14. Kit
Kit
The rest of the journey back to Ashpoint was torturous. I was relegated to being a passenger, and without the focus of keeping the horse on the road, there was nothing for me to do but try to sleep.
But every time I closed my eyes, all I saw was blood.
Every time I managed to drift off for more than a few minutes at a time, my dreams were full of Anders’s dead-eyed stare boring into me.
A conviction I couldn’t escape. Guilt that burned up my insides until it was all I could do to swallow it down and not lean over the side of the wagon to retch.
I didn’t sleep for more than an hour at a time before the nightmares became too much.
It was only marginally better when we made camp during the nights.
With Penny squeezed close, his face buried in my hair while I pressed my own into his chest to blot out the rest of the world, I slept more soundly.
He roused me from nightmares before they could consume me, and did what he could to soothe me back to sleep.
Unfortunately, that meant that both of us woke up tired in the morning.
It was a relief when Ashpoint’s gates rose ahead of us on the fourth day.
If I didn’t think too hard about how Merrick would react to the story we’d concocted on the way, I could almost convince myself I was glad to be back.
I was looking forward to sleeping in my own bed, and seeing our friends, and pretending like what happened outside of Millfield never happened at all.
Still, while I thought we could sell our story to the townsfolk, the Right Hand wouldn’t buy it so easily, especially if he’d been the one to give Anders his murderous orders.
But all other avenues were closed to us.
There was no escaping the consequences of what I’d done.
I only hoped Merrick went the way of Levitt and that, without substantial proof, he would have to let me live.
Once we made it inside Ashpoint’s walls, we dropped Rosie and Isla off at their respective homes, and I held my hands out to Penny for the reins.
His brows pinched in an unspoken question.
“I’m taking you home, then reporting back to Merrick,” I explained.
His fingers tightened around the reins, and he held them away from me. “We’re supposed to do things together,” he said, his voice still hoarse. “I’m not going to sit at home while you face my half-brother alone.”
“I’m doing my job, Pen, not trying to exclude you. I doubt Merrick would allow you to sit in on our conversation, anyway.”
When his eyes narrowed, I raised my hands up in surrender.
“But you can take me there and wait in the atrium, or drop me off and take the horse back to Thoma, and then we can walk home together, if you’d rather.”
He huffed and clicked his tongue to set the mare back into motion. “I’d rather,” he grumbled.
We hitched the horse up outside the Ossuary, and Penny’s hand found mine as we stepped inside. He held on almost too tightly, fingers digging into the back of my hand like he was afraid I might run. When we reached the atrium, he was reluctant to let go.
“Just a few minutes.” I brought his hand up to kiss his knuckles. “I’ll be right back.”
When he released me, he tucked his arms around his chest and folded in on himself, and I wanted so badly to wrap him up and tell him everything was going to be okay.
But I couldn’t lie to him. Not now.
The stairs up to the Right Hand’s office were endless. I was too tired for so much exertion, and by the time I made it to the top, it was a wonder I didn’t collapse on the landing. I was sure I looked wretched with a week’s worth of beard scruff and dark circles under my eyes.
Merrick’s door was open, and he rose from his desk when he caught sight of me. His expression was too even to read—the same practiced disinterest my father had taught me to wear like armor here.
I didn’t like not knowing exactly what I was walking into.
“Welcome back, Mister Koesters,” Merrick said, beckoning me in with a sweep of the stump of his arm. “I expected you days ago.”
I trudged inside and sank into one of the chairs in front of the desk. Exhaustion weighed down every movement.
“We ran into some trouble,” I said. “We dumped the sheep in the well, but we got caught in the act. We barely made it out of town, but Anders wanted to stay and fight. I couldn’t stop him, and I wasn’t willing to risk the rest of us getting caught.
So, we left him behind and took a long way back to make sure the militia didn’t follow us here. ”
Merrick was quiet for a moment as he settled into his own chair. His sharp green eyes met mine.
“I thought we had dispensed with the pretense and posturing, Kitingor,” he said finally. “Did you dump the sheep into the well before the dead body, or after?”
It was my turn to keep silent. I straightened and held his gaze, but fear crept its way down my spine. I knew he’d be wary of our story, but I should have expected him to find out the truth. I’d been naive enough to hope we might have at least a little time.
Merrick leaned forward and crossed his arms on the desk. “I do know how to check up on these things, you know. I’ve had plenty of time to get news from Millfield since it took you so long to return.”
There was no point in keeping up the lie. Not if he already knew about what I’d done.
“Anders released the sheep,” I admitted, squaring my shoulders and refusing to sink under his cold stare.
“Then he separated us under the pretense of looking for it so he could try to kill Penny, but I couldn’t let that happen.
I did what I had to do to protect Penny.
” I leaned forward, too, bracing my hands on the edge of the desktop.
“I will always do what I have to in order to keep Penny safe.”
It came out like a threat, and the corner of Merrick’s lips twitched up for the briefest moment before his expression smoothed once more.
“For what it’s worth, I instructed him to leave you both unharmed this time. I didn’t expect him to be so impulsive.”
This time. Which meant that the fire at the mission in Wendwood had been under Merrick’s orders.
We had always assumed as much, but to hear him speak about it so casually made my blood run cold.
Because he felt safe enough here, now, to be honest. To admit to at least one of the attempts on our lives.
My fingers itched for the knife sheathed at my hip, but Merrick had too many allies to risk lashing out at him.
I could kill him, and then what? His Sentinels would find me and hold me down and slit my throat and give my bones to the Vessel.
They’d take Penny, too. Maybe the whole of the resistance.
And then they’d go after the rest of our family.
It was too great a risk.
“Then again,” Merrick said as he sat back in his chair, “I also didn’t think you had it in you to kill someone, considering your refusal to be a part of the sacrifices you brought in while your father was in charge.”
His smirk finally won out, though it looked more conspiratorial than malicious.
“I’m honestly impressed. Maybe you have what it takes to be a decent Shroud Warden after all. Given the proper motivation, of course.”
What Penny had said weeks ago echoed in the back of my mind.
That Merrick wouldn’t kill him as long as he could be used to manipulate me.
That it would always work. I’d known then that the part about me was true, at least about it always working.
But now, I believed it all. Merrick didn’t see Penny as his half-brother so much as a tool he could use to control me. And I kept proving him right.
Maybe that was a good thing. Maybe it did offer Penny some small protection.
“The only thing I must question,” Merrick continued, “is your good sense. I can’t fathom why you keep coming back here.
You could have run. I would have sent people after you, of course, but you had a sizable headstart.
” He folded his arms over his chest, and his eyes narrowed. “So why are you here, Kitingor?”
No longer seeing the point in deception, I told him, “We weren’t going to come back.”
Merrick arched a brow. “Then why did you?”
It occurred to me that the occupation of the farm in Eastcliff might have been yet another weapon in Merrick’s arsenal, knowledge withheld for a time when he felt I needed extra incentive to do as he said.
For a moment, I thought to pretend we’d never seen the cultists there.
Let him think he kept some secrets and watch his disappointment later when he couldn’t catch me off guard with a new threat.
But I was tired. I wanted this to be over so Penny and I could go home and collapse in our bed and forget the world for a few hours. He was the only respite I had, and I needed him now.
I sighed. “We went to Eastcliff and saw the extra hands you sent to help with tending the farm. Penny was less than appreciative.”
A flicker of surprise, then irritation, crossed Merrick’s face. He sniffed and looked down his nose at me.
“Well, a farm can’t run well under a silversmith. Warren needs guidance, and far be it from me to let the property fall into ruin while my half-brother is here. Even if he was all too ready to hand the property off to someone outside the family.”
Bitterness edged his tone, and he rose from the desk to pace toward the wall of windows overlooking the square as if he could escape the slip in his mask.
He stopped between the pair of armchairs there. “But that’s beside the point.” His eyes swept over the people scurrying about below, though he canted his head back toward me as he said, “I’m sure you have other places you could have gone.”
There were always other places to go, though not without the risk that the Bone Men would catch up to us.
But that risk was only worth it if we didn’t leave anyone behind.
What was the point of escaping the Bone Men if we lost our family, too?
It had been selfish and cruel to make Rosie face that prospect when I thought I could only protect my own family.
When I’d made it clear that I would choose them over those we left behind in Ashpoint if it came down to it.
There weren’t enough words of apology to ever make that up to her, but I intended to try.
Still, I wasn’t about to give Merrick more ammunition against us by telling him the truth.
“I have a job to do here”—I met his eyes, unflinching—“and I think it’s best I see it through.”