Chapter 6
Isat at the kitchen table, pretending a random scratch in the wood was the most interesting thing in the room, while my heart ran a marathon.
Kearan was at the stove again, moving with that quiet precision that made hard look easy, and the only thought in my head was how badly I wanted to be standing where he was standing.
Eggs and something sweet drifted off the pan, and my stomach growled in protest of my own stubbornness.
This wasn't about being hungry, though. It was about being close.
I was still stuck on whether to walk over or wait for him to turn around first.
Kearan was my fifth mate, and even though I'd done this four times before, I was still insanely nervous.
Rhiot came barreling through the doorway and grabbed a granola bar off the counter without breaking stride, like it was part of his morning workout.
He stopped just long enough to flash me a grin that lit up his whole face despite the dark circles under his eyes.
I wondered if he even noticed how different the air felt since the last time we'd all sat around this table.
Grayson came next, drifting in with his coffee mug and pouring with careful efficiency.
He caught my eye for a second, something passing between us.
He didn't even need to psychically tell me it was time to make the move with Kearan.
It was obvious and all over his face. He dipped his chin, and the message landed clear enough. Hurry up, everything will be fine.
Seph was working her phone, half-living in whatever drama was on the screen and half here with us. Her fingers tapped the table while her eyes flicked back and forth.
Kearan stayed locked in, cooking whatever was in the pan. I let myself look a beat longer than I should have. His broad shoulders shifted under his shirt as he moved.
Then the moment passed, and the knot in my stomach stayed knotted. I picked at my sleeve, weighing it. Did I walk over and barge in to get his attention, or sit here and wait for him to come to me?
Rhiot laughed at something Grayson threw out, the easy rhythm of the two of them filling the room. Their chatter bounced around the kitchen while I sat separate from all of them.
Finally, I pulled in a breath and crossed to the counter where Kearan stood. My heart kicked up the closer I got. I opened my mouth to start something, and the words slid right out of reach.
I stalled, staring at the simmering pot like it was the most fascinating thing I'd ever laid eyes on. "So what's cooking, good-looking?" My voice came out a little steadier than the mess going on in my head. Barely.
Then I realized what I'd said and almost died. What a cringy thing to say. Where had that even come from? I'd never said anything like that before.
Rhiot chuckled before I heard a thwack, then he grunted. The urge to shrivel up into non-existence slammed into me.
Kearan glanced over, his amber eyes narrowing a fraction. "Just French toast with strawberries. I wanted something that would stick around."
Simple as that, he took a little of the embarrassment away. "Smells amazing. Family recipe, or something you made up?"
He flipped the bread in the skillet, eyes coming up to meet mine. "A little of both. It's all in the spices."
While we sat in that moment of soft comfort, Rhiot darted back through, snagged a water bottle, and tossed it over his shoulder. "Better hurry before Grayson drinks it all."
Grayson didn't look up from his phone. "Good luck. I've got a whole strategy session planned for this one. You'd have to fight me for it."
"I'm betting you both lose." Seph had dropped into a chair at the table, eyes still glued to her screen.
With every back-and-forth, the lightness tried to crawl back in, but there was tension underneath it too, something old pulling at my gut.
Everybody was moving, and the room still felt frozen.
Something in Kearan's face went soft around the edges when he looked at me.
I wasn't going to be the one to break whatever this was.
"Spices, huh?" I leaned in a little more, trying to catch his eye without crowding him. "What's the secret?"
He tipped the spoon at me. "Isn't it obvious? You just throw in a little of whatever you're feeling that day."
I shot him a smirk. "That the secret to everything you do? Just throw in whatever feels right?"
He raised an eyebrow, amused now. "Most of the time. Keeps it interesting."
"You remember what we talked about the other day?" The words were out before I'd cleared them, surprising us both. Vague enough to give me an exit, close enough to see if he was anywhere near the same page.
Kearan nodded slow, reading my face. "A little."
"Not about making food." I bit back a laugh and wondered if all this fumbling was actually getting me anywhere, or if I was just laying the banter on thick enough that the two of us could circle the real thing forever without ever landing on it.
He turned back to the pot, stirring. "About the bonds?"
"Yeah." My fingers drummed the edge of the table, nerves keeping time. "Do you think...?"
My heart took off while I hunted for a way to ask the thing that had been terrifying me in a hundred different shapes.
One of the two men needed to be ready. I'd set my hopes on Kearan.
Maybe he was ready too. The thought that circled the back of my skull every time I got near him, waiting for me to give it a name.
But instead of stepping off that edge, I chickened out and aimed lower. "If the dish takes time to get where it needs to go, how long do you figure it takes to get us there?"
He met my eyes, and the warmth came back, turning all that pale a few shades brighter in the soft light. "Not as long as it feels, I hope."
I smiled at that, not sure if I was hoping he was right or if the hoping itself was the part that scared me.
Then Rhiot cut back through and the kitchen kicked up into noise again, loud and easy, pulling my awareness back into everything around us.
I took the plate Kearan handed me and sat at the table. Others served themselves, Kearan going last.
Everyone interacted like old friends. Verbal jabs here, physical ones there, with laughter all around.
Someday, this would be my reality, just watching the team enjoy their life with me without the constant threat of death.
Hopefully, no more demons though. I looked at my pet demon tattoos, noting Cerbie was sitting right on my chest while I felt the tingle of Mephistral moving along my back.
How about we just reduced the number of malicious demons that dropped in?
I could settle for that. Besides, I was quite fond of them.
I finished my plate, the satisfaction of fullness settling in deep. I was halfway to talking myself into seconds just for the distraction when Seph slid into the chair across from me, looking at me like she'd been watching me the whole time.
She tapped her fingers against the table, steady and insistent. "You're trying to read Kearan like he's a wall of ancient hieroglyphics. You know he's not a puzzle, right? He's just... Kearan."
The way she said his name poked at something in me. She was way too observant sometimes. I shook my head. "He's not the one I'm worried about. It's Ryker. The bond hasn't clicked yet, and the longer it drags, the more I feel him pulling away. And we're running out of time."
Seph leaned in, her whole face going serious, those big eyes lighting with purpose. "Ryker doesn't respond to explanations, Parker. He responds to being wanted."
"Being wanted? What does that even mean? I've thrown every card I've got on the table. I've literally confessed how I want him, just like I need the rest of you."
She rolled her eyes, and it came off soft instead of sharp.
"That's the problem. Every time you explain at him.
Here's why the bond failing wasn't your fault, here's what the future could look like.
You're talking to him in a language he can't take in right now.
You have to show him you want him, not lay out a case for it. "
I opened my mouth, and the words died in my throat before they made it out. I hadn't thought about it like that. Every time I'd reached for him it had come out heavy-handed and panicky, nothing like an invitation to just be in the same room. "You really think it's that simple?"
"Nothing's ever simple, especially not this mess. But presence? That gets through to him. Trust me." Her voice dropped, almost conspiratorial. "You just get to be there. He doesn't need you to fix anything or explain why it all went to hell."
While she talked, I caught Kearan's eye.
He glanced down the hall toward Ryker's room, and it clicked.
He was making room for him. Building a safe little pocket and letting the bonds settle on their own clock.
It hit me all at once. The way Kearan kept cracking doors open for Ryker was the exact same thing Grayson had done for Kearan.
And the same thing Ryker was doing for Kearan.
"And you think Kearan needs the same?" I turned back to Seph, trying to line up what I wanted with what she was handing me.
Seph shrugged, going soft again. "I think he wants to be wanted too. You really think he hasn't been waiting on an invitation of his own? Not every connection has to be a fight. Sometimes just being in the same room is the thing that moves you forward."
I let that sink in and found the thread she was handing me. My heart rate picked up. What if I actually took the step?
Kearan glanced down the hall again, his brow tightening. "He's really trying, isn't he?" I got out, half to myself.
Seph's smile came back. "Yes! Exactly! He cares about Ryker, genuinely, but he's also using it to put off dealing with himself.
The two of them are doing this whole careful dance, both hauling stuff they think they've got to carry alone.
You've got to push back on that. Show them both what it looks like when somebody actually steps up. "
Her words landed somewhere solid. She was so sure of it. She'd seen the whole thing clear as day. "You know what? You might be onto something. I just..."
Then Kearan again. He turned back to the pot, but his head was a hundred miles off, wound tight in a way I'd learned to spot.
The tension was climbing back into his shoulders.
All that pressure he kept stacking on himself.
And just like that, everything lined up.
My head went quiet. The little voices of doubt shut up, and something steadier took their place. "I think I need to go to him."
"I think you should." Seph's whole face backed the words. "Do it."
I caught the little challenge in Seph's eyes, pushed up from the table, and let the charge of it carry me.
Kearan returned to the stove, fussing over the mess he'd made.
Ryker would be fine without me hovering over him.
The clarity sat solid in my chest, steady and bold, as I crossed the kitchen toward whatever came next.
Before I talked myself out of it, I was on my feet and next to him.
"Hey." The word interrupted whatever he was in deep thought about, and he stopped cleaning as he turned to me.
His gaze settled on my face, curiosity moving through it. "Hey."
My heart gave a little jump. This was where it started coming together, where I finally started to understand Kearan and how I could help him come around to our mating. Every flick of his wrist carried an attention aimed at more than cleaning up.
"Everything okay?" I stepped in and leaned against the counter, the surface warm where the sunlight had been pooling on it.
"Yeah. Just..." Kearan let it trail, throwing another careful glance down the hall, eyebrows pulling together like he was working out a puzzle. "Thought I heard Ryker."
I smiled at how automatic it was, the protectiveness. He went back to the stove.
"What's the deal with him today?" I kept my voice low, like we were trading a secret. I wasn't sure what I was fishing for. He was talking to me, which was a win.
"Woke up in a mood, I think." He shrugged one shoulder. "Slept too long or not enough. Tension..." He let it trail again, like he wasn't sure how much to give away, or which word would actually cover whatever was riding Ryker.
We both knew what was wrong with Ryker. He was still upset that the bond had rejected him.
He glanced down the hall again, like he could will Ryker into the doorway by wanting it hard enough. "Because it's all wall and no door right now. You've got to give him room. He'll come around when he's ready. We all do."
Except that didn't sit completely right. Kearan wanted to help, wanted to fix what was broken. But the care he kept handing Ryker doubled as a shield he held up between him and me, and there was still something chained to all that restraint of his.
"He's looking for a way in and bricking up the windows at the same time, you know?" I shrugged, trying to put shape to it while Kearan worked. "I think part of him is sure there's a line he can't cross. Like he won't be welcome if he does."
Kearan stopped mid-stir, those amber eyes settling on me. "Thing is, sometimes what they need most is for us to meet them in the quiet. Remind them they don't have to cross alone." He tipped his head toward the hallway, small but not nothing. "You're right. Timing's everything."
I let that settle. "So if I'm supposed to just hold space for them... what do you need?"
His brow pulled tight at that. The question felt bold coming out of me, some shot of nerve showing up right when I needed it, ready to poke at all the unfinished business sitting between us. He worked it over, tension flickering across his face, fingers stilled on the cleaning cloth.
"I..." He started, then his gaze cut away.
I embraced the silence, just making room for him to respond when he was ready.
His gaze flicked back to me, something going soft under that careful surface, then he covered it again with the easy look I'd gotten to know. "Just be here. That's what all of us need."
I wanted to push harder, to lean on whatever walls he kept throwing up between us, all that responsibility he'd decided was his alone to hold. But something told me we were right on the edge of a shift.
"Can you make more openings for Ryker?" I kept it quiet. "So he sees he's not alone. We're here. I'm here. I need him to believe he's part of us."
"Same way you're part of us." It came easy out of him, like a thing we both already knew. "It's going to take a while. He needs time. And I'm ready to be here for it."
I nodded, the resolve setting up harder than before. Maybe what all of us needed wasn't to charge ahead or fix anything. Maybe it was just to breathe. To be present enough to pull each other closer without demanding anything for it.