way to the door.
“I’ll keep everyone updated, and I’ll rotate them in and out.”
“Not everyone,” I grumbled, and Paisley nodded.
Well, apparently the group chat was caught up.
Good. Because this was fucking weird.
“What’s wrong?” Addison asked as I sat down next to her.
“Nothing.”
“You’re lying. So tell me.”
“My parents are in the waiting room. So are yours by the way.”
“I know, my mom just came back. You must have just missed her.”
I frowned, having forgotten that.
“Oh. Well.”
“As for your parents, good. They can be here for you for a minute, until they make it all about them and then they can leave. It doesn’t matter. They’re going to be grandparents no matter what. How much they’re in our child’s life? That’s on us. Not them. It’s an amazing thing. I’m so fucking protective right now that I know that we’re going to protect this kid no matter what.”
“Damn straight.” I leaned forward and kissed her.
I wanted to tell her that I loved her, that this was it, but I knew she would probably think that this was just because of the hormones and the situation.
So I would wait.
Even though I really wanted to tell her.
It took hours. Hours of sweat, ice chips, and pain.
The family circled in and out, each taking their turns to tell Addison how good she was doing, and then she was ten centimeters and fully effaced, things I knew way too much about now, and suddenly everything happened quickly.
They got her into position, and then I was holding her hand as the love of my life screamed and pushed, and a wriggling little whatever-covered baby started screeching, screaming its little lungs out, and I let the tears finally fall.
Keeley Lily Cassidy was born at 3:01 a.m. on a Tuesday.
After everyone was cleaned up, and our baby passed all her first tests, I found myself sitting in the large hospital bed next to Addison, her leaning against me and Keeley snuggled up to Addison’s breasts.
“She’s so beautiful. So tiny.”
I kissed the top of Addison’s head, then reached out to slide my finger along Keeley’s cheek. She was so small, her hand barely big enough to wrap around my thumb.
“How’s this even possible? She wasn’t here a couple hours ago, now she’s here, and I would break the world for her.”
“Same. Everything’s changed, Luca. We’re parents.”
“Damn straight.”
“We should probably stop cursing.”
“I think we can keep cursing for a little bit. She probably heard enough of it when she was in the womb.”
“This means I’m not on bed rest anymore, and we can finally show this baby girl the world. That we can do everything.”
“Are we going to tell her that she started off because of a birthday?”
“Maybe not the drunken part.”
“What about the fake part?” I asked, smiling as she beamed over at me.
She was so damn beautiful.
“Maybe she’ll like the fake part. I mean, telling her that her daddy was also her mommy’s fake fiancé? That’s a good story.”
I leaned forward and took her lips with mine.
“I love you, Addison.”
She swallowed and looked up at me, the words having taken far too long to come out.
The words that meant everything.
“I should have told you long ago. That you’re everything to me. But I was so afraid that if I did, you would only think it was because of Keeley, or because we needed each other. But I want you to know that I love you and I cannot wait to raise this baby girl with you. I told you I would do anything for you, and I mean it. But the first thing I’m going to do is fight for you. There’s nothing fake about what I feel for you. There hasn’t been for a long time. I love you, Addison. I loved you before Keeley, and I’ll love you with her.”
Addison sniffed and I wiped the tears from her cheeks.
She didn’t say anything for so long, a sense of foreboding slid over me.
Was I wrong? Did she not love me back? Had I said the wrong thing?
I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to say. How to fix this. But me hiding from what we were and what we could be didn’t make sense anymore. It hadn’t for a long time.
“I love you too. I never took off the ring, you know. Even when my fingers started to swell and then they stopped doing that whole swelling thing. Thankfully. I’m still wearing it.”
I looked down at her hand and realized she had put the ring back on, since she had taken off all her jewelry for the birth.
I looked back up at her. “It’s a damn good ring.”
“Language,” she whispered.
“I’ll do better. Promise.”
“So, let’s see, we accidentally slept together the first time, had a fake relationship the second time, you accidentally moved in the third time, and now here we are, holding a very real baby.”
“And my feelings are very real. I know neither of us are good about saying that. I’ve been so afraid of doing that, but I’m going to do better from now on. I promise. I love you both. And the entire family’s about to rush in here, and it’s going to be loud and we’re going to have to figure out how to be parents together, but we’ll do that.”
Loud and messy and real.
“I think I hear them running down the halls, so I guess these last-minute I love yous are a good thing.”
I laughed, kissing her softly.
“I was your last-minute boyfriend, your last-minute fiancé, and your last-minute roommate.”
“I don’t mind.”
The room filled and we showed off our daughter to our family, and I knew that I should have said that long ago. That holding back had been a mistake.
So I would prove to her that she was mine. That I deserved to be in her life.
I would never let Addison feel that she wasn’t good enough, that she was second choice. That she was last minute.
And Keeley would always know that she was first. That she was loved.
Because somehow, without trying, I had found my new family. My reason to be here.
And that was something I would never take for granted, even by accident.