30. Anthony
Chapter 30
Anthony
I WATCH HER leave, my thoughts scrambling, my throat working to swallow the baseball-sized lump in it, and all I can think is, damn . Damn that woman. That infuriating, beautiful—one hundred percent correct— woman. This whole time I thought I was teaching her, when really, she was the one teaching me.
Again: dammit.
“Your parents didn’t pay enough attention to you? Grow the fuck up. At least you had a mother, Anthony. Sure, you were the oldest to twins and had to figure stuff out a lot faster than you would have otherwise. You poor baby.”
Her words swirl around my head, and wow, I sound like a shithead.
Have I really been like this the whole time?
All my actions with my brothers, the past two decades in particular, and the way I’ve been with my parents. Has it all been my fault?
Fuck it all to hell.
Crouching down and shoving my hand through my hair, I yell at the sand. Then I leap up and yell at the ocean. This is all my fault. I’ve never bothered to say anything to my parents or my brothers, and here I am, literally yelling at the world because I have absolutely fucked up.
I take a few minutes to consider my next move. I could go after Darcy, tell her I was wrong, and she was completely, without question, right about everything she said, and beg her to forgive me. The thing is, I’m not sure she’d believe me. Darcy’s a woman who believes in action. And I’ve got a lot to do , starting with my family.
With my mind made up, I head to my parents’ house. The drive is only about twenty minutes down the road that abuts the shoreline, which doesn’t give me a lot of time to think. And that’s probably for the best, because I don’t need to think. I need to feel. And then I can think about how I feel.
I snort. I have no idea if that makes any sense. Guess I need to be okay with that, though, because for once, I don’t care if any of this makes me sound like some kind of woo-woo person. Not when ignoring my feelings has gotten me here, where I’m forty-one and the woman I love is telling me in no uncertain terms to grow up. The woman who is seventeen years younger than me, for fuck’s sake.
Dad opens the door with a raised brow. “Since when do you knock?”
“Since I behaved like an ass.” Might as well dive in headfirst.
With a chuckle, Dad steps back to let me in. “Son, that’s your default setting.” He slaps my back as I walk in. “Not sure I’d recognize you any other way.”
Well, if that’s not illuminating, I don’t know what is.
Stopping in the hallway, I turn to him. “Why didn’t you hug me earlier tonight?”
He considers me for all of two seconds. “Because you told us you didn’t like hugs when you were a kid. And we wanted to respect that.”
Shaken, I ask, “I…what? When did I say that?”
“It’s been a long time, so I can’t quite recall. Maybe when you were eight or nine?”
“You were ten.” Mom comes up behind Dad and wraps a slender arm around his waist. “And you declared that not only were you no longer accepting hugs, but that you didn’t want to be used as the twins’ personal jungle gym, either.” Her smile is affectionate. “It was nearly impossible to keep the boys off you, but your father and I figured respecting your boundaries ourselves was the least we could do.”
The memory niggles at the back of my mind, just out of reach.
“Is this about earlier?” Mom asks gently.
Shame flames my cheeks as I hang my head. “It is. I came to apologize.”
“Well, come on in, then. May as well do it with an audience,” Dad says, winking at me. Then he lowers his voice and smiles at me. “And if you want a hug, I’d love to give you one.”
My throat tightens. “I would.”
He opens his arms wide, and I step into them. His hug is strong, and it feels like home. We stand there, both of us gripping the other tight, for longer than is probably necessary. But it feels good, and I think if anyone deserves a too-long hug, it’s my dad. And my mom.
Releasing him, I turn to Mom, who’s got her own arms open. This time, it’s she who steps into my embrace, and I wonder when she got so small. “I love you, Mom.”
“Love you, too, firstborn,” she murmurs against my chest. Pulling back, she looks up at me. “You ready?”
I grit my teeth. “As I’ll ever be.”
Everyone’s here. Not just Ox, but Levi and Charlotte, all of whom look up in surprise to see me standing here.
“The fuck are you doing here?” Levi growls, an ice pack held against his eye.
“To say I’m sorry.” It’s more than a little gratifying to see the look of surprise on his face. The bruises are pretty great, too. Turning to my parents, I ask, “May I sit?”
Mom leads me to the smaller couch, and we sit side by side. “Tell us what’s on your mind, little one.”
I can’t help but laugh. “And here I was, wondering when you got so small.”
She places a hand on my biceps and leans into me, smiling. “When you got to high school.”
It’s a reminder of why I’m here. I take a deep breath. “I have some apologies to make.”
Ox grins knowingly at me. “Did Darcy give you hell?”
My neck heats. “Maybe.”
Charlotte laughs softly, and she looks at Levi with satisfaction. “Amazing what a good woman can do, isn’t that right, Levi?”
He doesn’t respond, merely palms the inside of her thigh and pulls her closer, the look of adoration on his face making him seem like a totally different person.
“Darcy?” Dad prompts. “As in Darcy Belle, the girl we briefly met tonight?”
“Of course, Darcy Belle,” Mom chides him. “Wasn’t it obvious?”
“Was what obvious?” Dad asks.
“That they’re dating,” Mom answers, then looks at me. “Right?”
“Yes,” I confirm. “But it’s not just dating. It’s…” I trail off, my instinct to keep it to myself rearing its head. But no. That’s what got me here. “It’s more than that. I love her. A lot. She’s it for me.” If she’ll still have me, that is. But I keep that part to myself.
“Why didn’t you say something?” Mom prods.
“Because I’m an ass.” I shift to look at her, but make sure that Dad knows I’m speaking to him, too. “And Darcy made sure I knew it.”
“You’ve been an ass your whole life,” Levi grumbles.
“I know that now.”
“ Now ? You just now know it?” Ox’s jaw drops, and even though his tone is teasing, there’s real hurt in his eyes.
“I just now realize how much of it was hurtful,” I clarify. “And I’m going to work on it,” I promise, then gesture at Levi’s eye. “But you deserved that.”
He lifts a shoulder and offers a small smile. “It’s fine. Besides, it’s good to see I gave just as good as I got.”
The joke breaks the tension, and I give my attention back to Mom and Dad. “Darcy made sure I understood that I’ve got some things to work through, but I’ll start by saying how sorry I am for the way I’ve acted.”
Mom pats my leg and Dad nods. “Good,” he answers. “Because you’ve hurt your mother’s heart more times than I can count.”
The directness of his words hit home, and my throat tightens. Looking directly into her eyes, I apologize. “I’m sorry, Mom. I’ve been a self-centered prick?—”
“Your entire life,” she interjects. “Not just since the twins came home.”
My lips twitch up. “Really?”
She nods, but then says, “No, not really—but it was fun to see how seriously you took it just now.”
“Oh-ho, Mom’s got jokes!” Ox laughs.
“ But we have our own apologies to make,” she continues, reaching for my hand and squeezing it. “We’re your parents. There are a lot of things we could have done, could have said , to do better by you.”
“Like telling you how proud we were of you for all your accomplishments,” Dad says, drawing my attention to him. “Coming to more of your college games.”
“Those were expensive,” I interject.
“We could have saved up,” Mom replies. “And we should have reached out more once you came home.”
Dad nods. “I’m sorry, son. It was unforgiveable.”
My throat tightens. What was it that Darcy said? Did you ever think that maybe it’s a two-way street? She was right. Again. “It’s not unforgiveable,” I manage to say past the lump in my throat. “We all played a part.”
Mom grins mischievously. “You really did complain a lot. Your brothers never did, but you?”
We all guffaw. “Mom,” Levi wheezes, “we all complained.”
“The summers with no electricity?” Ox reminds her.
Mom waves us away. “That was one summer?—”
“Two,” I correct.
“Fine. Two summers, but it was only a week at a time, and we just made it an adventure,” she huffs.
“We were in middle school,” Levi says. “There was nothing adventurous about it.”
“I don’t know,” Ox muses. “I think it gave us character.”
I snort. “It gave us something, all right.” But for once, as I think back over those early hard years, the ones where we were likely a lot poorer than my brothers and I realized, there’s no bitterness. Running my own place now, I understand how difficult it can be to simply make enough to pay the bills. Thankfully, I’m well past that stage, but there were some months when I first opened Hall’s Balls that I really wasn’t sure I’d make it. Ironically, it was Levi who offered to help float me if I needed it, and the man definitely had the cash to spare. I didn’t take it. In hindsight, my ego was so delicate that I probably would have closed the place before I took help from my little brother. I’m glad it never came to that.
“I should apologize, too,” Levi says, his voice so low that I barely hear him.
My eyes snap to his.
The faintest red tinges his cheeks. “I was probably more of an asshole than I needed to be.”
Ox snorts. “ Was ?”
Levi glowers at him before looking back at me. “Fine. I am more of an asshole than I need to be.”
I shrug and grin. “It’s cool. You’ve learned from the best.”
“Maybe we’ll have a contest to see who’s got the meanest-looking scowl,” Ox teases. “It’ll be close.”
“Shut up, Ox,” Levi and I say in unison.
Mom wraps an arm around me and squeezes. “We love you, little one.”
Dad nods and holds my gaze. “Proud of you, too.”
He’d said something similar a moment ago, but this time, the words unlock something in my chest, and I blink back the sting in my eyes.
“Was really something to see your place today,” he continues, not seeming to realize how much his words have affected me. “We should have visited a lot more than we have. You’ve done a great job with it.”
“You really have. But that name, Anthony,” Mom says with an air of resigned exasperation. “Hall’s Balls ? It’s so…crude.”
My brothers and I laugh. And it feels amazing.