5. No one is choking on your micropenis
5
NO ONE IS CHOKING ON YOUR MICROPENIS
SEBASTIAN
T he room is too small.
That’s my first thought when I sit down at the conference table next to my attorney, Raj. The wall of windows behind me overlooking Boston’s Financial District does nothing to brighten the room. There’s a cloying darkness that hangs in the air like death.
Which I suppose is fitting.
A death of a marriage.
A death of a friendship.
But if Nick thinks it’ll be the death of my company, he has no idea how depraved his betrayal has made me. Just because I don’t normally fight dirty doesn’t mean I can’t do it. Did he really fucking forget who raised me? Marcus Walker didn’t know any other way to play—dirty was in my father’s blood, and it’s in mine too.
“How are the kids?” Raj asks, genuine affection tugging at the corner of his lips.
There’s no denying that the last week with Rowan in my home has been insanely good. Well, good if you can ignore the fact that I have a constant erection knowing she’s down the hall—filling every room with the scent of roses and sunshine.
She’s good with my kids, and she’s good for Pappy. The only reason I was able to leave my kids in North Carolina for this meeting in Boston was that my children seem happy with them.
“They’re good,” I say quietly, while secretly praying for that to stay true.
“That’s great,” Raj says. “Now to the business at hand. No matter what Nick says, keep yourself in check, Seb. We’ve been playing the long game, don’t throw it all away now. He’ll have enough rope to hang himself, so let him do it.”
Nick enters the room with his trademark swagger turned up a notch and my knuckles drain of blood as I clutch the arms of my chair, but my face remains impassive while Raj clamps his lips closed. Nick is followed in by an attorney, an older man I’ve seen with Mya’s father. Anger bubbles in my gut—he worked on our prenup.
Nick’s smirk flares into a snarl as he studies me and his attorney, but I offer no pleasantries to either of them.
Raj leans over the table and quickly hits the record button. My gaze hasn’t left Nick’s, and because I’ve spent a lifetime reading him, I know when his nostrils flair that he wasn’t prepared to have this meeting recorded.
He’ll have to work much harder to keep his lies straight now.
“Is that really necessary?” He scoffs. “Your choices are very simple.”
He’s a fucking idiot. Did either of them even read his contract?
The Pappy Clause is going to hang him. Once again, that old man is saving my ass, and he has no idea. But Pappy’s the reason I added the morality clause to every contract when I took over Walker Meridian.
Meridian Industries has been in my family for generations, but when my grandmother’s MS overwhelmed her life, the only one who could take the helm was my father. I was still in college at the time, and my mother had passed years prior.
In the few years he controlled my legacy, he managed to nearly destroy it. It’s why I had to rebrand as Walker Meridian, and it’s why I looked to my grandfather for guidance. He’d never wanted to be part of the corporate world, but he knew people, and it’s his instincts that are saving me now.
“There are certainly some choices,” Raj replies, shuffling papers in front of him.
“Why’d you do it?” I ask, unwilling to wade through this bullshit.
Raj’s hands freeze—he doesn’t move a muscle. This isn’t how we’d planned to get this information, but I can’t sit here and stare at Nick’s smug face any longer.
Nick’s nonchalant shrug is a farce. He picks nonexistent lint off his lapel, and it’s the first sign that I’m right—he’s nervous, and he should be.
“You’ve always gotten everything you want, even when it doesn’t belong to you,” he says blandly. The only emotion he emits is hatred in the twitch of his eye—it blinds him, and it will aid in his downfall.
“What you’re saying is your jealousy goes way back?” I’m goading him, and I don’t regret it. I handle my shit, while he’s always been on the verge of exploding.
Raj places his palm flat on the table in front of me—a warning, but I lean back in my chair as if facing this fucker isn’t tearing me apart inside.
“Everything was always so easy for you. You take everything for fucking granted,” Nick snarls. His attorney gives him a less subtle warning with a hand on his forearm.
“I gave you everything,” I spit out, and immediately roll my shoulders. I won’t allow him to hurt me ever again. With a deep inhale, I continue more calmly. “You lived with us in the summers during college. My grandparents paid your tuition, got you the most coveted internships, I gave you a stake in my company, and this is how you repay me? Sleeping with my wife? Embarrassing and traumatizing my children? Spreading lies about my character?”
At the mention of my kids, the corner of his eye quivers. At least he knows he’s a scumbag.
“You may be at the top of your game in every other arena, but you couldn’t keep your wife happy.” His voice pokes at my temples like tiny needles injecting me with his poison. “It’s not my fault she came looking for someone better. If it hadn’t been for your last name, she would’ve chosen me in college anyway. Now we’re correcting a long overdue lapse in judgment, and my shares of your company will secure my future with her father’s organization.”
“How long?” I grind out. “How long were you fucking my wife behind my back?”
An ugly thought sets off cannons in my chest. My kids—what if? No, fuck that. I’m their father. I always have been and always will be, regardless of their DNA.
“You see, the thing about not taking care of your relationships is you have no idea when they started crumbling. Was it before Seren was born? Where did Miles get the blond hair from? All questions that are probably eating away at you right now, huh?”
He leans forward on the table. The face of the man I would have taken a bullet for is now unrecognizable. “Don’t worry. They’re yours. The last thing I want is a kid ruining my life.”
“How. Long?” It’s the only answer I need.
His attorney must sense something’s off because he leans over and whispers into Nick’s ear, but Nick’s grin never falters. His ego is toxic.
“Nah,” Nick says, shrugging off his attorney. His cockiness was always his greatest weakness. “This is rock solid.” He speaks to his lawyer but never looks away from me. Seconds of silence raise the tension, but I’ve asked my question.
Raj clears his throat, and I cut him off with a slight shake of my head.
“You’ve got me over a barrel here, Nick.” His name burns my tongue. “You want me to buy you out at a crippling rate or you’ll sell them to Skyview, my biggest competitor. I know you’re dying to rub salt in my wounds. You’re itching to tell me every despicable thing you’ve ever done with my wife.”
“Ex-wife,” he snarls.
“Yeah, ex-wife.” I chuckle sardonically. I should probably focus on the fact that losing her didn’t hurt as much as it should have, but the truth is, I just don’t give a shit anymore. The hit to my pride stung, but the only pain I felt was for my children.
I should have listened to Pappy all those years ago. An arranged marriage was never what I wanted.
Rowan’s face flashes in my mind, and I cross my legs, resting my right ankle against my left knee, then clasp my hands behind my head while staring straight into the soul of my enemy. It forces the thoughts of my childhood friend out of my head—I can’t focus on her right now.
“I’m assuming it started after Kade was born,” I say casually. “Suddenly, I was traveling more, thanks to you and the deals you were finding. It makes perfect sense. Get me out of the way so you can slide in like the cancer you are.”
Nick lurches forward, as I knew he would, slamming his open palms on the table. “Mya came to me,” he seethes. “She was ignored and lonely. I was only too happy to let her feel wanted by choking on my cock.”
A demonic-sounding chuckle gurgles in my chest. “You forget we’ve been to the gym together, Nicky. No one is choking on your micropenis.”
He snaps, leaping over the table and wrapping his hands around my neck. I allow it and lift one side of my mouth, which makes the vein in his temple throb. It must be my lack of action that finally breaks through his rage.
“I fucked your wife,” he snarls. “I own her now, she’s mine, and the next thing I’ll take is your company. By the time I’m done with you, you’ll have nothing left. Not even your fucking brats.”
I shove him off me with the strength of a pissed-off father protecting his kids. He crashes into the table, but it’s his possessed snarl and his wild, vacant gaze that has me flipping through old memories. Was he always this fucking crazy, or did something make him lose his goddamn mind?
To my left, Raj picks up the phone, and moments later, security stands in the doorway. Nick rounds the table to his side, attempting to straighten his now crooked tie, but he doesn’t sit.
“So that was your plan? Take my wife? Ruin my name?” I goad.
“Ruining your name was the easiest fucking thing I’ve ever done. Everyone was all too ready to believe that you are your father’s son.”
Violence as I’ve never known tightens the muscles in my arms until they burn. My father manipulated people, used them, blackmailed them, and ruined them with all his schemes—I’ll never be like him.
“What’s your choice, Sebastian? Buy me out? Oh, and by the way, my price has now gone up. Or do I sell to Skyview?”
Finally. This is what I’ve been waiting for.
A sneer spreads slowly across my face. For the first time since Nick crashed onto that stage with his hands all over my wife, I smile. It’s broad, and freeing.
“But there’s always a third option,” I say with a menacing grin. “We learned that in business school, remember? Oh, that’s right. You got through school copying my homework, so I’ll give you the CliffsNotes . It’s the basis for every story since the dawn of time—there are always three sides—his, hers, and the truth. Did you truly believe I’ve gotten to where I am by luck or on the lies my father raised me on? No, Nicky. You of all people should know me better than that.”
His jaw clenches, the muscles in his face bunching, but he doesn’t say a word.
“I always have a safety net, Nicky. Always. Even from my best friend.” I grin at Raj, who removes a stack of papers and hands them to Nick’s attorney.
Nick snatches them from the lawyer’s hands and angrily flips through them. He’s not a stupid man. He’ll understand what’s happening in three, two, bingo!
“What the fuck is this?”
“I call it the Pappy Clause. You might be more familiar with the term morality clause. Those”—I point to one stack of papers—“are your exit papers. You’ve been terminated, effective immediately.”
His shoulders relax. “This, this is what you have up your sleeve, you fucking idiot? Working for you was never going to happen again. It’s the shares that are the ticking bomb here.”
“Oh.” I laugh humorlessly. “About those. Thank you for reminding me.”
Raj leans forward again and hands the pale-faced attorney a check.
Nick glares over the older man’s shoulders and his face turns crimson. “Don’t fucking insult me. I know what my shares are worth.”
“You’re right, and that’s why you’re getting fifty grand.”
“That’s not?—”
“But it is,” I hiss. “Tucked away in the contract you never bothered to review right out of college is a morality clause. Since you just admitted to fucking and carrying on an affair with my then-wife, plus your planned character assassination and deals with a competitor, you fail. It all falls into the morality clause, as does blackmail and corporate sabotage. I’ll hand it to you, four for four. I couldn’t have predicted you’d manage all of them, but when you do something, you go all out. So congrats. You’re fifty grand richer because the clause clearly states that by engaging in those acts, you forfeit any rights to company shares, and you’ll be compensated fifty thousand dollars, or five percent of their worth—whichever is lower. And fifty grand is much, much lower.”
Buttoning up my coat, I signal the end of the meeting. Raj reaches over and takes the flash drive that contains the recording of this meeting and slips it into his pocket with a silent nod.
“We’re done here.”
“You asshole. I trusted you.” Nick’s anger isn’t allowing him to think clearly.
I raise a brow in mock surprise. “Funny how that works, isn’t it? But so we’re clear, I trusted you too. I never would have turned on you. Now you’ve made the worst enemy you’ll ever have in your life. I never forget a betrayal.”
Ushering Raj in front of me, I nod to the additional security personnel who enter the room and create a wall between us and Nick.
“This isn’t over,” Nick shouts. “Money isn’t the only way we can get to you.”
Ice floods my veins. Is he seriously threatening my children right now?
“I don’t care how long it takes or what I have to do. You will get what’s coming to you,” he warns.
“I wonder how many vibrators Mya’s using to compensate for what she no longer has.” It’s a dick thing to say, but the dig feeds a sickness in me. The sickness for revenge.
He’s always been insecure, and now he should be.
The air conditioning in my car blasts at full power against my heated face, but it’s still not enough. I held up in Raj’s office, and now, alone, the effects of the betrayals threaten to drown me.
But underneath all the pain is relief.
Relief that my marriage is over.
Relief that I had the foresight to protect myself, even from someone I had trusted my children with.
Relief that feels like freedom.
It’s unsettling. When did I start feeling trapped in my own life?
Yes, marrying Mya was easy. It looked good on paper, it made our fathers exceedingly happy, and for the most part, she was easy to get along with. We had a good life, or at least I thought we did.
But not once did I have that jolt of longing I get staring at a very grown up Rowan Ellis, and that’s where the guilt comes in.
I don’t agree with how Mya handled things, but if I’m truly honest with myself, I have to wonder if either of us were ever actually in love. Even searching my memories of us, I can’t begin to fathom how we went from the white picket fence to this.
She loves our children, in her own slightly detached way. I know she does, or maybe she did?
It’s all too much. My head spins when I try to make sense of something I’ll never understand. I may not regret our time together—she gave me three precious gifts—but I do regret my part in our downfall, even if we were doomed from the beginning.
Closing my eyes, I lean against the headrest. My phone vibrates in my lap, and I almost ignore it because it’s sure to be Alexei.
But when I lift the phone to my face, it says The Single Dad Hotline.
Quickly I swipe up and open the message.
SDH: Mud pies.
The text is followed by a series of pictures of the boys. In one, Kade is caked in mud and only his bright white teeth are visible on his face, but his easy happiness makes my chest ache. At least he’s happy—for now. It’s always the for now that gets me. How long until they fall apart like their sister?
Kids don’t forget their mom, even if that’s what she’s hoping will happen.
I hit the green button and listen as the phone rings. She finally picks up right before it goes to voicemail.
“Single Dad Hotline, I’m your helper. How can I help you?”
“Rowan?”
“That’s me. How can I help you?”
Doesn’t she recognize my voice? And why am I strangled by jealousy that she doesn’t?
“Ah, it’s me. Sebastian.”
There’s a pause of dead air that wraps around my lungs and squeezes. “Um, do you always answer your phone that way?”
“This is my hotline phone. All calls are routed through Lottie’s agency, so I only see Single Dad on the caller ID.”
“Oh.” The memory of her talking to another dad the day we sat on the porch hits me much harder than it should, and my brain scrambles in an attempt to come up with something else to say.
She clears her throat. “Since I have all of your children, I have to assume you’re not calling for parenting advice right now.”
“Do you have another phone? A private one?” The question is out before I can censor myself.
“Ah, no, actually. Why?”
“Do all calls show up as The Single Dad Hotline?”
“I guess so. Well, except Pappy and Lottie. They’re the only ones who call me besides my hotline dads.”
Pain rolls through my chest hotter than heartburn. “Your friends don’t call you?”
“I move around a lot. Is there something I can help you with, Sebastian?”
Jesus Christ. My name from her lips makes my mouth go so dry you’d think I was sucking on cotton balls all day.
“Shit. Um, yeah, I was calling to check up on things. The pictures of the boys are great, thank you. How’s Seren?”
I didn’t want to leave them in Sailport Bay so soon after our move, but I had to return to Boston to handle this shit. And now I’m in damage control mode, which means I’ll probably have to travel much more than I’d like.
I thought Pappy was out of his mind when he encouraged me to go to this nanny mixer, even more so when he encouraged me to pack up my life and move for the summer, but the man has literally never steered me wrong, and the boys were so excited about the idea. Seren was just happy to get the fuck out of dodge.
My baby girl feels broken, and for the first time in her life, I don’t know how to put her back together again. Care Bears Band-Aids can’t fix this hole in her life.
How does a little girl come back from her mother’s infidelity literally falling onto center stage in front of all her peers? I’ll never understand what Mya was thinking, but I’m sure the gossip from high society over her actions on school property is the reason her father insisted she leave the country—appearances are what matter to them.
“Well,” Rowan singsongs, dragging me into the present and wondering about the future. “She short-sheeted my bed last night, but we had a good laugh about it. Today she’s quiet. She’s probably planning her next attack, but I’m ready for her,” she says good-naturedly.
“I haven’t been able to help her,” I say quietly. The pain that statement brings hangs heavily in my chest. “She’s in therapy, but it’s obviously not doing any good. She’s never acted out against someone like this before.” Internally I cringe. “Well, except the nannies we tried in Boston.”
We lived through a shitty version of The Parent Trap for a few months. Any and every prank Seren could pull on those poor women, she did, but for some reason, I wasn’t prepared for those actions to follow us to North Carolina.
“It’s hard to know what to do with all those big feelings when you’re twelve, Sebastian. She’ll come around. I had Leo pick up a blank music book from town. I’m going to show her how to write her own music, and I gave her a journal. She can write whatever she wants in it without fear of repercussions. Sometimes it’s easier to talk without talking, you know? And her new nanny might have suggestions I haven’t even thought of. You’ll get through this.”
This woman has been back in my life for one week and the thought of her leaving heats my blood more than the end of my marriage.
Maybe I’m the one who needs counseling.
“That’s really great. Thank you, Rowan.”
“No problem. We’re good. You do what you’ve gotta do. Pappy and I have things covered here, but if you want to FaceTime them at any time, just call. Right now, we’re taking Kade boogie boarding. I figured it’s safer than surfing.”
An image of her in a bikini has my body reacting in a way it most definitely should not.
“Thank you again. Tell the kids I love them and I’ll be back as soon as I can.”
“You’ve got it. Have a good night, Sebastian.” She hangs up before I can say goodbye. She’s completely unaffected by speaking with me, and that’s enough to tell me that this lifelong infatuation is one-sided and I need to get my shit together.
I can’t always have what I want, or who I want, no matter how much damage they do to my blood pressure.