Homegoing #2
I tried to take a step and she wanted to hold me back but Yacouba walked forward and took me from Sasha.
I knew she didn’t want to let me go but he wasn’t going to take no for an answer.
Their battle, a symbol of my past life and present, played out over my head until my sister silently relented.
Yacouba stood ramrod straight as he took my arm and led me toward Ori’s casket.
Their sizing being so similar was heartbreaking, as I knew I would never feel this again.
Priest came to join us taking my other hand and Xerxes and Liam took up their places behind me.
Jemma Marie was in front of the casket and held out her hand, which I took.
The men stepped back forming a wall so I could say my goodbyes with a semblance of privacy.
I knew Sasha would feel left out but this was a moment I could only share with the other people who loved him best.
With Jem’s arm at my back, I walked over and touched the smooth wood of the coffin. The large spray that covered the top mirrored the ones that were used to decorate our wedding. I leaned down and pressed my lips to the casket, wishing it was some part of him that I could touch for one last time.
“You promised you would always be here. That I would be safe with you. What am I supposed to do now? You made me love you and then you go away! You promised me, Ori. How could you leave me all alone?”
My voice had started as a whisper. A conversation between me and my heart as I prepared to bury it with his body.
But within seconds I got angry at the idea of never seeing him again.
Of his breaking his promise. I hit the top of the coffin as gasps erupted but no one stopped me.
I sobbed doing my best to reach him, to be next to him but it was futile.
I was shaking the locked top clawing at it but nothing worked.
He was gone. By the time I tired myself out, all I could do was place my head down on the wood and cry.
It was as cold against my skin as I knew he would’ve been if there was anything left of him in this box.
My knees buckled but I didn’t fall. My body was held up by hands I knew belonged to his brothers.
Jemma Marie was back to rubbing my back and I heard someone before I felt my sister wrap her arms around me.
“It’s okay. We’ve got you.”
And I knew it was going to be something that both the people of my past and those in my future would have to work together to get me through. If I could even survive it.
I didn’t want to turn around. I felt like doing so would be abandoning him when I promised we were gonna stick through all of this together. But I didn’t have a choice. The tears made me too weak to walk and when I wanted to crumble I felt myself being lifted.
I didn’t know how long I was carried but we were back at the family limo before I lifted my head.
I glanced up realizing Vega was the one who’d taken me away from the burial.
It was crowded with more people than I could name and I had to wonder if one of them did this to him.
Sasha opened the door to the car not bothering to wait for the driver.
I needed to leave because I couldn’t handle the weight of today.
I wanted to be embarrassed for being so vulnerable but I wasn’t.
I wanted everyone to know how much I loved Ori and always would.
“He would be so pissed right now for you picking me up.” I smiled up at him sadly trying to lighten the mood.
“He would. I just wish he was here to fuck me up for touching you.” Alec’s eyes were sad and filled with sympathy as he held the car door open for Sasha as he handed her into the back.
I looked behind him seeing the mourners leaving the burial not staying to watch the final act of them lowering the coffin into the ground.
Jemma Marie was back with her brothers and Yacouba was bent over with his full weight on Jasmine’s frame as she rubbed his back.
The tears started again and I brushed them away and smiled at Vega through the pain. I’d never have my person to provide me solace again and I knew I wasn’t well enough to be by myself right now.
“For once, so do I.”
I knew my sister wasn’t well-equipped enough to watch over me after those first few weeks.
So I’d done the only thing that seemed smart and called Teegan for help.
She had apparently been waiting for my call because she was at my door within six hours.
She’d brought in a grief counselor she knew from Vegas, a Black woman who specialized in relationships and she helped me process the pain I didn’t really want to feel.
After two months, I felt steady enough to resume what was supposed to be my life without constant monitoring.
I felt stronger only instead of being peaceful my heart was filled with the desire for revenge.
I opened the heavy outer box concerned with what I was going to see once I opened it.
The last time I’d received a box from an unknown sender it had thrown me back into the throes of depression.
The military had sent over a display for Ori’s medals and his dress uniform.
I was unsure of where they’d gotten his items but I could only assume they’d been in his office.
I hadn’t been able to clear the space out but Alec did it for me. I was sure he’d had that done as well.
Cautiously, I pulled out the box and a smile broke over my face.
It was a picture of a princess. A real-life Black American, Creole, Persian princess.
Baby Valencia Henriette Mahdavi Cannon was the joy that we’d been able to hold on to after we’d lost Ori.
We’d been happy to hear about the pregnancy and the only time I’d made an appearance was to celebrate baby Henriette’s baby shower.
Xerxes and Vanya’s little girl was going to be the most spoiled baby in the entire world.
Taking a tour through their mansion in Charlotte after the baby shower had been impressive.
Their home was stunning and Valencia Henriette’s room was something out of a dream.
The crib they had made was one of the most beautiful creations I’d ever seen.
It was hand-carved and in the shape of a princess carriage.
It had to be brought into her room in pieces and reconstructed inside.
There were inserts that allowed the bed to convert from an infant cradle to a toddler bed to one that could fit three people.
I just knew her mother and father were going to be in her bed with her.
The carpenter was talented having designed and carved a music box that would play lullabies and gently rock the entire bed with the touch of a button.
The portrait was beautiful. This baby had no chance of having deep melanin with her father and mother’s complexion and she’d been born with her mother’s curly red hair and freckles.
The picture belonged in a magazine with baby Valencia Henriette draped over a floral crescent moon with a soft pink background.
Even in my joy I was temporarily brought back to grief.
I thought back to the weeks after the funeral when my body cramped. Signaling pain’s return as my heart prepped to endure another loss. I hadn’t thought about the possibility but when the first cramp hit I realized that I’d been late. And now I was only aware of the miracle as I was losing it.
So now I had two angels watching over me in heaven. I tried not to be sad because no one would’ve been better to protect our little one than its father. And now I knew he wasn’t alone on the other side.
The remembrance didn’t make me sad as I went through the unboxing of this beautiful picture and thought of where I was going to hang it in the hallway gallery. I placed the box outside the door and rang the bell nearby so that concierge would come and retrieve it.
I was thankful that I had a purpose for the day.
Somewhere to be that would continue to give my mind what it needed to function.
I would hang the portrait up when I got back but for now this meeting took precedence.
I was being summoned to handle something for Ori and the idea of taking care of something for him had breathed life into me today.
I was about to dress in my best rendition of an outfit to make Olivia Pope proud and get this handled for him.
“Why is it that I’m here?”
I hadn’t seen any of these people since I’d put Ori in the ground and seeing them now made me angry. There was so much that I wanted to say to all of them but I was still too disgusted to put voice to it.
Jemma Marie had things going on with her life that were causing issues but no matter what she still kept me in the loop of Consortium business.
My father was almost too afraid to speak Ori’s name, given how despondent I’d been.
Grief was something that seemed to have a grip on me so tightly I couldn’t breathe some days.
And since I couldn’t stand the people who were now trying to claim my husband’s barely occupied seat, they would be lucky to walk out of here with their heads still attached to their necks.
The office we were in wasn’t one I was used to but clearly Pappy was comfortable here. I’d come dressed in all black, widow’s weeds, the only color I’d worn since I learned that Ori died.
“You’re here because you are the widow of the most recent head of the family. The problem that has arisen is that since he had a wife, we have to discuss whether it’s possible for you to be carrying his heir.”
Pappy could barely keep the hope out of his voice and I wished that I could give him the good news that he wanted but it wasn’t meant to be.
“No, I’m not pregnant.”