Fell Down
ASHA
I woke up with a smile.
I’d been waking up this way for months, and Ori was the reason.
So much had happened since our honeymoon that I felt like I was living a fairytale.
One that I woke up everyday thinking would collapse but it hadn’t.
Ori and I had been growing even closer than before.
Normally we didn’t eat many meals at home so besides salads and fruit and small snacks we didn’t grocery shop.
Both of us were guilty of doing a lot of takeaway but Ori was more than happy to change things up now that he’d retired.
He’d cooked more, meal-prepped as he called it, and never pressured me to help him.
It wasn’t my forte. The chef that I sometimes used wasn’t one that was vetted by the consortium so they had to find someone who was.
They came in and cooked on the days that Ori didn’t feel like it and I was grateful that he hadn’t changed up on any of the things he’d promised.
Ori had stepped in for Pappy being officially named as his successor, which meant visiting multiple offices around the country.
I had extended my sabbatical through this semester so I could travel with him.
We’d gone out to the family compound in Kapa’a staying in the massive ancestral home.
The town was a much slower pace than the bigger hubs where the majority of tourists stayed.
I preferred to see this part of his home and not the part that was whitewashed for consumption.
Ori turned into a different man while he was there.
He was as free as he’d been when we were on our honeymoon.
He surfed and attempted to teach me what he could.
The best I ever got was standing on the board with him, which was thrilling enough.
We swam in the water, made love on the family’s private beach and I did everything I could to learn about the history of the family and what they’d endured trying to keep the family’s land private.
So much of the wealth that Pappy’s father built went directly into protecting their land and that of the extended family.
They funded a lot of conservation efforts despite much of it being futile against big business.
Life felt so perfect.
It felt even more so because I was sitting here with a group of women who in the five months since I’d been married had become as close to me as Sasha, Tee and Nev. We had all gathered in DC having a girls’ day just because.
“Y’all seem to be good.”
Jemma Marie bumped my shoulder as she grabbed a chicken wing off a tray and took a bite.
I loved the way she didn’t take any part of her life for granted.
We’d talked a lot, both of us having been captives.
Her forced incarceration was much longer than mine but it was far more luxurious accommodations than my own.
I was trying to hide my smile as much as possible despite them all having seen the way we’d been together.
There were so many of us now it seemed necessary for us to grow the bond between one another and the women in both generations.
The women in the elder generation decided that they wanted to meet up a few times a year to check in with us since we all had so much going on.
Safi, Yolonda, Babette and Faith were all here and I knew a large part of what was going on was also them wanting to catch up with one another.
They each had a different perspective on life inside this extended family; some born in and others married in, and we were all interested in hearing and learning from the lives they’d been in for decades.
“We are. I’m absolutely thankful that I ended up where I did.” I took a bite of the olive on my tray squeezing my thighs together thinking about this morning.
“Ugh, you are insufferable. I know that look.”
“What do you mean?”
Jemma Marie rolled her eyes before she picked up her cocktail and motioned with her head for us to take our seats.
Children were happily playing as their grandmothers hovered and cooed.
I watched Faith holding baby Skye and something in me bubbled.
It was like my organs had shifted like my stomach dropped watching the look of adoration on Faith’s face.
“You’ve had an orgasm.”
I halted and looked at Jem. I’d forgotten the entire thread of conversation that we’d been having so it took me a minute to remember.
“What is the world does that have to do with how I’m looking?”
I pulled myself together and we sat down around the low tables on the big cushions that had been spread out everywhere.
We were all dressed comfortably and a spread had been set up on tables in the suite so that we could fellowship at our will.
One bedroom had been converted for the babies.
Little Jahbari was bouncing on his little legs as his mother Nyima cooed over him.
That feeling was in my stomach again and I shifted on the pillow, looking down at the plate I’d made wondering where this longing had suddenly come from.
“An orgasm is the reason that you’re sitting there all joyful and shit. It’s been a while for me but not that long.” Jem bit into her strawberry as she let her eyebrows bounce.
“Weren’t you locked up for over a decade? What in the hell do you mean not that long?” Jasmine was sitting closest to us but she’d apparently overheard what Jemma Marie said.
Are you truly trying to have me discuss this in front of my tantes? That ain’t how we do things in the South.”
“Jemma Marie I don’t understand why the world you think we are gonna care.
You could’ve been somewhere selling ass for two dollars and we would just be happy to have you back,” Safi Merrick spoke from across the room as she cooed to her grandson like she wasn’t being crass. She was such an admirable woman.
“TWO DOLLARS! Auntie Safi you're not gone put some respect on my pocketbook?”
I looked between the two of them trying to figure out how money got in this situation. “Your pocketbook?”
Jemma Marie’s hand went over her mouth as she giggled and Faith battled laughing as she tried to explain what was meant.
“Southern term, darling. They mean her… vagina.”
I was mortified. “Oh. Oh! Well then yes. Two dollars is extraordinarily low. Charge more.”
Jada’s eyes went wide before she elbowed her sister playfully. “It’s like talking to Nyima in a different font.”
“Jada, I am right here.” Nyima’s feelings weren’t hurt because hearing I was from England she wanted to help me with American idioms. I didn’t have the heart to tell her I’d been in the States for years and my two best friends were American but Jada filled her in.
“We love you Nyima and you’re getting much better.” I wasn’t sure if she was by the way Jada was looking but Nyima smiled and looked pleased at her words.
“I’d never heard anything about a pocketbook. My friends just say pu—” my eyes went to the older women in the room and the children and I quickly switched up what I was going to say. “Vagina.”
“Honey, you know how all your husbands got here? You think I’ll slit a man’s throat but would have a problem with you saying pussy?
Any of us? You've gotta leave your ideas of manners at the door. But something tells me that you can flip a switch just like everyone else when business needs to be handled.” Safi was studying me and again I wondered if she knew more about my past than she let on.
I couldn’t imagine that any of them would’ve kept it from Ori.
“Leave my daughter alone, Safi. She’s trying to be respectful and I can tell you she absolutely has a mean streak in her. You should’ve seen the way she came at me over Ori.” Faith looked at me and winked as she continued to let baby Skye play with the gold and diamond tennis necklace.
“Not you going up against his mama for your man. That’s love.
” Vanya rubbed her belly as a dreamy look came over her face.
Her red hair had been wrapped up in a braided bun at the base of her neck by Babette the second she’d made a remark about being hot.
Their bond was so sweet to witness since Vanya’s mother was no longer alive.
I had been better about letting Faith in despite my hesitation to deal with older women.
“Um…” It was weird to talk about feelings with people so freely.
Especially about a man. It was hard enough to think about the fact that I had feelings for a man.
Big ones. Never fading ones as long as he kept his shit together.
Telling people almost felt like some type of personal moral failure but I knew it was all over my face.
“That girl doesn’t have to say a word because you can see her soul practically glowing as she sits there trying to deny it.”
Babette grinned in the same dreamy way that Vanya had and showing she was just as much as a romantic as her daughter-in-law. With the way her husband had been all over her at Vanya’s wedding and ours, I was sure he was the reason she was sitting here with stars in her eyes.
“I’m just not the type to say anything positive about a man. Even when he’s mine.” It felt odd saying that with his mother there but I prayed she understood.
Safi’s laugh combined with Francesca’s and I wondered what the inside joke was.
“And you think we are? We are way too independent but everyone has their one. With the way you’re struggling with this, it is more than clear you found your one.
” Frankie’s marriage had been tested far more than mine and Ori’s.
Their marriage had been arranged despite their previous relationship and I’d heard all the complexities they’d somehow survived.
I wasn’t sure if I was as strong as she was.
They had a lot of history together but I probably would’ve snapped and killed Ori if he’d caused me that type of hurt.
I wasn’t even aware I could have emotional hurt inflicted by a man until Ori; so torturing him to death for breaching my trust would be the first thing I would do.
It actually hurt me to think of ending Ori’s life so I wanted to change the subject. “Maybe. Taking it one day at a time has allowed things to work well so far. Don’t want to fix what’s not broken.”
There was a knock on the hotel door and when the mothers went on alert I felt like something shifted in the air.
When the door to the suite opened, there were at least six guns trained on the person who entered despite us knowing we were heavily guarded.
I was happy that they were prepared but I wouldn’t have expected anything less especially with their children being in the room.
I tapped Jemma Marie on her leg once we saw who it was. “Look, your man is coming in.”
She rolled her eyes, which was hilarious because everyone could see she was at a minimum curious about him. “If one is here so is the other.”
I was excited that Ori would be coming to snatch me out of here for some fun despite how much I’d been enjoying myself.
I caught Alec’s eye and motioned toward Jemma Marie as I waited for Ori to stroll in behind him.
His posture was different this time and when his face didn’t immediately break into a smile I clocked it immediately.
Something was wrong.
“Hey! Where’s Ori?”
I stood up to give Alec a hug but he stopped me before I could embrace him.
His body was rigid and his eyes were extremely tight as he watched me.
He looked around only momentarily before his eyes landed on Faith and I watched his shoulders slump slightly.
Faith stood up but her stance was shaky.
I saw Safi hand her grandson to Babette so she could put her arms around her.
My heart felt like each valve slowly detached itself from my chest cavity and dropped through my diaphragm.
My knees threatened to give out but I refused to let my thoughts form into a reality.
A hand went to my back and I knew it was Jemma Marie but I couldn’t take my eyes off of Alec.
I felt like I’d sweat through my sweater in the less than sixty seconds since he’d entered the room.
No matter what I knew something was wrong. Jemma Marie was right there and Alec hadn’t paid her any attention. No smile, no flirtation, not even a glance of acknowledgement.
“Asha—”
“No. Don’t do that. Don’t prolong it and make it worse.
Where is he?” I’d wanted to appear strong especially in front of the women who had gone through so much and still stood tall.
But my voice was barely a whisper as I asked him the question.
Jemma Marie’s arm banded around my waist as though she could foretell the news we were going to hear was going to break me.
Alec opened his mouth but then closed it quickly as he blew out a breath. He cleared his throat battling emotions before he finally got the words out.
“Asha, there was another accident. I need you and Faith to come with me.”