Gone #2
“Are you finally going to get to the reason you brought me here? I hope you know I only did it because your father promised I could get a new Himalayan.” She looked up at me smugly from the plate of vegetables she’d requested to have made.
I was happy that Matty didn’t blink an eye at her weird request but with the way she spoke to her I did wonder if she was going to poison my egg donor’s meal.
“What’s been your problem with me my whole life?
” My tone was flat but I wasn’t intimidated as she glared at me in disgust. She didn’t want to be held accountable but had shown up for this meeting to be an emotional vampire and feed off my pain.
Feeling any for herself even if it was anger wasn’t a part of the mental bargain she’d struck in her head.
“You cannot be serious with this right now.” She looked so aghast at my questioning her brows actually lifted.
Jacqueline had come to this meeting dressed impeccably as always.
She immediately complained that the environment wasn’t befitting the Chanel sheath dress she’d donned for the occasion but that wasn’t my problem.
I wrapped my fingers around the butter knife that I had been using to butter the scone I was holding and grit my teeth so that I didn’t stab her in her palm.
“I’m very serious.”
Her sigh screamed that my question was inopportune but something in the way I spoke conveyed I wasn’t going to stop until she gave me the answer.
I’d never asked her before, never made it a big deal; I simply accepted it as my position in life.
Apparently, my asking meant she could inflict some additional emotional damage and she wasn’t going to miss that chance.
“I was a size 32, Asha! A 32! I snapped back after having your brother without issue but then you had to mess everything up with Sasha by tagging along.”
I looked at her waiting for her to say something that made sense but none of it did.
“You mean to tell me that your hatred for me stems from vanity? That all of your anger toward me is because of genetics that I had no control over? You sound bloody ridiculous!”
She huffed at my dismissal of her reasons for abhorring me my entire life.
“Your existence defied the desires I had for my life at every turn. Even after you were here and I attempted to tolerate you that wasn’t good enough for you.
You took so much from Sasha in the womb that she needed me more than you did.
So the nannies, of course, took more time with you.
Even when she was better and everyone would fawn all over you I tried my best. But each time I gave you advice you ignored it.
I told you to stay skinny and you’d get fat.
I said marry up and you shunned the choice I made for you.
The only instructions of mine you ever followed were to go that night and even then you messed that up. ”
Her discontent brought a smile to my face and I wondered how someone so evil was allowed to give birth but so many women were deprived of being able to.
“How? By surviving? Shame, isn’t it? If only I had done the proper thing by dying then you wouldn’t have all these problems now.”
“Either that or having someone who would take you off my hands.”
“My husband has more than provided for me in that respect and it’s not as though I was ever your responsibility.
” A dig at the fact that she held no power and no status without my father’s permission.
The provisions for my mother in case of his demise were not nearly as generous as those he’d set up for his children.
“But your marriage wasn’t advantageous whatsoever.
If you had married Kit then we’d have moved up in British society without issue.
But of course you had the audacity to deny him and then, of course the poor boy ended up dead.
” My mother’s genuine display of sadness meant it was my turn to inflict emotional damage on her.
“Kit? Funny thing about Kit.”
Something in my tone caused her to look up far more cautiously and with less of her usual bravado. “What’s funny about that young man, a member of the peerage no less, being murdered?”
I giggled delighting at the disquiet I could see growing the longer we sat here discussing this. “Oh, Kit I killed.”
My mother’s eyes widened as she looked around the empty restaurant as though police were going to hop out and save her from the monster she’d birthed. “What?”
I took a bite of the French fry that she’d almost gagged at seeing on my plate. She was also annoyed that I called it a fry instead of a chip, which meant, of course I would continue.
“You didn’t know? Surely you assumed. How you’ve always been more guarded about me now that I’ve survived the incident, as you love to reference it.
” My smile was gone letting the fury she’d seeded in me flourish for her to view.
Only now she wasn’t so happy to see my emotions.
They scared her since now she knew just how deadly they could be.
“You didn’t kill Kit. His family said he had an accident.
” Jacqueline shifted, the silk of her dress gliding easily over the velvet of the booth as her eyes darted about the restaurant again.
She was looking for an escape, for Matty or someone on her staff to walk back in so she could flag them down.
If only she knew.
“Just like you told everyone I’d been in rehab instead of admitting that I didn’t have substance issues.
It’s how you explained away the fact that I’d shaved my hair, subconsciously trying to look different from Sasha.
You should’ve been proud to tell people I had battled a madman and won but you were too busy being worried about how people would perceive me instead of being proud that I survived.
Besides that, your preference had a kink.
Christopher Newton would be Earl of Merrington Hall had a kink.
One that I have watched people play out multiple ways to understand it better. ”
“Understand it better? What in God’s name are you talking about, Asha?” Jacqueline was even more irritated, as though speaking negatively on her precious Kit offended her.
“Race play and the idea of subjugating every other race sexually. You know good ol’ Kit has several relatives who are mixed race.
None that they publicly claim of course.
Amongst all the shades of the spectrum. And Kit seemed to want that same taste of the exotic that his forefathers had.
But instead of finding someone that shared that desire to be subjugated he wanted it to be… nonconsensual.”
“You sound ridiculous.”
My eyes lit up and I was grateful she was behaving the way she was. It only confirmed that there was no redemption in her. “Do I?”
“Yes! The things you are speaking of are so distasteful. You’ve been here all these years and forgotten yourself. We do not speak that way about our friends and accuse them of ugly things.” Jacqueline momentarily forgot her fear pointing her finger at me as she lectured me on decorum and etiquette.
“I’m sure he felt the same way as he ordered the footman to let him into our home when no one else was there. Using his best heir of the manor voice to prevent anyone from questioning his presence. I’m sure you had something to do with that.”
“He was a neighbor of course he was always welcome.”
I nodded my head unsurprised that she’d played a part in what happened.
“If you thought Kit was such a catch, why not present Sasha to him as a viable option?”
“She could’ve secured a duke, much more than an earl.”
“That’s a lie. Not that my sister isn’t worthy of a king much less a prince but that’s not the reason.
You knew. You knew the type of person he was and you didn’t care that he was going to do horrific things to me.
Not before I agreed to date him or after.
You just hoped I would be so eager to please after getting back from the incident that my mind would force me to go along with whatever you wanted.
Unfortunately for you killing a madman made me even more determined to never be in that position ever again.
Shame. How will you ever tell poor Kit’s mother, whose ass you’ve been kissing for a decade to join her little garden club even though you hate the outdoors, that you’re the reason her precious heir is dead? ”
“You didn’t kill him.”
I delighted in the way I was about to show her the other side of me. The part that she’d been attempting to harm all these years. I wanted her to know how close to death she’d danced and realize that her time was now up.
“Oh, I did. See Kit had obviously done things like this before. Drug me out of the house and pulled me to the carriage house at the back of his. Had it set up like a proper little torture chamber. That’s how I know he was a serial assaulter.
It was too neat. Too clean. But he quickly met his match in me. ”
“There’s something wrong with you. You are some kind of psycho.
I wonder if you really killed that man when you disappeared or if you were just like him.
Some sick woman who was desperate for attention and you probably just went with him willingly.
The other bodies they found, you helped him didn’t you? ”
For all my armor that shot almost hurt. For her to think that I was somehow as disgusting as the piece of shit that had hurt me. That I was a woman who would be so weak as to harm another behind a man.