5. Maddie #3
Oh, pretty, pretty please be talking about me.
My finger drags across the rim of the glass as I open my mouth to say something, then think better of it.
Of course, he notices. “What is it?”
“I just was thinking that maybe you weren’t a drinker.” I shrug. “Since you ordered the coffee.”
“I’m usually a whiskey and coke guy, but not when I’m driving. And it’s been a long week, so I needed the caffeine boost.”
My heart melts a little. “That’s smart. ”
“I try to be.” His eyes narrow on mine, “Are you driving tonight?”
“Definitely not.” Just thinking about having to drive makes me feel drunker, and I press the tip of my finger against a drop of condensation on the side of my glass.
“I’ve actually had a couple of these,” I admit, giving him a sheepish smile.
“I was nervous, which is why I chose hard liquor over cider. Figuring it might boost my courage. But then the server just kept bringing them, and I kept drinking them…” I let the sentence trail off before admitting, “I’ve probably had too much. ”
There’s a long beat of silence and my nervousness starts to pick up.
Then Axel asks, “Why are you here?”
I glance around, “It seemed like a good location. Close enough that it wouldn’t take long to get here, but not so close that someone could easily follow me home without me noticing.”
A crease forms between his eyes, “That’s not what I meant, but tell me you weren’t planning on getting a ride home from one of those apps.”
His tone is just shy of scolding, and his disapproval feels like a pinch to my side.
I press my lips together, not sure how to answer since that’s exactly what I was planning to do. I know ride share apps have their faults, but I just wanted one night of cutting loose. And that means I needed a ride.
Axel sighs, clearly understanding my non-answer. “I’ll drive you home tonight.”
My eyes widen, “You don’t have to do that.”
“I do have to do that, Baby Doll. So don’t bother arguing with me.”
“Oh, um, okay,” I murmur.
Gah! What is it with this man? I shouldn’t be agreeing to this. Or telling him about my business. But I just can’t help myself.
Not wanting to discuss my bad decision making further, I change the topic. “What did you mean before, then? About coming here?”
The tension in his face softens, “I meant why are you here for a date with someone you don’t really know?”
A sense of failure tries to fill my lungs.
Because I’m tired of being lonely .
Because I want someone to hug me.
Because I want to know that there’s someone – anyone – that might love me the way I want to be loved.
But I can’t say any of that, so I go with the easy answer. “Because I want a boyfriend.”
Axel’s expression is unmoved, and I have a feeling he knows I’m not telling the whole truth.
My hands drop into my lap and my shoulders roll forward.
“I’m not good at talking to people. At work it’s one thing, ya know?
It’s transactional and short-term. But dating?
” I grimace. “It’s terrifying. And when you’ve lived in the same small town your whole life, and work in that same town, it’s hard to meet new people. So online seemed like the best bet.”
“I can understand that. But why not wait until you’ve gotten to know someone more before agreeing to meet them? You said that you and Brian had hardly talked. There are some bad guys out there, Baby, you need to be careful.”
A twist of emotions fills my chest at his look of concern, but I stamp it down. If I start getting teary eyed sitting here in a bar, I’ll never recover.
Under the table, I tap my toe against the linoleum floor. “My best friend is getting married in a month and I need a plus one.”
“She’s making you bring a date?” Axel’s affronted tone almost makes me laugh.
“No, I just… I don’t want to be alone.”
My eyes lower to look at the table.
I meant to say that I don’t want to go alone. But maybe this is one of those Freudian slips I heard about in Psych Class, because I don’t want to be alone is the real answer to his questions.
Shit, this is embarrassing.
Snagging my glass, I pick it up and quickly suck down my cocktail, knowing damn well I don’t need a single sip more but not able to face the overall mortification of tonight without it.
“Maddie.” Axel’s voice is so soft and kind, it nearly breaks me.
“I’m not sad.” I whisper the words to myself .
How could I forget that getting drunk doesn’t just make me talkative, it makes me weepy.
I force my mouth into a smile as I meet Axel’s eyes, but I can’t read his expression. “I’m okay, really.”
He darts a glance to my now empty glass before he lifts his own drink and downs the rest of his coffee in two big swallows.
Setting the empty mug down, he tips his chin to me, “You want to get going?”
I feel a little bad about bringing the mood down so swiftly, but I appreciate that Axel is a man capable of reading social cues. But really, if my little admission followed by gulping down my fourth drink doesn’t say please rescue me from myself I don’t know what does.
Nodding my answer, I slide my chair back.
The second I push up to stand, I realize just how much vodka I’ve consumed.
Woah, girl. I sway a little. You’re fucking Drunk with a capital D.
Then I snicker a little to myself.
I wish I was getting some actual D.
“You alright?” Axel stands at the same time, stepping in front of me.
Following his movement, my gaze moves up. And up.
“You’re so big.” My eyes widen. “Oh my god, I’m sorry!
I don’t mean big like fat, you’re just ginormous.
And not that there’s anything wrong with fat.
Fat is fine.” I wave a hand up and down, gesturing to myself.
“Clearly. I just meant…” I let my eyes trail all the way up to the top of his silver-streaked head and start to sway backwards.
Large hands grip my upper arms, “First, you don’t need to explain. Compared to you, I’m a beast and I know it.”
He steps closer and I can finally smell him. And sweet horny hormones, he smells exactly like a sexy man should. Something deep and musky and sexy. Like his bodywash is scented and maybe he showered recently, but it’s mixed with a… I don’t even know what.
Damnit, I’m too drunk.
“Second,” he shifts and my body gravitates towards his, “don’t ever call yourself that in front of me again.”
My eyes are still stuck on the expanse of chest in front of me, “Call myself what?”
I can’t remember what we’d been talking about.
I try, I really do try. But he’s just so distracting.
His sigh ruffles the top of my hair and my fingers twitch, wondering if it’d be okay to touch him.
A warm fingertip touches the underside of my chin, pressing up until I tilt my head back enough to look Axel in the eye.
His blue eyes stare into mine as he says, “You’re fucking perfect.”
Heat. So much heat infuses my body and I don’t know how to react. So I just keep staring right back at him.
What must be his thumb ghosts over my lip then lowers until he’s lightly pinching my chin, “Are you ready to go?”
My head nods, “I need to pay my bill.”
“I took care of it.”
I glance at the table and see a small stack of twenties resting under his empty mug. I don’t know how much my drinks cost, but I’d say he more than covered it.
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” His hand slowly releases my chin, his fingers slipping away. “Anything else?”
“Bathroom?” I say it like a question, but now that I’m thinking about it, I really need to go.
“I’ll walk you there.”
Axel slides his rose-tattooed hand the rest of the way up my arm and around my back until his palm is pressed into my shoulder blades. It’s hard to focus while I concentrate on placing one foot in front of the other, but it feels like his hand covers my entire back.
It feels like I’ve fallen into a whole new world. One where the men are kind and considerate- and giant.
I glance down, towards the front of his jeans, and wonder if he’s oversized everywhere.
The move nearly costs me my footing as my balance swims. But then the hand on my back moves, sliding to my far shoulder and guiding me closer to his body.
And when his fingertips graze the bare skin along the back of my arm, I give up the fight and allow myself to melt into his side.