Chapter 30
THIRTY
AIDEN
I stare at the fire. Ryder and Hawk sit nearby, occasionally stoking the logs underneath. The flames lick the flesh from the body parts we’ve thrown in. It smells fucking awful, like BBQ with something off about it.
Jaxon isn’t here, but he’s all I can think about right now.
He never gave a shit who knew his secret.
He’s been in love with his sister for years.
He showed the signs when they were just kids, fighting to survive the hell we were in at school and in our personal lives.
But they had it rough—especially Dahlia.
Yeah, I might’ve said it weirded me out, but in my defense, I believed it was the right thing to say—the normal thing to say.
It’s okay for my best friend to be in love with his half-sister.
What’s not okay is for me to be in love with my foster sister. That’s how the world works and how it’s always been for me.
I want to be with Nova. I’m so madly and deeply in love with her that it hurts thinking about her because I know I’ll never really have her. Not like Jaxon has Dahlia.
Nova is still talking to Brandon, intending to date him seriously. And I’ve watched from the front-row seat as they’ve grown closer, forming a stronger bond every day. I’ve been a fucking idiot by telling her the things to say and do to make him want her.
But it’s for the best, because she can’t be mine.
If I make Nova mine, I’ll wind up hurting her. I’ll fuck up somewhere, by turning off my emotions or saying something stupid, and I’ll chase her away. She’ll end our relationship.
I blink, remembering Hawk and Ryder are sitting here and that I have something to get off my chest.
“Not gonna lie, you guys.” I sigh and place my hands on my hips. My heart pounds against my chest from what I’m about to admit next. “I’m kind of jealous of Jaxon, and not for the reason you think.”
Hawk’s and Ryder’s stares burn a hole in the back of my head, heavy with judgement that makes my skin crawl. I don’t face them—not after dropping a bomb like being jealous of Jaxon.
“I like how he doesn’t give a flying fuck what anyone thinks.” I pull out my disposable vape, drawing in a long inhale of the pink-lemonade flavor. “Love is love, right?”
I drag in another lungful of the sweet vapor and blow it out with a shake of my head. It’s not enough to get rid of the suffocating feeling of the thorn-covered vines squeezing my throat, making it harder to breathe. I turn to my friends, my eyebrows pinched together and lips flattened.
Ryder and Hawk stare at me with guarded expressions.
Stop talking, Aiden. Don’t dig your grave any deeper, man.
“I keep thinking about what I’d do if I fell in love with Nova.” Panic flares in my chest, and I school my features, hoping my friends didn’t catch my slip. “You guys have sisters. What would you do if you caught feelings?”
Hawk snorts. “It’ll never happen.”
I’ve said too much.
Act normal, Aiden.
“So you’re telling me you wouldn’t fuck your hot-as-hell sister?” I jab my tattooed finger in Hawk’s direction.
He waves his hands by his head, frustrated and likely disgusted by me. “No! What the fuck?”
“Technically, she isn’t even your sister. She’s adopted,” I say. “So you still wouldn’t get your dick wet with her?”
Shut up. Quit pushing and hoping they have the same feelings about their sisters so you don’t feel so goddamn alone.
“Same applies to you about your foster sister. Would you fuck her?” Hawk snaps.
My mouth slams shut.
“Exactly, fucker,” Hawk says with another wave of his hand.
Ryder wanders to the cooler and grabs a chilled beer.
“I didn’t say shit.” I smirk. “But I just wanna know why you’re getting so defensive about a simple question.”
Hawk rolls his eyes and huffs. “It’s a weird fucking question, bro.”
My lip curls in a snarl. “So do you think Jaxon is weird for fucking his sister?”
He pinches the bridge of his nose and huffs. “I never said that.”
“So you would fuck your sister!” I point at him with a grin, but the dimming light in me fades just a little more.
Shut the fuck up, Aiden.
“Come on,” Ryder says. “We still need to burn the rest of the bodies so I can go home.”
I smirk and waggle my eyebrows. “Wanting to get home to the sister so fast, I see.”
Shut up.
Ryder scoffs. “If you’re so dead set on fucking a sister, you should fuck yours. Now shut the hell up and help me with the rest of the bodies.
“Ooh,” Hawk sings, then bites his bottom lip while looking at me. “Daddy Ryder is out to play. You better behave, Aiden, or he’ll whoop your ass.”
I roll my eyes and join them by throwing the remaining limbs into the fire. Embers crackle, and the flames lower before roaring to life to devour the flesh.
I can’t stand my friends’ silence. My skin tightens until it feels like it’s about to peel back, allowing the thorny vines to burrow deeper.
We may have had a long night last evening and into the morning, but their silence after I gave them shit about being sister fuckers is raising the alarms in my head.
I chuck a leg into the fire. “Do you guys ever crave being close to someone, but as soon as you do, your mind shuts down and you go cold?”
Ryder’s eyebrows pinch together, his lips flattening, and he drops Kyle’s bloody head into the flames. “Is this a hypothetical question?”
Hawk drags a torso toward the fire pit. “Is that why you're on hiatus from being a playboy?”
I guffaw. “I’m not on hiatus, asshole.”
“You sure?” He smirks. “Because you would have already bragged about the chick by now.”
Ryder folds his arms over his chest and drags his bottom-lip piercing between his teeth, playing with the jewelry as he considers me. “Not everyone will leave you. You know that, right?”
Rolling my eyes, I wave off his comment. “Yeah, yeah. Whatever.”
Ryder doesn’t know what he’s talking about. He doesn’t know the hard lessons I’ve learned since early childhood.
“Right.” He blinks and turns his back to me. On his way to the next body part, he says over his shoulder, “A lot of people love you, man. You just need to understand that it’s unconditional and we won’t leave you behind, no matter what.”
I stand frozen, the back of my throat itchy and clogged from the lump swelling until I can barely swallow around it.
I wish it were that simple to accept.