Chapter 2
NEW YEAR
ORI
“I think it’s time.”
The conversation I’d been having with my grandfather hadn’t warranted the four words that had come out of his mouth. In fact, he’d interrupted me to deliver them so I was even more confused why he was saying what he was.
“Tūtū man, is your mind going? What do you mean it is time?”
I’d attempted to make my voice sound as light-hearted as Rafiki’s in Lion King but it was a physical impossibility.
My entire life I’d had a deeper voice. Even as a kid.
They’d thought I’d had some type of vocal cord damage because I remember my father chastising me for having an annoying cry as a baby.
I didn’t know that crying was supposed to be comforting but it showed the type of parent he was since that was his sentiment to a kid.
But I’d tried to adjust to fit into the idea of what he thought I should be.
After puberty, it was over for me attempting to speak in a higher octave.
I’d tried for years but it was far more stress and effort than I wanted to spend everyday.
Having to alter how I spoke was draining and I was still grateful that despite the stresses of my childhood, I’d had enough self-confidence to stop.
Eventually. The only downside was the way people attempted to adultify me because of my height and my voice.
By the time I was fourteen, I had to have my ID on me at all times to prove I was as young as I said I was.
People still didn’t believe me. By then I was living with Pappy full time and my grandfather didn’t tolerate bullshit with me.
“Your generation is rising. That means that you all have to be on the same playing field with the family. Right now, you’re the only one who isn’t in control directly of his family’s business.
” Pappy leaned back in his seat and stroked the silky hairs of his beard as he spoke.
His hair was graying and his face had the start of lines that came from years in the sun but he was lucky; his heritage provided him melanin to make him look younger than most of his peers.
I’d started calling him Pappy as a joke after watching the movie Life and hearing Bernie Mac’s famous line.
Instead of it being something that I could annoy him with as a teenager, he laughed and said it didn’t bother him because it was true.
He had easily accepted the role that my parents had dumped on him and instead of being like some grandparents and wanting to enjoy his life since he’d already raised his kids; he welcomed me with open arms. The name stuck after that.
“I do enough.”
Enough was more than an understatement of the value that I brought to our organization.
Besides our family running ports, my position within the government allowed me to have a heads-up on who was on the government’s radar and have us and our affiliates stay twenty steps ahead of anyone who even thought to cross us.
Those foolish enough to upset the careful balance that we operated under were few, but it didn’t mean that some dumb ass didn’t think he was bigger than the program.
They quickly found out that couldn’t be further from the truth.
His face looked the same but I noticed the way his brows softened at my statement. Pappy was one of the few people who could see the unguarded side of me and I’d clearly spoken too defensively if he was looking at me like that.
“You know I’m the last one to act as though you haven’t done more than your fair share with the family business.
You all but run it now in addition to everything you do for your job.
Keiki, everyone knows the lengths you’ve gone through to right the wrongs you didn’t commit.
I don’t want your hardness or your resentment to show up in your interactions with your brothers. ”
He intertwined his fingers together before resting them on his blazer-clad stomach.
Pappy was watching me, gauging to see if resentment had already started to creep in.
Since he raised me better than that I should’ve been offended but I understood why he could no longer make assumptions about the life lessons he taught being implemented.
My father was more than enough proof that good men could raise shitty sons no matter how hard they tried.
“That would never happen.”
My anger was reserved for a select few and the men who had become my only siblings weren’t in that number.
They had proven repeatedly that I could trust them with my life and they could trust me with theirs.
Despite our less than legal avenues of business, they’d even helped me excel in my personal life.
If you could call it excelling. It was only because of my brothers that I wasn’t a complete recluse.
Their ability to have a normal life or at least a personal one didn’t give me hope because of my beliefs on marriage.
Mainly that it would ruin everything. They had found good women, ones I was proud to call my sisters and would do anything for.
I’d stood up with each of them as they took their vows and did what I could from my position in DC to ensure that their lives weren’t interrupted.
Bullshit still happened, but I was happily there to help rectify any wrongdoings. That would never change.
Yacouba’s wife, Jasmine, seemed determined to find me the perfect woman. I wasn’t going to have that kind of luck.
I knew my father’s blood and his attitude were strong in me and I wasn’t going to ruin some girl’s life by attaching myself to her.
To take a girl who had the vision of love and romance and break her down the way he’d done her.
It wouldn’t be intentional but my inability to let someone get close to me on that level would eventually break even the strongest woman.
Women needed softness and understanding: two things I was sure I couldn’t provide anyone and didn’t want to try.
It wasn’t selfish to know my faults and to understand that I couldn’t give someone those parts of me.
I could find a gold digger and allow her to spend my money and us lead virtually separate lives, but with the family business she would be too much of a liability.
Having to kill a woman that I willingly brought into my life wasn’t on my to-do list. So I was happy to live my life by watching everyone around me find their person.
Even if the circumstances of how they found them were less than traditional.
I leaned back in the custom-made leather chair that dotted the table inside my grandfather’s private office.
We normally discussed business at our office but he had me meet him out in Bethesda so we had privacy.
No one could get on this property or fly overhead without being observed so it was more secure than most buildings that I worked in daily.
“You might not intend for it to happen but you’re not made of stone, Ori. No matter how cold you think your heart is, you still have one. Waiting for the person with the right fire to bring it to life.”
I’m sure he thought the love he and my grandmother had given me was going to somehow give me hope of having the same thing.
But it wouldn’t. In fact, the damage my grandmother’s death caused him made me even more sure I didn’t want to find someone who spoke to every part of my being like she did his.
He was devastated by her loss after almost fifty years of marriage and I knew I was the only reason he kept it together for as long as he did.
He had to survive until I could step in and run things.
I wasn’t even sure if Pappy had the chance to grieve for her properly yet.
He kept his focus on business and on me to ensure he didn’t have to deal with his feelings.
Crazy how he wanted to talk about mine now.
“If you think so, Pappy.”
The corner of his mouth quirked into a smile, and he shook his head slightly. His hair was cut low making his curls look tighter since he didn’t have the weight the previous length provided to weigh them down. It was times like this that I could see his father’s heritage shining through.
“I can tell you’ve already stopped listening so I will move on to something else. Right now I have no issue with you doing what you need to in order to clear out the last of the cases that you have. But you need to look at taking your place around the end of the year.”
“The end of the year? That’s less than twelve months away.
” It was already January so how he thought I was going to put in for retirement with less than a year’s notice was beyond me.
Despite the fucked up shit the new administration was doing with instating their bullshit government, I knew my job was secure.
Stupid ass head of our organization aside, the higher-ups knew I was too valuable to lose.
Not that I knew too much, I made them look too good by closing out cases and bringing in the individuals they were no longer affording their protection.
That type of public PR wasn’t something they were just going to let go without a fight.
Besides that, I was actually good at my job.
My ability to profile criminals and follow clues others deemed inconsequential forced me up the ranks faster than my peers and they hated me for it.
Physically I looked like I’d been given the serum they gave Steve Rogers so of course no one thought my mental should be up to par.
I guess a fucked-up conception and childhood had the universe pouring extra blessings as an apology.