Chapter 14
The next morning, I give myself a pat on the back for listening to Sabrina and enjoying a day in.
I feel weirdly refreshed, as if I needed that time alone.
The sob-fest and a metric ton of sugar helped flip my mindset.
Sometimes you just need to wallow and wail and get it out of your system.
And yes, I might look like I’ve suffered an allergic reaction from all that crying, but it needed to be done.
My phone beeps with a text from Freya.
Miles still isn’t back. Have been round twice now. Baby is keeping me up all night kicking, and cankles are now tankles. Miss you F x
I’m not keen to waste another day sobbing, and to be frank, my eyeballs probably need a rest from all that blubbering too so I push Miles from my mind as I text Freya back.
Tankles? The size of tanks, I’m guessing? Don’t worry about Miles. Put those feet up and rest please. Miss you too. Aubs x
Pregnancy is not for the faint of heart, that’s for sure.
There are more messages from family and friends that I mindlessly flick through.
Mum and Dad have messaged on the family WhatsApp offering to meet me in Lapland for Christmas Day.
A sweet idea, but one I’ll decline, as I know they’re hosting extended family over the holidays.
Dad goes all out. Their house is so lit up you can see it from space, and Mum has dedicated festive décor, so it feels as if you’re living in a real-life gingerbread house.
Admittedly, their cooking skills leave a lot to be desired, but they try their best. I’m sure Rox only turned vegetarian after a debacle one year with some undercooked turkey. Lesson learned.
No need to meet me in Lapland. I’ve made some wonderful friends on board already and I’m really enjoying myself. There are six of us singles who’ve connected, and a staff member extraordinaire has taken us under her wing. Honestly, I’m having a lot of fun, so please don’t worry.
I attach a selection of pictures from each stop and one of the Unlucky in Love Travel Club that Sabrina took of us sitting around the table in the library.
In the group photo I’m smiling, radiant like I haven’t just had my heart broken, but more like I’m a happy-go-lucky holidaymaker.
And isn’t that strange? The more distance I have from Miles, coupled with the ongoing radio silence, makes me question if what we had, or what I thought we had, was even real.
Were he and I simply two almost-forties in panic mode that we’d been left behind?
I’m still so unsure. It felt real, at the time, that love, those dreams, but now, not so much and it’s only been less than a week since it all went bust.
Before I can blink my phone rings with an incoming video call from Rox.
Far too late I understand the mistake I’ve made.
Posting pictures of the Unlucky in Love Travel Club, when that club just so happens to have a member like Jasper, is an amateur move on my part.
I really should know better, yet I never learn.
There’s no getting lax when you’ve got a sister like mine.
‘Who the flip is that hot, spicy jalapeno? Even a lesbian can appreciate a man that hot. Please tell me he’s the definitely-not-fun-sized snack of a man you’re going to warm your body with on all these long, lonely wintry nights?
’ Her words come out thick and fast. How she’s not blue from lack of oxygen I don’t know.
‘Jasper, was it? I hope that knockout in the photo is the same one you were alluding to before on our video call!’
‘Have you finished? Take a breath, for goodness’ sake.’
Rox sucks in the requisite air needed to stay alive. ‘Don’t you even think about deflecting any of the questions coming your way, Aubrey.’
I groan inwardly. Rookie mistake, how stupid of me not to guess Rox would zero in on the hot guy and declare us a perfect match. ‘I’m not going to deflect but there’s nothing to answer for.’
She furrows her brow. ‘Liar! Who is that buff, bronzed hottie sitting next to you in the photo? Slightly mussed hair that gives him an edgy vibe. Husky-blue-green intense eyes that could almost make a girl like me swoon! The only thing that saves him from being too perfect is his ruggedness and that cute smile on his face, like he doesn’t know the power he wields. ’
‘The power he wields, what?’ I make fun of her, but she’s bloody spot on. ‘You got all that from a group photo?’
Rox stares me down in the way only my sister can.
It means she’s well aware I’m not being truthful.
‘Don’t start that crap with me. I can tell that man doesn’t have a huge ego, not like some men who I won’t name, Miles the no-good low-bellied bottom feeder.
Yet you in your infinite wisdom are going to find a way to start hating on this hottie.
Because it’s “too soon”. Or you’ll pick apart something he says and call him untrustworthy.
After all this stuff with Miles, you’re on the man-hate train, and it’s time to disembark, girl. ’
Damn, she’s got me there. It is too soon and I did pick apart a thing or two Jasper said, like when I took offence after he mentioned faking it on holidays to save any awkwardness.
Am I really so transparent or is that my sister is so wily?
‘I’m on the Winter Wonderland Express,’ I state stiffly.
‘Not the man-hate train.’ And I’ll try anything to change the subject, but no doubt always-one-step-ahead Rox won’t be fooled.
‘Stop trying to evade the question.’ She presses her evil eye close to the camera. It’s enough to make me shudder. ‘Well?’
‘Well, what?’
Rox lets out a frustrated groan. ‘God, you’re impossible! Look at the group photo, open it up right this second.’
I roll my eyes to let her know just how tedious I find her demands but I do it anyway otherwise I’ll be here all day.
‘Done, master.’
Her face disappears off screen, replaced by the photo in question.
‘Look at the way he’s leaning towards you! Look at his love-heart eyes, eyes that are not trained at the camera, but at you! That man is absolutely smitten. His lips are slightly parted like he wants to lean in and whisper sweet nothings before he scoops you into his arms and kisses you.’
‘Have you swapped your fantasy books for romcoms or something, Rox?’ I squint hard at the photo and, yes, Jasper’s leaning close to me, but that’s because we’re all pressed together to fit in the photo.
I’m not sure about the rest of her ramblings.
‘We see what we want to see, Rox.’ I try for diplomacy.
‘Exactly!’
‘What?’
‘You’re not seeing it, are you?’
‘Because it’s not there!’
I swipe the photo away and Rox’s thunderous face returns. ‘Do you like the guy?’ Her voice is eerily low.
‘As much as I like any of them, yes.’
‘Aubrey.’
‘Fine, there’s a spark there, at least for me, and—’ Her mouth drops open.
‘Wait! And before you berate me for my post-break-up rules, there’s not one part of me that thinks it’s OK to lust after another man merely days after I was supposed to walk down the aisle.
Besides, I love Miles. Or I did love Miles.
I was going to marry him. Although… now I’ve found out he’s not quite the person I thought I loved.
God, I’m so confused. Not hearing from Miles, either, it’s just – odd.
Like, what if he’s having some kind of internal crisis and I’ve gone and hooked up with some guy on a train?
How would he feel? Awful. I’d be breaking the promises I made. ’
‘You’re not really considering Miles’s feelings on the matter, are you? He’s done a runner to avoid the heat and now you’re worrying he’s having an internal crisis? Come on!’
I understand Rox’s point of view, but still, what if there was a valid reason for Miles’s abrupt exit from my life?
‘After I spoke to best man Leo, I got to musing about the panic attack Miles apparently suffered, well it left me questioning everything. Shouldn’t I give him the benefit of the doubt, in case there’s more to it?
’ Imagine if we do make up and in the interim I’ve hooked up with a six-foot-two sex god.
Rox’s mouth hangs open. It’s not like her to be lost for words. I wait for the barrage to come, because when she gets hold of herself?—
‘ARE YOU CRAZY?’
And… there it is.
I purse my lips before saying, ‘I know how it sounds and I’m not making excuses for him, but – and it’s a very big but – what if there is a reason? I can’t move on until I’ve heard from Miles, and even then, I’ll need time to?—’
‘Time to process it all, yeah, yeah. And in the meantime, Norse God walks off into the sunset with some other lucky girl. The only excuse he’d have not to call is if I ripped every one of his fingers off.
Actually that’s not true because he could use voice activation to call even if he didn’t have fingers!
Point proven, there’s no excuse for his silence. ’
I shake my head at Rox’s very violent and befuddling reasoning. ‘It’s not as simple as all that, Rox, and you know it.’
‘Yet here we are, still waiting on missing groom Miles, and you giving him the benefit of the doubt here is mind boggling.’
We’re not going to agree while Rox is still so mad at Miles. ‘OK, Rox, so on that note…’
She lets out a sigh but her voice softens. ‘Fine. On that note, have fun, be safe, and think about what I said, won’t you?’
We say our goodbyes and I make a mental note to not send any more photos in such a willy nilly fashion, not if those photos contain Jasper, at any rate.